Boulevard Of Broken Dreams,
Chapter 31, Not In The Cards
For the next few weeks, the Gryffindor Gang of Gits actually left Severus and Regulus alone unless a few hostile, suspicious glances counted. Surely they suspected that the group of Slytherins had some hand in their literally shitty experience, but they had no proof what-so-ever. This surely provided a bit of well deserved torment for them. This was sweet, and Severus savored it, enjoying the weeks of peace. Eventually as the holiday season neared, he wrote his mum to confirm that he could visit Raislen after Christmas again, returning to Hogwarts with him as he had done the previous year. When he got the reply, he was sitting with his friends at breakfast.
Dearest Severus,
Mummy is so sorry to tell you that your Grandfather insists that you remain home for the entire holiday. He says it makes him look bad to other Pure-blood families if you don't even want to be home for Christmas. I suppose it does, and I suppose it should, but I didn't say any of that. I begged him to reconsider, reminding him that visiting friends for the holidays is perfectly normal, but he refuses. I did tell him that his treatment of you is the reason that you may not wish to be here, and that did not go over well as you can guess. He continues to feel that his treatment of both of us is somehow entirely justified. We won't have to live here forever. Some day I'll make enough money with the potions making to get us out of here, Baby. I promise it shall be a special Christmas. Mummy loves you.
Severus stared in dumb shock at the letter before dropping it onto the table beside his plate.
"What's wrong," Heather asked. "Is someone hurt?"
"Only my hopes and dreams for a nice holiday," Severus said dully.
"What happened," Raislen asked, shocked.
"Grandfather Prince won't allow me to visit yours after Christmas," Severus said. "He thinks my not wanting to be there makes him look bad to other decent families, in this case being yours."
"Rubbish," Raislen groaned and Severus nodded, for indeed it was rubbish.
"He is just doing this because he hates me so much," he said thickly. "And oh how I hate him too. I hate him more!"
Heather chuckled. "I bet you do. My but he's a git! I'm sorry, Severus."
"Thanks," Severus said tightly. "Me too." Glancing up the table to where the other third years were sitting, he waved at Mulciber. "Mulciber," he called. "You were right."
Mulciber grinned happily. "Great!" Then he looked curious. "Bout what?"
"Well your tarot cards were right," Severus amended. "You gave me an accurate reading. Though it did not seem likely, my holidays are ruined."
"Great," Mulciber called cheerfully. After a moment, he seemed to process more than just the bit where he apparently had talent with the tarot. "And sorry to hear that, Mate."
"If it helps matters any at all, you shan't be the only one spending the holidays with a git in the family that you hate," Regulus said, giving him a conciliatory smile.
"We could form a club," Severus said darkly and Regulus chuckled.
"May Kreacher join? He also suffers Sirius, you know."
"Sure," Severus replied, slumping dejectedly in his chair. He stared glumly at his half finished plate of breakfast, no longer hungry.
When it was finally time to go home for the holidays, Severus wasn't nearly as excited as usual. While he was always pleased to see his mum, the idea of having to be in his dreadful grandfather's infuriating presence knotted his stomach with impotent rage. He hated feeling so angry, yet knowing that there was nowhere for that anger to go. While Regulus wasn't at all looking forward to being home with Sirius, he was eager to see Kreacher.
Severus felt guilty for not feeling more excited to see his mum this time, but right or not, it felt as if she should've been able to do more to help him in this. Grandfather was never going to be tired of punishing her for daring to love and marry a Muggle. Ever. Likewise he was never going to stop hating Severus. This would ever be the case even though Severus was his grandson, his own flesh and blood. Even though Severus was part of a Muggle, he was also part of old man Prince. Though Eileen had told her father this many, many times, he didn't seem to see as much. In truth, even though it may have made him a bit more merciful if he had, Severus was glad that the old man saw nothing of himself in his own grandson.
