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Sent Packing
Written by BNSF1995
Proofread and Corrected by Broa Island
Based on "A Close Shave" by the Rev. W. Awdry and "Sent Packing" by Thomas1Edward2Henry3
Isle of Sodor: 1957
Three days had passed since Duck had been sent to Wellsworth. The Fat Controller had pretended to side with Diesel, and faked anger at Duck, telling him he would be sent to a shed on the mainland.
Every engine knew that in that day and age, being reallocated to the mainland was a death sentence for steam engines.
Gordon, James, and Henry relished the idea. As far as they knew, Duck was guilty. Diesel, too, looked forward to hearing that Duck had been scrapped. But the other engines knew Duck was innocent.
And unfortunately, it created another schism.
The day Duck arrived at Wellsworth; Edward was waiting.
"It's not fair!" he complained, "Diesel's been telling lies about me, and now the big engines think I'm horrid and The Fat Controller is going to send me to a shed on the mainland!"
Edward smiled. "You're not horrid, old boy. The Fat Controller knows it, too. You wait and see."
Edward helped Duck settle into life at Wellsworth. He shunted in the yard, and also travelled up to the clay pits, where he had to deal with Bill and Ben.
Most of the engines were sympathetic to Duck's plight, but he didn't notice. And whenever Gordon, James, or Henry would come by, they would cuss him out or tell him to kill himself.
Ruby was pulling a stopper from Knapford to Barrow and back. She wasn't happy, though. The discord created by Duck's false implication had gotten her down. Not even Yang could shake her from her malaise.
Presently, she arrived at Wellsworth, where she saw Duck shunting.
"Hey, Duck." she said.
Duck looked up. "Oh, goodie. Another engine here to put me down."
Ruby frowned. "That's just those three. The rest of us know you're innocent."
Duck perked up at this. "Y-you do?"
"Of course. Diesel's a damn liar. He's trying to get all of us sent away to dieselize this region, but the Three Stooges and the Fat Controller won't see it."
"So, what do we do?"
"Some of us are planning a strike. If you're sent away, we'll all be sent away. Then we'll see how he does with a bunch of asshole diesels."
As she finished, James pulled up on the middle line with a goods train. He was stopped to wait for a banker.
"Who gave you permission to talk to the traitor?" he asked Ruby, sternly.
"He's not a traitor," hissed Ruby in an uncharacteristically angry voice, "he's been framed!"
"So, you believe his lies like the others. That makes YOU a traitor, too!"
"If anyone's the traitor here, YOU ARE!"
"How DARE you accuse me!"
"How dare you jump to conclusions on flimsy evidence!"
"I don't need any other evidence than the fact that HE is a Westerner!"
"Well, Percy's a Westerner, and I don't see you treating him like a communist!"
"Well, thank you for telling me! I'll put him back into the sea where he belongs when I see him next!"
At last, Ruby lost patience. "LISTEN TO ME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! DIESEL IS THE ONE WHO MADE UP THOSE NAMES! HE'S PLOTTING TO GET ALL OF US SENT AWAY TO SHEDS ON THE MAINLAND WHERE WE'LL ALL GET SCRAPPED! IT'S A DIESELIZATION PLOT! AND IF YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME, PLEASE, KINDLY GO FUCK YOURSELF!"
The entire yard was speechless. It took a lot to get Ruby riled up, but James had done it in record time.
James himself was speechless. He glanced at a crossover from his track to hers and thought about t-boning her like he did to Thomas, but he didn't want to risk getting shunted again.
At last, Edward buffered up to James' train. "I suggest you leave now, James, before she flips the script and takes YOU out."
James wisely said nothing and hustled his train into motion.
Once he was gone, Ruby turned back to Duck.
"Don't worry, Duck. We WILL unravel this entire mystery."
"It's too late for me, Ruby. If the Fat Controller will send me away for telling lies, he'll send you all away for going on strike. It's been nice knowin' ya..."
The guard blew his whistle, and Ruby departed for her next stop at Maron on the other side of Gordon's Hill. When she passed James at Killdane, he wisely kept his mouth shut.
Later, James was grumbling to the other engines.
"Who does that bitch think she is? Talking to ME like that! And she has the nerve to believe the Westerner's lies!"
"He's woven a deep, unbreakable web" replied Gordon, "It's his craft."
"What's worse is that we'll have another Westerner to deal with!"
