A Calm Night in Splatsville

You are watching the Anarchy Splatcast, live with DEEP CUT

The camera was directly zoomed in on Shiver's wide-open mouth as she gave off a loud yawn, although the camera soon adjusted as the cameraman rushed to place it in its usual spot.

"We're on?" Frye noticed the light that had turned on. "Yo, cameraman, get your shit together."

Shiver rubbed her fan against her face. "What time is it…?"

Big Man was asleep, his head on the top of the TV that he usually hugged.

"Oh, good lord, this is a disaster." Frye briefly got up to tap his fin. "Big Man, get uuuup."

"AY!" He shot upward, swinging his fins around like he was practicing karate. "I'm up! Nothing can stop me!"

She turned to the camera. "Anyway, listen up, it's going down, repping the Splatlands, we are Deep Cut, Anarchy Splatcast, we're live, ay, you lip-synch, we drip ink, ay, ay, ay. Thanks for watching, now I have a prompter to kill." She slammed her fist into her palm.

"I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be giving some public service announcement…" Shiver replied, her eyes half-closed.

"Oh, yeah, uh, something about a cult."

"The cult, that uh, took over a section of the city or something." She yawned.

"Sounds bad…" Big Man leaned his head on the TV again.

"If you see these cult members that are on the screen, uh… do something… or just be careful…" Shiver lazily pointed her fan at the TV.

The TV remained blank, and Big Man started snoring.

"Anyway, that's a wrap." Frye suddenly pulled out a high-pressure charger.

At that point, Shiver suddenly became much more alert as she saw that. "Where the hell did you get that?"

"Catch ya later." She aimed directly at the camera and fired, a gunshot being the last thing to broadcast as the camera feed froze.

Syd had only been staying in Splatsville for a few days, and one thing she had started to pick up on at this point was that the absolute insanity of the city's chaos didn't even die down that much when night fell. In fact, every night since she had moved in with Johnny and Sally, she had struggled to fall asleep because of the noise outside. She did know she would probably come to regret coming here, but she never expected it to be this quick.

This particular night, Johnny and Sally were both dead asleep. It was spooky how well they slept, actually. Syd, after deciding to get up out of bed for a bit, had decided to go grab herself some milk, as she then spent a few minutes just staring at them in complete bewilderment. How were they asleep? How were they staying asleep? Were they deaf? Were they that used to the city's chaos that all of it was just dead to them? She had to know what was going on. It was probably the spookiest, most mysterious thing that had ever happened to her in her entire life. She figured that in her boredom, she could probably do something like watch TV, or even loudly masturbate or something, since these fuckheads she now lived with wouldn't even budge in response. But, to be on the safe side and avoid trouble, she decided to remain quiet.

She sipped her milk, glancing at Chase. He was asleep, up on the kitchen counter with his head leaned backward as he snored, but at least he would occasionally awaken as something outside startled him. She sighed and leaned over the counter to softly pet him. Life as a Smallfry must been so nice, so carefree, she thought. Sometimes, she wished she was just a Salmonid, hanging out underwater. Her own kind couldn't even touch that stuff without melting. Being a Salmonid had to have been objectively better than being an Inkling. She glanced at one of Sally's guns that was lying around the house. Putting some high-pressure ink through her brain on the off-chance she could reincarnate as a Smallfry really didn't seem like a bad idea right now.

Regardless, dumb thoughts aside, she left Chase's side as she finished her milk, walking over to take care of the glass, when at that moment, a loud firework bang sounded not far from their window, briefly filling their apartment with a bright red light. Chase snapped awake as Syd covered her ears, groaning. "What the fuck?"

To her amazement, Johnny and Sally were still asleep, but at the moment, she was more curious about who the fuck and why the fuck. She walked over to the window, peering outside, while Chase eagerly followed her, leaping up onto the window sill to look, just as another firework went off.

On the street below them, a large group of different species wearing ridiculously colorful full-body cloaks were doing… something, as they occasionally blasted fireworks just above them, chanting gibberish as they did.

