Benslerfan4ever brought to my attention that we only had 5 more chapters. In the beginning this was meant to be 101 stories (not just chapters! :)) sooooo I consolidated some of the old multi chapter stories into single chapters (story is EXACTLY the same but I just moved everything into a single chapter.) that means we have a lot of stories to go (a little intimating for me, but wonderful for you I'm sure!) anyway- here's the next part of Breathe- it ran away from me like it often doesn't and there will be a part three...you know...because I'm me haha.

Elliot paused before sliding his key card into the motel room door. He had done the bulk of this investigation on his own, but now his team was here and he had people to bounce ideas off of. It would be nice to escape the silence.

He slipped the key card in twice before the lock clicked. The damn thing was so old that it struggled to read the keycard strips. The busted lock reminded him of this godforsaken place that claimed the life of a young mother. His friend. This town looked painted and lovely on the outside, but corruption and murder lurked beneath that pleasant exterior. On the outside, everything looked perfect, but appearances were often deceiving.

He pushed the door open, fully expecting to be greeted with the warm chatter of his team, but to his surprise, the room was quiet and empty. Except for the beautiful captain standing in its center.

"Liv," he breathed out in surprise. "What? How?" He couldn't form a coherent question. She was the last person he expected to see here.

He stepped towards her, letting the door fall shut behind him. She remained silent, and Elliot couldn't quite read her face. She was either completely pissed or totally worried, probably a little of both.

"Were you ever going to call me back, or did you plan on just dropping off the planet for a decade?"

"Liv, I," he said, but she didn't let him explain.

"No, seriously, Elliot? Did you even think about calling me? You were suspended." Hurt and frustration filled her voice. "You're under investigation for injuring a teenage kid!" He remained motionless while she continued. "The last time that happened..." Her voice cracked, and he finally understood what she was getting at. Damn it. She thought he was leaving her without saying a word. Again.

In a second, he was right next to her, arms encircling her now-trembling frame. Her eyes remained dry, but her voice quivered as she spoke. "What the hell are you thinking, El?"

Her fiery anger began to dissipate, and all he could hear was her fear.

"A serial? Outside of your jurisdiction? Did you forget that IAB is already gunning for your ass?" She pulled back and sighed, her frustration returning. "And aside from that," she shook her head, and her eyes gripped him with an unwavering glare. "This guy prays on women. Only women. Prostitutes. And you didn't think to call me?"

He felt a strange turning of the tables. Last year, he stood in her kitchen, asking the same question.

Why didn't you call me?

And his answer was the same as hers. He didn't want her to protect him. He didn't want her to get hurt.

"I couldn't drag you into this. This guy, God Liv, this is bad. Worse than either of us has encountered in, I don't know, maybe ever."

He was taken aback when she pushed herself away from his chest. A cold chill raced down his spine when she said, "You have no clue." She shook her head as if she regretted saying anything at all.

"What are you saying?" He wanted to pull her back into his arms, but the tension radiating off of her deterred his potential attempt.

She closed her eyes and thought for a moment before answering. "I don't want to go into that right now. It's not…relevant."

He was tempted to press her. He didn't want to let it drop, but something about the look in her eye held him back. Whatever it was, whatever she was hiding, seemed terrifying.

"I'm sorry, Liv." The springs of the bed bounced when he dropped himself on the edge of the bed. "I should have called. I meant to call, but then..." he pressed the heel of his hand against one of his eyes. "Rita." He felt his eyes tear up. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't rid himself of the images of Rita's lifeless body left beneath the sand.

"Shit," she swore quietly. The springs freaked again when she sat down beside him. "I'm sorry. I'm just... God." She stumbled through her words. "I was just so pissed... and you... nevermind." He lifted her hand and hesitated briefly before resting it on his back between his shoulder blades.

A tense silence passed between them while she traced light circle patterns between his shoulder blades. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands in front of him. He rested his forehead against his hands and closed his eyes. Her fingers continued their mesmerizing dance over his shoulders, but the feeling took a backseat to the suffocating guilt building in his chest.

He tried to keep himself together, swallowing back the emotions boiling beneath the surface. He failed her. Rita. He thought he had saved her, but now she lay cold on a slab in the coroner's examination room.

But it wasn't just Rita. No. He failed nearly every woman he ever gave a damn about. Every single one. Rita. His mother. Kathy. A sob caught in his throat. Olivia. God, he failed her so horribly that it twisted his insides. A shudder ran through his body as he considered the state of his godforsaken soul.

