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Pop Goes the Diesel
Written by the Reverend W. Awdry & BNSF1995
Proofread and Corrected by Broa Island
Isle of Sodor: 1957
Since his arrival on Sodor in 1955, Duck had been an invaluable asset to the North Western Region of British Railways. As Knapford station pilot, he kept things moving by shunting coaches for the other engines, keeping the various yards in the Knapford area organized, running yard transfer trains, and even shuttling empty wagons between Knapford and Tidmouth to keep sidings open.
The recent visit of Montgomery, also known as 'City of Truro', had filled him with pride in his Great Western heritage, but, like always, he remained modest about it, despite what the books and show would lead you to believe.
Times were changing on the mainland. The 1955 Modernization Plan called for all steam locomotives, even the non-faceless ones, to be replaced either by diesels or electrics. The North Western Region only had a single diesel, an experimental non-faceless Bulleid design named Dennis. Initially lazy and rude, he quickly changed for the better, and was a valued member of the railway.
BR, though, desired conformity from all regions, including the NWR. Eyeing the dieselization of the region's shunting, they basically forced Sir Charles Topham Hatt to trial a non-faceless Class 3/2 (later known under TOPS as the BR Class 08).
The engines were glad when a visitor came, but they weren't expecting a diesel! One day, Duck, Gordon, James, Henry, Belle, and Neville were resting at Tidmouth Sheds, getting ready for the day's work, when they saw the diesel arrive. He purred smoothly towards them.
"Here is Bruce," introduced Sir Charles Hatt the day the diesel arrived, "I have agreed to give him a trial. He needs to learn. Please teach him, Duck."
"Good morning." purred Bruce in an oily voice, "Pleased to meet you, Duck. Oh, and call me Diesel. Everyone else on the mainland does." He glanced over at the other engines in the shed. "Is that James? And Gordon? AND Henry, too? I am DELIGHTED to meet such famous engines!"
The big engines were flattered! "He has very good manners!" they murmured, "We're pleased to have him in our yard!" Neville and Dennis just glanced at each other, unimpressed. They knew why Diesel was here, but they dare not say it in front of the big engines lest they find themselves bullied.
Their doubts were shared by Duck. "Come on!" he said. Diesel purred after him to Tidmouth Harbor.
As they neared the harbor, Diesel spoke up.
"Your worthy Fat-"
"Sir Topham Hatt to you!" ordered Duck.
Diesel looked hurt. "Your worthy Sir Topham Hatt thinks I need to learn. He is mistaken. We diesels don't need to learn. We know EVERYTHING. We come to a yard and improve it. We are revolutionary."
Duck paused for a moment, noticing the suspicious look being shot by Thomas at the station.
"Oh!" said Duck at last, "If you think 1930s technology is so revolutionary, why don't you fetch my trucks while I get the express?"
Diesel, delighted to show off, purred away.
When Duck returned and helped Molly get the train started, he found Diesel trying to take a line of trucks from a siding. These trucks were very old, having been some of the Sodor & Mainland open wagons that the board who sent most of the tank engines for scrap in 1932 had forgotten. Diesel found them hard to move.
"Come on, you lot!" he grumbled, "Get moving!"
Being faceless, the trucks didn't reply. Their brakes were hard on and rusted from being by the sea for so long. But it didn't stop Diesel. Duck watched with concern. If Diesel continued, something bad would happen.
At last, Diesel lost patience.
"RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!" he roared and gave a great heave. The trucks jerked forward. Duck winced, as some of the trucks' brakes snapped and their gears jammed in the sleepers.
"Oh, bugger!" cried Diesel.
He quickly recovered and tried to push the trucks back, but they wouldn't move. Duck ran quietly around to collect a train from a different siding.
"Well, thanks for arranging this train, at least." said Duck.
"Don't you want this lot?" asked Diesel.
"That lot was meant for the Wrecker's Run later today. Didn't your driver talk to the yardmaster?"
"Uh...no." said Diesel, meekly. He realized now he had been too hasty in getting to work.
"Well, must run to Knapford now. See ya later, Diesel." And Duck pulled away with vans needed for loading at Knapford Harbor.
"Dammit…" muttered Diesel.
Later, Kate arrived with the breakdown gang, but couldn't stay to help as she was needed at the Brickworks in Killdane. Because of this, Diesel had to help clear the mess up. He hated it, since all he really did was stand around doing nothing while the workmen and cranes re-railed the trucks.
As if that wasn't bad enough, the trucks made up a song on the spot about the entire situation, and it echoed through the yard
Diesel skulks about the yard
Thinking he's the greatest
Bumps us all so very hard
Showing he's the meanest!
All around he creeps about
Spreading his diseasal
Hear us now as we shout out:
"CLEAR OFF, YOU WEASEL!"
"Oh, that wasn't even creative!" cried Diesel. But unfortunately for him, that was just the first verse.
Trucks are waiting in the yard
Tackling them with ease'l
"Show the world what I can do"
Gayly boasts the Diesel!
In and out he creeps about
Like a big black weasel
When he pulls the wrong trucks out
POP Goes the Diesel!
"OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU CLODS!" he screamed. And he scuttled away to sulk in the shed.
That night, he complained to anyone who would listen. Duck and Eagle ignored him, and Molly eventually got so fed up she decided to go bunk with Ruby and Yang at Knapford Harbor for the night. But Gordon, James, and Henry were sympathetic.
"You poor engine" said Gordon, "You've been wronged."
When everyone else went to sleep, though, Diesel stayed awake, smirking to himself.
"All according to plan…" he sniggered to himself...