It only served to make Severus think even more highly of himself. It was evident that Eileen had spent all her savings to give Severus a good Christmas. This warmed his heart toward her again. It also caused him to feel extremely guilty for his sulky nearly cold shoulder treatment of her since he'd come home. It also made him feel the prat for enjoying his gifts when he knew she'd spent much of her meager savings on them because he'd been denied his visit to Raislen's. Opening his gifts was nonetheless exciting, though. They sat on the floor of his bedroom on Christmas morning to unwrap gifts away from grandfather Prince and any rude comments he could make. Even if there seemed to be no room for a rude comment, the old man would surely find one, so times that were intended to be happy, were always had away from him.
Gift opening was never an exception to that rule. Severus tore into his first gift eagerly. He got grand new dress robes in a vibrant green, which Mum said would make his dark eyes stand out nicely. He'd been told by a few Hufflepuffs with whom Heather was friendly that his eyes were scary, so his mum saying they'd stand out in the new dress robes caused him to smile in pleasure. Nice looking robes that made his eyes look scary could never be a bad thing.
Tomorrow Grandfather Prince was having his stuck up friends over, and Eileen wished for Severus to have nice clothes when he was presented to them at dinner. Normally his attire was on the shabby side due to Eileen's lack of funds. This made it even easier for Grandfather to silently put him down with a mere glance. Rather than being embarrassed to have Severus around, the old man seemed to enjoy having his grandson's presence when friends were over. It gave the old man a grand opportunity to make scathing comments about Severus's shortcomings, all of which involved any physical traits he'd gotten from Tobias as well as his generally shabby appearance and of course his tainted blood. Severus would never stop being proud of having Tobias's blood in his veins, no matter how cutting the old man was about it. At least tomorrow he would look dapper even if he could change nothing about his physical person, so it was one less thing the old man could jab him about while his friends looked on in open sympathy that old man Prince had such a despicably embarrassing grandson.
The next gift that Severus opened was a stack of potions books that turned out to be hollow. "You can use them to hide anything, and no one shall think to look, unless they've a mind to read potions," Eileen told him with a chuckle. Most people weren't nearly as interested in potions books as Severus and his mum were, so it was a safe enough hiding place.
"Plus I can place locking wards on the opening," Severus added excitedly. "Thanks, Mum." He gave her a hug before reaching for the next package. When he tore off the wrapping, he gave a shout of glee. It was a board game meant for four or more players called Arthur's Quest. It had animated game pieces, and one of them was even Merlin himself.
"I get to play Merlin! How brilliant!" It was his game, so he felt it only fair if he got to pick who he played first, and he was always going to choose Merlin. If there weren't enough players, he'd take Nimue as well. He gave his mum another hug, and laughing, Eileen returned it.
"I just knew you had to have it when I saw it in the Never land Toy Catalog's holiday addition," she said. "I figured you would enjoy playing it with Heather, Raislen and your new friend Regulus."
"Indeed," Severus agreed eagerly. "I plan to play it the first night we return to Hogwarts!" The next package held a mixed bag of all his favorite candies. This totally made up for the fact he could only buy two pieces at Honeydukes on the trip to Hogsmeade with his friends. There was even a bag of his favorite gummie fruit flavored Muggle candy, which meant his mum had to go Muggle shopping for it. He hugged her again, clinging tightly for a long time.
The candy made him happy, but it also made him miss his dad so very much. "I wish he was just still here," he said into Eileen's shoulder around the lump in his throat. "Everything would be better if he hadn't gotten killed." He wondered if it had made her feel sad going to a Muggle shop for that candy. "I'm sorry Mum," he said, feeling the sharp unwanted sting of tears of regret pricking at the backs of his scary black eyes. He. would. not. cry. like. a. bloody. baby! "I'm sorry I was such a prat. It was grandfather's fault, not yours that I wasn't allowed to go to Raislen's, and I shouldn't have been angry at you."
