"Well, that surely was interesting." Savos Aren says while drinking some more tea. During Vardall's explanation he remained totally silent, only hearing everything. In the meantime, Vardall's group still was pretty confused with this, none of them saying a word.
Finally, Arissa decides to break the silence. "That was... surely a lot to take in..."
Most of the group still was speechless, or at least very confused with all Vardall told them. He was from a different place than any of them knew about, all that talk about Grey Wardens, tainted blood and Archdemons... it was not something you hear and remains the same after.
"I'm still trying to process all of that." Lucien says. "I mean... I... don't know what to say."
"You are not alone on this, Lucien." Serana tells the Imperial scholar. "I... knew Vardall had secrets and things he never told me entirely, but... I never thought of something like this."
The vampire's words caught the attention of everyone there. "Wait, he already told you some of those things?" Inigo asks as Serana nods.
"Yes. He already told me about his different blood, but didn't give me more details. He said it was something he would like to forget." She then lays down her gaze a little. "I know how is to someone want to relieve traumas, so I never asked any more details about it."
"Are we going to ignore some of the things he told us?" Lydia asks everyone. "I mean... all of you heard from Vardall himself, that he killed innocent people."
Having remained silent until now, the Nerevarine finally decides to talk. "That is something we need to discuss with the Dragonborn, not only between ourselves."
The Nerevarine's words made Serana think for a few seconds. She was able to see on Vardall's expressions how revealing all of that to them was something difficult to him, that was something he still wasn't ready to make but was forced to. She was able to sympathize with that, as he wasn't the only one there who had regrets and had the blood of innocents on their hands. Getting up from her chair, she makes her way to the door of the Arch-Mage's Quarters.
Everyone turned their attention to her now. "Where are you going?" Lydia asked, but didn't obtain any response, as Serana totally ignored them and left.
Outside the Hall of Elements, much more snow fell on the College's garden than before, but Vardall didn't care for that or for the view of the endless frozen sea in front of him. Now he was only lost in his own thoughts. His hands shaking, not because of the cold, but because of the memories of all the pain and death he caused.
Suddenly he hears footsteps on the snow behind him. He doesn't even have to turn to know that Serana was approaching him, as her natural strawberry scent gives it away already. A consequence of being from royalty, Vardall supposes.
"Did you come here to judge me?" Vardall sighs, without taking his eyes out of the sea. He hears Serana stopping behind him, without moving a muscle, the only sound that can be heard being the wind.
After a few seconds of excruciating silence, the vampire finally decides to speak. "I just came here to check you." She approaches Vardall a little more. "I noticed how telling us all those things affected you. For what is worth it, I'm sorry."
Vardall can tell Serana words are genuine. He then finally turns to look at her. "Sorry for what? You did nothing wrong, none of you did." He dodges his gaze a little. "And to be honest, I even feel somehow better with this, having finally got this out of my chest."
"I'm glad to hear that." Serana smiles a little. "So... this place where you came from, Thedas, it sounds like an interesting place."
"I'm surprised you didn't fill me up with questions."
Serana shrugs a little. "I already saw and experienced my share of strange and odd things during my life. You being from a place I never heard before is almost normal to me. And besides interesting, Thedas sounds like it would also be very beautiful, at least the way you described it."
He sighs. "It is. Even with all its flaws." Vardall braces himself against a nearby wall. "Even with things like the Chantry, the Templars and the Darkspawn, it is a beautiful place. The open plains of Ferelden... All the natural beauty and rich culture of Orlais..." Serana could see in Vardall's eyes a little glimpse of joy and even a little smile while he talked about Thedas, obviously feeling homesick. But that glimpse and smile spoons disappear. "Too bad it doesn't have the best people."
"Very similar to Tamriel. Beautiful places but not the best people." Serana says.
"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of great and wonderful people in Thedas too. Fuck, I made a lot of friends during my journey to stop the Blight." Vardall then sighs, looking at the ground. "Even though I thought they all wouldn't dare call me their friend after what I've done. From Thedas' gargantuan list of terrible people, you can add my name too."