Gordon knew exactly who James was talking about. "You leave Percy alone. He's not like the other Westerners."
"All the same, you don't know how tempted I was to ram Ruby off the tracks."
"I thought we agreed to never bring that up again!" snapped Gordon, "It was wrong then, and it's still wrong now!"
Just then, Diesel backed into the shed.
"I heard about your altercation with Ruby and Duck at Wellsworth."
"We don't use the Westerner's name anymore."
"All the same, you've been mistreated, James. No engine should ever talk to a splendid red engine like yourself, especially one with such fine paint."
"I'll have you know I was painted red to maintain consistency with my siblings who were also here on the island. But yes, I AM a splendid engine. And don't you forget it!"
"The Westerner's lies run deep." said Gordon, "I'm just glad you haven't been taken by him."
"I'm afraid, chaps, that another engine has been taken by his lies."
"If it's one of the Skarloey engines," said James, "no big deal. They're a completely separate company."
"Oh, no, not one of those narrow-gaugers. I'm sorry to say Henry has not only started believing Duck, but has started making his own lies."
"WHAT?!" spluttered Gordon.
"I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. He's been saying Gordon couldn't pull a coal train if his life depended on it, and that James is a communist spy."
Their reactions weren't what Diesel expected.
"Well, yeah, he's right." said Gordon, "Coal trains are dirty."
"THAT BACKSTABBING KNOB! I'LL KILL HIM!"
He said that just as Henry came. "Kill me for what?" he spluttered.
"You would know, you bastard!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"Did you call James a communist spy?"
"WHAT?! NO!"
Diesel, realizing he was in danger of being exposed, casually shifted tactics.
"Oh, that's right!" he said, "It wasn't Henry who said those things, it was...the Westerner! And he pinned it on Henry hoping to take him down with him!"
Now all three were livid!
"Friends," said Gordon, "we have been deceived for the last time! Tomorrow, the Westerner dies, consequences be damned!"
Henry and James hollered in agreement, as Diesel breathed a sigh of relief.
Unfortunately for them, though, somebody had heard everything...
The next morning, the three big engines awoke bright and early, ready to bring an end to Duck. But as they were about to leave the yard where they were planning…
"YOU!"
The big engines looked in the direction of the voice and saw the two engines they didn't want to see. They tried to back away, but it was hopeless. They were against a wall, so to speak, and could only watch as Ruby and Yang slowly advanced on them.
"Why would you…"
"Uh...me no speaky your language?" James tried to bluff, but it was no use.
"SHUT UP!" snapped Yang, "We know all about your plan to kill Duck!"
"How dare you use that name!" roared Gordon, "He is guilty!"
"No, DIESEL is guilty!" said Ruby, "Why won't you see that?! He's plotting to get us all sent away to certain death and dieselize the region!"
"Bullshit!" said Henry, "Diesels will never take over!"
"Ohoho, yes they will!" said Yang.
"They'll never catch on! We're irreplaceable!" said James proudly.
"Try telling that to the Americans! They've just about abolished steam!"
There was a pregnant pause after what Ruby had said. At last, Gordon spoke.
"What the Yanks do is of no concern to us unless it's defending us from the Reds. Now move out of the way!"
"Make us!" Ruby and Yang said in unison, unintentionally, I might add.
"You just want to see us shunted again, don't you?" said James, "I'll bet the Westerner put you up to this!"
"HIS NAME IS DUCK!" roared Yang.
"HIS NAME IS DEAD ENGINE!" James screamed back.
"WHY YOU LITTLE-" And Ruby charged into James and shoved him through the buffers and off the rails!
"PAYBACK'S A BITCH, AIN'T IT!" she cried triumphantly. Her revenge for 1935 was complete.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"
The engines froze. They knew that voice.
"What are you all playing at?"
Yang spoke up. "These three were plotting to kill Duck!"
"HOW MANY TI-"
"SILENCE!"
And there was.
"Ruby, Yang, you two should go to your shed to cool off. Don't worry, you're not in trouble. Defending another engine is not something I punish."
Ruby backed away, as Yang gave her a small smile for standing up for herself. Then the Fat Controller turned to the three remaining engines.
"I probably should've said something earlier."
"Said what, sir?" asked James, who was lucky to have come off straight enough to run himself back onto the rails.
"That I know the truth. Duck is innocent."
"WHAT?!" roared Gordon.
"I knew that it was Bruce who said those things, but if I said it four days ago, you'd all go on strike."
