Author's Note: roses are red, violets are blue. sebastian may be a demon, but he loves my holy water too ;)
usually i like to keep both my minimum/ maximum word count 3000-3500 per chapter. i have several bullet points that i make and like to complete for each chapter but i notice that they've been exceeding that range and i hope y'all dont mind.
also! the #WeHateClaude club has to take a back seat this time around. claude slander will be faced with picket signs and protests. :) please excuse any and all errors :)
Warning: language, mental illness, sacrilege, lime, hint of SebastianxClaude, everyone's favorite golden eyed arachnid demon: Claudie Pooh!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler. All rights to Yana Toboso.
Amend
'He pet me...' Is all Ciel could think of once Ash left as it was oddly familiar to how his kidnapper once pet him and it only raised his suspicion and trembled his nerves.
After a few hours in the safe room, Ciel had calmed and was removed from his restraints.
A staff member was stationed to sit just outside of the room to ensure that Ciel didn't harm himself for the time he was in there. This was his first time being sedated and he slipped in an out of unconsciousness and tried to fight the heaviness he felt through him as his body adjusted.
A frown plastered on his face when he first opened his eyes. Four crucifixes hung from the center of each wall. Despite the intention to ease the mind of those who were confined to this room by placing depictions of holy models, it only creeped Ciel out.
When Ciel was given his food, the man responsible for monitoring him had to watch him eat, ensuring that he would use the until utensils to harm himself.
Hours went by until it bled into the next day where Ash stopped by to check on Ciel. He attempted to ask Ciel about his behavior from the previous day, only to be met with silence and Ciel still on defense. A scared child who was suffering is what Ash saw when observing Ciel.
Seeing that we was not ready, Ash left once again.
A while after Ash left, there was a still, eerie silence that filled the padded room.
To his fear, his kidnapper returned. In the corner of the room, he steadily rocked side to side, almost in a mocking way.
Ciel watched in terror from his bed, until the dark figure took a step towards him. He gripped the sheets and winced.
Another step forward and Ciel shot up from his bed to the door and beat on it. He cried for release and could feel the entity approach, but when the man stated outside answered his cries to aid him, the man was gone.
Trying to make sense of his tormenter appearing in places that were physically impossible to get into, he began questioning himself and his own sanity, feeling it being chipped away as the minutes passed.
As required, the man stayed with Ciel until he felt safe and reported the indecent to Ash. For another two days, Ash kept Ciel confined.
Ciel stayed on edge, anticipating the return of his kidnapper while simultaneously trying to appear as though he is no longer a threat to himself or anyone else.
He kept a conscious regulation on his movements, posture and expressions. He wanted out of this room desperately and refrained from asking the staff to release him, convincing him that he was okay. He remained patient, but still very much emotionally and mentally shaken.
Another day goes by and to his internal wishes, he was released, but released to his bedroom. Ciel stood at the foot of his bed and looked around his room with tired eyes. Everything was in place and nothing felt threatening or off as it did in the safe room.
Ciel strolled to his bed and sat down stiffly until, slowly laying down, wary eyes still darting back and forth from each corner of his room.
Fortunately, there were other patients that remained in the quarters, making Ciel feel less alone and lowered his defenses and fears of being taunted again. It also gave Ciel the opportunity to think clearly for the first time in almost a week, at least for a while.
The events of their meeting replayed through Ciel's mind. The dagger was an exact replica, if not the same dagger his kidnapper held to him to prevent him from escaping.
Would Ash be capable of something like that? Something so horrific and sadistic? And if so, what did he gain from this? What was the reason?
Nothing made sense and it only frustrated him.
Ciel groaned and pressed down on the branded part on his body. As the days passed, Ciel's burn began to scab over and it was unbearably itchy. He tried to settle with patting it roughly to try to subside and fight the urger to scratch it.
"Padded walls and Jesus? That's no fun." A voice apathetic and void of emotion spoke from outside his door.
Ciel popped up from the bed and frowned at the unfamiliar voice coming from the other side of his door. Looking through the door window, a pair of golden eyes that sat behind spectacles.
A tall handsome man with black hair. He had on the sky blue patient's attire that covered his broad build. He stood coolly by, arms crossed with a blank expression.
"You'd think with the crucifixes and soft colored padding, it'd feel a little more humane... But it's not."
Ciel just looked at Claude with unsure eyes and stayed quiet.
"I can only imagine what you could've done to get him to send you to that room. You must've made an impression."
'What the fuck is he on? Who is he and why is he here?' Ciel thought.
"Fuck off, Claude." Sebastian's voice can be heard down the corridor as he approached. "It's probably nothing comparable to the impression you made." He smirked and leaned against Ciel's door with crossed arms.