Serana immediately remembers what Vardall was referring to. "Vardall, you are not a terrible person."
Vardall quickly answers her. "No, I am. Perhaps even a monster."
Serana starts to get a little angry with Vardall's words. "You are neither a terrible person or a monster, Vardall."
"I am!" Vardall quickly shouts as he walks away a little. "Did you even pay attention to what I said, to what I did?! I tortured people, I slaughtered and burned an entire village full of innocent people! Kids DIED because of me!" Serana could see the tears forming in Vardall's eyes. "I was so blind by my own rage and desire for vengeance that the woman that I loved more than anything tried to kill me in order to stop all that madness."
For the first time since Serana met him, Vardall starts to cry. "I try my best to forget that, but I always hear their screams in my mind every time I close my eyes to sleep. Since my arrival in Tamriel, very few were the days and nights that I hadn't nightmares. When the Greybeards introduced me to The Way of the Voice, it helped me for a while, but now it is not enough."
Serana then watches as Vardall looks to both his hands. "In Thedas, I was the Hero of Ferelden. Here in Tamriel, I am the Dragonborn. Most people look at me and see a savior, someone who's gonna end evil." He starts to giggle a little. "Barely they know my hands are soaked with the blood of innocents."
Vardall walks away a little and returns to watch the sea. "A monster. That is what I am. I don't expect you to understand this, but... is the truth."
Serana only stands there, processing everything Vardall said to her. Did he truly consider himself a monster? This reminded Serana of something from her past. Something that, like Vardall, she was expecting to keep to herself.
"I understand what you are feeling." Serana says, then sighs. "And I understand very well."
That obviously called Vardall's attention, as he turned back to look at Serana. "What are you talking about?"
"You are not the only one here with innocent blood upon your hands, Vardall." Just like him, this was something Serana was hoping to keep to herself. But in order to help Vardall, she would have to reveal to him one of her biggest regrets.
She sighs, before finally starting to talk. "A long, long time ago, right after I became a Vampire, It felt amazing. The ceremony was... degrading, but the powers I received in exchange? They're incredible." She says. "My senses, my strength, my speed... all now superior to any mortal, and that make ME start to feel superior to mortals."
Vardall notices how Serana seems to be affected now, just like he was. But even so, she continues: "Remember Vingalmo? That Altmer vampire we both met when you took me to my father's castle? You said there that it looked like me and him had a story... and you're right. When I became a vampire, he started talking to me about how I was right to feel superior, that mortals were only sheeps and we're the lions. I was so blind and excited that I believed in him." Serana crosses both her arms around her body, almost looking like a form of protection or something.
Then she continued explaining. "Vingalmo convinced me the truly way to test my new powers was to hunt mortals, and as the stupid girl I was back then, I followed him like a dog follows its owner." Serana dodges her gaze from Vardall, looking to the ground. "We both went out during the night to hunt together, obviously I felt incredible because of my new vampiric skills. We then found a hut in the middle of the forest, that was home of a Nord man, a Altmer woman, their two small childs and..." Serana hesitates to speak, but continues anyway. "...and their newborn baby."
Vardall widens his eyes, getting a little worried. He did not like the way this story was going, but let Serana finish before talking anything. "Vingalmo and I subjugated the whole family quite easily. I still haven't fed myself until that moment, so Vingalmo allowed me to have the entire family as a... gift."
Vardall widens his eyes even more and slightly gasps. He knew very well what happened next. "You... killed them, didn't you?"
Serana sadly nods. "Yes. They begged for their lifes or to at least not hurt their children, but I ignored all. I drained all the blood of each one of them, even the childs and the baby." Serana dodges her gaze more. "It felt so, so sweet and good that I was not able to hold myself. And while I did that, Vingalmo was only laughing and congratulating me."
Vardall was now shocked. He didn't think Serana would do such a thing. Even being a vampire that doesn't need blood for longer periods, she mostly only drank blood of animals or bandits they encounter on their adventures. She continues to speak: "For some time I felt nothing about that, but then when my views startet to change, I started to deeply regret my actions."
