Title: This is Your Baby

Rating: K

Status: Complete

Spoilers: None, my own imagination is responsible for this one.

Archive: What an honor, just drop a note first.

Feedback: Yes, please

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, characters and show reference belong to their creator CC and 1013. No money so, I prefer you just read, enjoy (hopefully) and leave reviews. I need the critiques good and not so much good.

Summary: Mulder returned and saw a very pregnant Scully at his bedside. He also watched as Doggett watched Scully through the door window. His mind was awash with thoughts of Scully conceiving her child without him. Scully breaks out the calendars to explain William's conception.

XXXXX

Scully rolled over the best she could. It was getting to the point that even rolling over was a task. The life inside her had grown so big she could barely get out of bed herself. She felt the other side of the bed, finding the last of his warmth slipping away. The soft sheets: not cold but not body heat warm she found nothing but a void where she was sure he had he laid all night until a few minutes ago. Since he returned, he has not been sleeping well, he was restless and distant. She was afraid her pregnancy was too much for him. She wrestled with the bed to release her and put on a tank top and a pair of shorts. Padding through the living room she found him standing in front of the kitchen sink. Dressed only in his boxers, his hands on the countertop, his head bowed.

The kitchen window cast his reflection back at him, the night still dark waiting for the Sun to create a brand-new day. He had been looking at his likeness in the glass. He mused how ironic it was. It was as if he was staring at a stranger. A stranger who had been missing, but now found. He felt teleported through a wormhole. On the other side was his life with Scully, their new intimate relationship, knowing her in such a way, a long-awaited way, everything they wanted was falling into place, then, *it* happened. The pain, the torture, his absence, his time loss. Fast forward, his scars, now healing, his breath again leaves his lungs as new fresh air is drawn in. Scully, just as beautiful as ever, glowing, carrying a new life, a life they tried to create, and he was on the outside, watching as if a spectator in this, his new life.

"Mulder, you, okay?"

Since his release from the hospital, he had spent his time trying to figure everything out. Months of a torturous abduction followed by being buried as a dead man had him trying to catch up in his own life, their life. She spent months searching for him, grieving for him. Her pregnancy and work saved her from becoming a lifeless shell of a human being. Stuck in an endless loop of grieving and then searching, grieving, and searching. So many sleepless nights, arguments with Doggett about his efforts to find Mulder knowing he didn't understand their relationship. When she could no longer hide her pregnancy, he had the explanation for her relentless search. Once he found out he knew, it all made sense, but she never divulged anything more than the obvious.

"Huh? Yea Scully. I didn't mean to wake you. I'm just trying to figure everything out. Still. I'm not sure how long it's going to take." He didn't turn around. He didn't want her to see him frustrated and he didn't need to be reminded she was carrying a baby he was sure wasn't his.

"Talk to me, Mulder. I need to know what I can do for you." She pulled out a chair and sat down.

"There's nothing you can do Scully. It's me, I need to figure all of this out." He turned and looked at her. He loved her so much and he loved the unborn child she was carrying but this whole situation had him in turmoil.

"Mulder, please sit down and let's just start, somewhere."

He sat down at the table across from her. He looked at her and her baby bump. He swallowed hard and tears welled in his eyes. He looked towards the kitchen sink to avoid her seeing him, but he knew she knew. She always knew she was his constant, his touchstone, his rock. The tears spilled over, he gave in and crossed his arms on the table placing his head on top of them and sobbed. He let it all out, the time he lost, the love he lost, the life he lost.

Scully reached for his arms, placing her hands over them. Her own eyes filled with tears for him. She couldn't give him what he lost, she couldn't take away the pain of his abduction and the experiments he endured just as he couldn't do that for her years ago. She couldn't give him his missing time back, that period of his life was simply gone. She suffered from those things as well from her own abduction, but she returned only weeks later not months and she wasn't pregnant. Now she wants only for him to be her Mulder, to touch her, to desire her again, to speak to the child she is nurturing.

"When you're ready I'm here Mulder. Please don't shut me out I don't think I can lose you again."

Minutes passed before he looked up. His eyes red and swollen, his lips wet, and pools of tears were on the table lying there like spilled milk.

"I'm mad, I'm frustrated, I'm lost Scully. I want my lost time back and I can't have it."

"Okay, let's start with that." She looked at him, wanting to hold him, but she needed him to talk, and they were so close. "You're mad, I am too. I'll bet we are mad at the same thing. I missed you Mulder. I missed everything our dinners, our talks, our movies, …our…togetherness. I missed your smile, your smell, your touch. I slept with your blue shirt every night, my head lying on your pillow in your bed, it was all I had of you."

"I'm mad because I remember us together Scully. You and me together finally. I lost that time, time with you, time with us. We barely got started and I was taken. I tried so hard to reach out to you. My thoughts of you were the only thing that allowed me to get through the experiments, the pain, my desire to return to my life with you, our life."