"Or the impression I made on you?" Claude leaned a tad toward Sebastian.
Ciel looked back and forth between the two, analyzing their brief dynamic and Ciel could feel a twinge in his chest. What he was seeing displeased and upset him greatly, a lot more than it should—if at all.
"Vile thing." Sebastian smirked.
"Does that mean I should stop making an impression?" His eyes lowered on Sebastian lustfully.
"Go to your room." Amusement filled Sebastian's voice, a hint of something else lingering in his tone.
"Yes sir."
Ciel clenched his jaw as he watched Claude stroll from his line of vision.
'What was this? Was Sebastian in a relationship with him?'
If so, that would crush Ciel on top of everything that he was already enduring. He hasn't really sat back and thought about what he felt for Sebastian. He knew that he considered him a friend, a close one in fact. Yet, Sebastian doing the most simplistic and normal things like smiling or even doing nothing but existing, it made Ciel blush. He tried to brush these feelings off and even redirect conversation when Sebastian would outright flirt with him. He tried to play it off as if Sebastian was just teasing him or engage in friendly banter, but now it was clear that how he viewed Sebastian and how he felt about him exceeded friendship. Now knowing that someone else had his attention, his touch, had him in such an intimate way, it left a raw and bitter taste in Ciel's mouth.
Ciel knew what Claude was insinuating from his comment. Thinking of it as nothing he should be upset over because it was something that happened before didn't help when Sebastian didn't reject him. Instead he told Claude to go to his room. Did this mean...
It's clear that Claude and Sebastian have history. Not sure of how far they go back, however, seeing how comfortable they are playfully bantering back and forth and feeling the intimate tension between them, it would be safe to assume they are very familiar with each other and it made Ciel sick. Anger and possessiveness flooded him.
'What is he to you?' Ciel thought.
"Claude can be a little invasive. He doesn't mean any harm though." Sebastian spoke to Ciel, now standing from a clear view from the door window. "Get some rest, Ciel. Some real rest. I'm sure you didn't get much while you were on time-out." Sebastian teases and Ciel huffs.
"I'll see you at lunch." Sebastian said before he walked away.
Ciel's stomach turned when Sebastian left, only wondering where he was headed too. If he were to meet with Claude...
Ciel plopped back down on his bed and covered his face with a pillow, praying sleep would come quick enough so he could escape his tormenting thoughts.
Amend
A couple hours passed before the patients were gathered for lunch. Like routine, the gathered in line in the dining hall and grabbed their food. Ciel took his norming seating and Sebastian soon joined him after everyone was served.
Ciel had thought about sitting alone, but didn't want Sebastian thinking something was wrong — even though there was.
Scenarios ran through his head on what happened after Sebastian and Claude left. Did Sebastian follow Claude to his room? Where even is Claude's room? Ciel had never seen him in the patient's quarters before or in the dayroom. Where did he come from? And what was it about Claude that made Sebastian trust him enough to be so vulnerable and intimate with him?
So deep in thought, Ciel hadn't realized Sebastian had joined him and called his name a few times.
Sebastian slightly frowned in concern and reached over to Ciel, shaking his arm lightly.
Ciel blinked a few times, breaking from his trance and looked up at Sebastian, only to fall into a new one.
Rich blue eyes locked into dark crimson ones. Ciel's longing eyes explored Sebastian's face. Perfectly pale skin, no marks or blemishes. Clear and soft. A fine nose, soft looking lips and perfectly arched brows. Soft black locks gracing his face. Everything about the man drew him in and surely anyone that would be looking at him.
Sebastian was... Beautiful. Flawlessly beautiful.
For the first time, Ciel was able to look Sebastian directly in his face for longer than five seconds without turning away. Ciel had already acknowledged that Sebastian was a handsome man, which is why we refused to look at him for long periods. Truthfully, it was intimidating. And he hates that it had to take the threat of competition in order for Ciel to come to this realization.
"Ciel, are you okay?" Sebastian held Ciel's arm in concern.
"I'm fine..." Ciel pulled back from Sebastian's hold.
"I can imagine that time in the padded room had an affect on you."
"You could say that..."
"Well, I can say that you did well in convincing him that you're troubled."
"Telling the truth is more exhausting and mentally taxing than lying."
Sebastian chuckled. "Please eat, before it gets cold."
Ciel complied and started his meal and Sebastian watched in silence. He glanced up with stoic eyes as an employee approached from behind Ciel.
"Ciel Phantomhive?" The man asked. Ciel turned and answered. "You have visitors. You can bring your food."
Ciel turns back to look at Sebastian, the older male gives him a nod and Ciel stands before grabbing his tray.