"And that's just what we're doing, sir!" said Henry,
"To the sheds!"
"NO, YOU WON'T!"
The three big engines stopped.
"I will NOT deal with a strike like my father had to! And I know about yesterday. I will NOT tolerate ANY workplace violence on my railway. Not going to name names." He coughed and said James at the same time. "What even made you want to kill Duck?"
"The Westerner said I was telling whoppers about Gordon and James. That Gordon couldn't pull a coal train even if his life depended on it, and that James is a Communist spy."
"To be fair, sir," added Gordon, "the Westerner has a point about the coal train part."
"Let it be known that I am very disappointed in you three for not only believing such blatant lies, but outright DEHUMANIZING Duck!"
The big engines said no more and went about their work.
The Fat Controller sighed. "This has to end now..."
An hour later, he had assembled Thomas, Percy, Ruby, and Yang at Knapford Station.
"Here's what we're going to do." said The Fat Controller, "We're going to pull a sting operation on Diesel."
"You mean a Klondike Slipper?" asked Thomas.
"A what?" replied the Fat Controller.
"Surely, sir, you've heard of Klondike."
"I... actually haven't."
"Well," began Thomas, "back in 1935 after the Strike, your father bought some Welsh Coal to improve Henry's performance, but the Board was just about ready to give up on making him viable, so they brought in a non-faceless LNER Class C2 named Klondike in the event Henry became too uneconomical. He was an unholy terror. He was rude, egotistical, even sexist. I still remember those comments he made to Yang at Elsbridge. Anyway, he was so desperate to stay here since the C2s were being withdrawn, he stooped to...murder."
"You mean…"
"Yes, sir," Thomas said gravely, "Klondike caused the Ballahoo Disaster. His entire crew was killed in the crash, and your father cashed in a favor with Stanier to have Henry's essence transferred into the body he has today. He was found out after myself, Gordon, James, and your father set up a sting operation that Ruby unwittingly ended up a part of when Klondike tried to destroy her for not bringing him some coal, the lazy bum. He was sent back to King's Cross a criminal and executed by Final Firing before being scrapped. Didn't your father ever tell you?"
"I... heard about the Ballahoo Disaster, but my father never told me the details. Never even told me about Klondike. All I knew was what the Reverend had written."
"So how will we do this, sir?" asked Percy.
The Fat Controller pulled out a piece of paper. Drawn on it was the yard schematic for Tidmouth Harbor. And he began laying things out...
Meanwhile, Duck was banking Neville's train up the hill. It was a short train with a box van bound for Killdane, a salt van from the desalination plant recently opened at Knapford, a cattle wagon that was just taking up space at Knapford and needed to be moved elsewhere, and two 7-plank wagons loaded with cut stone from Ffarquhar.
"THANKS FOR THE PUSH, DUCK!" said Neville, who was as Brian Blessed-loud as ever.
"Anytime, Neville!" replied Duck. And he rolled over the crossovers to the Down line.
Duck loved coasting down the hill, running easily with the wind whistling past. Suddenly, they heard a guard's warning whistle.
"HELP! HELP!" cried the trucks, "NEVILLE'S COUPLING FAILED! WE'RE RUNNING LOOSE!"
Duck's driver looked back and saw Neville's train had rolled over the crossovers onto Duck's line and was closing fast!
"Hurry, Duck, hurry!" he said.
The non-faceless brakevan at the back saw Duck.
"STOP US, DUCK! STOP US!"
"USE YOUR BRAKES!" replied Duck.
But the trucks were too scared. Duck raced through Wellsworth, but the trucks were catching up. Edward had just arrived with a passenger service from Brendam and saw the whole thing.
"I told Neville to get his rear coupling looked at…" he muttered.
"As fast as we can!" said Duck's driver, "Then they'll catch us gradually!"
The trucks hit Duck with a thud, but he was gaining control. "Another clear mile and we'll do it!"
"OH, GLORY!" cried Duck, "LOOK AT THAT!"
Belle was just pulling out of Crosby with a stopper on their line ahead. Any minute, there could be a crash, and many would be dead.
"It's up to you now, Duck!" cried the driver. Duck put every ounce of weight and steam against the trucks.
"It's too late!" Duck groaned, and shut his eyes, waiting for the crash.
But it never came. A quick-thinking signalman diverted Duck into the yard where coal trucks from the Coaling Plant on the Loop Line are exchanged with the Main Line, as well as a freight shed.
