This is a mistake. No, it's not.
They're not supposed to be doing this anymore. He's no longer hers and she's married, to the guy that she previously left at the altar for him, for god's sake. Cheating is a sin, the thought of ending up divorced for a second time makes her feel sick, and yet, why doesn't she feel more guilty? Can something that feels so good really be that bad?
Yes. But that doesn't seem to stop either of them when they meet in a secluded parking lot, in the back of his car with the tinted windows. Harriet is with a babysitter, and she feels more guilt over that than the fact that this is really, really wrong. She's sure it'll hit her later.
They fumble around in the back seat like a couple of horny teenagers desperate to be with one another, and when she finally removes her underwear and sinks down onto him, she lets out a gasp that she didn't know she was holding in.
"We can't keep doing this," She whines, but she doesn't mean it in the moment - not really. Her arms wrap around his neck as she grinds against him, relishing in the feeling of being one with him again. It's so wrong, but so right.
"Fuck, April," He grunts, completely ignoring her comment. It takes him back to the days when they were fucking in on-call rooms, unsure of what they meant to one another, and he'd enjoy a few moments of bliss before she'd freak out on him once again. He doesn't want to be reminded of those days, or feel like this is a repeat of that. Sure, he's with Maggie now, but it's not the same. She's not April, and no matter how hard he tries, it's not enough. He wants to be happy with the redhead who is busy riding him, desperately trying to chase that high.
His hands move down the soft skin of her back, and he realises just how much he's missed it - missed her. When she throws her head back and moans, his moves one hand to tease her clit, rubbing reverent circles against the bud to get her there quicker.
"Oh, god, Jackson..." She manages, cutting herself off by crashing her lips to his in an attempt to keep quiet. Its all teeth and tongue, and as she feels her walls start to flutter, her head drops to the side of neck, feeling her orgasm wash over her.
It doesn't take much for him to follow, teeth gritted, and he allows her to ride it out before moving his hand to brush some fiery strands from her face. They allow themselves to stay connect for a few moments as they try to steady their breathing, her head moving to kiss him softly this time. It feels so good, so right, to be connected like this again. For a few moments, neither of them even seem to feel guilty, too busy feeling lost in one another and in their own secret bubble.
Its the sound of a cell phone buzzing that jolts them out of their haze and back to reality. A text message from Jackson to Maggie, asking if they're still on for dinner the next day. Shortly after, April's own phone starts ringing, and the panic begins to set in as she fumbles around to answer it. Jackson suddenly misses the feeling of her in his lap, but reluctantly takes a moment to reply to his text and put his boxers back on anyway.
She clears her throat for a moment, trying to put on her best happy-go-lucky voice, "Hey, honey. How is Philly? Uh huh, uh huh, thats great. Yeah, of course, I'm okay. Harriet's sleeping. Yeah, I miss you too. Okay. I'll see you Tuesday. Yeah, love you too. Bye."
When she hangs up the phone, the guilty starts to set in. She's a cheater, and the kind that lies about it, apparently. It's not even that Matthew is a terrible guy, but he's troubled - dealing with the loss of his wife, and he's not Jackson. He's never ignited a fire in her in the way that he does. And Maggie? Maggie is supposed to be her friend. She saved her life once, and Jackson chose to be with her when they could've just been together before things got all complicated. She doesn't want to hurt her, either.
Biting down on her lip, she puts her underwear and bra back on, as well as her t-shirt, before turning to Jackson and repeating with a sigh, "We can't keep doing this."
"I know," He agrees softly, trying hard to hide the disappointment behind his eyes. They need to be better - be good, for Harriet's sake. They can't keep falling back into old patterns.
She bites her lip, before he pulls her in for one last gentle kiss that almost feels like goodbye. Even if it's not - not really.
I still love you, He wants to say, I want you to be happy with me.
But instead, he doesn't say anything, watching as she finishes awkwardly redressing in the back of his cramped car. She looks at him once more - a mixture of regret and thoughts of what could've been, he thinks, before finally exiting the vehicle. "Bye, Jackson."
A tear falls down her cheek when she closes the door, and he can't help but watch as she walks back to her own car thats parked several rows away.
It's not goodbye - not when they share children together, but it sure feels like it is.