Chapter 18 - Living Guide

They went to the next room. Medicine cabinets lined the walls, surrounding a sheet-covered examination chair and an operating table that sat in the center. Clinical, just the way Juliet liked their relationship. She strode in first and allowed Ben to follow.

"Everyone seems to be settling in," Ben remarked casually. He shut the door behind them, and strolled toward the table. "Though we're a little short on provisions. I had everyone ration last week, to prepare for this arrival." His brow arched when he smirked. "And to make up for the pallet that was scavenged from the drop site."

Juliet crossed her arms and leaned against the chair.

"We were going to have to feed them all at some point," she said. "Or are you actually planning on letting some of them go home?"

Ben regarded her calmly, letting silence fill the room. This newfound power of hers was getting to be a problem. The puppet strings were very tense indeed. On the verge of snapping, even.

"I underestimated your need for companionship." Ben said abruptly.

Juliet stared at him. So he had been watching.

Good, she thought. It's what she'd wanted, after all; to finally poison the treat he'd been giving himself the past three years.

It was you, Juliet wanted to say to Ben. You did this. You brought James here, and told me to work with him, to walk with him, to spend my first time away from this horrible place with him, alone in the jungle with nothing but time to talk about everything I've been holding inside.

Of course she'd thrown herself at the first rebellious, un-indoctrinated person she met. It wasn't her fault James was so damned attractive. Not even Ben could claim credit for that.

It's what she wanted to say. But she refused to give in, or admit how satisfying it would be to lay into him. To show him how every single thing he'd ever said and done had led to her betraying him.

Juliet knew that Ben measured his words on a very fine scale. He always knew just what to say to keep people out of kilter. All she had to do was absorb his comment and move on, and choose her own words just as carefully.

"When are you bringing everyone back from the Temple?" she asked.

If it stung him to be ignored, for the topic to be brushed aside, he hid it well. In everything she did and said, she was communicating she no longer gave a single fuck what he thought about her or the company she chose to keep.

"You said you wanted to see the children."

"I said Ana Lucia needed to see the children," Juliet corrected him. "They all do."

"And they will see them," said Ben. "When the time is right. It takes a bit of time to get there and back. We don't exactly have a monorail installed here-"

"We could just as easily take a group there." Juliet paved over his sarcastic comment.

Ben's eyes narrowed. Juliet couldn't possibly know anything about the Temple. She couldn't want to actually go there, for any other reason than to find the people her newfound friends were so desperate to see. Still, the trajectory was concerning. Where was the line between acquiescing in order to gain her trust, and losing ground by giving in to her demands?

"I'll consider it." he said.

"They're going to ask you about Danielle Rousseau." said Juliet.

Ben nodded. "Yes. Ethan told me about their encounters."

"Is that why you were so eager to separate the tail section? And get everyone else away from the beach? Were you worried about what Danielle would tell them?"

"I can't imagine what she could say that would mean anything to them, Juliet. She's crazy."

"Like Ana Lucia was unstable?"

Ben remained silent. His eyes held a subtle smile. If it was pride in his pupil or a cover for his panic, Juliet didn't care either way.

"You need to start answering questions, Ben. You need to deliver. Ana Lucia is here now, and she has all of her friends with her. Every day you keep them here, they're going to have more questions. Not just about the other crash survivors. They'll want to know how they're getting home."

"You seem to be full of questions yourself, lately."

"I'm a research scientist." she reminded him with ice cold sarcasm. "I'm doing my job."

"I'm going to talk with all of them today."

"Can I be there when you do?"

"No. I think you're needed here. With Claire and Aaron."

It was a specious assignment, something important to do while Ben went off and undermined her elsewhere. At least his interviews would keep him busy. Having been through the process herself, Juliet liked the idea of Ben being exhausted at the end of it all. Forty-plus impatient airline passengers, testing his composure and resolve. Juliet had to take that deal.

Ben took her silence as acquiescence.

