Three million years. Prime had used those words. Three million. He had mentioned it so passively as if it were just another part of the conversation. Just a fact of the matter that added some context. He launched it himself, three million years ago. He was joking? He didn't seem to do jokes. But a million by itself was such an unimaginable period of time. And to think someone could live and have seen all three million of those? And just talk and act like a normal person? I observed the hallway passively as it flew by. Bumblebee was taking me back to the thing, the 'auxiliary,' the Medbay. Should I be more shocked by the news?

I mean, sure, it was shocking. There was really no question that it was shocking. Three million years was an absurdly long time. I had known there was probably an age gap between me and the robots. Misdirect had to be older than me, and it's not like 'young adult' or 'teenager' meant the same thing between two different species of alien. I had imagined it more like him being 60 or something and me being 16. Where he just seemed younger because he was a different species. But maybe I just should have known better. Of course, it would be something ridiculous like three million. Maybe it was just fitting.

Bumblebee's dashboard chirped. Was he millions of years old too? Was Misdirect?

Words popped up on Bumblebee's screen.

how did — it go?

"Good, I think. He was pretty understanding actually."

you looked — very worried

"Was I that obvious? So you two seem close. Have you known each other for a long time?"

Yes! He taught me — all I know

"Like way back? Like before the war?"

way before — the war

I swallowed thickly. He absolutely was millions of years old. Why had no one mentioned this to me? Why hadn't Misdirect? I felt an unhappy pit form in my stomach. No, I probably knew why.

And it was stupid because if I got home it wouldn't even matter how vastly different our lifespans were. And if you don't get home, then what?

Then, well. Then I'd live here, on this ship, for the rest of my life. It wasn't like I didn't know robots lived longer than humans. But millions of years longer? Why in the world did these guys care about me or my planet if I lived a blink compared to them? And Misdirect. Why would he care so much if I'd be gone so quickly from his perspective…or had he even thought of that yet? I remembered the way he looked uneasy back in the Medbay when we had been talking about injuries, he had seemed ready to move on from the topic of age immediately. Maybe it was just as shocking to him too.

Bumblebee made an inquisitive sort of noise and I remembered there had been a question I had wanted to ask him. "Why did you leave the Bridge earlier, are you ok?"

His screen hesitated noticeably and I immediately panicked and tried to backtrack. He answered before I could apologize.

I am ok

The screen flickered around and he visibly slowed down. The massive hallway arched above us like a cathedral, bots were passing left and right. Colors, activity, and pounding steps, Bumblebee smoothly weaved around walking robots. I spotted a few other alien vehicles doing the same, zipping around. Other Bots that were transformed. There was an organized chaos to the large space, it seemed like a central hub of some kind. I was almost about to apologize again when the words popped up.

don't know — where to start

"Jazz said it had to do with the Decepticons?" I asked.

He made a small warbling noise.

"We don't have to talk about it."

yes — it's Megatron

it's ok

Megatron — damaged my — vocal processor — in battle — long time ago

he is why I — cannot speak

There was a rumble from his engine that rolled through his cabin. My voice was meek and small, "During the war?"

he could have — killed me. — he should have

but instead — he took my — voice

he wanted to — humiliate me

I was cold now. I could feel static down my spine. "You don't want to see him."

yes

don't want him — to see me. — won't give him — satisfaction

A few words flickered on the screen but vanished before I could read them. After a moment they almost guiltily appeared again.

don't want him — to see how he — has changed — me.

"That's horrible."

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"No, but that's… I'm so sorry."

I was very mad — when it — first happened

didn't rest

wanted — revenge

There were longer pauses between his words as if he were picking them with extreme care now.

I never got — revenge

not yet

I wanted to — make Megatron — pay

was reckless — back then. — almost lost — everything

Very hard — learning to be — ok — again

Optimus helped

3

…

you've lost — something too?

Christ, was it that obvious? I blinked quickly, this wasn't time for another crying session. I was feeling dehydrated enough as it were, I wished I had thought to bring my water bottle or maybe even a snack on this epic quest of mine, but no dice. My backpack was back at the Medbay. Medbay Auxiliary.

