Chapter Twelve

Turning Away From The Past

I watched the embarrassed colour flood into Carolyn's cheeks as I tried to keep the look of satisfaction from my own expression. I was making some headway with her consenting to stay with me longer than one night.

But she'd said those words without thinking. We both knew that. She could rescind them equally quickly. I saw her frown as she opened her mouth to retract her verbal misstep.

I needed to rescue the situation before she thought too much about it. Before she decided we were going too fast for her, and she panicked. Emotional distraction was my best tool now.

"I have to confess I haven't been completely honest with you today," I said as my opening gambit, which immediately grabbed and held her frowning attention.

I could see the rising censure in her eyes. I knew she was expecting the worst. "I see. Tell me," she said quietly.

I wanted to hold her close and kiss her then. She was trying to be so brave. I could see how she was bracing herself for some terrible new secret I'd been keeping hidden for reasons of my own. She still did not entirely trust me, that was obvious.

I shook my head as I lifted one shoulder in apology. "It isn't my confidence to tell, but I think he will understand that I need to tell you now. We said there were to be no more secrets between us."

"Go on…" Carolyn stared at me.

"Five days before Christmas, out of the blue, Edward telephoned me. He said he wanted to see how I was doing and that we needed to clear the air between us. So, we did. We talked for some hours and finally agreed to meet up next year. After I return from London."

I waited and watched as she absorbed the news. I could see how conflicted she was. If she took me to task over the omission, then our son was equally to blame for not informing her when he had the chance at Christmas.

"I see…" she said again slowly. "This is… unexpected. He should have told me. But I can understand why he didn't. He thought he was still protecting me." Her eyes lifted to mine. "From you…" Her look of mistrust faded away.

"But it is good news," I added hopefully. "And it is a step in the right direction." I took her hand from where it lay in her lap and held it between both of mine. "I have missed his first thirty-five years. I don't want to miss any more of our son's life if he's willing to share it with me. If you are willing to share him with me."

I shook my head. "Edward is an excellent lawyer. He made some very good arguments for how things should stand among all of us. I was happy to agree to all his requests. Especially if they brought me closer to you again and we could talk as we should have on that first day we met again."

"He is a very good lawyer and he's your son too," she said then, keeping her gaze on mine. "I always knew Ian suspected he wasn't Edward's father. But he never asked, and I dared not confess the truth."

Her lips curved into a soft smile. "Danny is more like Michael. Impulsive and forthright, but very loveable. He's a mechanic and loves cars. He would lose his mind over Kitt."

"Maybe we could arrange a meeting between them one day…" I could feel and see the tension leaving her and I breathed easier.

'Take it slowly…' I reminded myself. Don't go scaring her off again.

She'd braced herself for some momentous news. Something she couldn't see beyond. Now it came back to just us. Two people sitting in a car trying to get to know each other once more as the evening closed in.

She turned her hand within mine, gripping my fingers. "I am glad you told me about Edward. You don't know how long I've wanted the two of you to meet." She reached over to kiss my cheek. "I'm so glad my incurably romantic daughter worked hard to bring us together again."

Kitt made a slight noise to remind us he was still listening to everything we said. "You both should go on in now," he said. "It's getting dark, and the temperature will drop considerably overnight. You can continue this fascinating conversation over dinner. As I said, every last detail has been arranged."

"Dinner?" Carolyn turned to stare at his small red screen. "Someone has been very busy on our behalf."

"Your incurably romantic daughter has thought of everything," Kitt confided. "With some help from her new friends. It has all been paid for. Nothing has been left to chance."

He sounded smug. "As I said, Carolyn, your earlier than expected arrival did derail our plans somewhat. But now we are firmly back on schedule."

Carolyn turned to me with dismay in her eyes. "But I've brought nothing with me to wear to dinner. I was expecting to order in-room service while I'm here and get on with mapping my outline. I don't have time to go shopping for something suitable. I doubt there's anything open now. Not at this time of the day."

Kitt jumped in before I could reply. "No, Carolyn. If you look behind the passenger seat of your vehicle, you will find a weekend bag packed with an evening gown, a pashmina, shoes and your purse," he continued in a deeply satisfied tone. "Maria was very keen to arrange all of that for you. And an appointment has been made for you in half an hour with the hotel's hairstylist. As I said, your daughter and her new friends have thought of everything."

"Well, that's me sorted," Carolyn replied ruefully as she began to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

I shook my head. Once more, we'd been neatly outmanoeuvred. So much for playing truant from their plans to throw us back together. But I couldn't fault their attention to detail.