"Is there anything else?" he asked, his servile tone mocking the new queen.

"Yes," Juliet said, the last request coming to her as she abruptly went to leave. "Tell Harper to stay the hell away from me."

She left the door swinging on its hinges, and Ben standing in the middle of the room all alone.

He was impressed, turned on and horrified all at once. It seemed he'd created the instrument of his own demise. He'd sent her out to recruit an army, and she'd made it her own. If not for his unwavering belief in himself, Ben might have lost sleep over it. It only made him want her more. She made him want to win at everything.

Juliet passed through Claire's room on her way out.

"Everything okay?" Jack asked.

"We'll talk later," Juliet answered breezily, plastering a smile on her face when she saw Hurley holding baby Aaron and singing a quiet lullaby in Spanish.

She kept walking, out of the hospital, away from Ben. She walked the courtyard alone, passing by a porch where Sayid, Ana Lucia and Kate were hanging out. She didn't stop to talk. The three understood it was not the time, though their eyes followed her as she went into her own house across the yard.

James stood in the archway while Juliet fussed at the stove in her kitchen. It was strange watching her prepare food, having returned to her life there in the settlement when they both knew it wasn't normal.

"So what's stopping us from asking to use the submarine, right now, today?" James asked. He didn't want to sound impatient, but she'd sounded worried about Ben wanting to talk with the other survivors unsupervised. "He's gonna say no the first time anyway, right?"

"Right." Juliet agreed. She flipped two grilled cheese sandwiches on the griddle, and stared at the oil just beginning to bubble at the sides.

"So what are we waiting for?"

Juliet wasn't sure how to explain. She just had a feeling.

"I need him to take us to the Temple first."

"Where's that?"

"I don't know, James."

"Well, why'd he take 'em there?"

"I don't know. I didn't even know it existed until yesterday when he told us."

"Must be an important secret," said James. "If it wasn't part of your training."

"Yeah." she agreed. Too easily.

James walked over to the counter and stood next to her. He just wanted to help. If that meant strong-arming someone, or intimidating someone else, he'd do that for her. If she needed him to be the one to pull the trigger on Ben at the end of it all, as sick to his stomach as it made him to contemplate taking another life, he was pretty sure he'd do that for her too.

He almost asked her if she wanted to have sex. They could rip the camera from the wall, or do it on the couch or in the shower, if that's what she wanted. She seemed to enjoy the distraction.

He was a moment away from blurting it all out, but he didn't want to say the wrong thing. So he just stood beside her and watched her face in profile, waiting for a clue.

She could sense it, all of his ideas and his inability to express them.

"James," she said. "All I want right now is to eat a grilled cheese sandwich."

His concern abated for a moment, and he had a quiet chuckle at the simple request. She wanted him to eat a grilled cheese sandwich with her.

"Okay." he said, matter-of-factly.

"Do you want any ketchup?" Juliet asked him.

"Ketchup?!"

Juliet looked at him, tired but defiant. "Yes."

James smirked. "I thought I was the only one."

"Have you tried it with tomato soup?"

"What am I, a heathen? Of course I have."

"Sorry I don't have any. Half my pantry was devoured by locusts."

James tsked. "Don't know why they were so desperate for store brand concentrate…we had plenty of gourmet airline snacks to eat back on the beach…"

His playful grousing brought a smile to Juliet's face.

For James, seeing that smile was a relief. It was a victory.

Being able to make Juliet smile was almost better than sex.

Almost.

They ate at the kitchen table. When they finished their sandwiches. Juliet took their dishes to the sink and touched the faucet handle. She stopped there, unable to complete the motion that would turn it on.

James' previous concern returned in an instant.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Juliet turned, looking sheepish.

"Every day," she said. "For the past year, I prayed that every time I left this house, it would be the last time. That he would just…let me go. Straight home to Miami. I wouldn't even bother packing any of my stuff."

James relaxed. He knew the feeling. That was lights out every night he'd spent in prison, every hour spent in the yard.

