Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Awakening, all rights to the owners.
Minor: Dark Flier, Immortal, Boxer (Pugilist), Exploitive, Swordmaster, Angry Cinnamon Roll, Tripping, Perpetual Cheer, Chef, Blacksmith, Pegasus Knight, Teacher, Librarian, Masochist, Literal-Minded, Authoritative, Wyvern Rider, Phobia, Thicc, Tsundere, Damsel in Distress, Gangrel's Child, Wyvern Rider, Child, Communist, Bomber, Bear Cavalry, Flying, ADHD, Super Strength, Patriotic, Martial Artist, Scottish, Sassy, One Liner, Seamstress, Shephard, Speedy, Cool, Shy, Bookworm, Mercenary, Sweet, Kung Fu, Buff, Lazy, Wingless Flight, Blunt, Paranoid, Elf, Dwarf.
Standard: Elemental, Deaf, Future sight, Nurse/Medic, Valmese Tactician, Medusa, Genderfluid, Gift from Validar + evil to good, Mimic, Emotionless, Crippling Overspecialization (Idiot Savant), Coward, ESP, POW, PTSD, Magician, Mute, Handicapped, Secret Helper, Crazy, Morpher, Dreamwalker, Twins, Regenerating, Animal Whisperer, Naga/Tiki Assistant, Deadly Touch, Mind Reader, Doppelganger, Arachne, D&D magic, Umbramancer, Dominatrix, Songstress, Kinky, Matchmaker, Androphobic, Illusionist, Attraction Aura, Ring Maker, Therapist, Teleporting, Crippled, Puppet, Broken, Hallucination, Depressed, Slave, Love Curse, Detective, Geokinetic, Trauma, Siren, Changeling.
Unlikely: Chrom's child, Minotaur, Paladin, Werewolf, Assassin, Future Soldier, Bounty Hunter, Weather control, Kleptomaniac, Druid, Steampunk, Shadow Familiar, Magic Augmentation, Lucky, Exile, Piper (Charmer), Gladiator, Witch Doctor, Centaur, Drunk, Demon, Punk, Harpy, Revenant, Luck Manipulation, Demon Summoner, Megalomaniac, Kitsune, King of Plegia, Mood Ring, Reverse Aging, Hammerspace, Prostitute, Demon Hunter, Cyborg, Maid/Servant/Butler, Deadlord, Rebellion, Einherjar, Trap, Yandere, Living Weapon, Size Shifter, Queen of Plegia, Gluttonous, Stretchy, Alchemist, Protoss, Spirit Manipulation, Invisible, Plegian Honor Guard, Mecha, Kryptonian, Creator, Orc, Memory Stealing Respawn, Racer, Khan, Misfortune, Vampire Hunter, Geokinetic, Imaginary Actualization, Death, Resurrection, Force, Merchant, Background Music, Variable, Civilian, Natural Disaster, Mental Noise Projection, Hidden OP, Summoner, Cyclops, Teleporter, Cryokinetic, Genie, Judge, Intangibility, Fortune Teller, Future Vision, Serial Killer, Pervert, Magic Fixit, Drakengard Restoration, Ying-Yang, Childhood Friend, Cyberpunk, Chrom's Mother, Obsessed, Berserker, Phase Shift, Gravity Manipulation, Hallucinating, Bladesoul, Zombie, Double Entendre, Shared Body/Two Souls, Cannibal, Singer, Violent, Insane, Waterbender, Casanova, Cupid, Undertaker, Master Thief, Guard, Faceless, Shadow, Age Control, Cradle Snatcher, Emo, Singer, Nun, Courier, Haunted Knight Armor, Egyptian, Sentient Object, Shit Lord, Court Wizard, Naga's sibling, Mad Queen, Artist, Predator, Cheshire Cat, Radio Host, Chimera, Wendigo, Witch, Symbiote, Hivemind, Hammerspace, Anna, Mother Nature, Psychopath, Stripper, Painting, Grima Parts, Knightmare, Super, Swimsuit, Bunny Outfit, One Punch, Idol, Chef, Rampage, Housewife, Determination, Vessel of Naga, Instant Expert, Time Travel, Hermit, Alternate Dimension 'Twin', Legendary, Resistance, Memory Regain, Umbra Witch, Naga, Aquatic, Hexblade Warlock, Dragon, Demon of Choice, Demon of Temptation, Affliction, Good Samaritan, Gallant, Rosannite Tactician, Leeroy, Dungeon, Apparition, Unwilling, Wildlife Commander, Consistent Kidnapee, Grenadier, Magic Creature, Alternating Mind Control, Sothis in the Mind, Exalt, Unicorn, Pegasus, Alicorn, Star Lord, Slenderman, Bird Laguz.
