Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Awakening or any of the songs I parody/use here, all rights to the owners.

Minor: Dark Flier, Immortal, Boxer (Pugilist), Exploitive, Swordmaster, Angry Cinnamon Roll, Tripping, Perpetual Cheer, Chef, Blacksmith, Pegasus Knight, Teacher, Librarian, Masochist, Literal-Minded, Authoritative, Middle Age, Wyvern Rider, Phobia, Thicc, Tsundere.

Standard: Elemental, Deaf, Foreign, Future sight, Tiny, Nurse/Medic, Valmese Tactician, Medusa, Amazon, Genderfluid, Gift from Validar + evil to good, Mind Control, Banshee, Dancer, Mimic, Emotionless, Crippling Overspecialization (Idiot Savant), Coward, ESP, POW, PTSD, Magician, Mute, Savage, Handicapped, Secret Helper, Crazy, Morpher, Dreamwalker, Motherly, Lich, Twins, Regenerating, Animal Whisperer, Naga/Tiki Assistant, Sleepless, Plant, Fairy, Deadly Touch, Mind Reader, Doppelganger, Arachne, D&D magic, Umbramancer, Horror Monster, Detective, No Sense of Personal Space, Shota, Dominatrix, Songstress, Kinky.

Unlikely: Chrom's child, Minotaur, Paladin, Werewolf, Assassin, Future Soldier, Bounty Hunter, Weather control, Kleptomaniac, Druid, Steampunk, Shadow Familiar, Magic Augmentation, Lucky, Exile, Piper (Charmer), Gladiator, Witch Doctor, Centaur, Drunk, Demon, Punk, Harpy, Revenant, Luck Manipulation, Demon Summoner, Megalomaniac, Kitsune, King of Plegia, Mood Ring, Reverse Aging, Hammerspace, Prostitute, Demon Hunter, Cyborg, Maid/Servant/Butler, Deadlord, Rebellion, Einherjar, Trap, Yandere, Living Weapon, Size Shifter, Queen of Plegia, Gluttonous, Stretchy, Ninja, Alchemist, Protoss, Spirit Manipulation, Invisible, Plegian Honor Guard, Mecha, Kryptonian, Creator, Orc, Memory Stealing Respawn, Racer, Khan, Elder God, Misfortune, Vampire Hunter, Geokinetic, Imaginary Actualization, Death, Resurrection, Arachne, Force, Merchant, Background Music, Variable, Civilian, Natural Disaster, Mental Noise Projection, Hidden OP, Summoner, Cyclops, Teleporter, Cryokinetic, Genie, Judge, Intangibility, Fortune Teller, Future Vision, Serial Killer, Pervert, Stalker, Magic Fixit, Drakengard Restoration, Ying-Yang, Childhood Friend, Cyberpunk, Chrom's Mother, Obsessed, Berserker.

Other: Pokemon Trainer, Self-insert, Second Generation replacement, Dimensional Walker, Cycle, Fates.

Historian Robin, requested by Hoenn Master96.

"Truly incredible…"

"Robin!"

"Don't you see Chrom? It's the old Plegian pincer maneuver!" The blonde-haired man says excitedly as he watches the group of bandits bearing down on their group. "Such a simple thing, but there are certain nuances that differentiate it from the old Ylissian version of the move! See, they're charging with their archers as well, whereas Ylissians would prefer to keep them back-"

"Orders now damnit!" Sully barks and slaps the man on the back of his head. "This is a battlefield, not a classroom!"

"Oh fine... lance units up front except Sumia! Virion, Miriel, take out those archers! Swords, axes, Sumia, prepare to flank when their front line hits ours!" Robin shouts. "Lances, no need to hold your ground! A fighting retreat is just as useful here!"

That gets Robin some odd looks, but the Shepherds don't question him. The tactician, scatterbrained as he is, knows what he's doing. A fighting retreat just allows the flanks to surround the enemy more fully because it draws the brigands further in, and the brigands are stupid enough to just run at the frontal troops and ignore those wrapping around the sides.

Lances are put up front for the simple reason that the length of their weapon makes it so the enemy will just run themselves onto the points without the Shepherds needing to do much at all.

And because these particular brigands aren't tactician geniuses, the plan goes off without a hitch. They rush in, the lancers slowly pull back, and the Shepherds on the flank charge in and the brigands are easily destroyed.