"I can feel it getting close." said Juliet. "It's actually going to be the last time I leave this house."

The house. But not the island. Going home was no longer part of the deal.

Juliet looked away from him as he interpreted her words.

"He's got one last chance to do what's right." James said. "He either lets you go, or…"

He trailed off, remembering Juliet's promise to herself. It wasn't about her freedom anymore. She wanted to end Ben's reign. She wanted to end Ben.

"Either way, he gets what he deserves."

"He's not letting me win without a fight." Juliet reminded him.

"Then we fight." James replied, his expression as hard and resolute as the night she'd first told him.

Juliet looked at him. There was relief in her unflinching blue eyes.

"Thank you." said Juliet.

Confusion joined his dark glower. He was as unused to receiving thanks as he was giving it.

"For what?" James asked.

"For understanding." Juliet answered.

James' expression softened. It wasn't something he'd done consciously. He hadn't processed the feeling yet, but for the first time it felt like his ruin of a life was actually worth something. That all the shit he'd been through had led him to this moment. To helping Juliet.

"And for eating a sandwich with me." she added to lighten the moment.

"It was a good sandwich." James murmured, half joke, half confession of love.

Juliet bit the inside of her lip and turned back to the sink so he wouldn't see the emotion welling up in her.

Being around James made her warm. She was convinced she had to remain cold in order to achieve her goal of removing Ben from existence.

She left James at her house. Leaving at intervals might have been useless by that point. Everyone knew by now that James was sleeping at her house. But if going through the motions bought them another day of secrecy for their schemes, it was worth it. They had to talk to some people before Ben had a chance to talk to them alone.

"Juliet!" a young voice called out.

It was Alex, waving and jogging from across the courtyard. Juliet smiled easily, even has her heart lurched at the sight of the teenage girl.

"I can't believe there are so many!" Alex gushed, walking right up to Juliet to give her a big hug. "It's like the population doubled overnight."

Alex was the only person in Ben's camp that cared for Juliet unconditionally. Natural rebellion against her father made her a genuinely open-hearted and kind person. Or maybe it was her nature, retained in spite of being kidnapped as an infant.

Juliet had not reconciled what taking Ben's life would do to the young woman. Or what it would be like to explain that her mother was still alive somewhere on the island.

"Where have you been?" Juliet asked, forcing herself to speak with innocent curiosity.

"Dad had me off on another stupid mission." Alex rolled her eyes. "Checkpoint maintenance with Colleen. Another punishment for spending time with Karl."

What was left of Juliet's sympathy burned away in the fire that returned to the pit of her stomach. Their captivity was the same, their gaslighting and their punishments the same. Taking Ben's life might break Alex's heart, but all Juliet had to do was recall Ethan's face, and she knew Alex would be better off without any of them.

"One of the people from the plane had a baby last night." Juliet told her, to distract them both.

"Are you serious?!" Alex asked with wide eyes, panicked that she'd missed such a crazy event.

And someone from a boat had a baby here sixteen years ago.

Juliet felt like a monster, keeping the truth from Alex. The girl deserved to know everything. But the timing had to be right. Juliet had to make sure she was safe first.

Ben's one-on-one meetings began with Officer Cortez, and she wasted no time.

"Juliet mentioned a place," Ana Lucia said before she'd taken a seat. "Where some of the other survivors ended up?"

"Yes, I-" Ben paused, regarding Ana Lucia with a look of sympathy. "I'm sure Juliet has said it already, but I am so very sorry for the fright Goodwin caused your group. And his attack…I can't excuse his actions. In his own twisted way, I'm sure he was acting in what he thought was the best interest of all involved."

"If he got them somewhere safe," she said coldly. "Then I guess it all worked out in the end."

Including that part when I stabbed him to death.

Ben's small smile thanked her for understanding, even though the sympathetic light had left his eyes. He'd have to keep a very special eye on this one.

"Danielle Rousseau…" Ben pretended to mull the name over, really giving it some thought.