Other: Second Generation replacement, Dimensional Walker, Cycle, Fates.
Mastermind Robin, of my own devising.
"I have a plan!" Robin announces loudly, and clenches her fist in determination. "Chrom will be mine by the week's end!"
"Oh, really?" The other person in the tent replies dryly. He's not even looking at her; he's going over the inventory list. "And what makes you think this will be any more effective than your last fifty other attempts?"
"Because this plan has been refined to the utmost degree, because my intelligence is unmatched, because there is nothing beyond the grasp of Robin D Tealeaf!" She cries. Robin plants one foot on the desk, the other and her chair, and stares up at the ceiling while raising her fist. She looks like what one would expect out of the protagonist of a generic adventure novel. She even doesn't have her arms in the sleeves of her coat, so it drapes down her back like a cape.
Really everything about Robin looks like came out of a fantasy novel. Her hair is coal black, and styled into a deceptively elaborate series of spikes that goes all the way down to her waist, her deep purple eyes are set firmly in her face, she's relatively short (hence, Emmet thinks wryly, why she likes standing on tables), but the combination of a somewhat gaudy coat alongside otherwise sharp and formal clothes lends her an air of power… or, at least, that's what she claims it does.
"Right, so, the same as all the other ones." The quartermaster mutters.
"No, not the same…" Robin whispers dramatically. She tilts her head even higher, until she's looking straight up. She brings her fist to her chest. "This one will succeed. I know it to be true."
"Uh-huh."
"Do not doubt, quartermaster! I see all! I know all! I predict all!"
Emmet glances at her and raises a tired eyebrow. Robin can't even see him with how she's looking at the ceiling from her ridiculous dramatic posturing. Calmly, he raises his quill, and promptly pokes her in the stomach
"I see all, my - aaaAAAUGH!" The girl leaps back at feeling the sharp point of the quill. She forgot, however, that she's on a table, so she ends up toppling to the floor in an undignified heap.
"You know all, huh?" Emmet says. He goes back to work as Robin picks herself up off the ground and huffily brushes off her coat. "You don't see all apparently."
"A mere fluke!" Robin protests. She holds her head high, looking down her nose at the man, and then sighs when she sees he's already gone back to ignoring her. She's not dissuaded though, and starts strutting around the tent. "My brilliance is unmatched! It always comes up with a solution in the end! This time I will have success!"
"Right." Emmet dips his quill in the inkwell. "What is it this time? Are you going to drag him up a mountain again? Or do you have need of another chicken?"
"I used a chicken once." Robin mutters. "Once."
"I think it was one of your better plans." The quartermaster remarks wryly. "Tying a letter to a chicken and having it run amok in his tent? Very classy."
Robin's confidence wavers for a moment as she remembers that particular failure. "It was not my most shining moment… but genius is never tarnished for long! For this plan, I require a pint of apple juice!"
Emmet lets out a long, tired sigh. He doesn't really want to know… but he knows he's going to find out soon enough, whether he wants to or not.