Eileen clung tightly to him in return. "I can understand how you feel it is my fault, though, at least in part. I should have more money for us with all the potions I make. I should be able to support us. We do still have our old house. But there are things that you don't understand, Severus. Things I was keeping from you because I knew how angry you would be, and it will only make things worse if you lose your temper."
At her words, Severus's head popped up from her shoulder so that he could look into her eyes. "What are you talking about, Mum?" Now he was worried, the joy over all of his amazing gifts momentarily forgotten. "Mum, please tell me you aren't unwell!" His arms tightened around her as he spoke.
"Oh no, Baby, Mummy is fine, I promise. Physically, Mummy is fine," Eileen hastened to reassure. She hugged him tight. "Mummy will never leave you."
Severus sagged briefly into her hug as relief flooded him at that. "Good. I am holding you to that for ever and ever. So what is it then?" He drew back, settling back onto his heals to listen. They sat in the floor together surrounded by the gifts he'd just opened.
Eileen took a deep breath. "You know I never had it easy around your grandfather when I was growing up either. My blood may be pure, but I was never pretty enough or girlish enough or social enough. Then when I married Tobias I was even more of an embarrassment." Severus nodded uncomfortably. This was not new news, but hearing that his grandfather thought so poorly and wrongly of his mum always enraged him. Just because she enjoyed practical things like potions over silly pink dresses did not mean she wasn't pretty, and just because she did not wish to go into wizarding stocks did not make her any less smart.
She was brilliant at potions, which was way better and her marks were always high in school just as Severus's own were. Grandfather was such a roiling git and supremely stupid to boot! He behaved as if they weren't good enough and they were far smarter than him. Tobias had been as well, but Grandfather would never see it, much less admit it, because stupid people couldn't see anything that did not match their own level of stupid.
"After you and I had to come back home when Tobias died, I told Father that we'd be out as soon as possible. I told him that we still had the house Tobias had bought for us when he and I first got married and that I planned to return there with you as soon as I was making enough money. While he did not mind me living on my own, he hated that I did not plan to sell that house and buy something in Hogsmeade like any self-respecting witch would according to him. I can't sell that house, Severus," she said, voice breaking. "It's all we have of Tobias."
"I know. Never sell it. You promised it was to be mine some day," Severus said, hands clenching into fists at his sides at the very idea that Grandfather wanted them to get rid of the only real home he'd ever known.
"It is yours," Eileen assured. "I promise you that. Your grandfather was extremely displeased at the idea of his daughter returning to live among Muggles again, continuing to shame him and all that nonsense. For that reason, Severus, he made sure that I never make enough to do more than scrape along with only our basic necessities seen to. He knows the shop owners who buy my potions and he either makes sure that they lowball me or that if they refuse to do so, they don't buy from me often enough to allow me any sort of a savings." She sighed, slender shoulders slumping. "That's what his influence over wizarding finance can accomplish, I suppose."
Severus swore darkly under his breath, and to his relief, Eileen didn't notice, or if she did, she didn't comment. How he hated grandfather. He hated him so very much. "I wish he'd just hurry up and die already," he said venomously. He meant those words with his entire heart and soul. "He is evil and shouldn't be here if that's all he's going to be." It seemed only the good people died, though, he thought darkly. They died while the bad ones lived on and on.
"Please don't say anything to him about this, for it will only make it worse. If I make even less money, I don't know what we shall do or how I shall even pay for your school things," Eileen pleaded.
Severus sighed, nodding. It was going to be very difficult to say the least not to speak out, but he knew his mum was right. "Alright. Very well. I promise."
"And that's the best Christmas present you could give me, for I know it shall cost you dear," Eileen said, reaching to give him a tight hug. "Mummy loves you very much."
"I love you too," Severus said, hugging her back.
(Dear Reader,
Arg, it seems so many of Severus's Christmas's are tearjerkers for some reason or other. If you'd like to read more of such in his adulthood, *it really isn't intentional, LOL*, do check our story, Knowledge Is Power.)