"That's the name she gave to me, anyway." said Sayid.

"You said she held you captive?"

"For the better part of a day, yes."

"After surviving a plane crash." Ben shook his head. "I really can't imagine. You are a strong man, Mr. Jarrah."

Sayid smiled politely, and let nothing else slip.

"Did she say anything about how she came to be on the island?" Ben asked.

"I was hoping you could tell me." said Sayid.

"As you've seen," Ben said apologetically. "Our settlement is quite small. And we put those pylons up for a reason."

Sayid nodded, no doubt in his mind that Ben hadn't lifted a finger to build a single one of those towers.

Ben pretended not to know Michael and Walt's names either. He pretended not to know their family history, or the ways in which he planned to shape Walt into a contributing member of his society. The Others, as Ms. Rousseau had so eloquently coined on their behalf.

Ben watched Walt look around his office, decorated as it was with antiques and artifacts from around the world. He remembered Alex at that age. Dangerously curious and honest to a fault.

"Pardon me for mentioning, Walt," Ben said gently. "But you seem disappointed."

Walt shrugged. "I thought you'd be more like…"

"Cavemen?" Michael guessed jokingly.

"You know," said Walt. "Land of the Lost type stuff."

"He's disappointed you didn't shoot arrows at us when we arrived."

Ben smiled. "Well I hope the candy bars made up for that."

"Definitely." Walt agreed with an easy smile.

Michael's smile was forced. The generosity was appreciated, but politeness wasn't going to get any of them home.

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but…"

Ben looked at Michael expectantly.

"...What's the fastest way to New York City from here?"

"I'm sure most of the people you talk to are eager to get home," said Rose. She looked nervously at Bernard, then back to their host Ben.

"A few." Ben admitted with an edge of sarcasm to his tone.

Bernard chuckled sheepishly. "Once I made it to the beach and found Rose…well, to be honest we were starting to enjoy it here."

The two oldest survivors wanted to stick around. Great.

"I'm happy to hear that." Ben smiled, confident that neither of them would be around for much longer.

"Aren't you the fellow from Driveshaft?" Ben asked Charlie right away.

It was the key to being Charlie's best friend, if only for one conversation. Charlie was Ben's easiest interview of the day.

Hurley's foot wouldn't stop tapping and, despite the decent air conditioning in Ben's office, his forehead kept sweating.

"I got called to the principal's office a lot in school." he explained.

He had to fill the awkward silence that Ben purposefully injected into the room.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" Hurley blurted next.

Ben raised his eyebrows, but declined to answer.

Hurley forced a chuckle. "Yeah, neither do I. The wind in the trees just gets a little…creepy…here…at night…"

Hurley struggled to swallow down a dry throat.

"He's running them like counseling sessions." Jack remarked later.

"Offering sympathy and telling us how resilient we are?" Sayid agreed with a smirk.

"He's good at avoiding answers." said Ana Lucia.

Kate listened to them debrief, the doctor, the soldier and the police officer. They'd all been through psych evals in their respective careers. Maybe even been on the questioning side of an interrogation.

It felt to Kate like everyone had been called on already except for her. She was just beginning to wonder how hard it would really be to scale one of those pylons and escape when Juliet entered the house.

"Hey." Jack greeted her.

Juliet closed the front door behind her. "Did you all get a talk with Ben?"

"All of us except for Kate." said Jack.

Juliet nodded thoughtfully, and glanced at Kate.

The paranoid part of Kate thought Juliet would know the reason that Ben left her for last, that whatever James and Juliet had seen in her file would be the reason she was kept out of future plans. That she'd be handed straight to the authorities, or used by Ben as leverage with anyone that came to rescue them.

Ben's deliberate choices were a puzzle that Juliet constantly had to solve in order to stay ahead of his machinations. She knew he was good at controlling a large group of people. All he had to do was find their weaknesses and exploit one in order to affect the rest. Tired, scared people were weaker still. A career fugitive like Kate might be as desperate to avoid rescue as she would be to escape the island. Not even Kate could say for sure which she wanted. Sometimes it depended on which way the wind was blowing.