As if she sensed the course of his downward spiral, Olivia pushed him so he sat up straighter and held his face in her delicate hands.

"No," she said firmly. "You don't get to do this. No."

He closed his eyes, unable to meet the intensity of her gaze. "I thought," he swallowed deeply, "I saved her." He shook his head, but her hands remained adhered to his cheeks, now wet with tears. "It's not a god complex like everyone thinks it is. I honestly," he choked back a cry, "I wanted her to have a life. I wanted her son to have his mother, and I failed."

His eyes remained closed as one hand slid down his neck and to his back. Her fingers pressed into his back, urging him closer until his forehead came into contact with her shoulder. Her other had slipped to the back of his head, holding him firmly against her. She misjudged his overall bulk, setting her off-kilter until her head came into contact with the pillow behind her. He was worried she might push him away. After all, his cheek was pressed precariously close to her breasts, and his hand had lightly pressed against her belly as they toppled.

She didn't push him away.

Instead, she toed off her ankle boots, letting them fall to the floor with a clunk. Warmth crept into the darkest corners of his soul as she wrapped her leg around his knee, drawing him closer. Every part of her body molded against him, and he was completely encircled by her. By Olivia.

The smell of her perfume mingled with her shampoo, and the scent felt so familiar. So comforting. So her.

Her warm voice was barely audible but broke through his nearly silent sobs. "You did everything you could."

"It wasn't enough." It could never be enough. He could never be enough. He wasn't quite sure why the next confession slipped from his lips, but once the words were spoken, he couldn't take them back. "I failed her. I failed you."

His heart clenched when he felt her stiffen beneath him. "You never failed me, Elliot. You hurt me. God, you leaving..." he felt her swallow deeply. "But you never failed me."

He lifted his red, tender eyes to her face. He needed to say it; he wanted her to know. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I thought… I don't know what I was thinking. I was so messed up, and all I could think was," he stopped, unable to complete the thought.

She sucked in a tight breath before asking, "Was what?"

"You were better off without me."

The words hung in the air between them for what felt like an eternity. He wanted to break the tension, but he couldn't find the words. After a few more excruciating moments, he felt her take a trembling breath, and he realized she was crying.

Without a thought, he pulled away enough to shift himself to her eye level. "Shit, Liv. I'm sorry. I'm just a goddamn idiot who always says the wrong things."

Tears escaped from her closed eyelids as she shook her head. "No," she whispered. She opened her eyes, and he found himself getting lost in the woodsy brown of her eyes. "I-I always thought," she said, letting out a slow, controlled breath and lifted a hand to his cheek. "I thought you left because," she stopped again, and he knew she was pulling out the words from a place of deep-seated hurt. "I thought you blamed me for Jenna." Her words came out with a whoosh of air.

He hovered over her, speechless. How could she think that? How could she believe that he blamed anyone but himself for the death of that beautiful young woman? But then a haunting memory gripped his heart and stopped his breath. She believed that because a long time ago, years before Jenna showed up at the precinct, he told her exactly that.

Well he got close and Ryan's dead.

So this is my fault?

No, I can't do this anymore. I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay.

You son of a bitch. You know that's not true.

I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to your rescue.

"I didn't blame you for Jenna." He pressed his forehead against her shoulder. "Please tell me you know that I didn't blame you for her death."

She swallowed, and tears leaked from her eyes. "How was I supposed to know? She had her gun pointed right at me. You killed her for me. Then you left without a word. How was I supposed to take that?"

He groaned and buried his face in her shoulder. Grief and regret threatened to crack open his chest and tear out his soul. Once he gained control of himself, he lifted his head, and his eyes landed on her face. Her beautiful, vulnerable face. "Liv." His voice became gentle. "I need to say this, and I need you to hear me, okay?"

She nodded nervously.

"I never blamed you. I blamed myself. I hated myself. I left to spare you the humiliation of a dead-weight partner. I-I," he began to stammer. He felt the words, and even if he was terrified she might run away screaming, he needed to say them. "I loved you. I- I did then, and God, Liv, I do now. I knew how important SVU was to you and how important it still is, and I couldn't let my choices rip that away from you." He steadied himself before adding, "I loved you too much to destroy you like that."

He held his breath in terrified anticipation of her response.

Without a word, her fingernails lightly scratched across the back of his neck, causing a pleasurable wave of goosebumps to flood his body. Her eyes filled with affection and resolve before she lifted her head off the pillow and touched her lips to his.