Serana focuses back to Vardall. "Just like I said, you're not the only one with innocent blood upon your hands." She then deeply looks inside Vardall's eyes and makes a sincere question. "Do you think that I am a monster because of that? Because of what I did?"
Vardall immediately shakes his head in denial. "No! You're not!"
Serana crosses her arms. "And why do you say that?"
"Because you changed." Vardall starts talking. "You said yourself you regret doing that, and now you are doing a good thing by helping me and the Dawnguard to stop your father, in order to protect not only the vampires, but mortals as well..." He stops divaging when he finally realizes what Serana was trying to do.
She smiles. "Exactly. You don't see me as a monster because I am trying to do something better and regret my past actions. The same applies to you." She says. "Only the fact of you thinking you're a monster shows how much you regret your actions, not to mention you are here with me trying to stop my father. And you're a Dragonborn, who is destined to defeat Alduin and save Mundus. A destiny that I'm sure you'll do whatever it takes to make reality."
Vardall tried to speak, but his words remained on his throat. Serana was right in some points, he truly regretted what he did, not to mention he did that while he was blinded by rage.
"This conversation reminded me of what the Nerevarine said." Vardall tells Serana. "That we must try to overshadow our failures with new successes."
"And that remains true, Dragonborn." The sudden voice near them made Vardall and Serana turn their heads. They saw the Nerevarine, together with all the others.
"All of you were listening to us?" Serana asks.
The Nerevarine shakes his head. "More or less. We all came outside only a few moments ago, so we didn't hear everything."
Where normally Vardall would avoid eye contact with them, he simply turns to face his friends. He sighs. "I know all of you are confused and even want more answers. All of that is something hard to believe."
They all look at each other, but it is Lucien who talks next. "Is not that we don't believe in you, Vardall. Is that all of that simply is a little confusing to us." He says.
Vardall nods. "I understand that. If one year ago, someone came to me and talked about Tamriel, I certainly would have the same reaction." From all his friends, Lydia was the one giving him that strange gaze upon him, obviously judging him. Vardall knew Lydia, a very loyal woman, but also who seeks justice above all. He knew very well what she was thinking.
The Dragonborn sighs, but decides to end this now. "All of you now know from where I really am, but also heard about what I did, about all the innocent blood that is upon my hands." He has a serious gaze upon his friends. "What I did was monstrous and... like I said, if some of you started hating me after hearing that, I will totally understand."
Of course, even with all the massive information they all received about Thedas, Vardall torturing and killing innocent people wasn't something they didn't noticed, mainly giving the focus and the details he gave about that.
From all of them, Arissa was the first to speak. "I may be a thief, Vardall, but even I have standards and rules, with one of those rules being never, ever harm or kill innocents." She says. "Under normal circumstances, I would never be together with those who did what you did. But, honestly..." Surprisingly, Arissa puts her hand on Vardall's shoulder. "I understand you very well."
He widens his eyes with that. "What?"
The rogue sighs. "I already was like you, young and full of rage. Ten years ago, my parents were killed by the Thalmor and our lands were taken by them. At that time, I was only an 18 years girl who was scared and completely alone in the world, being forced to steal to survive." Arissa dodges her gaze a little, every one listening to her. "The anger I started to feel that day blinded me many times and made me commit several things I regret to this day." Vardall truly was surprised by the fact that Arissa understood him. She never talked too much about her past and he asked himself what more secrets she had in her life.
"And she is not the only one, my friend." Inigo talks with his characteristic Khajiit accent. "I don't even think I need to tell again. My past as a criminal, my Skooma addiction, all the important people in my life who died because of me..." Vardall already knew that, from his companions, Inigo was the most likely to better accept his actions. Not to mention their friendship grows bigger and bigger each day, reminding Vardall of him and Alistair.