###
"Frederick, around the left flank!" Robin commands with a sharp flash of lightning from her fingertips. "Stahl, Sully, the right! Kellam, keep holding the line for a bit longer! Maribelle, get up there! Kellam need healing!"
Robin almost looks like a conductor in her current position. She's standing atop a small hill, throwing sparks and fire from her hands not to attack, but to use as signals to direct her companions. Her overview of the battlefield from up there allows her to work her tactics far better than a limited view from the front lines.
"Sumia! Take a wide path and strike down that mage!" Robin commands. With that last order given, she falls silent, and watches her preparation pay off.
These bandits have been harrassing villages on the west end of Ylisse, and Panne managed to identify a trail frequented by the group. Robin then planned an ambush. She dug pit traps and layered them with leaves, had Virion and the mages hide up in trees around the ambush point, she found a hill from where she could command everything when the battle was sprung, and she organized camouflage for all the infantry so that they could get a surround right at the start of the battle. The only minor issue was that horses are hard to conceal, so their cavalry and fliers had to stay a decent distance away so as to not be noticed.
Altogether though, it's a nearly flawless ambush.
The girl lets a satisfied grin cross her face when she sees Kellam slam his large shield into a bandit's face, and send him toppling back into the main pit trap where several of his companions are already stuck. That seems to be the last of them that were able to fight, so Robin starts making her way down the hill to join her companions.
"Yet another flawless victory courtesy of Robin D Tealeaf!" She announces pridefully as she strides across the battlefield to stand at the edge of the pit trap. She crosses her arms and tilts up her nose while staring down at the men trapped within. "You crossed the wrong team, fools! The Shepherds are an unmatched fighting force, the likes this world has not seen in decades!"
"Fuck you!" One of the bandits snaps in response.
"Hah! You wish you could, ruffian. But I, Robin D Tealeaf, master tactician, strategist extraordinaire, am far superior to your disappointing selves!" Robin boasts, totally unaffected. Her ego is on full display, and the rolling eyes of all the other Shepherds are fairly telling that they're all plenty used to this. "I do not begrudge your admiration however, you clearly understand my mastery! It oozes of me in waves; an aura all to myself!"
"Shut up you stupid cunt!" Is the reply. Robin promptly zaps him in the face with a lightning bolt.
###
Robin walks in the tent frowning, sullen, and soaked in something sticky.
"Another failure?" Emmet asks without even looking up from his work.
"Another near success thank you very much." Robin grumbles. "I almost had him! I know it! He was looking to me, with an eyebrow raised and a smile on his face. Leaning forwards over the table… and then Sumia came in and knocked the glasses from my hand, and this happened." She gestures to herself in frustration. "I had him in the palm of my hand, and then I was foiled by the cruel whims of fate!"
"Uh-huh." The quartermaster nods absently. He puts down his quill, and moves to grab a cloth. "Fate, right. That bullshit."
"But I will not be defeated by mere fate!" Robin cries, clenching her fists in determination. "I will have-" She's promptly stopped by a cloth, slightly damp with water, being shoved in her face. She sputters in a decidedly undignified manner as Emmet calmly washes the apple juice off her face. She tries to push him off, but the quartermaster stoically keeps the cloth on her face and does a thorough job.
"You really should have gone right to the bath." The quartermaster says dryly as he wrings out the clothand moves onto her hair.. "Do you know how much of a pain it would be to get this out if you let it dry?"
"I am a genius! It would be effortless to- ack, stop pulling!" She yelps. "Ouch, ouch, ouch!"
"You're not an infant. Deal with it." The man mutters. After he's done as much as he can with her hair, he eyes her clothes, decides he can't do anything about that, and throws the cloth in the water bucket. "For a so-called genius, you're surprisingly lacking in common sense."
"Hah! You say that only because you are jealous of my towering intellect!" She says this loudly, with pride in her voice, but the way she's combing her hands through her hair with a pout on her face makes it impossible to take her seriously.