"I'll see you later." Sebastian says, getting up as well before turning to head back to the kitchen.
Ciel follows the man to the visitation room and wondered if it was Alois. HIs brother did say that he would be visiting him soon. While Sebastian's company was warm and comforting, Ciel yearned for a familial connection.
The doors to the visitation room opened and Ciel's hope was met with slight disappointment that he did see his blond haired brother waiting for him. Instead, his lawyer and another man with shaggy auburn hair and blue eyes.
Agni waves at Ciel and the other male just looks on. Ciel gives a small smile and sits down across from them.
"Hi Mr. Agni."
"Hi Ciel, how have you been?"
"I'm managing. And yourself?"
"I'm well. This is Fred Abberline, he's apart of your defense team and will be helping me with cross examining in your case."
"Nice to meet you." Ciel greets meekly.
"And you as well." Fred nods.
"This meeting won't take too long. I just wanted to touch base with you, Ciel."
"Okay."
"I just need to understand your reasoning behind your plea. I need to know what happened that night and time you were gone."
"I can't keep track on how many times I've told this story..."
"I need to know your story so that I can defend as best as I can. So we can defend you." Agni gestured Fred.
Ciel inhaled and exhaled deeply leaning back. He looked down and closed his eyes tiredly before telling his story once again. Agni and Fred managed to keep poker faces, yet ones that read that they were fully immersed. Piercing silence overtook the room after Ciel finished.
"I sound mad, don't I?" Ciel looks down.
"No, Ciel..." Fred spoke, but Ciel only felt that it was to make him comfortable and not feel alone.
"Is there any chance of me being found innocent?" Ciel asks helplessly.
"We're still in the process of cross-examining the evidence that's been collected. From what I've seen so far from the collection, also, because you pled innocent, and based on what you're telling me... I think the best direction to take your defense is for an insanity plea."
"Insanity?" Ciel frowned. "I'm not mentally ill."
"Coming from someone that's been placed in two psych wards and recently released from a padded cell from having an episode of alleged delusions and being a danger to everyone else and himself in less than a month? Convincing the court that you're not mentally ill would be harder. Besides, that's the prosecutions job. And I think being seen as sane would do more harm than good in your defense." Fred spoke candidly.
'He told them I was delusional?' Ciel thought, clenching his jaw at hearing how Ash described him and his behavior. 'Damn him... Cunt.'
"Dr. Landers reports back to us about your mental health status. Well, to Mr. Iyer at least."
"And he told you I was delusional?"
"It going to help you, Ciel. Your hope for a not guilty verdict without the reason of insanity... I'm sorry, but it's very slim."
Ciel closes his eyes and shook his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled deeply.
'There's really no way out of this, is there?'
"I'll continue to cross-examine and ask Dr. Landers to be consistent in reporting your status. Be well, Ciel. Until next time." Agni stood.
"Until next time..." Ciel nodded as Agni and Fred took their leave. Immediately after they exited and Ciel stood when staff approached him.
He brushed his thumb over his meal and it was chilly. Not wanting to waste food, Ciel asked if it could be reheated when he returned to the dining hall. Wanting to just be alone, he quickly finished his food and returned to his room before lunch was over.
Amend
Ciel skipped dinner. He preferred to stay in bed and contemplate.
He was facing a life of imprisonment, whether it be in prison or in a mental ward. The light at the end of the tunnel was closing in.
An eighteen year old young man not even in the prime of his life and now it's been snuffed out by an entity Ciel can't even identify. His life wasn't free from periods of unhappiness or misfortune. It was perfect by no means, but in comparison to this...
Even if he were to make it out, what exactly would he be released to? What home did he have anymore?
But still, he clung to the thinnest thread of hope that presented itself.
Reminiscing his life — that is until he fell asleep.
His slumber didn't last though. Baldroy's insufferable snoring woke Ciel up and it was unbearable. Minutes went by where Ciel just silently begged for him to stop. Every several seconds his snoring would soften and even stop. Ciel thought it would be his opportunity to go back to sleep, only for the snoring to start again. By the way this man snored, you'd think he completed fifty hours worth of manual labor for a week.
Ciel rolled his eyes and sighed.
"You'll never really get used to it. Fortunately, I've learned to block it out." Sebastian said from his room.
Ciel popped up from his bed. He got up and walked over to the door window and saw Sebastian laying in bed with his book.
"Not going back to sleep?" Sebastian asked, looking at Ciel from his room.
"It's kinda' hard too with that type of noise."
"Understandable."
"How come your door isn't closed?"
"I'm not sleeping and it isn't lights out yet. Staff really only lock the doors when a patient plans on staying in their room for long periods or when they're sleeping. It's really just to ensure that other patients won't harm each other."
