Note:

Apologies for the long wait. I had wanted to get this out earlier, but I went on vacation, then came back from vacation with major writer's block.

(This chapter is not edited, nor proofread. 3/27/24)

See end notes for detailed explanations and comments on changes made from the original.

part I: palingenesis

chapter two: secrets

He knows. Even before coming to, he knows this is a dream.

Sasuke does his best to assess his surroundings. Around him are rocks shaped unnaturally that curve above him, masking everything with shadows. He doesn't recall ever seeing the drip drop of wet from towering spikes, creating puddles on the ground beneath him.

There is one source of light, and it glows a few feet before him.

Itachi, his brother.

A new one, he thinks. All he can do whenever he has these dreams is think. It does not allow him anything else.

Itachi's appearance only worries the young man. Even in his dreams, his real world concerns creep in and plague him.

His skin is pale, almost devoid of any color. There is a frailness he is not used to seeing from his older brother that contests his balance. One step after another, Itachi sways side to side, and Sasuke can do nothing but watch.

What else could he do? His body would not listen to him. He has tried before. Despite being a mere dream, he could feel everything. The tightening of his chest, the erratic beating of his heart, the struggle to breathe; all of that is real. All of that is unbelievably painful to bear.

Why? He cannot will himself to move. As much as his mind urges his body to follow its directions, nothing happens. His body stands still, stopped to a shock.

As the image of his brother comes closer, it is almost as if he begins to fade bit by bit. As if he is made of paper, pieces of him are being torn away the closer he gets, shreds of his being float through the air and reach for the stony ceiling, dissipating into nothingness.

Fear takes over.

No, he wants to yell. He wants to reach out for him. He wants to stop him before he disappeared for good.

He continues his futile orders to his body, urging it to, at the very least, open his mouth and speak, but he remains where he stands, mouth ajar as Itachi approaches him, a glowing, eerie sight.

"I feel like my consciousness is slowly fading…" Itachi's voice echoes through the cave walls.

"The night I left you," Itachi continues, and Sasuke finally sees the soullessness of his eyes.

He isn't alive here. He's dead. He's been dead all along. "I did do everything Danzo and Tobi told you."

Names he does not immediately recognize but are somehow tucked within a crevice of his brain, springing up, making themselves known. An inexplicable rage mists through his mind at the vague memory of these mystery people.

Aggravation takes root. How he wishes he can get answers, but all these nighttime visions give him are more questions. At times, more anguish.

"I always lied to you and asked you to forgive me." Itachi's feet no longer touch the ground. He floats. His time running out.

He raises two fingers; his upper body being what's left of his form. "So, this time, I want to impart this truth to you…"

Sasuke feels his throat catch, the sight a hard one to swallow. He doesn't understand what he's saying. He wants so desperately to.

Emotions well up inside of him: confusion, desperation, distress, sorrow. All of it too much to bear.

Sasuke does not believe in premonitions, but this dream is not boding well for him.

The sight of his two fingers, the familiarity of this gesture, the assault of emotions suddenly quiet. He expects the recurring motion. Two fingers to his forehead, just like he had always done when they were children as a way to mark a promise of next time.

But Itachi's fingers brush past his forehead, the weightless touch of his hand reaching for the back of Sasuke's head.

He pulls him forward, their foreheads meeting. Deep, dark eyes, wide with terror, meet dull, lifeless ones. Yet, he can still feel miniscule traces of warmth.

His older brother's lips tilted upward, giving him one final smile.

"I will love you always."

Not again.

Right as Sasuke wakes, jolting upright and chest heaving, he knows.

He does not take a moment to process what he had just woken up from. Bolting out of bed, he races to the bathroom, ignoring the cold of the wooden floor.

He makes it to the sink, the veins in his hands popping because of the vice like grip he has on the counter in an attempt to steady himself.

Breathe, his mind urges.