"Right. We'll go with that." He sits back down in his chair and picks up his quill again, but not before pulling out a stool and sliding to the other side of the table. Robin sits upon it without further prompting. "Did you actually ask him out this time, or did you ramble again?"
"...I rambled." Robin mutters in defeat. "I was going to ask, but Sumia happened."
Emmet sighs. It's hardly the first time this has happened. Even in cases where she's had virtually unlimited time, she's never managed to spit it out. The last thing she needs is him poking fun at her at this moment though. It's beyond him how she can be incredibly confident in every other situation except admitting her attraction. She can organize the most absurd schemes, even the ones involving Chrom, and has no shame in anything she does there, but for all that she falls flat when the time comes to just admit her attraction.
It's kinda funny in a sad, frustrating sort of way. This sort of post failed-plan mope session in Emmet's tent is far from uncommon.
"However!" Robin suddenly says, slamming a fist on the table. "I already have a new plan for my next attempt!"
"Joy." Emmet says dryly. Robin doesn't stay down for long… for better or for worse is debatable. The quartermaster is fairly sure Chrom is getting tired of having Robin spring a new 'plan' on him every other day.
Ah, whatever. Chrom can endure a bit of annoyance. Robin probably needs something to keep her attention like this anyways. Emmet doesn't want to imagine what a bored Robin could get up to in her free time.
###
Chrom, Flavia, Basillio… all of them thought too narrowly. At least, according to Robin they do. There's more ways to stop a king than stabbing him in the face. You could try Emmeryn's approach, diplomacy, though considering Gangrel's character that was never likely to work.
No, Robin has other plans. Winning the war through combat is just the backup. The first step was to identify a prominent member of Gangrel's court and take over their identity. She chose Mustafa, and rather than killing him like she planned, she discovered he was a perfectly nice man, and it was relatively easy to get him to agree to follow her orders. That's even better.
The second step is for Mustafa to get in contact with other prominent members. That's not difficult. He already has a rapport with some of them. Robin is concerned with a select few, however: Validar, head of religion. Gerhard Mekrov, head of the military. And lastly, the elusive Paula, head of commerce. Gangrel himself, of course, is also included in that list.
Step three is… well it's a lot of steps condensed into one. The gist, however, amounts to "get everyone to fight among themselves". Knowing how volatile ruling Plegia is, there's almost certainly several aspiring rulers waiting for the right time to seize power. Robin is just hurrying that along with rumors, a few bribes, a bit of sabotage, and a few carefully executed assassinations.
Gaius, and most of the spies Ylisse has available, are getting quite the workout under Robin's command. They stop the plots of those various factions while making it look like the other factions are responsible in some way. They kill key players of each faction, pushing the urgency of their respective plots. They spread rumors of conspiracy, false plots, some true plots, and sew uncertainty and discord in the council.
It will all come crashing down eventually, and when it does Robin has good reason to believe Gangrel will be quite dead at the end of it all. Almost all the other council members want more power, and Gangrel keeps them on a short leash. To get anything done, he's going to have to be removed and replaced, either with themselves or a more lenient individual.
Unless Gangrel can somehow come out on top, against all the other council members, he's a dead man walking.
Robin sits back in her chair as Gaius leaves the room. In his hand is a new set of orders to give to Mustafa. Hopefully, once they've been done, these will push Gerhard over the edge by establishing the (fake) threat of Validar being dangerously close to unravelling and exposing him, and force Gerhard to execute his plan or risk it all falling apart.
A smug, confident smile crosses Robin's face. Everything is going according to plan.
###
This wasn't the plan. This is the opposite of the plan. It was supposed to be her in Chrom's arms, not Sumia. What did Robin do wrong? Did she do something wrong, or did Sumia do something right? Did she ever have a chance?
"I had a plan…" Robin murmurs sadly to herself. She should feel happy for them, but… she can't bring herself to be at the moment. "It was going to work this time… right?"