This was the time for the blonde Imperial Scholar to talk. "This will sound very childish, but I always learn from my parents that if someone does something bad, but truly regrets their actions, they deserve a second chance. And that is what I see with you, Vardall." Lucien smiles, even within this situation. "For everything I saw from you and what I heard when you're talking with Serana, you obviously regret what you did. Even if it wasn't that, my adventures with you are the best moments from my life and I consider you a true friend." The Grey Warden retrieved Lucien's smile when he heard that. Lucien still was quite naive sometimes, but that was something Vardall liked about him.
"Not to mention that I still want to hear more about Thedas!" Lucien's smile gets even bigger. "I mean, all the different things you described to us, I want to know everything you can tell me." And there was the keen scholar Lucien was. Always ready to learn more and more.
"I already had the same dilemma you now struggle against, Dragonborn... or should I sayWarden?" the Nerevarine smiles, the same goes to Vardall. "Leaving the jokes aside, while you may argue that they are different from you, I didn't kill innocents with my own hands, I also didn't save many of those same innocents, having made my way to Akavir only to seek more glory and satisfy my own ego." He sadly says.
"But repeating myself again, I now always seek to overshadow my past failures with new successes. The same goes to you, Dragonborn. The past already happened, you can't change that. All you need is to find a way to compensate for that." The dunmer hero was right. What was done, was done, and if Vardall wanted to repay for his actions, he now should focus on preventing things like that to happen, by his or the other's hand.
Hearing the Nerevarine's words, Bran barks happily and advances through Vardall, so he kneels down and pet the husky. Bran was just like Sif: he loves and is totally loyal to Vardall, no matter what he does.
Most of his friends and Vardall shared one thing in common: They all had dark pasts they all regret. That makes it easy for them to understand and to not judge Vardall. Most of them, less one. Lydia still was with her arms crossed and looking straight to Vardall, but behind that serious expression, Vardall was able to see several doubts inside her head. This time, he didn't let himself be shaken. "Go ahead, Lydia. Talk what is on your mind, I'm ready to hear."
The Housecarl's expression changes and she just sighs, leaving her arms back on her body's side. "To be honest, I... don't know what to think now." Vardall keeps hearing while she continues. "It is not because of what you told us of you being from another place, is just..." She sighs again. "The fact that you killed many innocents is not something I can ignore or forgive, no matter if you regret or what you do. But at the same time you're my Thane, someone I swore to defend and protect with my life." She pointed out all those things while walking around.
Vardall stops her by putting a hand on her shoulder. "I understand: you're struggling." He simply says. "Part of you doesn't even want to stay close to me, while the other part still wants to do your duty as a Housecarl and protect me, not to mention our friendship. Believe me when I say I already went through the same situation sometimes."
Lydia looks to Vardall. "What are you..."
"What I'm saying is that you just need some time to yourself. Alone." Vardall put lots of emphasis on the last word. "Use that time to better think about what you want. And just for the record, I will respect your decision, no matter what it is. Even if you decide to abandon me, I'm ready to deal with anything."
Lydia almost didn't know what to say. Vardall just read her like an open book. She sighs and moves back, starting to go away.
"Wait, Lydia, you don't..." Arissa tries to talk and go after her, but is stopped by Vardall. "Leave her. She needs this."
Giving one final look to Vardall and the others, Lydia says: "Whenever I make my decision, I'll meet all of you on Fort Dawnguard." Vardall smiles and nods, watching as Lydia goes away, alone.
"She will not leave us, don't worry." Serana tries to relieve the mood all around them, especially around Vardall.
"As I said, I'm ready to accept her decision, no matter what it is." He then looks back to his remaining friends. "I know all of you still have questions about me, Thedas and my past, but right now we have another more important thing to care about." All of them knew very well what Vardall was talking about. "So, you discover where the Moth Priest is?"
Lucien nods, now remembering the task upon them. "Yes. We discover he went to Dragon Bridge, a town next to Solitude."
Vardall smiles and nods. "Good. Here from Dragon Bridge will take some time, so I'll suggest we all move now."
Everyone agrees and starts to move. Everyone less one. "Wait, Dragonborn!" All of them turn their attention to the Nerevarine. "There was another thing I wanted to talk about with you."
