Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Awakening, all rights to the owners.
Minor: Dark Flier, Immortal, Exploitive, Swordmaster, Tripping, Perpetual Cheer, Chef, Blacksmith, Pegasus Knight, Teacher, Librarian, Masochist, Literal-Minded, Authoritative, Phobia, Thicc, Tsundere, Damsel in Distress, Gangrel's Child, Communist, Bomber, Bear Cavalry, Flying, ADHD, Super Strength, Patriotic, Sassy, One Liner, Seamstress, Shephard, Speedy, Cool, Shy, Bookworm, Kung Fu, Buff, Lazy, Wingless Flight, Blunt, Elf, Dwarf, Scottish, Melancholic, Punny, Dark Mage, Dragoon.
Standard: Elemental, Deaf, Nurse/Medic, Valmese Tactician, Medusa, Gift from Validar + Evil to Good, Mimic, Emotionless, Crippling Overspecialization (Idiot Savant), Coward, ESP, PTSD, Magician, Handicapped, Secret Helper, Morpher, Dreamwalker, Twins, Animal Whisperer, Tiki Assistant, Deadly Touch, Mind Reader, Doppelganger, D&D magic, Dominatrix, Songstress, Kinky, Matchmaker, Androphobic, Illusionist, Ring Maker, Teleporting, Crippled, Depressed, Slave, Love Curse, Geokinetic, Trauma, Siren, Changeling, Shapeshifter, Chrom's child, Minotaur, Paladin, Werewolf, Future Soldier, Bounty Hunter, Weather control, Kleptomaniac, Druid, Steampunk, Shadow Familiar, Magic Augmentation, Lucky, Exile, Piper (Charmer), Gladiator, Witch Doctor, Centaur, Drunk, Punk, Harpy, Revenant, Luck Manipulation, Demon Summoner, Megalomaniac, Kitsune, King of Plegia, Mood Ring, Reverse Aging, Hammerspace, Prostitute, Demon Hunter, Cyborg, Rebellion, Einherjar, Trap, Yandere, Living Weapon, Size Shifter, Queen of Plegia, Gluttonous, Stretchy, Alchemist, Protoss, Spirit Manipulation, Invisible, Plegian Honor Guard, Mecha, Kryptonian, Creator, Orc, Memory Stealing Respawn, Racer, Khan, Misfortune, Vampire Hunter, Imaginary Actualization, Death, Resurrection, Force, Merchant, Background Music, Variable, Civilian, Natural Disaster, Mental Noise Projection, Hidden OP, Summoner, Cyclops, Teleporter, Cryokinetic, Genie, Judge, Intangibility, Fortune Teller, Serial Killer, Magic Fixit, Drakengard Restoration, Ying-Yang, Childhood Friend, Cyberpunk, Obsessed, Berserker, Phase Shift, Gravity Manipulation, Hallucinating, Bladesoul, Zombie, Double Entendre, Shared Body/Two Souls, Cannibal, Violent, Waterbender, Casanova, Cupid, Undertaker, Master Thief, Guard, Faceless, Shadow, Age Control, Cradle Snatcher, Emo, Nun, Courier, Haunted Knight Armor, Egyptian, Sentient Object, Shit Lord, Court Wizard, Naga's sibling, Mad Queen, Artist, Predator, Cheshire Cat, Radio Host, Chimera, Wendigo, Symbiote, Hivemind, Hammerspace, Anna, Mother Nature, Psychopath, Stripper, Painting, Grima Parts, Knightmare, Super, Swimsuit, Bunny Outfit, One Punch, Idol, Chef, Rampage, Housewife, Determination, Vessel of Naga, Instant Expert, Time Travel, Hermit, Alternate Dimension 'Twin', Legendary, Resistance, Memory Regain, Umbra Witch, Naga, Aquatic, Hexblade Warlock, Dragon, Demon of Choice, Demon of Temptation, Affliction, Good Samaritan, Gallant, Rosannite Tactician, Leeroy, Dungeon, Apparition, Unwilling, Wildlife Commander, Consistent Kidnapee, Grenadier, Magic Creature, Alternating Mind Control, Sothis in the Mind, Exalt, Unicorn, Pegasus, Alicorn, Star Lord, Slenderman, Bird Laguz, Junk Dealer, Gate Guardian, Shaman, Ghostbuster, Exorcist, King, Soldier, Bird Wings, Failed Vessel, Of the Corn, Valentian, Harem, Car, Incubus, National Personification, Gravity Magic, Kraken, Zora, Kirby, Moon, Quadruplets, Unnoticed, Inventor, Bastilio's