"And Devon…" Kitt continued smoothly, seemingly relishing his new role of matchmaker. "You too will find a garment bag, with your dress suit and shirt, in here, behind Carolyn's seat. There is also a hold-all with everything else you will need. You should ask the hotel's room service to press your suit."

The car finally stopped talking and his little red screen fairly glowed with smug satisfaction. I truly did not know what to make of it all. But I couldn't help joining in with Carolyn's softly rueful laughter. It helped to ease the final traces of tension from both of us.

Maybe it was going to be all right, after all. And there was still the night ahead…

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We got out of the car together. Devon retrieved his bags from the back seat while I crossed to the Jeep and fetched mine. I truly had to admire Lucy's detailed forethought. And the deep conspiracy that must have gone on amongst all of those involved in this little getaway affair to bring us together again.

I couldn't be angry at any of them. I was truly intrigued to see how it would all work out. I reminded myself this was not a novel where the loving couple were finally rewarded with their happy ever after. Reality was a far more fickle creature.

I allowed Devon to take my arm as we said goodnight to Kitt and headed for the hotel's front doors. Of course, Kitt was right. The evening temperature was dropping fast and there was ice in the air. No doubt it would snow again tonight.

I stopped in the open doorway to look back at the sleek Trans Am. I felt sorry for him, stuck out there in the coming bad weather.

"Don't worry," Devon said, seeing my glance of concern. "Kitt is quite impervious to the cold. And remember, he might talk, but he's still just a car."

"Yes…" I nodded. But to me, Kitt was more than 'just a car'. He had become a good friend and confidant.

When we entered the foyer, a hovering bellhop quickly volunteered to show us to our rooms. He left us outside our open doors after he'd given me directions to the hotel's hair salon and accepted a generous tip from Devon for taking his evening wear away to be pressed and returned.

"I guess I'll meet you in the dining room when you're ready," Devon said quietly. "I'm looking forward to it. Don't keep me waiting."

There was such a sensuous look in his blue eyes that made my knees go weak. My breathing shortened and became tangled up with my heartbeat. I knew he was thinking of the night still to come and so was I. I hadn't stopped thinking about it all day. Not since we first met again.

"Yes, I'll see you at dinner then," I agreed quickly as I escaped into my room and shut the door behind me before I lost all my hard-won resolutions and begged him to join me and forget all about the dinner. I reminded myself to take things easy and not to rush.

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The hotel's maître d' turned his superior attention to me the moment I entered the restaurant. "A table for one, Sir?" he asked, his brows rising.

"For two. I'm waiting for a lady to join me," I replied and gave him my name and room number.

"Oh yes, of course, Mr Miles. I understand completely. And the bill for your meals has already been taken care of. It is to be sent to the lady's daughter. You only need to pay for your wine."

He nodded. "I must say you have picked the right night. There will be dancing later if you have a mind to it."

"I see…" I looked around.

I hadn't expected there to be a dinner dance. The restaurant was already half-full of customers with more following me in. Everyone seemed to be in a festive mood and anticipating a good night ahead. I now understood the need for formal evening wear.

The maître d' waved his hand as he went ahead of me. "If you would be pleased to follow me."

This time, I was conducted to a table secluded behind leafy green planters. It was a romantic setting just made for lovers who wished to be discreet.

"To your satisfaction, Sir?" the man asked, watching my reaction closely. "The lady's daughter was most specific in her requests."

"Thank you. It's perfect." Right then, I didn't care as I waited impatiently for Carolyn to appear.

"Very good, Sir." The man beamed. "I shall bring the wine list, and the lady to you, the moment she arrives." He nodded briskly as he bustled away to attend to more arriving guests.

As I sat down, I put up one finger to ease the tightening restriction of my collar. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt such a keen sense of anticipation. Michael had been right when he said it had been too long since I'd had a woman in my life.

But the work at FLAG had imposed that monk-like existence on me, giving me no time or energy to consider conducting a private life of my own. I was long out of practice.

I briefly wondered how Angus Jones was getting on with it all and then dismissed him, along with my past life, completely from my mind. None of that had any place here, tonight.

After several long minutes of waiting, I looked up when I saw the maître d' returning and then my mouth dried. I stared even as I pushed back my chair and rose to my feet. The man was being followed by a beautiful vision of peacock blue loveliness.

'Luciana…' my heart whispered.

All I could do was marvel at Carolyn as she walked up to our table and stopped to smile tentatively at me with the hand holding her sequined evening clutch purse resting on the back of her chair. She smiled as she waited for me to say something or make a move to assist her to be seated.