He was right, I had lost someone, it was becoming a longer list as of late but that list had started with my mother. I only had hazy vague memories of her before she had passed. She shouldn't even matter to me and my life, yet there she was. Always. She was that look in Dad's eyes, the choking sadness that sometimes overwhelmed him. She was the fridge magnets from distant vacations Dad refused to speak about. She was the sweaters in my closet that were still too big for me. She was in my brother and in me. I supposed she was in Melody now too. Did Melody have kids that she had left behind? The edges of Melody's badge were cracked from my constant fiddling and squeezing.

But I didn't say any of that to Bee. I instead forced my attention on all the other awful things. Easier awful things than thinking about — or much less discussing— the complex relationship I had with my dead mom. Not here on an alien spaceship when there were so many other far more important problems like my planet's safety, or the Decepticons, or getting home.

"I have," I said, "lost something. But I have a question." I was speaking far too fast. "Maybe not a question. After Ravage attacked me. Misdirect and I had a weird conversation. He was uncomfortable about something." I studied the very well-made interior, "You've done this a lot, haven't you? You've been around a lot of other species. Were some of them organic, like me?"

He chirped in confirmation.

"Did they live very long?" Bee was silent and I immediately felt terrible for giving him a question like that. "The war started millions of years ago. But you were there. You're millions of years old?

He made a low hum. yeah — few million

"I'm sixteen" I blurted, "Did you know that? Sixteen years old, not a million, or thousand. I don't even know what I am to you guys, I'm like a baby I guess. And in a hundred years I'll be dead. You might be older than my entire species."

Bumblebee slowed way down, maneuvering to a stop near the wall and out of the way.

Kat ok?

"I think Misdirect had this idea that we'd be best buds, even if I get back home. Like intergalactic pen pals or something. Maybe I kinda wanted that too. But I think he also had this idea that if I didn't get to go home, that we'd be able to hang out forever." I looked down at my lap, "But maybe we shouldn't have been getting attached at all."

to not get — attached? He warbled.

"I'm supposed to be leaving, Bee. And if I don't end up leaving, then I'll die here. It seems cruel to have friends, especially with Misdirect. I'm like the puppy he's gonna lose one day," I tried to laugh half-heartedly but it didn't really come out right.

There was the sound of a sigh from his vents. He settled on his wheels a bit.

Kat

we all knew — you were a — young species

even if some — bots didn't — know that — they knew

Misdirect will — need time to — understand

"We don't exactly have more time."

you mean — a lot to — Misdirect

"I know!" I dug my nails into my jeans. "That's the problem! We're friends, somehow. It's been hardly any time at all, but we're friends, and I'll miss him when I leave. But… that's it. There's no more. So what was the point? What was the point of any of this? Why be friends, why get to know each other, if I'm just going to leave? I can't do that to someone. I told myself I never wanted to make another person feel that way. I don't want to just abandon them by leaving." I stared at my lap. I wiped my eyes. "But I'm already doing that to Dad, and David—my brother—just by being here at all. There's no way I don't leave someone behind. And there's no way Misdirect won't get left behind, eventually, even if it was possible to, I don't know, to keep in touch somehow." I heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry."

There was a low humming noise now, it felt soothing in its own way.

It is ok for— Kat to be — upset

"But what's the point? I just keep hurting people. I can't even stop it from happening."

You are not — hurting anyone

"I'm hurting Misdirect."

He made a soft noise, a low and sad tone.

"You've known a lot of species, do you ever go back to see them again?"

No

My heart sank, "But why not?"

war is too much — danger

we move around — so much

There was another sigh.

some planets — we have not — seen in — thousands of — years

I deflated. "I guess a thousand years isn't that long when you live a million." We were silent for a while.

Kat

when I lost — my voice — I had to — accept it

it took a — very long time

…

but now — I want to — appreciate — everything I — still have

all of us do

even if we know — it will be gone — soon

or if one day — we will have to — say goodbye — forever

His engine rumbled quietly. Maybe they didn't have engines, maybe this was just the sounds of being alive for them. No different from a heartbeat.

"How can I just pretend this isn't going to happen?"

we don't — pretend

…

it is ok for — Kat to cry

Bee cries too

I sunk low in the seat, "At least tell me it gets easier."

eventually

but I grieve — for every — goodbye

"I hope you won't have to grieve for me."

I will

"Oh," I said, "I'm sorry." The seat bucked me a little as if he were giving me a shove.