She whispered to him. "I heard you Mulder, I felt so close at times, I tried to open my mind the best I knew how but it wasn't enough to find you, to get you back, to take away the pain. I am so sorry Mulder. I am so sorry I wasn't there to help you." She gripped his arms tightly as her tears fell across from his.

"I'm frustrated too Scully. I would have done anything to give you, us, a baby. Then I'm abducted, taken away from you. I wake up in a hospital bed, I find out I've been dead or in some state of suspended animation for more time I can't get back. You have a new partner, the guy who I see through the window of my hospital room watching you. Then you step back to sit down, and I see you are well along into a pregnancy. I felt like I had been punched and thrown down the stairs. You are going to be a mom and I wanted to do that for you. I feel cheated and I am mad about that. I'm happy for you, I am I just wish the baby was…" The last word caught in his throat he was unable to speak it.

His memory of that moment was raw. He woke up in the hospital room one day and Doggett was sitting there, he wanted to rip his throat out. As far as he was concerned Doggett took his job and his Scully. He accused him of that too. He knew Doggett was feigning ignorance, but he knew the truth and Doggett was lying to him. Scully wanted a baby, and he was sure John was all too happy to help.

She looked at him as the tears welled up in his eyes again. It all made sense now, his distance from her, his lack of intimacy with her, his wanting to run away from this situation. He wasn't equating his time loss with the time of her pregnancy; she couldn't help but cry herself with that thought. She rose from the table, brushing her hand on his shoulder, walked to the bedroom, and came back with last year's calendar and took the current calendar down. She pulled the chair up next to him and rested her head on his shoulder kissing the side of his face.

"Mulder, my pregnancy is this the reason why you haven't touched me, held me, or kissed me since you've been back?"

"Scully, I need time to adjust that's all." He looked away seemingly disgusted with himself for not trusting her and believing in them. "I love you Scully and I love the baby you're carrying because it's a part of you, but it's obvious your life went on."

"It didn't without you well, it did but it didn't. I didn't want to overload you. I wanted you to rest, get your strength back so you could come home. I never took the time to explain things to you so if you're up for it I want to do that now." she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He looked at her locking his eyes to hers. Those eyes that soothed him so many times, the eyes he longed to stare into during his darkest hours to seek the solace they provided, the eyes he hoped their child would have. They were so blue, so compassionate, so loving, so…his. He remembered looking into them with such reverence and love when they shared themselves. He nodded to her not really wanting to do this, but he needed to, to move forward, to move on. She laid the calendars in front of him.

"It's early April, right. The baby is due next month in May, so I am eight months. You were abducted in October and returned in February."

"I know Scully, I mean I don't remember it, but I trust you." He said following the flipping of the pages.

"Do you remember me not feeling well in Oregon?" She searched his eyes for recollection as the calendar lay open to October 2000.

"You came to my room, shivering and weak. I laid down with you on the bed. You were wrapped up in the covers and I laid on the comforter holding you. I was so worried about you, Scully, so afraid of what was wrong with you but, I didn't care. If I was with you or you with me, I knew we'd get through it. I wanted you to go back and see your doctor so, we could face the issue together." He said, trying to smile.

"Skinner went out to the field with you, and I flew home, you remember?"

"Yes, I remember that." He said as he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. It was warm and soft. He couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the love he still felt for her. Just touching her made him ache wondering why she was doing this to him.

"It wasn't cancer Mulder. It was something much bigger and better than that." She took his hand and placed it on the baby. Just then he felt a kick. He tried to pull his hand back for an instant, but her hand held his there.

"That is amazing." He couldn't believe the wonder he felt and the disappointment. A small human being was inside, a life, a life they tried to create.

"Do you remember us being a couple, being intimate Mulder?" She hoped he did, if he didn't, she would crumble. This baby, the life inside her was his and he needed to know that.

"I would never forget that Scully, never." He held her hand, squeezed it and let it go. His head went down as if he was wistful and lost in some distant thought.

"Oregon Mulder, when I was sick in Oregon it was because I was pregnant. It was the beginning of morning sickness, hormonal changes because of the baby. I was pregnant in September; you were abducted in October." She looked at him waiting for that knowledge to be realized.

He sat there, his eyes looking down at his thighs. Slowly he lifted his head, staring at her as if the words were slowly falling into place in his head. She looked at him and raised her eyebrows. His face then shifted, his lips parted, and the corners of his mouth twitched. He reached for her hand and took it into his. Their foreheads met and he let out a long breath. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he placed his hand on the baby.

"He or she must know when their daddy is near." she said as the baby rolled, and an elbow passed under his hand.

He took his forehead from hers and looked at her. "Scully, you…you, me I thought…" she placed her index finger on his lips.

"Shhh, the calendars Mulder, look at the calendars."