Now Vardall was curious. "What is it, Nerevarine?"
"Back on the Arch-Mage Quarters, when you're telling your history, something you told us called my attention."
Vardall raises one eyebrow. "What? I'm sure I told all of you many things there that would have this effect on you."
"Yes, but there is something else." The protector of Morrowind crosses his arms. "You told us that moments before... Leliana? That was her name, wasn't?" Vardall nods, yet with some reluctance. Leliana still was a sensitive matter to him. But anyway, he continued. "You told us that before Leliana shoot an arrow in you, you had a strange vision, am I right?"
He nods. "Yeah, it was truly strange, I saw myself in a strange place..." Vardall stops talking when he has a realization. "...fighting a black creature with red eyes, extremely similar to Alduin."
The Nerevarine continues. "Sounds exactly like a vision from Azura. Plus the fact you told us you heard a strange voice in your head made me think a lot. I think both the vision and the voice were Azura."
Vardall and the rest of his friends were confused now. The Dragonborn raises one eyebrow. "Azura, the Daedric Prince?"
"Yes." He confirms. "Giving people visions is one of her main characteristics."
Vardall crosses his arms. "So you're trying to tell me that a Daedric Prince saved my life?"
"I can't tell that for sure." He says. "But the fact you may have been granted a vision from Lady Azura is something to pay attention to. Is not something we can ignore."
Vardall crosses his arms. "So what are you suggesting?"
"I know the place we need to go to obtain answers." The Nerevarine says. "The Shrine of Azura. It's not far from here, so we can arrive there in no time."
Vardall lifts both his eyebrows. "Are you serious? You know very well my views and opinions about religion and similar things. Not to mention that I'm not faithful to Azura."
"I understand that. But Lady Azura works in some mysterious ways sometimes." He says. "This could mean nothing, as well as something important."
Vardall thinks about this for a moment. He would be lying if he said this didn't catch his attention and curiosity. He finally sighs. "Okay, okay. I think we could check."
Under his helmet, the Nerevarine smiles. "Thank you, Dragonborn."
Vardall then turns to talk with the others. "While me and him will check the Shrine of Azura, all of you shall go after the Moth Priest on Dragon Bridge."
"Are you sure?" Serana asks, making Vardall sigh again. "No. But... I don't know, I'm... with a strange feeling about all of this. Just go after the Moth Priest that me and the Nerevarine worry about this." Vardall then makes his way to exit the College of Winterhold, making a move with his hand to the Nerevarine to follow him. "If you all find the Moth Priest, wait on Fort Dawnguard for me. We'll do the same and wait for all of you there."
"Okay. Good luck, my friend." Inigo smiles and waves to Vardall, who also smiles and repeats the movement.
"Now where is this Shrine of Azura?" He asks the Nerevarine, who now takes the lead. "It is not far. Follow me."
And as Vardall follows the Protector of Morrowind, Arissa, Lucien, Inigo and Serana make their way to Dragon Bridge.
"So, I was thinking..." Vardall tells while following the Nerevarine, who turns his head to him. "What is it, Dragonborn?"
"Would you mind if I call you only as Nerevar from now and then?" Vardall asks. "Is just that, you said your birth name lost meaning to you and, I don't know, Nerevarine is more a title than a proper name."
Behind his helm, Nerevar giggles a little. "It's okay, I think you could. You're not the first one to ask me that."
Vardall smiles. "Thanks, Nerevar. And just for the record, you don't need to call me 'Dragonborn' all the time. You can only call me Vardall."
Nerevar nods. "Very well, Vardall." They both keep moving for a few more minutes, until Nerevar remembers something. "Vardall."
The Dragonborn looks back to him. "Yeah?"
"Since you told me and the others about you and Thedas, something didn't exit my mind." Vardall raises one eyebrow to Nerevar's words. "It is about the taint you said you have in your blood."
When he hears that, Vardall sighs and dodges his gaze. "That's not something I like to talk about. For obvious reasons." His premature death because of the taint still is something that haunts Vardall.
