Chapter 377

Elain had grown restless by the time the sun had reached its peak in the sky. She stood at the windows of the library, staring out at the rest of the city, wondering if anyone out there knew what was happening within the palace. She hoped that the bloodshed had not spread out there and that it had been contained within these walls. That was what Helion and Lucien would have tried to do, she knew and, closing her eyes, Elain hoped that they were safe.

There hadn't been any sign or sound from the males since they had left, and Elain's stomach was beginning to twist with worry. She had begun to feel sick and that had pushed her from her comfortable seat on the couch with Ashk. Lucien had promised that he would be back for her by sunset, and she knew that he would do his best to be. It was only about midday now and he was not yet expected or at all late, and yet the long silence had begun to wear at her.

It wasn't a complete silence. She could hear his heartbeat, as she always could, and Elain clung to that always keeping her ear turned to that comforting thud. As long as she could hear that steady beat, she could cling to the belief that he was alright, and that he was unharmed. Closing her eyes, she thought about the first moments that she had begun to hear that sound. She had come out of the Cauldron and been tipped onto the cold floor, wet and shivering. Lucien's warm hands had lifted her out of that, holding her to himself, and his heat had comforted her. He'd put his jacket around her, giving her further warmth, but she had barely noticed because everything had been so loud, so colourful and sharp. Her new senses had been going wild, and it had all been overwhelming. Then, when Nesta had grabbed her, she had met Lucien's eyes for the first time, gold and russet, and that sound had begun in her head. She hadn't realised what it had been, not for a long time. Not until he had come to the Night Court and spoken to her in the library. She had realised then, when she had been looking at him, that his heart had been keeping her company, keeping her grounded when all she had wanted to do was fade away.

Elain ran her hands over her face, up and down, before pushing her fingers up into her hair and tugging on it gently. She didn't want to sit in here and wait. Not when Lucien and so many others were risking their lives. She accepted that she wasn't a fighter and she knew that Lucien was right in that she would be able to help when all the fighting was done. He was right in that she wasn't someone who was meant to hurt others, but help them grow. All of this made sense to Elain, but that did not make it easier for her to sit idly behind locked doors while her mate was out there amongst countless enemies who wanted him dead.

"You can feel him, can you not?" Ashk's voice startled Elain and she turned to see the redheaded faerie standing behind her. Ashk blinked, russet eyes bright. "The bond allows you that?"

"Yes." Elain nodded. Ashk looked a little relieved, and Elain realised that she had an advantage that others did not. She couldn't imagine sitting through this while the male she was in love with and her own son were out there while she had absolutely no connection to them and no way to tell if they still lived.

"He is alright, then…?"

"I…I can hear his heart beating." Elain told her. "The bond doesn't allow us to actually communicate… I… I don't know if it will one day grow to that or not, but that is not possible now." She paused, "I can feel his… determination… and caution." She smiled a little, "He's alright."

"And… H-" Ashk broke off, before smiling and nodding.

"The bond doesn't …" Elain bit her lip, knowing that Ashk wanted to ask about Helion but had stopped herself. She didn't know what to tell the other female. The bond gave her no information from Lucien, and she had no way of gleaning anything about the High Lord. She suspected that Ashk had figured that out when a regretful sigh was released and Ashk moved past her to the window, looking out at the city herself. "If… if… this doesn't go well…" Elain murmured, standing beside Ashk, "Will you go back to the Autumn Court?" She looked up at Lucien's mother, waiting as Ashk stared out of the window.

"I suppose that depends on what exactly happens…"

"I see."

"If something happens to Helion… and Lucien… and someone else takes the throne there would be no reason for me to remain…"

Nodding, Elain agreed. If that happened, she would have no reason to stay either. "I would… probably go back to the Night Court." She said, "To Feyre… or wherever Nesta is…"

"Family," Ashk breathed, "gives us purpose."

Elain nodded again, not knowing how Ashk had dealt with being separated from Lucien for so long. She had been with her other sons, that was true, but it was no secret that Lucien was her favourite. "We should keep busy," Elain said, "while we wait for the afternoon to pass. He said he would be back at sundown."

"Yes," Ashk agreed, straightening herself and smoothing her gown over her hips. "As long as you know Lucien is alive, we have no cause for concern."

Elain gasped and, across the room, Sheera let out a startled shriek when the doors to the library flew open without warning.