"Hm..."
"I didn't see you at dinner. Are you okay?"
"I just wasn't hungry." Ciel lied.
"Did it have anything to do with your visit?" Sebastian asked further.
"Somewhat."
"Is it something you want to talk about?" Sebastian tilted his head.
"My lawyer mentioned an insanity plea." Ciel put a hand to his head.
"Seems like your on the right track for that." Sebastian teased.
Ciel sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. Sebastian could be incredibly childish and unserious at times and it was very annoying to Ciel. A good annoying.
"You're enjoying this a little too much for my liking."
"I'm just trying to ensure your safety."
"Being stuck with a needle, immobilized and confined to a padded room for almost a week is safety?"
"My advice to you was to simply tell the truth. I didn't advise you to do whatever you did to get you put on time-out." Sebastian corrected with amusement.
Ciel huffed in annoyance because Sebastian was right and that he had no rebuttal.
'Ensured safety by being confined to a psych ward, huh?' Ciel thought.
It's far better than what jail or prison would be. Jail and prison was certainly not a place for Ciel. He wouldn't be able to exist without an occurrence, a violent occurrence happing — one that could result in him losing his life. At least at Creedmoor he was given some type of flexibility and outside of him seeing his kidnapper appearing and vanishing at his vulnerable and solitary moments, there wasn't a constant threat hovering over him. However, was this really a place Ciel wanted to be if an insanity plea was reached?
"How do you even know of a way out?" Ciel asked.
Moments went by and Sebastian had not answered. Baldroy's horrific snores trumped the silence, reminding Ciel that he was still snoring. Ciel had thought that Sebastian was ignoring him, being that when he first proposed the idea to him, he was shot down. He stood at the door and watched as Sebastian continued to read his book. Ciel waited quietly even though it seemed like Sebastian wasn't going to answer. After a while, Ciel almost forgot what he even asked and turned to go back to his bed.
"Come back to your room after lunch. I want to show you something." He finally spoke.
Ciel turned back and perked up in curiosity.
"Something like what?"
"It depends." Sebastian slightly bit his bottom lip seductively. "How old are you again?" He cocked his head to the side playfully.
Ciel's eyes widened and his face heated rapidly.
"Disgusting beast." William spoke from the entrance of the corridor. Staff walked down the hall to make sure each patient was in their respective room before securing them inside and Ciel returned to his bed. "If you think of going about traumatizing my patients with your sexually deviant activities, I'll have you live wired again, demon."
"Kinky." Sebastian smirked.
Blackness engulfed the hall after the doors to the unit shut after William and the staff's leave. The light from the moon only shined into the windows of those who were facing it.
Sebastian let out an irritated sigh and closed his book. He sat it on his bedside table and ran his fingers through his hair leaning back.
"Try getting some rest, Ciel. You missed dinner. The longer you stay awake, the sooner the hunger will catch up to you. Going to bed hungry isn't a good feeling, I promise."
"I'll try." Ciel called back.
"Good night."
"Night."
Ciel laid down in bed and again Baldroy's horrific snores filled the hall again. Thankfully, Sebastian gave Ciel something to be distract himself with. He was distracted enough that Baldroy's snores faded. Ciel thought about what that something was that Sebastian wanted to show him.
His thoughts quickly wandered to Sebastian sexual implication and Ciel could feel his face heating up again.
'Damn him...' He cursed.
He blushed once more and Ciel could feel a tightening hardness growing between his legs. It swelled and twitched and Ciel wanted— no, needed to release this tension and tightness. Ciel carefully reached over to his bedside table and pulled the top drawer open slowly, not trying to make any noise. Inside the drawer kept the psych ward given toothbrush, toothpaste, small stick of deodorant, lotion and plastic pack of tissues. Ciel grabbed the small bottle and slowly squeezed out a decent amount of the thick, smooth liquid into his palm. Ciel used his other hand to pull his pants and underwear down right below his butt. His hand cupping the quarter sized portion of lotion gripped around his cock. Ciel tightened his grip and placed his other hand over his mouth, preventing the escape of any gasps, pants and moans.
He stroked up and down and his chest rose and fell fast and heavily. Ciel closed his eyes and Sebastian's face invaded Ciel's mind, imaging his expression of one in the throes of ecstasy and it gave Ciel just what he needed to send him over the edge of bliss.
He removed his hand from his mouth and lifted his creamy hand from his cock and let a breath of satisfaction. He reached back into his drawer for the small pack of tissues and wiped his hand and cock off. He balled the tissues and placed them in the empty corner of his drawer for later disposal in the morning. He closed the drawer and rolled back onto his bed, letting sweet unconsciousness from his release take him into the next day.
Amend