Nerevar nods. "I know, I know. But since I heard about that, I could not stop thinking. You said there's no cure to the 'Calling', as you speak. But, I may know someone who maybe can cure you."
Vardall almost immediately looks back to Nerevar, both his eyes widened. "Who?!"
"His name is Divayth Fyr." Nerevar starts talking. "He's a 4000-year-old Dunmer mage, and perhaps Tamriel's most powerful mage. During my journey to stop Dagoth Ur, he was the one trying to develop a cure to the Corprus disease and the Blight. Not the same Blight you faced on Thedas, of course. Is something more like an ash-cloud that spreads diseases, including the Corprus."
"How did Fyr cured you from this Corprus?" Vardall asks, still excited to hear more.
"He more or less cured me." Nerevar says. "When I was infected by Corprus, I went to him seeking help. Fyr was not able to cure the Corprus inside me, but instead he eliminated all the negative effects from the disease, which allowed me to survive and turned me immortal to age and other diseases."
"You believe he would be able to cure the Calling? Remove the Darkspawn taint from my blood?" Vardall asks and Nerevar nods. "If there's someone in all Tamriel who can do this, that would be him."
Nerevar sighs. "The problem is that I do not know where he is."
Vardall widens his eyes even more. "What?!"
"During the Red Year, he left Morrowind, to what place, I don't know." He confirms. "I'm pretty sure he didn't die. Something like the Red Year would not kill him, but I don't know where on Tamriel he is now and even if he still is on Tamriel. He was known to usually spend some time in some plains of Oblivion, to study and other things."
"Fuck!" Nerevar noticed Vardall's frustration. "You mean we have someone who could cure me and we don't even know where he is!?"
Nerevar raises both his hands. "Calm down, Vardall. We do not know where Fyr is, but I know some people who may lead us to him." After some seconds and controlling his breathing, Vardall calms down. Nerevar then puts a hand on his shoulders. "I can see how much you desire to be cured as soon as possible from this, and I do not blame you. When this is all over, when we deal with Harkon and Alduin, I promise you I'll do everything in my reach to help you find Fyr and convince him to help you."
The Dragonborn looks directly into Nerevar's eyes. "You would do that for me?"
Under his helm, Nerevar smiles. "You have my word, Vardall."
Vardall smiles a little and nods his head. "Thanks, Nerevar." Then both the legendary warriors share a handshake. "Let us go, we're almost at the Shrine of Azura."
Nodding to that, Vardall continues to follow Nerevar through the almost endless snow desert, always with their objective in sight. The giant statue of Azura still was imposing as always, now even more that they're close.
"You know, even if it wasn't now, I surely would come to this place." Vardall tells Nerevar. "It is truly a sight to see."
Nerevar smiles and they both climb some stairs. Arriving more near to the statue, they both see a woman wearing blue mage robes, praying to the statue of Azura. "No harm shall come to me, for I live under Azura's wisdom. Her foresight protects me. Her insight sustains me. We are children of the Twilight. Beings who are to be guided from the darkness into the light. And from the light into darkness."
Nerevar makes a signal for Vardall to not disturb the woman, and as soon as she finishes her praying, she turns to see both men. Now Vardall is able to see that she is a dunmer as well.
She smiles. "It is an honor to see you again, Nerevarine." She bows to Nerevar as a signal of respect, while he smiles. "It is good to see you again, Aranea."
She once more nods respectfully and turns her attention to Vardall. "I am glad to see you recovered and well, Vardall Amell."
The Dragonborn now was confused with that. He narrowed down his eyes. "How do you know my name?"
"I know many things about you, Vardall." Aranea Ienith said. "Azura has given me the gift of foresight. I had a vision of you walking up the steps to this altar long before you were born. It was by these visions and Azura's guidance that I was able to save your life."
Now Vardall was more confused. "Save my life? What are you talking about?"
"The night you're betrayed and abandoned to die..." She begins to explain. "It was I who founded you."