"See, now that was a tactic originating with King Marth and his rebellion back in-"

"Yeah, yeah, great." Sully groans. "Captain! Come deal with your tactician!"

"Excuse you! I'll have you know that while I was hired by Chrom I am not his personal tactician. I am tactician to the entirety of the Shepherds! Therefore, you cannot say I am his tactician." Robin huffs. "But, now that you mention it in the War of Heroes there was an instance of-"

"Chrom!" Sully moans as the blonde-haired man continues talking behind her. "Hurry up!"

###

"My dear Robin, for all your genius you are surprisingly uncreative." Virion chuckles as he takes the man's lord in their board game War of Worlds. "I understand your love for historic battle strategies, but all tacticians have studied such plans! You will surprise no one if you play like that."

"I thought I could make it work." The man frowns. "I held the choke point, I wrapped around with the cavalry, I flanked from the mountains with my pegasus knights… and then you murdered everything anyways."

"What can I say? Minute positionings can make a large difference." The man chuckles. "Archers for the pegasus knights, mages for your main line, and armor knights and pikemen for the cavalry."

"I suppose my plan had some success though." Robin muses as he looks at the board. "Despite your proper counters the cavalry cut deep into your lines, and my own mages did heavy damage on your balled up forces."

"Yes, well, I can hardly claim to be a perfect tactician myself." Virion shrugs. "But still, another point for innovation, and another ruined flag for tradition!"

"Not your best prose."

"Yes, well, I've used it all up…" The man coughs. "I spent most of my creativity today on my lovely retainer… well, former retainer."

"The scary wyvern lady. Cherche, right?"

"Yes. I used all my wits to dazzle her again and again!"

"And how'd that go? I'd expect from the fact that you've presumably been doing this for years and had no success that your fortunes didn't change today."

"How cold of you!" Virion huffs. "But… I cannot deny the truth of what you say. Noble Virion, archerst of archers, found no success once more."

"Well, I won't pretend I totally understand." Robin shrugs. "Romance isn't my thing, but I have seen a bunch of the other Shepherds get involved with each other over the years…"

"Oh-ho! I and here I thought all their goings about went over your head." The archer chuckles. "During the war you seemed to care so little about their entanglements I assumed you were intentionally ignoring them."

"Yeah, well, I was focused on other things." The tactician waves it off. "I took more notice of them during the two year peace. It was curious to watch."

"To watch? Come now, surly a man such as yourself must have put himself into the ring once or twice."

"Once, at the suggestion of Lissa and Chrom." Robin admits. "Only once though. Like I said, Romance isn't something I care for personally. I'm fine how I am."

"Your first love will always be history, hmm?"

"Of course!"

"So then, what advice have you from your observations?"

"Less flattery. Less displays of affection. At least at the start."

"...you jest, surly."

"Nope. Totally serious." Robin grunts. "Coming on strong is just as bad as not displaying enough interest. Lissa had the same problem as you."

"The princess? Truly?"

"Yeah. I mean, also because Lon'qu is the man in question, and he's suspicious of any compliments, but still. Too many compliments makes you look dishonest, or enamoured with an ideal of the person rather than the person themselves."

"I… well alright then." Virion blinks. "My thanks Robin."

"Yeah. It's just a temporary thing though. I'm sure you've seen how Lissa unabashedly showers Lon'qu with affection of all sorts now, but that comes after trust is established. Without trust too many compliments are suspicious; with trust it's usually just fine."

"And you developed this complex idea of how to form a relationship simply from watching them?"

"Well, I also read a bunch of psychology textbooks Miriel had lying around." Robin shrugs. "I was figuring out some stuff about myself with her help at the time. Turns out I'm aromantic and asexual. It was nice to finally put a name to those things. Chrom and I were worried there was something wrong with me for a while but no, it's just how I am, nothing to worry about."

"Ah, and this why you only went on the one date. You figured this out afterwards I presume."

"Yep."

"If you don't mind me asking… who did you go with?"

"Gaius. Did you know Gaius can cook? And I don't just mean cakes, he makes a mean roast chicken. Incidentally, he made a good cake too. He really went all out for me…"

"Are you still on good terms?"

"Yeah. I even helped him during the early stages with Olivia. He was a nervous wreck behind that confident facade, it was adorable."

"I'll take your word for it."

###

"Did you get it? Did you get it?" Robin asks excitedly as the thief, with a large backpack of sweets on his back, walks into camp. "Please tell me you got it!"