"Hmm…" Emmet refrains from commenting. He knows exactly why Robin didn't succeed, she could never spit out her feelings (and he told her as much), but the last thing she needs right now is to have her failure rubbed into her face. He gets up from his work, and moves to rummage around in his personal belongings for a moment. He pulls out two small wooden shot glasses, and a tall bottle of wine. "Hope you like cherry."
Robin makes a non-committal mumble, but she accepts the cup when it's presented to her and downs the drink in one swig. "I failed…? B-But I'm a genius…"
"I'd hardly say you failed." Emmet mutters. He sips his drink at a much more moderate pace. "You're misunderstanding your own goal."
"Chrom was my goal!" Robin whines.
"Hardly." The man snorts. "Your goal was love. Chrom was just the most obvious and desirable means to that end, right?"
Robin squints at him. "I'm the genius here… how come you know you know me better than myself?"
"I don't. I'm taking an educated guess, because 'wanting someone' doesn't make much sense for its own sake unless you're a control freak." Emmet snorts. "You want love, and who doesn't?"
"Gangrel." Robin supplies. "Validar."
"What sane person wouldn't?" Emmet clarifies. He pours the girl another shot. "So, what I'm saying is… you haven't failed."
"Haven't I?" Robin mutters. "Unless you're telling me I should steal Chrom away from Sumia."
"No, not that." He sighs. "You haven't failed because Chrom isn't the goal. Love is the goal. Unless you're giving up on love, you haven't failed."
"But Chroooom!" She whines. The tactician downs the other drink in one swig, again.
Emmet rolls his eyes. "Yes, it sucks, but Chrom isn't your only option. Maybe you haven't found another yet, probably because you haven't been looking, but it's never the case that you're only capable of loving one person in the entire world… because if that's true, that says something rather nasty about you."
Robin huffs. Her cheeks are starting to get a bit red because she rarely has alcohol, so her tolerance is quite low. She reaches for the bottle, but Emmet lifts it out of her reach. "Hey…!"
"You've had enough." Emmet says firmly as he puts away the bottle. "I won't be responsible for you getting drunk."
"You offered it to me… I've only had two!"
"It's my bottle. It's my choice when to cut you off." Emmet retorts.
"But…" Robin mumbles. Her voice drops from a loud whine to something approaching a whimper. Tears prick the corner of her eyes, and she drops her head to the table. "I need something for the pain."
"I guarantee you alcohol isn't the solution… not in large amounts anyhow." Emmet sighs. However, his words don't give the girl any comfort, and the man grimaces. This isn't his strong suit. He avoids talking to people for the most part, so his experience in comforting others is basically zero. Also… this is Robin. It's weird to see her anywhere close to sad. Her stupid amoung of confidence usually negates that.
Sighing, he reaches over and ruffles her hair. This doesn't quite feel like what he's supposed to do, but it's the best idea he has.
"It fades eventually…" He murmurs. "Don't worry. I speak from experience."
###
Gangrel is dead. The news found its way through Robin's spies back to her. Her plot went off without a hitch.
The problem is that the war hasn't ended. It's gotten far easier, but Plegia didn't dissolve into chaos like Robin expected. Sure, there are issues. Plegia's most powerful factions are currently embroiled in a power struggle, but Mekrov has taken over the war effort entirely, and the others have the good sense to not interfere with him.
That said, without Gangrel's absolute lunacy directing the war, Plegia has become less dangerous. The reason they were such a danger before was because Gangrel has no problem throwing a stupid amount of his troops at Ylisse in the form of bandits rather than an actual army. Merkov seems to be abandoning the fake bandit plan altogether, which makes it much easier to accurately guess Plegia's troop numbers because few of them are hiding (as they're hoping to abuse their numbers advantage.
By fighting smarter, Plegia has actually become less dangerous.
So, not quite the total victory Robin was hoping for, but still an advantage. Merkov is also less of a nut than Gangrel is, so there's a chance Emmeryn can actually reason with him.