Kid, Treasure Hunter, Future, Mind-Swapping, Criminal, Hunter/Tracker, Biker, Gigantic Sword, Miracle, Medium, Warlord, Greater Good, Acrobat, Mother of Chrom, Soul Stealer, Mid War Memory Loss, Reverse Memory Loss, Sentient Item, Necron, ARMS, Naga's bride, Titan Sinkhole, Squire, Anti-Magic, Tomesmith, Dimensional Traveler, Falchion, Unbreakable Shield, Many Robins, Muscle, Fearful Knight, Narcoleptic, Big Eater, Aversa's Sister/Mother/Daughter, Evelynn, Witch, Frankenstein, Mirage, Stand, Persona, Pyromancer, Toon Force.
Priest Robin. Of my own design.
It's been hard to try and make a new chapter. I'm down to the ideas I don't really know how to write, or that I can't write well. I like some of these ideas, but I have difficulty using them.
"-and so it is said on the fifth day that Naga did bless the noble Marth with her divine blade, Falchion." Robin recounts solemnly to an enraptured Nowi (and a less than impressed Nah). "And Marth did then smite the evil Medeus with the divine blade, killing him and bringing temporary peace to Archanea."
"Wow…" Nowi says.
"And thus, through this trial, humanity was taught the power of Naga, and the virtue of faith in her divine power."
Nah narrows her eyes. "But there was nothing in that story about Marth having faith."
"Shh…" Robin shushes. "Are you the priest? Didn't think so. It's a story about faith."
"Because you say so?" Nah asks, crossing her arms.
"Because the church says so." Robin says, raising a small holy symbol. "And it just so happens I speak for the church."
"You speak for it, but that doesn't mean anything you say is what they say." Nah argues.
"Actually, that's exactly what it means."
"But did you make it up or-"
"And when Medeus did rise again not many years later-" Robin says loudly, talking over Nah. "Naga did proclaim him a bitch and relish his death at Marth's hands once more!"
Nah glares. He is making it all up. Some priest.
###
"But she was hot!" Inigo groans. "You should have seen her legs!"
"Actually listening to the words of others is a virtue." Robin chides the boy as he waves a staff over his stomach. "Though admittedly, shanking you was certainly an overreaction on her part."
"I was listening!" Inigo says indignantly. "To her heart, which wasn't necessarily being, ah, represented properly by her words or actions."
"Pride, such as thinking you know someone's thought better than they do, is a sin." Robin tuts. "You're a stranger, not her best friend."
"Prideful, me?" Inigo gasps dramatically. "To be honest, I expected an accusation of lust."
"Somewhat applicable, though we both know your flirtation is an elaborate act." Robin says. "You have much more of an issue with pride."
"If you say so."
"I do. Lust in the way you're thinking of it isn't a problem. It's the 'obsession' part of lust that's a problem, not the physical attraction part. You don't fall under that sin as much." Robin says.
"I never thought I'd see the day when a priest didn't take issue with physical attraction." Inigo chuckles.
"Oh please. Half the priesthood is probably horny for Naga." Robin scoffs. "It might as well be the eleventh commandment: 'thou must covet the divine ass'."
Sometimes Inigo can't believe the things that come out of Robin's mouth. How did he become a priest?
###
"I am an adult!" Nowi pouts at the bartender. "I'm allowed to drink!"
"Sorry kid." The bartender refuses. "You can have water, milk, or juice."
"But I'm a manakete! A dragon!" Nowi whines.
"Sure you are."