"Geeze, calm down Bubbles." Gaius chuckles as he digs the large book out of his backpack. It's otherwise filled with sweets, bags of sugar, and other ingredients for candy-making. "I promised I'd check the store, didn't I?"

Robin snaps up the book as soon as it's in reach and immediately starts looking through it. "Well I know, but we're only stopping here for a day and I'm still busy, and that store is famous for its historical texts! If you hadn't gone I'd have to ask someone else-"

"But I did, so calm down already." The man snorts. "Damn Bubbles, you look like Nowi when I give her a candied apple…"

"Oooh, I want to read this so much, but I have to take inventory…" The man mutters and reluctantly shoves the giant book in his coat. It makes very noticeable bulge in the fabric. "Thanks Gaius."

"No problem. Just don't go messing somethin' up in a rush to read that thing." The thief snorts. "It's just a genealogy book Robin, not interestin' stuff."

"I beg to differ!"

"Of course you do..." He sighs and rolls his eyes. "You're a weird one Bubbles."

"Says the man who climbs cliffs to get a pot of honey."

"I did that once!"

"Twice. The second time was for a fruit tree."

"...Panne told you about that?"

"Yep." Robin grins. "You remind me of a kid sometimes Gaius."

"Ah screw you…" He huffs, clearly embarrassed. The tactician can't help but laugh.

###

"No one understands me Chrom!" Robin says while sweeping his arm up to his head in a fake swoon. "Why don't the understand the many joys of history? The fascinating intricacies of royal lineages? The specialized battle tactics of days past?"

"I mean, it's not that most people dislike history." Chrom says conversationally. "It's just that they mostly enjoy the exciting parts."

"But all history is exciting! Did you know that your great-great grandfather was a bastard child that his father, your great-great-great grandfather, sired in a whorehouse on the coast of Valm?"

The prince's expression becomes like stone. "We're done talking about this."

"See?! You don't get it either!"

###

"Ooh…"

"Focus Robin."

"But this is the Demon's Ingle! Duma's remains!" The tactician whispers. "This is a place of great history."

"We're about to fight Say'ri's brother. You can at least show some respect." Chrom says sternly.

"I mean… I know Chrom." The man sighs. "It's a reflex you know? History stuff is calming, like singing a song."

"Don't do that either. Please."

"I won't… at least I have a plan. We can do this…"

"Of course we will. You haven't let us down yet." The Prince soothes. "You can tell me all about the historical inspiration afterwards."

"Really?!"

Chrom immediately regrets saying that. "Well, erm… yes. Fine."

"Alright!" Robin curls his fingers into a fist and punches the air forwards. "No way I can afford to lose now! I never have an audience!"

The prince sighs. "Glad you're inspired. Just get everyone through this alive."

###

"Dear tactician, please stop staring…" Virion coughs in mild embarrassment.

"I thought you liked attention." Robin says with a cheeky smile. "Besides, what's there to be embarrassed about? Minerva was just showing her affection."

The duke's hair is swept to one side, and covered in something that is clearly wyvern saliva. He looks absolutely ridiculous.

"Isn't that an improvement? Minerva didn't like you much before, right?"

"Well that is true…" Virion sighs. "How fared you today my friend? I hear Tiki had a word with you."

"Yeah! I asked her to find me when she had some free time because I had some questions to ask!" Robin says excitedly. "She's really old! That means she was alive during the times some of my history texts are speaking about."

"You spent the entire afternoon asking the poor lady questions, didn't you?"

"Yeah!"

Virion shakes his head. "Only you my friend..."

"Oh please, I'm nothing. You haven't seen Miriel on a good day yet."

Yeah, this works as an ending spot. Robin's character has been sufficiently showcased, and what little of a plot there is (Virion trying to woo Cherche) has been expanded upon. I'm satisfied.

bwburke94: Probably. There could be several explanations: aphasia (global aphasia can be caused by brain damage from my understanding, so I won't list them separately), not having learned to speak/write Archanean for whatever reason, being mute and unable to write, probably some developmental disorders… there are very few things that can only have one explanation.

Corrected. Thanks for the catch.

LoveGlutton: Idol singer is a no, that would require a more modern setting. Tsundere is fine as a minor trait (though one that I usually dislike; there's a reason Severa is my third least favourite character in the game behind F!Morgan and Tharja) and Robin being Chrom's mother is certainly interesting, but difficult.