I chose to — care

Kat — cannot stop — Bee :)

I nodded silently, knees to my chest again. "How do you keep doing it though? After all this time, and the people you've known. How do you still want to care?"

long long time — ago a friend — told me:

to grieve is — to have loved

…

I think I am — ok with that

Misdirect — Kat — & Bee — will learn — how to be — ok again

one day

promise

I sniffled, "I take it you've had this conversation before."

many times

I nodded,"It's…cool, that you're still moving forwards, despite it all. You really think Misdirect will be ok?"

yes

I will make — sure for Kat

I promise

:)

"Kat!" Misdirect thudded to the ground flat on his stomach giving him a clear view of me through Bumblebee's tinted windows. We had just rolled into the Medbay and on his stomach, Misdirect looked like a child waiting to receive a prize. The prize in question was reluctant to face this tidal wave of enthusiasm. I hadn't realized I had hesitated until Bumblebee was shaking my seat to get me moving. As I exited Bee I wore my very best apologetic look.

Misdirect shook his head, beaming. "Oh, you sneaky thing you!" He wagged a finger at me, "Getting yourself all over the slagging ship? Primus of my very spark, fella. I didn't know you had it in you. What happened to the panic-stricken Kat I know and love?"

A nervous laugh escaped me, "Oh she's still here. Very much."

"So, out with it, any other grand secrets you've been keeping from me?"

I paused, "I can turn into a plane too?"

He laughed, slapping the ground in what was a very human-like gesture. The sudden crash made me stumble back.

"Fella, you want to know what Ratchet and I were up to while you were off having fun? We were also running all over the slagging ship. Because we were trying to find you." He pointed to me, finger inches from my face. I tried to push it away, clasping both hands on the fingertip and leaning my weight on it. It didn't move a damn centimeter. He continued, "Imagine our surprise when Magnus got up from our Allspark meeting to go rushing off, spouting on about proximity alarms."

"The ones in the Brig."

He wobbled his finger to throw me off balance, "Yes, the ones in the Brig. We found out it was the ones in the Brig when Magnus sent a pretty little message saying he found you scampering around making friends with the prisoners. So what do you think Ratch and I did? Guess where we ran to."

"But I didn't see you in the Brig!"

"We didn't have a chance to get there. We ran into Magnus in the hall, and he said he had sent you back to the Medbay with Bee."

"You went back to the Medbay?" I laughed.

"Yes, you rascal. Except you weren't back at the Medbay, you were still with Bee, because Bee felt it was in his best interest to run off with you on a joyride." Bee, still in car-form, revved his engine.

Misdirect leaned in closer to me where I had now propped my chin up on his fingertip, balancing on my tiptoes. "Can you guess what happened next? Go for it"

"The Bridge—"

"The Bridge! Bee tells us he's taking you to the Bridge now!" He said. I giggled and he gave me a look, "Oh this is funny? Well, guess what Ratch and I decided to do then. Go on."

"You went to the Bridge?"

"We got our afts to the slaggin Bridge!" He said.

"But I didn't see you! How slow were you walking?" I asked.

"Not our fault! We got there right on time. But you know what? In honor of Megatron, the glitch himself, they had locked the Bridge down tight till his call was over. The whole section, hallways and all. So we wait, and wait, and wait." He leaned his head in closer with each 'wait' he said. I pushed defiantly back on the tip of his nose when it got close enough. This time he dramatically pretended my push was enough to shove his head away. "But when we finally get to the Bridge, poof! You're nowhere to be seen!"

I grinned, "Because I was with Optimus."

"You cheeky thing. Yes, you were now with Optimus, big boss was taking you to his office to have a chat. You understand how deep in slag we thought you were, yes?"

"I thought I was in deep slag!"

"So Ratchet and I are in the Bridge, we learned our lesson, we were staying put until you came back."

I was fighting back giggles again. "And then Bumble—"

"Bumblebee takes his sweet time telling us that he's already got you and is on his way back to the Medbay." He leaned forward to give the yellow and black car a solid push. Bee exaggeratedly rocked on his wheels as if thrown greatly off balance before zipping backward around us in a big wobbly circle. He slid into a spin and transformed gracefully back to robot-form with a small bounce in his step.

"And then you ran back to the Medbay," I finished, "How did you still beat us here?"