Robin is disappointed though. She was hoping for a complete, devastating victory where Plegia collapsed around them! This is good… but not enough in her opinion. She's a genius! Her plans should never fall short of their mark, even if the result is still good! This is an affront to her skills! The universe is mocking her!
Yes, that's it! The universe is jealous of Robin D Tealeaf's incredible skills!
"I'm sure that's the case." Emmet responds dryly at the end of Robin's monologue. "Now, did you want me to train you, or did you just want an excuse to vent and brag?"
The two of them are standing on the training grounds with levin swords in hand. Robin did indeed ask him out here to train her. Apparently the veteran is a master of magic weapons, and having recently obtained a levin sword of her own she thought it prudent to get lessons from someone who actually knows what they're doing.
"Your lack of patience will be your downfall!" Robin says in a grand voice. "Were I someone less tolaterant, I might be offended that you-"
"I'm leaving."
"Ack, no, sorry, sorry! Please teach me!"
###
"You make a good sidekick."
Emmet raises an eyebrow warily. This conversation just started, and he already doesn't like it. "How so?"
"For many months now you have facilitated my brilliant mind, towering strategic powers, genius plans-"
"Get on with it…" The man interrupts.
"Erm, well, what I mean to say is… you always help me get my hands on what's needed for my plans, even the petty ones." Robin coughs.
"Is this about the chicken again?"
"No! Well, not just the chicken." She murmurs. "It simply occurs to me that your willingness to obtain whatever I need has proven invaluable for facilitating my plans, and such a thing is basically the role of a sidekick, or assistant."
"So basically, this is a roundabout and slightly insulting way of saying thank you?" Emmet responds dryly. "Gee, thanks. I'm flattered."
"Insult- no! This is a compliment from a genius! You should be flattered."
"Right." The man says wryly. "Thanks, I guess."
"You are welcome, sidekick."
"Don't call me that."
This works well enough as a stopping point.
This idea honestly came out of nowhere. I had just finished up the last chapter of The Robin Variable, Horror Monster, when this idea sprang to mind. I based Robin in this chapter off of characters like Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Dr. Drakken, and the general idea of a hammy, self-absorbed mastermind. Using Emmet was something I didn't expect to do when I started writing this chapter either, but I quickly discovered he actually fit the dynamic I was going for better than any other character. The original idea was to use someone like Lon'qu, or Frederick, but they didn't quite mesh, so I chose the most sarcastic person I could think of... Emmet. I know OCs aren't everyone's thing, but I think it worked quite well here.
bauers374: I'll note them down. Doctor Strange Robin isn't viable though.
ARSLOTHES: Dwarf and Elf are relatively minor traits, so I can probably shove them in somewhere. Centaur… hmm… I'll see.
Firehedgehog: Interesting… it might run into a lot of the same problems as Horror Monster, but still interesting.
Darkness is complete: I actually did that already, though the chapter that does that isn't one of my strongest. Look for Replicate Robin.
B1ackAshes: No problem. Replying to reviews is one of my favourite parts of actually making these chapters.
Fantasy Paradise: I'll put it on the list. No promises though. I'm not horribly familiar with Laguz in general.
Guest: Considering I don't recognize any of those except new game plus (which isn't applicable for Awakening because there is no new game plus, and it breaks the fourth wall) I'm gonna say no to all of those. Not that they're bad ideas, I just don't have the knowledge to do any of them.
ZooMan: Multiverse by The Right Hand of Light, 25 Lives by StarrNight, A psychologist in the army by Angel Emille, Abberation by RedXEagl3, Cycle by RoseWarden, and Over My Head by AceTrainerHope (AO3). There are more, but I can't easily find/remember them. I don't keep a list.
Quiet: No, I haven't, but I have watched playthroughs of it. Nosk was indeed a major inspiration for that version of Robin.