Sirius and Snape both feigned surprise and shock when they heard the news about one half-naked and totally stoned Fudge, and then continued talking about ethnic cuisine. The truth was, that since neither of them had any idea about their mission, they both avoided talking about the keys. After finishing their food, they both left the Leaky Cauldron and began wandering aimlessly. They both pretended to know where they were going. They both avoided the spot where they had abandoned the minister and the swarms of reporters.
All of a sudden, a voice with a characteristic French accent made them jump in surprise.
"Cretins! Uncivilized mammals! Barbarians!"
They turned and saw Le Cle. He looked pale and exhausted and somewhat dehydrated. The massive wankstain on his pants was still visible. The painter aimed at them with his wand.
"You are an embarrassment to the LGBT community! And now, poetic justice shall be served!" The painter screamed dramatically. And before Sirius or Snape could react, Le Cle casted a spell. "Dickify Speechious!"
A blue flash erupted from his wand. But nothing happened. Sirius and Snape felt nothing whatsoever. Le Cle, satisfied with what he had done, turned around and left.
Snape and Sirius looked at each other, both puzzled.
"What a useless wizard, he couldn't even curse us." Ejaculated Snape and a wankstain appeared on the front of his cloak. His eyes opened wide. He was in a shock from the sudden, uncontrollable hornyness.
Sirius noticed the unexplainable change in Snape's expression.
"Are you okay?" Ejaculated Sirius and he froze in shock, just like Snape. "Fuck!" He ejaculated again. "The little bitch cursed us!" He ejaculated for a third time. He looked at the wankstain on his pants, which was now huge. It looked like he had pissed himself.
"I think it happens every time we speak." Ejaculated Snape, proving he was right.
Sirius nodded, without replying. He took off his jacket and held it in front of him so as to hide the huge wankstain, and then waved at Snape to follow him.
They entered the closest shop.
"May I help you?" Said the shop owner.
"It is very urgent that we use the bathroom." Ejaculated Sirius. Thankfully his jacket hid the newly created wankstain.
"This way." Said the shop owner and looked at them suspiciously.
Sirius and Snape got in the bathroom. Before shutting the door behind them they heard the shop owner whispering: "Gays..."
There were two stalls in the bathroom, one for men and one for women. Sirius and Snape began silently arguing about who would get to use the men's stall and who would use the women's. Their little fight could have lasted longer but the shop owner suddenly yelled out: "You better not be doing any debaucheries in there!"
So, they stopped arguing and went inside the stall closest to them. Sirius went inside the men's stall, while Snape went inside the women's stall. They took out their ding-dongs and hung them over the toilet bowls.
"Have you ever seen such a spell before?" Ejaculated Sirius.
"Only the one you casted on Le Cle." Ejaculated Snape.
"That was different." Ejaculated Sirius. "Mine made you cum until you passed out. This one makes us cum every time we speak. And I have no idea how long it might last." Sirius ejaculated again and again and again.
"So, is it possible that it's permanent?" Ejaculated Snape.
"I hope not." Ejaculated Sirius.
"We cannot stay here forever!" Ejaculated Snape. "There are some counter-spells that might help." Snape ejaculated again. "Let's try the peozeoulus!" Snape ejaculated for a third time and drew his wand.
"No, are you crazy?! With that spell it might never get hard again!" Ejaculated Sirius. "We'd better use antiblueballius." Sirius ejaculated again.
"There is no such spell!" Ejaculated Snape.
"Of course there is! I invented it when I was thirteen years old, along with Cumius Infinitus." Ejaculated Sirius.
"And how long did you stay in the recovery room for?" Ejaculated Snape.
"One month for each spell, but it doesn't matter." Ejaculated Sirius. "Cumius Infinitus worked perfectly, so why wouldn't antiblueballius work just as well?" Sirius ejaculated again.
"So, you don't even know if it works?!" Ejaculated Snape. "Forget it Black, I am not turning my dick into a guinea pig for your spells!" Snape ejaculated again. "For Merlin's sake, if I cum one more time I will pass out!" And he ejaculated again.
"Okay, then let's each try the spell we want to try." Ejaculated Sirius, who was also exhausted from the ceaseless cumming.
The two men drew their wands and aimed them at their dicks.
"Antiblueballius!" Ejaculated Sirius.