"I thought, when I saw you, Scully I thought you found a donor who was able to do what I couldn't. I thought it was Doggett. I see the way he looks at you."

"Mulder." She looked at him then looked down at the baby. "There's only you and if I haven't made that clear enough, I want you to know this, for the last almost eight years it's been only you. You, and if this baby would have never happened for us then it would just be me and you and I'd be okay with that."

"I had no idea. I was here, then I wasn't, then I am here, you're pregnant, John's your new partner and I wasn't here for any of it. I should have been here to comfort you when you were sick, to go to the doctor's appointments, to help you up, tie your shoes, make you dinner, to go to Lamaze classes with you. I've missed it all. If I had stopped looking for the truth, I wouldn't have missed a day of this."

"You had no reason to stop looking for the truth. It's what drives you, it's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. Mulder, I missed you so much. I worried I'd never see you again, and then the baby I thought she or he would never know their father. The man who would teach them so much, show them the world in ways I never could. I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to know how supportive Agent Doggett has been. Since he was assigned to the X Files to assist me, he has been a great partner. He was there for me as a partner should be. Since he found out about my pregnancy, he has been nothing less than fantastic. He has been watchful, respectful, dutiful, helpful, trustworthy, and honest. He saved me more than once when I thought I could handle a case alone."

"Scully, I owe you an apology. I thought John had his eyes on you when I saw him looking through the hospital room window a few times. I got mad, frustrated and I thought I lost you too."

She let out a laugh and looked at him. "You thought you lost me; Mulder I thought I lost you. I was so afraid I was going to raise our baby by myself, go through life by myself, never hold you again, feel you again, hear your voice telling our baby stories at night. I know you need to absorb all of this, and I understand if you need time, but I don't want to lose you again and John was watching me. He has had my back through all of this. He led the search to find you. He made sure I went home and got enough sleep; he made sure I ate well while I spent time at your bedside. He would come in and demand I leave to go home, rest, and not come back until I had slept and eaten. He stayed with you until I got back and promised a phone call if anything changed. He does have his eye on someone Mulder, but it's not me. He's a friend and a great agent."

"I will need time Scully but, not time away from you or our baby. I'll need time to adjust to my new life, the life that accelerated while I was sitting around with a drill in my mouth or enjoying a dirt sandwich. I guess I should be happy for your beliefs, burial over cremation was the right choice this time." He smiled and rubbed her belly. "I just can't believe it's true. Skinner?"

"He knows, he's been here for me. He helps me lift the heavy stuff and brings it upstairs when I shop, and he calls to check on me. He has come over just to sit with me a couple of times. I think he missed you too. I think he wants godfather status." She let out a soft giggle, bit her lower lip and looked in his eyes.

"That's up to you Scully, I don't do the church scene so, if you want Skinner, let him know. Do you know the gender?"

She shook her head. "I didn't want the test until you were back."

"Do you want to know the gender?"

"If you do."

"I asked you since you are doing all the work."

"I really don't. If I'm going to deal with puking, backaches, tired feet, swollen ankles, and weight gain I want a surprise in the end."

"Ok, no gender test. I am sorry Scully, for all of this. I promise you I will be here; I'm not going anywhere."

"I remember saying something like that to you when we worked on the Firewalker case. I'll bet you had no idea what we were in for."

"I was convinced you'd runaway with that guy Rob the Estate Lawyer and lead a normal life."

"I probably would have had you not been so damn handsome and intriguing and him so boring and mundane. Besides I told you I wasn't interested. His normal wasn't your normal."

He stood up, took her hand and kissed her. "I know it's earlier than usual, but I'll make some coffee, decaf for you if you want." He smiled at her.

"Just some tea if that's okay."

"Coming up." He said as he grabbed the tea kettle and filled it with water.

"Scully does anything need to be done in the nursery."

"The crib needs to be assembled and Skinner's been hounding me to do it. I've put him off because I wanted you to do it for sentimental reasons. It needs to be done. If your son or daughter arrives early, they won't have a bed." She rubbed her belly and looked at him as he placed the tea bags into the mugs.

"I'll call Skinner and we'll get it done today so you and I can have quiet time."

"I love soaking in the bath it helps with the weight pressing on my back.

"Then I'll sit next to you on the floor while you do that. Skin man has no idea what hell he is in for today."

"If I'm lucky you'll have some energy left so we can catch up on lost time." She took a sip of her tea.

"Whatever you want Scully."

She kissed the top of his head and sat on her chair. He moved his to be across from her and patted his thighs. She placed her feet on his lap, and he began rubbing them. He looked up at her and smiled.

"We did it Scully."

"Yes, Mulder, we did."

He leaned over, tucked a rogue strand of red hair behind her ear and kissed her. "What I could have missed."

"Mmm, what indeed." She murmured through the first of several long-awaited kisses from him.