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I inhaled deeply to settle my tangled nerves. "Good evening. I hope I haven't kept you waiting for too long."

"Good evening and not at all. You're right on time…" Devon's stunned look told me all I needed to know.

I was very pleased with the magic the hotel's hairstylist had worked with my curls. She'd feathered them around my cheeks and forehead, giving me a younger, more sophisticated look. And my designer evening dress was an impulsive and very expensive purchase the last time I was in New York for a book signing. My first trip away after my divorce. I had never worn the dress before, and its simple elegance gave me an added level of confidence.

"Thank you…" Devon dismissed the maître's attentions with a quick frown.

Then he rounded the table and gripped the back of my chair, pulling it out for me. I moved sideways with a nod of appreciation, looking back at him over my shoulder and, for a single, breathless moment we were standing very close together, our sharpened breathing in soft concert.

I lowered my lashes, watching him watch me. I could admit I missed the jeans and the sheepskin jacket look, but Devon in full evening wear made my knees go weak with need. I'd never seen him dressed so formally before.

Our London spy masters had always kept us on a tight, no-frills budget that didn't allow for such extravagant adventures as fine dining. We always ate in and went to bed early, especially in the chilling cold of that unforgiving London winter we spent together. We kept each other warm.

This older, more sophisticated, Devon looked truly magnificent. As more than a few deeply envious glances in our direction from the women among the diners, could attest.

Instinctively, I placed one hand on his forearm and smiled up at him, staking my claim. Devon was mine, even if it may only be for this single night. I made sure every woman in the restaurant knew that fact as I sat down, and he pushed the chair in behind me.

I felt his long fingers stir sensuously against the bare skin of my shoulder before he returned to his side of the table and picked up the wine list the maître d' had left. He made a poor pretence of studying it, but I knew his attention was not on which vintage he would choose and my heightened level of desire for him rose further still.

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I made a show of studying the wine list and failed. But then, I had a good excuse. I'd never seen Carolyn dressed so breathtakingly elegantly before. Yes, she'd been very stylishly dressed for Michael and Stevie's wedding before Durant's attack had ruined it all.

My mind went further back in time. In London, our tight-fisted masters had never encouraged us to indulge in fine dining and we couldn't afford to go out anywhere that required our dressing up.

It was just as well both of us knew how to cook or we would have starved. I'd learned by necessity from my early years back in Ireland, where being able to make the most meagre of ingredients go as far as possible was a triumph.

We made do with what we had. We needed to fit into the environment we lived in. A dark and dreary part of the city where those we were tasked with finding tried to hide away and be lost among the mass of faceless people.

I glanced at Carolyn again through my lowered lashes. Her peacock blue evening dress outlined and detailed every one of her slender curves in exquisite detail, embracing the elegant shape of her upper ribcage and breasts. It had obviously been created by a master hand. The low-cut bodice showed her beauty off to advantage and the narrow cap sleeves left her smooth shoulders bare. It took my breath away.

"Red or white?" I finally managed to ask.

"I'm sorry?" Carolyn had been studying my formal attire and her green eyes were dark with desire.

My hands clenched on the wine list. I wanted to throw the blasted thing over my shoulder and take her to my room and out of that lovely dress!

To hell with taking things slow! We were sitting here making polite conversation and wasting time! Instead, we could be making up for lost time!

I swallowed tightly and stamped down hard on my burning need. Take it slow, remember? Don't scare her off by being too needy.

I tried again. "I remember you used to like white wine when we could afford it. I was asking if your tastes have changed. Or would you prefer some champagne?"

"Champagne would be fine," she replied, her gaze finally lifting to mine. She ran the tip of her tongue across the line of her lips, moistening their cherry gloss and a soft warmth coloured her cheeks.

'Oh, God…' My mouth dried as my groin cramped painfully with wanting. One long look and she'd reduced me to a tongue-tied teenager raging with hormones.

'Get a grip!' I was grateful for the shelter of the tablecloth. I pulled myself together and raised one hand to summon the hovering waiter who was watching us expectantly.

He brought our menus and took my order for a bottle of their finest champagne. I settled for reading the menu closely and keeping my eyes away from the temptation of staring at Carolyn. I wasn't very successful, but I managed well enough.

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I wasn't very successful, but I finally managed to stop staring at Devon as he summoned the waiter who handed me a menu. I thanked the man and tried to study it, to make some sense of the printed words.

"You didn't eat much at lunch," Devon remarked quietly. "Drinking champagne on an empty stomach isn't a good idea. You should try to eat something."

"I wasn't very hungry then," I admitted, warmed by his care for me. "I was so confused when I saw you walking toward the hotel. I told myself it couldn't be you. When you left the hospital, I truly never expected to see you again."