His eyes open more with such revelation, together with his mouth. "When Leliana shoots that arrow on me... The one I felt close to me, who carried me away from that place... was you?"
She nods. "Correct. Azura guided me on each step of my journey. From here, to Thedas and finally to you."
If Vardall wasn't speechless before, now he totally was. He was having quite a hard time trying to understand this. Seeing his friend's confusion, Nerevar decides to talk now.
"Why would Lady Azura guide you to Vardall?" Nerevar asks, but he had an impression he knew the answer.
"Azura has chosen Vardall as her new champion." Exactly what Nerevar suspected. "I know it is unexpected to you, Vardall, but do not worry. It will all unfold as she has predicted."
This certainly wasn't what Vardall was expecting when he agreed to come here. His mind was a complete confusion now as many and many thoughts were running inside his head.
"I... How..." With some effort, Vardall finally manages to focus. "First of all... how did you go to Thedas?"
She then starts to talk. "You will find it strange and even hard to believe, but I used a proper Eluvian that exists here on Tamriel."
Okay, now Vardall was even more confused than before, if that was even possible. "Wait, what!?"
Nerevar, who was only listening until now, decides to ask. "Those magical artifacts builded by the elves from Thedas?" He had paid a lot of attention to Vardall's explanation about Thedas. "How and why would one exist here in Tamriel?" He asks, looking back to Aranea.
"That is a mystery even to me." She says. "Azura guided me to the Eluvian many decades ago. It took me years, but with Azura's guidance, I was able to activate it."
Vardall truly didn't know what to say. This revelation is something big and raises lots of questions. Why would exist an Eluvian in Tamriel? The elves of Thedas came to Tamriel? Regardless, that just proves even more something Vardall already had some suspicions: Thedas truly is another continent of Nirn.
Even through his heavy confusion, Vardall still paid attention to some things Aranea said. He then finally retrieves some of his composure. "You said... Azura has chosen me as her champion. But why not Nerevar instead of me?"
"The Nerevarine already fulfilled his destiny." Aranea says. "Yours, however, still is on the move." Vardall could argue he didn't believe in things like destiny and fate, but that would be a lie, given how he accepts and will do whatever it takes to fulfill his destiny as Dragonborn and defeat Alduin. Also, now he had countless questions and knew the only way to get answers would be Azura. So even not liking a little, he needed to help this Daedra, not to mention this could be useful in the future.
He finally takes a deep breath. "Very well. What does Azura need?"
Aranea nods. "You must go to a fortress, endangered by water, yet untouched by it. Inside, you will find an elven mage who can turn the brightest star as black as night."
Vardall raised one eyebrow and she noticed that. "It is cryptic, I know, but Azura's signs are never wrong. I believe the fortress may refer to Winterhold. Ask if they know this elven enchanter."
"The mages from the College of Winterhold may know something." Nerevar suggests to Vardall, who only sighs. "Yeah, I guess so." This felt wrong to him. All his life he was totally against religion and followed a god who didn't even care for you, but now here he was ready to fulfill Azura's will. Even having other interests with this, still feels strange.
He turns to go away. "Let's go, Nerevar. The sooner we finish this, the better."
"Wait, Vardall! There is still one last thing I wish to talk about with you." Aranea yells, making Vardall and Nerevar stop walking and turn back to her.
"What is it?" Instead of answering Vardall's question, Aranea walks out of their sigh for a moment, which makes both Vardall and Nerevar confused. However, when she returned, she was carrying some items with her. Items that make Vardall widen his eyes and gasp.
Aranea had in her hands Vardall's Grey Warden armor, the same he was using on the night Leliana tried to kill him. Together with the armor also was his old greatsword, the Starfang. She places the items near the altar that exist there.
"When I treated your wounds, I was obligated to remove your equipment and weapons from you. I wasn't on the Nest when you woke up, so I didn't have the chance to give them back to you." The dunmer says. "How I knew you would arrive in this shrine someday, I brought this here to deprive back to you."
Vardall didn't know what to say. But even so, Aranea leaves once more. "This is not everything. I'll take the rest."