Extremely annoyed, Syd opened the window, leaning out. "Hey! What the FUCK are you all doing!?"

Some of them looked up at her. "We are bringing order back to Splatsville, for Galamah!"

She blinked. "…Who the fuck is Galamah!?"

"The one who will bring order to us all, when the stars align, and bring a massive, cleansing, red magic called the Cleansing Streak over the entire Earth!"

"Come join us!" Another cult member added. "Galamah will spare you!"

"I don't give a FUCK about Galamah, take this to another street!" Syd pointed outward.

"My dear, soon, this will be taken to all streets! Everywhere! You cannot escape the Cleansing Streak!"

"That's fine and dandy for you guys, but I'm trying to sleep!"

"Apologies, then! We will try to keep it down, and once you awaken, with your mind pure, please, consider coming down and joining us!"

Syd groaned and closed the window, looking back at Johnny and Sally. Yep, they were still asleep. "Really? Still sleeping?"

Chase looked up at her before he wandered off again. Syd sighed before she walked back over to the couch to lie down, but before she could, another firework blasted outside the window. And then another one. And then another one. Syd growled to herself before she and Chase returned to the window, opening it again.

She leaned out. "I TOLD YOU TO STOP WITH THE NOISE!"

"Apologies, young woman!" The same cult leader waved up to her. "Return to your sleep! We will make everything right once again!"

"I'm starting to not believe you!"

"Why don't you come down and join us? You will find peace with us! The Cleansing Streak welcomes you with open arms!" He extended his arms outward, as if to hug her.

"No, here's what's going to happen! I'm going to close my window, I'm going to go back to bed, you're going to shut the fuck up, and we'll all pretend this didn't happen! Because if I have to come down there, it's going to be a MASSACRE!"

"I'm sensing great hostility in you, young woman! I am greatly displeased! You do not instill the order that we desire! But do not worry! When Galamah returns with his Cleansing Streak, you will be cleansed, and all of your problems will be no more!"

"SHUT UP ABOUT THE CLEANSING STREAK ALREADY!" She slammed the window back shut. At this point, she was losing hope of ever sleeping again, but before she could even return to the couch to process what she was going to do next, the fireworks continued yet again. Shaking in anger, she turned and again opened the window. "DO YOU WANT THE MASSACRE!? Is that what you want!? I CAN DELIVER!"

"Young woman!" The cult leader shouted up to her. "At this point, I fear that you are displeasing Galamah!"

"You're displeasing me! And you're disrupting MY SLEEP!"

"If you displease Galamah… I fear… your cleansing shall come much sooner!"

"Be cleeaaansed!" Another cult member blasted some kind of firework rocket directly up to her, and it flew through her window and hit her chest.

Syd and Chase were both knocked back by the force, falling to the floor. Syd groaned before she felt the rocket on her chest, a flurry of sparks sputtering out as it counted down to its detonation. She gasped. "Ohmyg-, ohmygosh-, holyfu-" She quickly got back up and chucked it back out the window, and it exploded a second later, flashing her with red light and erupting in the the closest, loudest sound yet. She groaned as she held her now-ringing ears, stepping backward in pain.

At this point, finally, Johnny was showing signs of life as he stirred in his sleep, yawning as he looked around.

"John… holy shit, you're awake…" Syd turned to him. "Oh my god, these guys outside-" She paused as she realized Johnny had fallen right back to sleep. She blinked before she spun around, seeing that Sally was also still asleep, having just turned slightly after the noise. Flailing her arms around in complete bafflement, she then turned back to the window. She briefly leaned outside. "THAT'S IT! YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

She slammed the window shut one last time before the cult could respond, and she walked over to the closet, pulling out a Tri-Stringer and some other weapons. She got a jacket on, angrily put on her boots, stretched, posed a bit in the mirror, and then headed right out, angrily storming down the hall.

Some junkie that was lying on the floor as she passed looked up at her. "Crazy noise outside, hu-"

Syd suddenly turned her Stringer to splat him as she walked past, marching down the stairs. Chase eagerly followed, briefly stopping to sniff the guy's ink before he bounced and continued flying after her, leaving the guy to instead slowly reform.