If Juliet had any insight, she wasn't saying. In fact she wasn't saying anything at all. She was staring past them, deep in her own troubled thoughts. Kate watched her space out, and was reminded that Juliet had her own problems to worry about.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked Juliet, somewhat sheepishly.

Juliet looked at each of them briefly, and wondered if she looked as tired as she felt. She remembered why it was they were all there. She felt the pangs of annoyance and dread that she was the one in charge, and guilt for involving them in her plan when they were already traumatized by the plane crash, by the very chaos of life itself.

"I'm fine," she lied. Because she had to be.

"I asked him about the kids," said Ana Lucia.

Juliet nodded. "I pushed him for a visit to the Temple. We should talk about who's going."

"Do you know where it is?" Jack asked.

"No. I'm not sure anyone does, except for him."

And maybe Richard Alpert, Juliet thought to herself. She hadn't seen him for weeks. Any time he was gone, she imagined he was off island, somewhere in the world, recruiting other people like he'd recruited her. Handing them orange juice. Tricking them into drinking it. Their fucking Kool-Aid.

"He acted as if he'd never seen or heard of Danielle." said Sayid.

Juliet nodded again. It was exactly as they'd discussed. Ben thought he was reading them. They were reading him too.

"If you're hungry," Kate said. "We grabbed some more food from the pantry."

Juliet's expression lightened at her offer. It was the same stuff she'd been eating for the past three years, but having it offered to her by the newcomers made it feel quaint. She realized then she was craving something sweet, so she excused herself to the kitchen.

Juliet took the remainder of a half-eaten can of peaches, and retrieved a fork from the same drawer that held forks in every Dharmaville home. She was struck again by the routine motions and familiar placements, all the black label foods she'd grown used to. This could be the last Dharma peach she was ever going to taste.

She felt Kate in the doorway. Juliet kept her eyes on her food and waited for the younger woman to say something.

"Do you know why he hasn't talked to me yet?" Kate asked.

Juliet chewed what was in her mouth, and took a moment to think of a diplomatic answer. Kate clearly hated having to ask.

"The files he has on everyone are thorough." said Juliet. "I think, knowing your history, Ben would want you to sit, and wait, and wonder what he's going to ask. The more nervous you are, the more likely you'll blurt out something you don't mean to."

Kate let out an anxious chuckle. Juliet spoke of it so clinically. Her file. Her 'history'. That was her life in their hands, her every waking moment filled with the fear of getting caught, of anyone knowing the full truth. And they'd read it like it was résumé.

"So...you've seen my file?" Kate asked.

Juliet nodded.

"Does everyone know?"

Juliet shook her head. "Just Ben. And me."

"And Sawyer."

Juliet confirmed it with a nod.

Kate took a deep breath, and nodded her acquiescence to the facts.

"I mean 'James,'" she said, correcting herself wryly. "I didn't even know his real name 'til now. And now he knows everything about me."

"Only what was in the file." said Juliet. "It's not everything. There was a lot in his…"

Juliet trailed off. She had another bite waiting for her, but she'd lost her appetite.

"He knows a file doesn't tell the whole story. There's more to a person than the paper trail they leave behind."

They were both quiet. Not sure where the conversation could go. Juliet set her fork down, next to the uneaten portion of fruit.

"Can I ask you something?" she said. She knew it was their only chance, since the other three would eventually come check on them.

Kate nodded.

"How did it feel?" Juliet asked carefully.

"How did it feel?" Kate repeated.

Juliet nodded, sheepish but too curious to back down.

"The house?" Kate asked quietly. She needed clarification. She'd racked up a few charges since then.

"The person inside the house." Juliet said.

Kate had been asked before, in a much less delicate way, by police and the psychologists trying to ascertain if they were dealing with a psychopath.