While she was away, Vardall took a moment to analyze his old armor and weapon once again. He picks up his Grey Warden armor chestplate once more on his hands. The golden griffon on the armor's chest, a symbol of the Grey Wardens, in perfect contrast with the Volcanic Aurum the armor was made and the gray and black fabrics it decorates it.
"In peace, vigilance. In war, victory. In death, sacrifice." Vardall talks the Grey Wardens motto to Nerevar, who only hears in silence. "That is what it means to be a Grey Warden, and I have distorted the meaning of these words."
Dropping his armor, Vardall takes the Starfang in his hands again, after many months without it. This sword was one of his greater allies during the Blight. It was with this sword that Vardall killed Loghain, that he slayed the Archdemon. And now because of that, he was able to feel the heavy taint upon its beautiful blade, together with the blood of countless innocents that he has killed as well.
"I did everything that I did because of a powerful and venomous combination of hate, anger and a desire for vengeance." He says to Nerevar, without taking his eyes out from the Starfang's blade. "But you know a thing I noticed only after seeing all the pain I caused to many people and to myself? Vengeance does never satisfy, it's poisonous and it kills your soul" Vardall then swings the Starfang a little. Nerevar was impressed by how natural and fluid his movements were, that sword working almost like an extension of Vardall himself.
At that moment, Aranea returned with more items with her, this time smaller than an armor set and a greatsword. She was carrying a book, two very distinct necklaces, a blue ring and an arrow.
"This was all that I found together with you." She delivers each item to Vardall. He recognized all of those items. The book was where it noted Avernus' old research and one of his chances to cure the Calling. The necklace Vardall received after his Joining, and that he delivered to Leliana as a gift. The blue necklace he received from Leliana after she told him the story of Alindra and her soldier and their first kiss. The blue Orlesian ring he bought from Bodahn and gave to Leliana as a token of their love. The ring also had a message carved on its interior.
"A gift from your true love..." Vardall whispers while watching the ring move around his fingers. He almost let tears fall from his eyes when he remembered Leliana and all the moments they shared together and could not share anymore, but the next item made those thoughts disappear.
Now in his hands, Vardal had the arrow Leliana shot on him. Remnants of the poison that almost killed him are still on the object. Removing his Dawnguard gauntlet, Vardall holds his thumb against the arrowhead, forcing until he feels cutting his flesh and sees drops of his own tainted dragon blood falling on the ground. He heals that cut with his spells, leaving one more scar in his entire marked body.
Vardall sighs and looks back to Aranea. "Thanks for keeping all of this safe." Without saying one more word, Vardall moves to his old armor and the Starfang and takes everything in his arms, moving to a more private area near the shrine, out of the eyes of Aranea and Nerevar.
Several minutes passed until Vardall returned again. The Dawnguard's heavy armor and the Chrysamere are replaced by his Grey Warden armor and the Starfang. Around his neck, it was the necklace he had received from Leliana. He had killed many beings while using those items, beings such as monsters and people. Some people deserved it, while others didn't, but that doesn't matter anymore.
The Hero of Ferelden had returned and he was no longer trying to fight against his sins.
He walks pass Nerevar, the Starfang on his right hand. "This greatsword was my main ally againt the Blight. It was with her that I slayed the Archdemon. She has fallen with me. Mistaken as a simple fang, when in fact it was the brightest of the stars. But now is corrupted by the taint and the blood of the innocents I've killed. Despite its bright colors, it is now a true Black Star."
Finishing talking, Vardall puts the greatsword on his back. Starfang no longer exists. Now that sword was 'The Black Star'.
He then looks back to Nerevar. "Let us return to Winterhold and find this elven enchanter."
It was very clear to Nerevar that wasn't longer the same Vardall he knew. He could see in his eyes all the guilt and sadness he had disappeared and how now he sounds more serious. He only hopes that is a change that remains.
He nods. "Lead on, Warden."
Vardall didn't show any reaction to be called like that again, only moved forward and Nerevar followed him. He only asks himself how the others would react with this.