He tries, but the heavy weight in his chest only allows large gulps of air at a time. He feels a burning sensation, as though fire is trying to burn through his eye sockets and engulf the rest of his body. Instead of flames, tears escape them. The first few very much so the salt tears one is used to. Whatever that dream was, it was heartbreaking to experience.

Seeing his brother in that state, knowing what he is going through right now only makes the emotions all the more difficult to process.

Then, a copper taste slips through his lips, a hauntingly light touch on his tongue.

Blood.

Why?

As a child, the rare dreams haunted his young mind with images of the lifeless bodies of his family. His parents laid face down in a pool of blood, painting their colorless faces a dark, blood red. There was a man standing before them, sword dripping with crimson. Sasuke could never see the man's face, but he did see his eyes, a brighter hue of the same color that seeped the wooden floors. He'd wake crying, waking his family before they lulled him back to slumber.

He is no longer a child, yet the dread only festered as the delusions came more frequently. As of a month now, it visits him every single time his eyes closed, and sleep came and dragged him away.

He has told no one of his now nightly terrors. What used to visit him every so often now comes every night, waking the deep-seated fears he possesses. For the past week, this added anomaly has come into the picture, not as an image in his dreams, but as a physical manifestation of the insanity that plagues him.

He does not want to look up.

He does not want his reflection to stare back at him.

He does not want the confirmation of what he fears is being realized once again.

But he knows.

Slowly, he lifts his head, a numb pain at the back of his neck as he does.

Then, he stops. He stares.

His dark, almost pitch-black eyes do not stare back at him. Instead, he sees the retched crimson in one eye and, perplexingly, a light, almost lavender color in the other, both eyes possessing unusual patterns surrounding his pupils.

Another tear of blood falls from his right eye.

The burning sensation reduces to just a sting. Then, it's gone, forcing him to blink.

Dark eyes stare back at him once again.

His face is clear of any evidence of what he thought he saw moments ago. Not a crimson, tear-stained face. Not even a trace of the taste of blood. Yet, it all felt too real.

For the fourth night in a row, bloody hallucinations terrorize him as he wakes.

Buildings pass by in a blur through the window of his car. The radio is off. No music is playing. Though, perhaps silence isn't what he needs. Perhaps he needs something to take his mind off what he'd experienced.

Sasuke Uchiha doesn't get shaken easily. He's grown desensitized by his dreams, but until recently, his dreams didn't manifest into real life. Or at least, he had no hallucinations afterwards.

Perhaps he should have told someone of the frequency of these nightmares. Perhaps he should have sought help long ago. But he refrained himself from doing so.

He always had something to prove. Not just to the people that kept such keen eyes on him and his family. Not just to his family. He wanted to prove to himself that he could be the capable son everyone knows Itachi is.

Running a large conglomerate like Uchiha Holdings is no easy task, especially after the death of his parents, yet Itachi makes it look like it does.

"The Perfect Son", he has always been called by the media. To live up to that is difficult. And to constantly be compared to him is just as difficult.

Sasuke loves his brother. Itachi is the only blood family he has left. When they were younger, his brother always made him feel included, always made sure he was aware he was loved. But even as a child, Itachi was favored by his father, by everyone. He was a prodigy, and now, he continues his legacy as the powerful CEO that took over after the tragedy that was their parents' deaths.

His mother assured him as a child that he was enough. She would always stick by him, squeeze his hand when his father began his blunt critiques. He was thankful for that, her confidence in him. While his father was the sharp tongue, she was the salve that soothed him, that reassured him his father only spoke to him like that at times because he knows he can improve.

Sasuke never really got to confirm her words.

Despite all of that, his bond with his brother has never faltered. They remain as close as they always have, sharing both of their struggles and helping each other through it.

But because of an opened green folder left on his brother's desk he found only five days ago; he realized his brother hasn't been telling him everything.

The dashboard screen of the car lights up to tell him someone is calling him, breaking him free from his own thoughts.