"My dear bartender." Robin cuts in. "Do you not know the words of Naga?"
"What-?"
"Manaketes are Naga's own kin, recognizable by the three dents in their pointed ears." Robin gestures to Nowi's ears. "Not only that but those of the divine dragon tribes, identified by turquoise or teal dragon forms and light green hair in human form, are Naga's most direct descendants."
"Yeah!" Nowi huffs as the bartender starts to look nervous. He has an actual priest telling him off after all.
"Moreover, divine Manaketes are to be treated as goddesses in their own right!" Robin proclaims, and slams a fist down on the countertop. "Goddesses! As Naga proclaims, not only should you be allowing her to drink, you should be giving her free drinks-"
"Uh, Robin…" Nowi says hesitantly.
"-and feeding her-"
"Robin."
"-by hand dammit!"
"That's really not necessary."
"It is! Naga demands it!" Robin insists. "Do you not want to be worshipped?"
"I mean, it might be nice…" Nowi considers. "Do I get free piggyback rides?"
"Yes."
"Then yes, I want to be worshipped!"
The barkeep watches this in utter bafflement. Are they even talking to him anymore?
"All hail the divine dragon girl!" Robin proclaims dramatically, and much too loudly considering they're in a crowded tavern. "As Naga ordained!"
"Naga ordained no such thing!" Maribelle shouts across the tavern.
"No one asked you!" Robin shouts back. "Libra, back me up here!"
"Naga ordained no such thing." Libra says, much more quietly. He calmly sips his water.
"I guess none of you are true faithful." Robin huffs. "At least I show proper respect to our manakete overlords."
###
"Robin, for Naga's sake, if you say something ridiculous to the Voice of all people..."
"I never say anything ridiculous!" Robin says indignantly. "I merely share the word of Naga!"
"I…" Chrom sighs. "Just… don't say anything about religion, please."
"But I'm a priest!"
"I know."
"The best!"
"And humble like a proper priest I see." Chrom mutters. He can already feel that Robin isn't going to listen. Why did his tactician have to be a priest that can only act normal for half a sermon before going off the rails?
Ascending the Mila tree takes way too long. It takes way too long to get up all those stairs. It's beyond Chrom how the tree could survive these stairs being cut into it, much less the room the Voice has carved out in the top.
Not his problem, he supposes.
The initial conversation goes well. Tiki is cooperative, and is immediately interested in their cause. Say'ri makes the process much simpler, obviously, because she and Tiki are already familiar with each other.
Then Chrom has to introduce the other main players of the Shepherds.
"These are Khans Flavia and Basilio, they rule the east and west sides of Ferox respectively." Chrom says. "This is my sister, Lissa."
"Hiya!"
"And this-"
"Robin, the best priest ever." Robin interrupts before Chrom can finish. He enthusiastically shakes Tiki's hand, even though she never offered it. "I've been hoping to speak with you for a long time. I was hoping you could expand upon how Naga reportedly smack-talked Duma when his degeneration reached its peak."
"Robin…" Chrom groans.
"I don't remember anything or the sort, but please, tell me more." Tiki says. Her expression is unreadable. Chrom can't tell if she's annoyed or amused or something else entirely.
Robin lights up at someone actually going along with his madness, and Chrom silently prays that Tiki doesn't pay any serious attention to what he's saying. He hopes Tiki of all people is smart enough to not believe him.
###
"-and so, Naga did tell her followers that Grima was an incompetant loser, and that the path to beating him was to get their shit together and stop whining about every tiny fleck of black magic that came their way." Robin says solemnly.
"Hmm, I see." Tiki hums. "So, Robin."
"Yes?"
"Why is it that you lie at random about religious matters?" Tiki asks. "You are clearly well versed in religious doctrine and their texts, yet you insist on spouting absurdities and sabotaging the potential effectiveness of your words… unless you don't actually intend to preach?"
"Of course I intend to spread the word of Naga!" Robin says cheerfully. "I'm a priest, aren't I?"
"I don't know. Are you? I'm not familiar with your background." Tiki says calmly.
"I am!"