Misdirect jutted a thumb at Bee, "Ask him. The master of padding his sweet time."

Bee gave us a very sheepish shrug.

Misdirect beamed at me, "You had us running from aft to bow, I expected to get back here just to hear you were now on The Nemesis, having a good long talk with Megatron." The frank look he was giving me had another laugh bubbling out of me. My laughter slowly shifted into something like sobbing, then to actual sobbing as I disregarded his finger and walked forward, arms outstretched to give his big face a hug.

"Miss me that much?" His voice was muffled. I nodded wordlessly. "Did you at least have fun?" He asked. I shook my head.

"You humans sure are something." He pulled away, moving to get his feet back under him. When he got to a crouch he offered me his hand. I stepped on.

"We are something?" I asked.

"A compliment, I promise. You just got a lot of spark in you, that's all."

The relief of being in the familiar hands of a friend was unparalleled. Like a theme park ride we shot up and zoomed across the room. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Like 'the audacity.' That's a phrase you've used right? You got that. Full of 'the audacity.'"

"Don't read my texts. That's not how you even say it. And what does being full of audacity have to do with anything?"

"I don't know, I guess it's easy to forget you got just as much going on in that helm of yours as we do in ours. You got a whole wide world between them tiny shoulders."

"Still sounds like a veiled insult."

"Nah. You meet enough extraterrestrials out there and you'll find that some are a bit…dimmer in the spark than others. Not being mean," he added quickly, "Freedom is the right, and all of that. But it's true. It's not a bad thing. But it's true."

"Speciesist, hm?"

"Not like that!" He was flustered now.

"Me and my teeny tiny brain."

"Your brain is lovely."

"Lovely you say?"

"Now you're just being mean," He said.

"No, go on, you were just talking about how everyone in the galaxy is inferior to the big robots. And how surprising it is that humanity actually seems okay."

He lowered me to an exam table, "You're restless is what I mean. Restless in a good way."

"You've met one human."

"And Cybertronians are not the brightest and boldest out there despite what others would have you think. Humanity's got a lot despite its small package."

"You cannot ever say that again. Christ. If Earth hears you say that they will literally start world war three with you."

A noise came from another room and I saw Ratchet enter the Medbay. Misdirect seemed to shove his confusion away for a later date. He leaned in. "Right, uh, Ratchet isn't in the best mood. You can guess why." I guess he saw the stressed look on my face because he shifted over a step, effectively blocking my view of Ratchet. "Hey, don't worry about him right now. We have more food for you to try, and good news about Earth. We made contact! Isn't that fantastic? They've been over there chatting with your home for almost a cycle now. We're all working together to figure this out, yeah? You'll be home in no time."

"How mad is he?" I asked.

"He's being moody about it, but he gets it. I mean we all do."

I looked at him, "You do?"

He scoffed, "Duh, of course I do, it's your planet and people, what's not to get?"

"It was pretty stupid though," I admitted.

"Of course it was," With two fingers he shoved my shoulder and I stumbled, "That's what makes it so great!"

I pushed back at his large metal hand but it was like trying to push a car, "You said you had food?" My stomach rumbled in agreement, "And water too right? My water bottle is in my backpack."

"So needy," his chest slid open revealing my pitifully small backpack slumped inside, he plucked it out, "Safe and sound, just for you."

"You said my Dad responded to us?" I unzipped my bag and pulled my water bottle out, I took a few long swigs.

"Would you fight me if I made you eat something first? The other humans helped us with the formula."

"Yes."

"Eat and talk," Brainstorm's cheerful voice called, "Hurry up, we got stuff to do and they are insisting on speaking with you."

I looked at Brainstorm warily and whispered to Misdirect, "He in trouble too?"

Misdirect laughed, "Yeah, big time. Worry about that later, you got a Dad to catch up with."

Hello, its me. Writer person. Sorry for the very long delay, mental health has been wild, but improving now thankfully. I literally will never give up on this story till it's done, so don't worry I'll be back soon. I think actually on schedule this time, so that should be neat.

Big thanks to all my readers who have stuck in there, and another big thanks to all my buds on the discord. You guys are amazing for hanging around and being supportive. Like you all are the actual best. Ciao for now friends.

Here's the discord if you'd like to join: /AzW56m2Ebq