"Peozeoulus!" Ejaculated Snape.
For a brief moment, in which Sirius was looking at his dick, wondering if speaking would cause sexy results, absolute silence ruled. But, alas, the silence was immediately ruined by a cry of pain from the next stall.
"Snivelus! Are you okay?" Ejaculated Sirius, and looked at the sperm in disappointment. His spell had failed.
"AH! FUCK! MY DICK!" Snape cried out.
Going by the tone of his voice, Sirius realized that Snape must have been suffering from hideous pains.
"What happened?!" Ejaculated Sirius.
"I think I broke my dick!" Sirius heard Snape cry. "It is so limp that I don't think there's a spell that can reverse this! Oh, for Merlin's sake, it's hanging like withered parsley… and it is unnaturally soft and flexible. Oh Merlin, I killed my dick!"
Sirius was freaking out. He may have hated Snape, but he wouldn't wish something this ugly not even to his worst enemy. "Well," he ejaculated, "I know I should console you right now, because I'm really really sorry about what happened to you, and this is probably not the right time to ask, but…" That was a long sentence, and Sirius ejaculated for quite a while. "Do you still cum every time you speak?" He ejaculated again.
"YES!" Snape cried dramatically as he ejaculated. "I don't even know how it can still happen! I mean it's completely limp, yet it still cums!" Snape ejaculated again.
"Holy fuck." Ejaculated Sirius. "Well, I don't know if this comforts you, but my spell didn't work either." He ejaculated again.
"But your dick is still alive right?" Snape was crying and ejaculating at the same time.
"Yeah thankfully it didn't suffer any side eff- HOLY FUCK!" Sirius ejaculated and screamed in horror when he looked down at his dick. It had turned blue-purple and was swelling up with every passing moment. "My dick resembles an eggplant!" Sirius ejaculated, screaming. "Oh fuck, it continues to grow at an alarming rate!" Sirius ejaculated. "It's gonna reach critical mass, I won't be able to lift it if this keeps up!" And he ejaculated again.
"We must return to Hogwarts right away, we need medical care!" Ejaculated Snape.
"How are we gonna explain this to madam Pomfrey?" Ejaculated Sirius.
"Well, it's okay for you, you must have done similar shit plenty of times! But me! How will I tell her? I'm a professor, I'm respectable!" Ejaculated Snape multiple times.
"Alright, on three, we'll run outside and towards my bike. So, if you have anything to say, say it now! We won't be able to speak later." Sirius ejaculated three times in a row.
"Fuck your bike, floo powder is faster!" Ejaculated Snape.
"Do you have floo powder?" Ejaculated Sirius.
"No, but the jackass that owns this shop probably does." Ejaculated Snape.
"And how exactly are you going to ask him for it?" Ejaculated Sirius.
"Like this!" Ejaculated Snape.
Sirius heard the next door opening with a bang.
"Wait up Snivelus!" He ejaculated as he realized that he could not even zip up his pants as his ding-dong had turned massive. (It was now bigger than an eggplant).
Sirius followed Snape out of the stall, hiding his pride with his jacket.
Snape rushed towards the shopkeeper, tears in his eyes and features deformed from the pain.
"What the fuck?!" Screamed the shopkeeper as soon as he saw them.
"Floo powder!" Ejaculated Snape, making no effort to hide the massive wankstain or the cock-snot dripping on the floor. "Give it to me, now!" He ejaculated again.
"What the fuck!?" The shopkeeper screamed once more, shocked by this sight.
"Listen to me well you gross sub-human, if you don't want your entire establishment to turn soggy, hand me the fucking floo powder!" Snape ejaculated again.
Shaking in fear and disgust, the shopkeeper gave Snape all the floo powder he had in stock.
A few seconds later, Sirius and Snape were washed up at a fireplace in Hogwarts.
They both immediately begun running towards the recovery room. Snape was in tears from the pain while Sirius was holding his ding-dong, covered with his jacket. It looked as though he was holding a boulder in front of him, as his dick was now even bigger than the red quidditch ball.