How did it make you feel?

Kate thought back to what James told her about Juliet's intentions for Ben. Juliet wasn't asking Kate to explain her motivation. Juliet wanted to know what it was like to kill the person who'd hurt her.

Kate fought tears, bile and fear to conjure the words to explain.

"It felt really good," she confessed. "For about an hour. I was so proud of myself for going through with it. I just wanted us to be free. Me and my mom."

Juliet nodded, acknowledging without judgment. It gave Kate the space to continue.

"Then I told her. And everything fell apart. It's pretty much been downhill since then."

"So you wouldn't recommend it." Juliet said.

Kate looked at Juliet. Juliet looked down and smirked sadly into her can of peaches.

"Sorry," she said.

There was a quiet, delayed laugh once Kate realized she was being sarcastic.

"No," Kate answered the question with an incredulously wry smile. "I wouldn't recommend."

They sobered and Juliet looked up again, and Kate could see the ice in her eyes.

"Do you regret it?" Juliet asked her.

The answer sprang to Kate's mind immediately. It took her a moment to decide whether or not to tell Juliet.

"No." Kate answered honestly, feeling no shame for that one part of it. "Everything I did after, yes. But not that."

Kate wasn't sure what Juliet expected to hear, but she seemed to find solace in the answers she'd been given. Deep down Kate knew her lack of regret was the reason she couldn't face punishment for the crime.

Juliet had accepted the punishment the moment she decided to stop Ben. She wasn't planning on running after that.

When Juliet left Kate's house, there were Oceanic passengers and Others mingling outside in the hours before dinner. It seemed some of them had become fast friends. Juliet felt more of her control slipping away, and more still at the terrible sight waiting for her across the courtyard.

Harper exited Ben's house, with Ben trailing behind her. Reading their body language, Juliet could tell Ben was conveying sympathy and thanking Harper, and that Harper was no longer angry at Ben. They shared a friendly hug, and Juliet wondered how difficult it was for Ben to mime physical closeness to another human being.

She stood staring long enough for Ben to see her across the way. He smiled, and raised his hand in a friendly wave. Juliet didn't have it in her to wave back, not even for show. She was certain Harper had not been instructed to stay the hell away from her. All she could imagine was Ben giving Harper permission to slit Juliet's throat in the night.

Just as the bottom went out from beneath her, before she could fall into that mental abyss, James appeared at her side.

"Was lookin' for you." he said casually.

His voice broke through, but she still felt and looked like she'd seen a ghost.

"You okay?" he asked her.

"I don't know."

James glanced where she was staring. He saw the end of Ben's wave, and he saw the brunette leaving Ben's porch.

"That's Harper." Juliet said. She waited until Goodwin's widow was fully gone from the area around Ben's house, then turned to James. "Will you come with me to talk to Ben?"

"Yeah," James agreed easily. If she was up to it, he wasn't going to let her do it alone.

It was a good idea anyway. They were supposed to be his secret agents after all. They had to assume he witnessed their tryst in Juliet's bedroom. They could only hope he didn't suspect the larger betrayal of sharing a different plan with the Oceanic survivors.

Ben watched them walk over and opened his door to them without a word.

"How did it go?" Juliet asked in a much lighter tone than she'd used earlier. Having James there beside her - knowing Ben had a visual of them naked and intertwined burned into his brain - helped Juliet keep things friendly between her and Ben.

I'm still useful, Ben. There's still hope for you, when it comes to controlling me. I'll still run your errands.

Ben did some heavy lifting to keep his everything-is-fine facade in place.

"It went well," said Ben. "They're relieved to be here, and anxious to get home, just like you said. Your groundwork was indispensable."

As he spoke, Ben's eyes followed James, as James sauntered to his kitchen counter and helped himself to an apple. Ben stared as James took himself a big ol' bite of that fruit without asking. It was the last one. They weren't going to get more apples for a few weeks.