Syd marched down every set of stairs, through the lobby, and finally through the front entrance, where a few more fireworks were being blasted just outside. She walked out to the sidewalk. "ATTENTION!"

Every cult member stopped as they looked over at her.

She gripped her Stringer tightly, while Chase just stood by her side, still bouncing a bit like an idiot. She clenched her fist. "I have given every single one of you a chance to bring me silence, but instead, you have only demonstrated that you want a fight. I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in days, and you're about to learn what kind of rage that can bring a person. And I'll warn you now, I'm not the person you should've picked a fight with."

"Young woman…" The cult leader walked up, taking off his hood to reveal his full head. "What grievance do you have with us?"

"...Are… you serious? I've explained my issue, like, three times."

"Well, I'll warn you now that the Church of Galamah does not tolerate violence… put down your weapon…" He said, pulling out his own weapon. "Or we shall show you ours."

Syd looked around at all of them. Actually, every single one of them was pulling out some kind of terrifying weapon, and all of them seemed to be high-pressure, and strong enough to kill. She then did a double-take, noticing that a few of them even had rocket launchers.

She gulped, taken very aback. "…Uuuuuuhhhhh… this… actually seems like a very violent church you have here…"

"Galamah wants order, no matter what must be done to claim it." He gripped his own gun.

"...I'm sorry… carry on…" She and Chase walked right back inside.

As she headed back into the lobby, she could hear the cult cheering among themselves in victory, before they continued right back to their annoying, gibberish chants and fireworks-blasting. She sighed as she looked down at Chase, who looked back up at her. In fact, he no longer seemed like his normal, bouncy self, and was instead sitting still as he looked up at her.

"...What?" She asked.

He curled his fins into his side, as if he was putting his hands on his hips.

"...Don't… fucking give me that look. Did you see all those weapons out there?"

He just kept staring at her.

"Do you… do you think I'm a coward? You think I'm a coward, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something… I am not a coward. I just… don't have a death wish. At least not an immediate one."

Still staring.

"…Stop giving me that look." She pointed at him. "Stop it. Stop. I'm dead serious. Stop it."

Still staring. That dumb, derpy, stare that blasted directly into her soul did not waver.

She gulped a bit. "…If you think I'm a-… Ooh, I'll show you-… I'm not a-… urrrgh." She gritted her beak and clenched her fists. "Fine, fine, fine. You wanna watch a fight? I'll fucking…" She pressed a button on her Tri-Stringer, and her hair lit up as she readied her Killer Wail 5.1 special. "You'll be showed. Yooou'll be showed. I'm not a fucking coward."

Chase bounced happily as he then jumped onto her shoulder, and Syd took in a deep breath before she again headed outside, through the entrance doors, preparing for what just may be the last battle of her life.

As soon as she opened the doors, however, she stopped again. "What the f…?"

Apparently, in that short span of time, all of the cult members were already engaged in a violent, deadly Turf War against another gang, and quite a few on either side were either being splatted and left as puddles of ink, or just straight up killed on the ground. Syd just watched in bewilderment as more and more gang members were killed off until they lost the battle, their remains surrounded by several cult members and their deadly weapons. A nearby car was on fire from both its hood and the inside, and of course, it erupted into an explosion just a moment later.

The gang's leader was soon the only one still alive, and he was on his knees, sobbing. "No… no, please… I just… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I'll join your cult… I'll praise Galamah… please… No no no no no, don't kill me… I want to live…" He sobbed even harder. "I WANT TO LIVE! DON'T KILL MEEE!" Now he just straight up sounded like a baby.

"I fear… that you've displeased the great Galamah..." The cult leader aimed his high-pressure charger at his head. "Now… this street, and your entire sinful life, shall be cleansed." He fired, sending him collapsing to the ground among the rest of the deceased and the splatted.

"THIS STREET HAS BEEN CLEANSED!" One of their members called out as he held up his gun, and the rest of them started cheering along with him.