Answering the call, he does not have to wait long to hear the loud, oftentimes, headache inducing voice that belongs to his best friend.

"Where the fuck are you, bastard?"

Sasuke sighs. "Didn't you just land two seconds ago?"

"No! See, Itachi, I told you he has my text messages on mute."

He vaguely hears his brother's voice on the other line but can't make out what he's saying.

"I wouldn't have to put you on mute if you didn't send twenty text messages at a time, dumbass."

"Well, we landed early, so get your ass here. I'm hungry," his friend whines before hanging up the call. No doubt to avoid what would have been an irritated reply.

With a sigh, Sasuke continues the short drive remaining to Haneda Airport, maneuvering his way to the private jet terminal. After a quick security check, he drives straight through to the jet that boasts his family's company's logo: an uchiwafan colored red and white.

Parking in front of the plane's exit stairs, he takes a deep breath.

He hasn't seen his brother in a week. He hasn't told him what he knows yet. He isn't sure if he is going to tell him he knows, or if he's going to wait until his brother tells him.

After all, it's not his place to force his brother to admit that he's dying.

The file he read consisted of a lot of medical jargon, but what he'd gathered is that he's had these symptoms since he was a child: coughing up blood, issues with his vision, and low stamina. They have yet to figure out what specific illness he possesses.

For years. His brother has been sick for years, and never told him. His parents never told him. He never noticed it, either. Sasuke is unsure of which is worse: being kept in the dark for so long or being so blind to his brother's suffering.

To his own defense, Itachi has done a spectacular job in hiding it.

An incessant knock on his window brings him back to reality.

Sasuke turns and sees Naruto, fists still pounding on the glass. As quickly as Sasuke could, he opens the car door, hitting him hard.

Naruto hisses in pain, clutching his stomach. "What the fuck was that for?!"

He doesn't dignify him with a response.

Still rubbing his stomach, his friend huffs. "Who pissed you off this morning?"

"Other than you?"

It's always been like this. Their mothers had been close friends, and even as kids, they'd banter like this all the time. Being childhood friends, he felt as though he'd known Naruto far longer than he did.

Even as children, their mothers would comment on how sometimes they'd just blankly stare at each other, sometimes sizing each other up, sometimes with a look that made them seem like two old friends meeting for a drink.

An odd comparison.

It makes him wonder. Naruto was a frequent character in his dreams as a child, but their meetings in said dreams never seemed to be pleasant. It was either constant bickering or something more sinister, something hostile.

And it was not just him. If he was a character in the dreams, it was always with two other people: an older man with white hair and a girl with bright pink tresses. The latter frequently showing up in a different dream, but he's never heard her voice, much less figured out a name. The dreams with her in it were always quiet. Her mouth would move, but he could never hear her voice.

Enough, Sasuke thinks to himself.

Night had passed and the day had arrived. There was no use clinging onto these unanswerable questions right now. There's something more pressing.

Naruto flips him off then pauses, noticing the bags under his eyes. "Did you get any sleep?"

Sasuke doesn't respond, eyes trained on the plane exit door.

Itachi Uchiha makes his way out of the plane, descending from the stairs with a phone in his ear.

"Who's he talking to?"

"No clue. He's been on the phone with whoever that is since we landed." Naruto thinks for a moment, then snaps his fingers, recalling something. "But I did hear him say something about ventilation."

Ventilation? A new business venture?

Itachi ends his phone call right as he stops in front of his brother, a smile on his lips. "You didn't have to pick us up, you know? We have drivers for a reason."

Sasuke shrugs. "Needed a drive," he says. "Congratulations."

Naruto grins, wrapping an arm around the older Uchiha's shoulder. "CEO of the Year! Of course, it'd be Itachi!"

The subject only chuckles, removing his arm from him.

"The event was boring though. Just a bunch of old people shaking hands and schmoozing," Naruto grumbles.

"You knew that, but you still wanted to go anyway."