"And I thought I was dreaming," Devon replied. "Then you said my name."

I shook my head. "We've both wasted a lot of time trying to tell ourselves we were okay alone."

Devon's shoulders lifted. "I've been alone nearly all my life. Except for that year with you. I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Nor do I…" I wanted to reach across the table and take his hand.

He was watching me, his blue eyes gleaming with need. "Have you decided what you want to order?"

I closed my eyes briefly. He was right, of course. I needed to eat something. We still had the night ahead of us.

I settled for a delicious sounding dish of chicken and mushrooms in a white wine sauce with green beans and hasselback potatoes. I closed my menu before I changed my mind about ordering an appetiser. Devon quickly summoned the waiter again to give my order and his for a dish of slow-cooked lamb on a bed of rice and herbs. I noted he also didn't order an entrée.

I saw then that the tall folding doors between the restaurant and the huge room beyond it were being moved aside. Those who'd already eaten their meals were getting up from their tables to walk into the other room to dance as the soft strains of a waltz began to play.

"Oh, how lovely," I said. "I didn't realise there was a dinner dance tonight."

"Nor did I." Devon smiled ruefully.

I could see my daughter's deft and romantic hand in all of it. As Kitt had said, nothing had been left to chance. And Lucy knew how much I loved to dance. Beneath the table, I tapped out the rhythm with my foot.

Our champagne arrived and the wine waiter poured a small measure into Devon's glass and waited expectantly for him to taste it. Devon nodded his approval and the waiter filled both glasses.

I was grateful for the icy cold liquid filled with bubbles. I sipped it eagerly as I listened to the music. It also gave me something to concentrate on other than the long length of Devon's fingers until he reached across the table to refill my empty glass and I gasped.

I hadn't realised I'd emptied my glass. The warmth of the excellent vintage spread slowly throughout my system making me feel slightly tipsy. I never did have much of a head for champagne, but it was delicious.

The music twined its way through my senses. That was the other thing Devon and I loved to do when we were together. We had loved to dance.

I sighed, inwardly. For one so tall and powerful, Devon had always been a very graceful man. I remembered he always danced like a dream, and I'd never felt so safe with anyone before or since.

Ian had always refused to dance with me, saying he had two left feet. I sipped my champagne as I watched the dancers, knowing how much I dearly missed the sweet temptation of a slow, intimate waltz in Devon's arms that had always taken us where we both desired to go.

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I saw the effect the music was having on Carolyn. I could almost see the memories in her dreamy expression as she sipped her champagne and watched the dancers in the other room with envious eyes.

I remembered how she'd always felt so small and fragile whenever we danced together. I had never felt more protective of any other woman before or since. I wondered if her husband had danced with her, knowing how much she loved it. From the look of sadness in her eyes when she glanced back at me, I doubted it. Whenever we danced, it had always led to other, more intimate, things. I prayed that was where this night was heading.

"Oh, I remember this tune," she said softly. "It's lovely."

"So do I." I watched her closely.

I wanted to take her hand and lead her onto the dance floor and gather her into my arms. I needed to take her to my room and remind her she was a beautiful and very desirable woman.

"I wish…" Carolyn began to say just as the waiter arrived with our meals.

The man fussed with his placement of our dishes before finally accepting my assurance that we needed nothing more. I waited impatiently until he left us alone again.

"You do need to eat something," I told Carolyn, watching her closely for any sign she was uncomfortable. But the champagne had settled her, making her less wary.

"Yes, I know…" She nodded as she picked up her knife and fork. "This is a lovely hotel and I know everyone meant well when Lucy booked it." She glanced at me through her lowered lashes. "But I wish we were staying somewhere more… private and less noisy. There are too many distractions. I… do need to get started on my outline."

"I see…" I nodded as I watched her and left the obvious half-truth alone. "I too need to get on with why I am here."

I knew she was trying to make mundane conversation away from the more intimate things that she'd left unsaid. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, a sure sign she was still a little nervous of me. I refilled her glass as I sorted through my options.

An idea came to me, and I turned it over in my mind. I would need Kitt's help to make it happen. If our being alone together was what she now wanted, then I wanted that for us too. But I had other plans for tonight.

Having said what she wanted, a companionable silence settled between us as the restaurant continued to fill up and the music swirled around us as more couples got up to enter the ballroom. I ordered a second bottle of champagne and was pleased to see Carolyn had managed to eat almost everything on her plate. As I refilled her glass again, it made me content that she was finally allowing me to take care of her as she deserved.

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