Syd just stared at them all, baffled, before one of them turned to notice her.

"You have returned?" He asked.

She gulped yet again. "…Just passing through…"

"Then either join us… or pass through faster." He spit on her, impressively managing to stick the landing across the distance all the way onto her face. "Be cleansed…" He waved his hands a bit.

She winced in disgust. "…Ok… consider me cleansed…"

Chase was staring at her again as she slowly turned to walk back into the building. Except this time, she remembered why she came out in the first place. She sighed, preparing herself before she slowly turned toward them, wiping the saliva from her face. "You know what? No. No. I came out here to take, and this time, I'm going to get what I wan-"

At that moment, gunfire suddenly erupted in another part of the street, only slightly out of view, and she sighed angrily, closing her eyes.

"THIS STREET IS OURS!" Another gang leader shouted as his own gang came up, firing upon the cult.

"BUT IT WILL REMAIN OURS!" The Church of Galamah shouted as they fired back.

Then, a third party entered, equipped with chainsaws and explosives. "Not this time! This street was ours, and we're taking it back, Galamah FUCKERS!"

"FOR GALAMAH!" The cult cheered as they marched into battle.

Syd just stood and watched, once again completely baffled as the street was once again turned into a big Turf War zone, except worse. People were shooting at each other, the ground was being painted, a couple explosions went off, a car was flipped, and a rocket was accidentally fired into the apartment building across the street, blowing out a chunk of it. But… what was so desirable about this street, anyway?

She looked at Chase, and he stared right back, again folding his fins.

The Junkyard

At this point, Syd had decided to bite the ink. Splatsville nights were just… a bit too much for her. And all it took was a series of super jumps before she had returned to more familiar turf.

"Ah…" Syd sighed happily as she sat down in her own familiar tent, kicking off her shoes as she leaned back. "Finally, some god damn peace and quiet…"

Chase was just outside, once again sitting still as he just stared up at the sky.

"...Chase? Chaaase."

He glanced at her, before turning back up to the sky.

She slowly stood up as she walked out. He did indeed seem a bit sad about already returning to the same old, boring junkyard, which isn't exactly what she had hoped for. She sighed and reached down to pet him. "It's just for the night… and… potentially any other night where… something like that happens…"

He looked up at her.

She picked him up, and they looked up at the sky together. She sighed. "…If you think I'm a coward, that's ok, I guess… can't be the best at everything… and sometimes, uh… taking the easy way out is just… not so easy…" She kept staring at the sky. "But I could have taken the easy way out, you know. Could've gone down as a badass warrior who faced down… the crazy cult, maybe even could've been considered a hero. That's not what I'm afraid of." She looked at him. "…Just… not tonight…" She tickled his chin slightly. "Some other time, maybe…"

He looked back at her before he leaned on her head, nuzzling her.

She tenderly pet him in response, smiling. "…Yeah… Moments like these are worth being alive for, anyway..."

They stared up at the sky for a few more moments, before they went back inside the tent for the night, and were soon finally able to catch some sleep.

The Next Morning

Johnny's Apartment

Johnny was making breakfast, feeling pretty well-rested himself, while the chaos outside had died down at this point. However, he was also constantly checking his phone, seeing if Syd had given any kind of explanation as to why she had already disappeared. He sighed, again receiving nothing.

Sally walked up to him, hugging him from behind. "Mm, braid-girl's already gone? Good. Place is better with just you and me."

"Hm…" He kept making breakfast.

"You know what that means, right…?" She kissed his neck.

"Don't tempt me, I don't want Syd to walk back in on something."

"Well, make her wear those plugs, then, and she can look the other way without having to listen to us."

It was then that he realized. "…You… did give Syd a pair of those deafening ear-plugs, right?"

"No… why?"

"I mean, they're kinda needed to sleep around these parts…"

"...Oh… yeah… um… sorry." She kissed his neck some more. "But whatever."

Johnny just stared at the wall, rubbing his forehead a bit. No wonder Syd had said she couldn't sleep.