Unfortunately for them, however, they had arrived during recess. Immediately the corridors flooded with children. The happy voices of the children changed to gasps of anxiety and bewilderment when they saw the two men. They were not a dignified sight at all. They were tired, battered, dehydrated and dirty. They both hoped that the children would not realize what that white substance smeared on their lower bodies was. But, because anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, a large swarm of children blocked their path. They were Gryffindors and Slytherins engaged in mortal combat. Amongst the Gryffindors were Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville. Amongst the Slytherins were Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy Parkinson. Luna Lovegood was there as well and was in support of Harry and his friends.
As soon as they saw the adults, Malfoy instantly turned to whine at Snape.
"Professor Snape! Potter and his friends…" But he left his phrase hanging as he noticed the wretched condition Snape was in. "Professor, this criminal hurt you!" He screamed and pointed at Sirius.
Snape did not just ignore Malfoy, he pushed him out of the way so he could walk by.
Malfoy fell down and a small gap was created in the swarm.
Snape, like a feline, jumped through the gap and continued running towards the recovery room.
But Malfoy got up immediately, and the gap closed before Sirius could get through as well.
"My father will hear about this!" Malfoy screamed towards Snape.
Sirius' dick had gotten unbearably heavy. He had to go to the recovery room, he had no other choice.
"Stand aside, big-dick coming through!" He ejaculated, and, holding his jacket tightly around his dick, tried to protect the kids from the jizz that flew in all directions.
The kids scattered, screaming in a panic.
Sirius ran forwards. Malfoy's despair-filled scream was heard behind him.
"My father will hear about this! Oh, geez I got dirty!"
"Hey, don't wipe it off on me!" Screamed Goyle.
Sirius ignored the fight that was happening behind him and continued running until he reached the recovery room. He rushed into the room and witnessed madam Pomfrey, quite frustrated, and Snape making incomprehensible gestures. He took notice of the kids on the beds, evidently there had been some accidents during quidditch, so Snape was too embarrassed to speak. And cum. Sirius, however, could no longer hide his tumorous dick, which resembled (and weighed like) a mehnir. He laid it on an empty bed and, with a theatrical motion, threw his jacket off, revealing his majesty. Madam Pomfrey let out a scream. The kids let loose with cries of shock and awe.
"Not in front of the children!" screeched madam Pomfrey, and threw a bedsheet in an attempt to hide Sirius' purple shame, which he so shamelessly revealed.
Snape facepalmed to show his disapproval. He would have surely insulted Sirius, but he did not dare cum in front of the children.
"For Merlin's sake Black! When will you stop experimenting on your penis?! You're not thirteen years old anymore!" Said madam Pomfrey, still in shock.
Sirius motioned for her to move a bit to the side.
"What?" She asked as she moved a couple steps to the left.
"That." Ejaculated Sirius in the spot she was standing on just a second ago.
"For Merlin's sake!" Cried madam Pomfrey.
"We got hit with an ejaculation curse." Sirius ejaculated again. "In an attempt to remove the curse, I turned my dick into a huge eggplant and he completely destroyed his." Sirius ejaculated for quite a long time, as that was a big sentence, and pointed towards Snape, whose face was twisted in pain.
"Black is clearly a bad influence on you, Snape." Madam Pomfrey looked at Snape in disappointment.
She then pulled a couple of room dividers so as to hide a couple of beds from the curious eyes of the students. "Step right this way, lie down and pull down your pants."
The two men obeyed and lied down on the beds. Sirius already had his dick out, as it was too big to fit in his pants anymore, and Snape, embarrassed, pulled his twisted and crippled willy out.
"Oh shalala!" The voice of the portrait that was hung over their beds echoed out.
They both looked up. It was the portrait of the horny lady. Snape shamefully hid his pecker, as his pale face turned red.
"Come now shy boy, why are you trying to hide it? Just because it's more crooked than your teeth?" Said the portrait.
"Seriously now? You're going to put us underneath the portrait of Semena Swallows? In this condition?" Ejaculated Sirius three times in a row, rather aggressively.
"Oh la la! It's raining men!" Said the portrait of Semena Swallows.
"I think you deserve it!" Said madam Pomfrey as she examined the two dicks with a magnifying glass. She then put the magnifying glass back in its place and stood at a safe distance before saying: "Besides, I think it's the only way to keep you in check while I'll be brewing the cure." And she left.
"I wouldn't bet on that." Ejaculated Sirius. "After my seven years here, I learned to ignore the portraits commenting upon my masturbation." Sirius ejaculated again.