"Sayid asked about Danielle," Ben continued, turning back to Juliet.

She remained closer to the front door than he liked. Always one step away from the exit.

"What did he say about her?" Juliet asked.

"What did he tell you?" Ben volleyed the question right back to her.

"That she was crazy." said Juliet, repeating Ben's words instead of Sayid's.

"Most of what she said was in French." James piped up around a mouth full of apple. It was a nice crispy one. Sweet, too. "Nobody on the beach speaks French."

Ben nodded, pretending to be satisfied with those answers. It matched what Sayid told him, anyway. Juliet had seemed so suspicious earlier. Perhaps all her anger was about the camera, he thought. The one she so clearly found out about, flaunting her physical connection to James for him to see.

"I think we should take that trip to the Temple, Juliet."

He presented it now as his idea. Juliet could feel the years being taken off of her life, the way her heart twisted in anger at the way he twisted all of their conversations. He was giving her what she'd demanded, and now she feared he had the upper hand. If he was allowing this trip to the Temple, it meant he found some way to make it work in his favor.

Juliet concentrated on the crunch of the apple as James made it disappear in big bites. She knew it annoyed Ben, James taking what was his, right in front of him, not using a plate or a napkin as he ate it over Ben's living room carpet.

"Another field trip already?" James said. "Being an Other sure is exhausting."

"You have no idea." Ben and Juliet said at the same time.

James smirked. "Learning from the best."

"We should talk about who will go." said Juliet.

Please, Ben. Give us your sage advice. It's not like we've decided who should go already, we swear.

James noticed the difference in their last conversation with Ben. He noticed the difference even more when they were back in Juliet's house. What came naturally to him took a lot of energy from her. James found it easy to play a role because he already hated himself and didn't care about the consequences. She hated herself for being able to play along. She hated what it made her.

"You feeling any better?" James asked her, feeling foolish even as he said it.

She was at the sink, pouring a glass of water from the tap. James leaned against the counter and studied her face, looking for signs of stress, for anything he could do to help.

"I don't know how I feel anymore." Juliet confessed. "I'm just trying to hold myself together long enough to get there."

Where was 'there'? James wondered. The Temple, or the end of the road?

"You're doing a hell of a job." James told her.

"Am I?"

She sounded done. She stared at the faucet, angry that she'd been forced to return and use it again.

"He knows you're still pissed at him." said James. "But that talk we just had, it made him trust you again."

"Great." Juliet said dryly. "I still don't want to go into my bedroom ever again."

"Yeah…"

James figured that would be the case. He couldn't help the self-hate. He understood it all too well. But he'd already taken care of that other thing.

"I took that camera out."

Juliet looked at him, surprised. "You did?"

There they were again, the eyes of a little boy who needed validation. He braced for a scolding, afraid he was in trouble for doing the right thing.

"I knew you couldn't take it out yourself." said James. "'Cause then he'd know for sure that you knew about it. I did it while you were over at Kate's. So you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore."

What a fucked up gesture to be touched by, she thought. But she was touched.

She put a gentle hand to the side of his face. Trying to remove the worry from his brow with a stroke from her thumb.

"That nap on the couch was nice," he said. "If you still can't stand the thought."

Juliet smiled. He just wanted a safe space to cuddle.

"It was nice," Juliet agreed. "But my back hurts like a motherfucker."

James' expression broke into a relieved grin, hearing a curse word in that soft voice of hers.

Juliet's lips were on his a second later. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into her. James kissed back in his effortless way, consuming her and giving her back to herself at the same time. She felt weightless when he did it like that.

"I didn't do it for this." James murmured near her lips. He needed her to know.

Juliet hugged his head to her neck, feeling his kisses trail down from behind her ear to her shoulder.

"I know." she whispered back.

She didn't care. The way he made her feel when he held her, it would have been okay if he did.

When she locked her bedroom door that night she felt secure. Still trapped and still cornered on a prison island, but for another night of stolen moments they were safe and alone, together.