Wrathie Winsre: When there's a lot of something, some of it is bound to be good.

Buddy cop? I'm not even sure police are a thing in the medieval ages… buddy… guard? No, that doesn't work, Chrom is a prince… hmm… I'm sure there's something that could be done with it, but nothing comes to mind immediately. Requires a bit of work…

Yeah… it's a trade-off. I suppose I could make small scenes rather than showing the metaphorical highlight reel, but that's not the point of the collection.

Schedule? I suppose I do sorta consider it an obligation. Holidays notwithstanding I usually give myself a two week maximum between uploads, and on difficult chapters (Giantess Robin was a pain…) that time limit was a hassle. Also because I have three ongoing stories (this, Varied Awakenings, and Five Stars) stalling on one story means stalling on all of them. I get what you're saying though. This isn't a job (yet), there's no need to push so hard. I also think it's just a matter of my using up my best ideas right away though. There's only one or two after the first ten chapters that I really feel good about (Houndmaster comes to mind, I love that one. Also Consistent Amnesia). Most of them I like (a few exceptions. Grima, Replicate, looking at you) but few of them had that "I just wrote something great!" feeling.

Robin of the Pact was totally supposed to feel that way. I was worried Chrom would come off as pathetic rather than worried. I actually have no idea how the courtship would go if I did write it.

Not quite sure I understand what you're saying, so let me ask: are you saying you think Robin under-reacted to the proposal? That he should have been more surprised?

I suppose I could move the "no offense" part, but if someone is going to assume I meant offense without actually reading the full author's note I can't very well say I care what that person thinks. Besides, it's more important for people to know this isn't accurate than to know I meant no offense. Also, at some point it just becomes ridiculous to worry about putting a certain line five spaces above another or whatever. I've mentioned I meant no offense twice, very explicitly, in both author's notes.

Just… at what point does it become nitpicking, or political correctness gone mad, that I have to state I mean no offense before I explain this is inaccurate rather than after? When I put it like that I think it becomes obvious how petty such minor differences are. It seems foolish to me that such small differences should actually be the cause of offense. It's like: "Oh no, I said Milord at the end of the sentence rather than the start, what a scandal!"

Bah… sorry for the mini-rant. That sort of stuff frustrates me. People get up in arms about everything these days, no matter how cautious you are. No offense to you of course, I appreciate your concern! I just think it's a matter of nitpicking at that point.

I work better with extremes. I'm very, very bad at subtleties. It's why Robin tends to be outlandish in some way or another. Super calm, super energetic, super aggressive… it's easier than doing something in the middle ground. That's also why Chrom tends to be easily flustered.

I tried starting with the initial conversation, but I couldn't think of anything that worked. There are at least three unused drafts of me trying to do exactly that, and they ended up taking waaay too long. One of those attempts reached 2000 words before they even took a step towards Southtown.

Yeah, the hand signals are the artistic liberties I mentioned. Sign language is also known to be affected by Aphasia, but I needed some way for Robin to be tactician, and hand signals aren't proper language so much as they are the equivalent of extremely detailed pointing at things. So I figured they could get a pass.

Ah, no. I decided to make it something that that happened to her before the amnesia. Hence why she has all the black armor and a cool mask, I figured it would be a subtle hint because no way Ylisse would have given her black armor and a black mask, they use blues and golds and whites mostly (no matter how awesome black looks).

Chrom being dense is half the fun though! Also, it gives me an excuse to make Robin the aggressive one in the relationship, which is soooo much easier. I never really got a handle on writing the man as the one to take charge, so Chrom being dense plays to my strengths.

Nice to hear from you. Long comments are my favourite, it feels like having a proper conversation.

Guest(X2): Female Robin from the future with Lucina? Not quite sure that would work on account of future Robin being the doppelganger Grima we see in the last act of the game. Nymphomaniac Robin is a fun idea (though I think Angel Robin has you covered there).

CorEagle: No, it's a fair point. If these were proper stories not having a serious conflict would be a major issue. However, this collection is (to reuse a metaphor I used with Wrathie last chapter) like a series of highlight reels rather than a bunch of individual stories. I like to imply a greater story in the hopes that it inspires others to think about what those stories could be (and write stories of their own!)

Go ahead, take as many ideas as you want as directly as you want.

G: I haven't played any of those games. You'll need to explain. Berserker is fine though.