"Then you are self-sabotaging." Tiki says bluntly.
"I am not!" Robin says indignantly.
Tiki quickly shuts down his denial. "You are. I would know. I was alive for some of the times you're speaking about. I was there."
Robin pauses. "Ah."
"So please, as amusing as your wild tales are, I would like to know the reason you are constantly lying about my mother." Tiki says. She's smiling politely, but her tone is firm.
"I… well…" Robin says slowly. "It's funny."
"Is that all?"
"Yes…?"
"Don't answer a question with a question please." Tiki says. "So, again, is that all?"
Robin doesn't know what to say. Honestly, he has no idea why he goes off the metaphorical road so often. He just does it without thinking because it feels funny. "I dunno. I never gave it much thought."
"Hmm." Tiki hums. She believes him, but at this point she's fairly sure she knows more about his actions than he does. She'd bet money his made-up stories are for attention, whether he knows it or not. She's seen enough people desperate for attention over the years to make this sort of deduction fairly comfortably. "Tell me, honestly, what do you think about the church of Naga?"
"What? Why?" Robin asks. "I'm a priest, I think you can predict what I'm going to say."
"Be honest, please." Tiki says. "I want your actual view on the church and the religion, not your jokes or the facade you put on."
"Facade? Pff…"
"You don't fool me Robin." Tiki continues calmly. "Please, I don't mean to sound accustional, I'm merely curious."
Robin eyes her warily. Is he just supposed to talk about himself? That sounds like a foolish thing to do in the presence of Naga's own daughter. This could be a trick.
Who's he kidding? Even if it is a trick, how can he pass up a chance to talk?
"I mean, I don't mind Naga." Robin says. "She seems to be doing her best. I wouldn't exactly say I'm fond of the church or the religion. It has some glaring problems if you ask me. I have no idea how I ever became a priest, I can't imagine I would have put up with the church for that long. Too old-fashioned most of the time."
"I see."
"Also, I can't help but feel Naga is less important in the church than the so-called saints… a lot of which have some rather questionable lessons."
Tiki can't help but nod. She's read a few saints' texts in her time, and there are certainly some problematic suggestions in there.
"So, I mean, I generally don't talk about the saints' texts because they're not great." Robin says. "And just talking about the Naga stuff is boring after a bit, so what's a bit of embellishment to make things more interesting? Can't be worse than the saints' texts."
Tiki nods again. Not that she agrees with him making things up, but she sympathises. Priesthood is not the most entertaining of professions, and certainly not fitting for someone like Robin. Of course neither of them can speak for his former, pre-amnesia self. Actually, it's debatable if Robin should even be considered a priest considering he never went through training. Being a priest is more than knowing doctrine, it's showing dedication to the faith… and Robin hasn't done that. His pre-amnesia self did.
But perhaps that's just a technicality.
"Why are you still a priest then, if you find it so dull that you need to embellish the tales? I've heard being a novelist can be quite profitable if you want a better outlet for your creative energies." Tiki suggests.
"I'm not that creative." Robin says. "Besides, aside from tactics all I really know is religious stuff. Not like I have memories to pull from."
Fair enough.
"So instead, I shall entertain with tales of Naga saying absurd things, because what else can I do?" Robin shrugs. "That's just life."
There's plenty he could be doing, but Tiki keeps silent. Perhaps, this once, it isn't her place to correct his bad habit. Not until he has more life experience at least.
I don't know what to say about this chapter. The idea randomly sprung to my mind of Robin talking religion and then seamlessly transitioning into absurdities. I didn't do the "seamlessly" part because I'm not that skilled, but I like how the rest of the idea turned out.
RedNephilim: I liked the mental image too. I was originally considering including that before the teatime, but it felt more appropriate for it to be something mentioned off-hand.
Idea noted.
ARSLOTHES: I know nothing about that game, so no!
Blackcharizard762: He's probably in most of the other fanfics that involve Robin.
2562894620: No idea if you've gotten this far, so I'll refrain from any lengthy response. If you have, thank you for spending time reading this whole collection so far.