"I had to be in Singapore for diplomatic reasons anyway, and I'm friends with rich people. Of course, I'd hitch a free ride."

"Doesn't that go against protocol?"

He shrugs. "Meh, it wasn't that big of a diplomacy meeting. I just needed to meet with some scholars that had student visas."

"You wanted a free vacation, is what I'm hearing."

His grin is back, only wider, and completely unashamed. "A guy needs a vacation every once in a while."

"Alright, you two, enough. Let's get going," Itachi says, hoping to put their squabble to rest. "It was a long flight, and I still need to pick something up from my office."

His office, Sasuke thinks, repeating the word. The folder.

The three men get into Sasuke's car and wait for the airport staff to finish putting their luggage into the trunk. Naruto does most, if not all, of the talking. Itachi looks to be busy texting someone on his phone. Sasuke watches his brother in the backseat through the rearview window before switching his focus to the airport staff loading the last bag into the trunk. As the trunk closes with a thud, his eye catches something in the far background.

It's hard to miss a head of pink hair.

"So we still up for our hiking trip in two weeks?"

The two men are waiting for Itachi outside his office. The CEO of Uchiha Enterprises had wanted to come in only with the intention of picking up a file he needed but had closed the door to his office upon receiving a call.

The two had grown used to it, having been around Itachi enough to know that he did so as part of his job, but Sasuke has been growing increasingly suspicious.

Sasuke raises a brow at his blonde companion. "Do you ever work?"

"I do! I just have to write a report on my Singapore trip and answer emails for right now. I don't have anything big coming up until next month."

"Here I thought once you finally became a diplomat, you'd leave me alone."

"It's our yearly hiking trip! We can't not do it!" He folds his arms above his chest. "Besides, maybe I need the fresh air. I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately."

The admission makes Sasuke pause.

Like a huge talking fox? That's crazy."

He sighs, unsurprised yet slightly disappointed. What did he expect? His dreams are solely his own.

Itachi's office door opens.

"Ready to go?" Naruto asks.

Tucking his phone into his pants pocket, Itachi nods. Sasuke notes the familiar green folder in his hand.

"Did I hear you correctly? Something about your hiking trip?"

"Yup!" Naruto points to Sasuke with his thumb. "This dude sounds like he wants to back out of the tradition."

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "I didn't say that."

He didn't say anything about it really, but he had been contemplating skipping on it this year, considering Itachi's condition, or rather, the knowledge he now possesses of Itachi having a condition.

"You should go," Itachi says. "In fact, I'd like to join you. I hear the Hidaka Mountains are beautiful this time of year."

Notes:

Hopefully that was okay! I had really bad writer's block after a series of kind of hurtful comments on another fic of mine, and it really hit me hard and made me hate pretty much every word I was writing for the past month. I'm working through it though, and that birthed this chapter.

Anyway, onto changes from the original.

This version has a lot more secrecy and, errr, tact when it comes to the whole situation regarding Itachi and his business calls. I also wanted to have the buildup to the reveal of Itachi's illness done differently here. In the og, it's just kind of sprung onto Sasuke. Here, Sasuke is aware, but not because he was told. Doing it this way keeps the subplot regarding Itachi and Sasuke's bond, and Itachi's tendency to never tell Sasuke shit kajdfhksjd.

I've removed the Sasuke leaving Konoha dream from this part of the story and have moved it to a different one, instead opting for just a hint of Sakura right now, so as to shine a light on Sasuke's issues right now, and his crazy ass dreams. In terms of dreams, Sasuke definitely has it the worst right now. I'm so sorry Sasuke bby T.T

I'm planning a companion multi chapter fic to this fic as well. it will be a blank period SS fic that will focus on SS and their relationship while also adding information that will benefit this fic. Of course, you won't need to read the blank period fic to read this one, but I just wanted to try writing companion pieces and I've been dying to write a blank period ss fic for the longest.

And that's about it!

Until next chapter!