"I bet you won't be able to ignore me!" Said Semena Swallows in a horny tone.
Snape looked at Sirius with a mixture of anger and surprise. Though he didn't say anything, his eyes were clearly screaming "What the fuck dude?" because as far as he could remember from his time as a student, there were no portraits in the dormitories. Sirius saw the look in his eyes and realized.
"Yes." He ejaculated. "I've played with it all over the castle." He ejaculated again.
"I was certain of it! You, kinky boy." Said Semena Swallows. "Why's the other dissolute one not speaking? Is there a problem with his little throat? Know what would help with that aching throat, mad boy?"
Snape madly wanted to chew her out. His head had turned red from anger. He bit his lips so as to not scream the hundreds of inappropriate words that crossed his mind and extended his middle finger towards Semena Swallows.
"Oooohhh, I knew you were in the mood for some sexy time! But why are you so red? Are you ready to blow? Wink wink." Said Semena Swallows to Snape while doing scandalous gestures.
Snape gritted his teeth. Sirius was barely able to not laugh.
"Come now, don't be shy, show me what you got! It's only us three here, it's not as if the entire school is watching. Or maybe you'd like for the whole school to be watching hmm? You sexy, deviant show off. Tell me, have you ever fucked a portrait?"
"That's it! I'm gonna tear you apart! I will obliterate you in so many little tiny pieces, that no one will ever be able to fix you! I will rip the paint from your canvas! Stab you a hundred times! Burn you! Bleach you!" Snape was screaming and ejaculating like an uncontrolled wild animal. His anger was so great that the sperm was launched with so much pressure that it reached the portrait. And so much was the sperm, that it left the portrait soaking.
"Oh YES!" Said the portrait in absolute ecstasy.
At that time madam Pomfrey returned, holding two potion vials.
"The cure is read- what the-?" She froze as she saw the portrait in such a disgraceful situation. "That's it Black. Detention!"
"But I'm no longer a student! Hey wait a minute! I didn't do that!" Ejaculated Sirius.
"You mean to tell me that this disgraceful thing was done by a professor? I don't think so, Black. And I don't care that you are no longer a student, you will be punished for this barbaric brutality. Fancy that! Sexual harassment against a portrait!"
"Well first! It's not harassment if she asks for it. And believe me, she was begging us! I mean, you know how Semena Swallows is! Secondly! I. Didn't. Do. It. And if you don't believe me, you can examine the sperm and see who it belongs to!" Sirius ejaculated many times in a row while Snape was whistling indifferently.
"I don't need to examine anything, Black. Your shady past already shows who's guilty here!"
"NO! I refuse to be condemned unjustly for a second time!" Screamed Sirius and ejaculated so hard he hit madam Pomfrey.
Her face contracted in rage.
"Oops, it slipped out." Ejaculated Sirius.
Madam Pomfrey brought her shaking fingers to her face and touched the sperm dripping from her chin. She then lowered her eyes and looked at her dress. She was covered in sperm from head to toe. Literally.
"Fuck the portrait!" She said in a hateful whisper. "You will be punished for this."
She put the vials down on the bedside tables.
"Drink these." She said coldly. "And stay in bed. You'll be fine by nightfall. Black, as soon as you recover, you're coming to my office." She then left the recovery room without expecting a response.
Sirius and Snape drank the potions, which tasted awful. They had a fight because Snape didn't confess that it was him who got the portrait all wet, ignoring the fact that they ejaculated every time they spoke, as the potion hadn't taken effect yet, and after exhausting themselves (from the fight, the ceaseless cumming and the fact that they were awake since last night) they fell asleep.
They both woke up in terrible agony. Their screams immediately woke up madame Pomfrey.
"What's happening in here, what's wrong?!" Shouted the nurse as she ran into the recovery room.
"You should have warned us that the potion will hurt!" Shouted Snape. He did not ejaculate this time.
"Hey, you didn't cum!" Sirius noticed. "And neither do I! But my dick is in worse shape than before."
"And mine is completely gone!" Shouted Snape.
"What the hell? Let me check your ding dongs." Said madame Pomfrey and examined the south of the border areas. "Oh, you two ding dongs, you got the potions mixed up! Damn it, this is serious, I don't think I can fix it. You'll have to go to the St. Mango's hospital."