At the end of the siding was a shed where a barber had set up shop. At that moment, he was tending to a customer while two others were waiting.
Belle watched in horror as Duck crashed right into the barbershop.
"Oh...God...no…" was all she could say.
The trucks were relieved. "Thank God it's over…" said the lead van.
Inside the barbershop, the customer looked up, but the barber put a hand up. "It's only an engine." The two customers waiting, still very shaken, were confused as to why the barber was so blase to such utter destruction.
"Beg pardon, sir," said Duck sheepishly, "excuse my intrusion."
For whatever reason, this comment pissed the barber off.
"NO, I WON'T!" he roared, "YOU'VE FRIGHTENED MY CUSTOMER! I'LL TEACH YOU!"
And he lathered Duck's face all over with shaving cream.
"Nice to know your priorities are in order…" said Duck sarcastically.
Back at Tidmouth Harbor, Diesel was sitting, plotting.
"It's all coming together." he said to himself sinisterly. "Soon I'll have implicated every steamie in this region and gotten them sent away, at which point this entire region will be dieselized! My brethren overseas in the States have put their steamies in place, and I'll do the same here. That Fat Bastard is so damn gullible. This has been easier than I thought!"
"Was it now?" said a voice.
Diesel jumped. There, standing in front of him, was The Fat Controller.
"The truth is, Bruce, that I was on to your little game the whole time! I know all about the lies you've told, the discord you've sewn, the...GENOCIDE you planned to commit."
"N-no! It wasn't me! It was Duck! He wants this region to have nothing but Western engines!"
"STOP LYING!"
Diesel was taken aback.
"You know...I never even wanted you here in the first place, but BR forced my hand. I'll tell them of your appalling behavior here. For now, you are to return to the shed you came from."
"...NO."
"Excuse me?!"
"I will NOT leave!"
"You will do as you are told, Bruce!"
"I don't take orders from Luddites! Steam engines are dirty, expensive, inefficient, cowardly, cranky, worn-out hunks of metal who couldn't hurt a fly!"
"How DARE you talk back to me like that! I am in control of this region, and what form of traction I choose is my decision!"
"Not anymore, you tub of lard! I'll just kill you here and now and make it look like an accident, then they'll bring in a more progressive controller!"
"NOBODY THREATENS ME!"
"But I do! Say your prayers, you fat son of a bitch!"
"NOW!"
All at once, Thomas, Percy, Ruby, and Yang sprang out from their hiding places just before Diesel could run The Fat Controller over.
"You are BUSTED, mister!" said Yang.
"So, this is what it feels like being on the other side of a sting!" Ruby giggled.
"We heard the whole exchange." said Thomas, "Four witnesses against one!"
"That's not true! I have the trucks! Those peons will believe anything you tell them."
But the trucks thought otherwise. "You lied to us! You lied to ALL of us!"
"Hope you like Rail Gate, you bastard." said Percy menacingly.
It was at this moment, Diesel knew...he fucked up.
"Well...shit."
As the Railway Investigation Unit moved in to book Diesel, the yardmaster ran up to The Fat Controller.
"So sorry to interrupt you playing police, sir, but there's been a crash at Crosby involving Duck."
Diesel couldn't help but laugh out loud, but he stopped once Ruby gave him a firm bump.
"That's enough out of you, you mongrel!"
The Fat Controller chuckled, then turned to the yardmaster.
"I'll be there at once."
Gordon, James, and Henry were nearby, and had heard the whole exchange. Their faces turned redder than James' paint.
"Friends…" seethed Henry, "we have been manipulated, disrespected, and BETRAYED!"
Upon reaching Crosby, The Fat Controller found that Kate had brought the breakdown train and was helping to clean up. Knowing the operation was in good hands, he stepped inside the barbershop to find the barber still ranting and raving at Duck. The Fat Controller cleared his throat to get his attention.
"I do NOT like engines popping through my walls!" fumed the barber, "They're bad for business!"
"I appreciate your feelings," replied The Fat Controller, "and we will pay for the damages. But you must know that this engine and his crew have prevented a serious accident. If he hadn't slowed the train down and given the signalman enough time to react, those trucks would've plowed straight into the back of Belle's train and killed many people. It was a very close, uh, shave indeed."
"Oh…" said the barber, "OH! Excuse me."
He filled a basin of water to wash Duck's face.
"I'm sorry, Duck. I didn't know you were being a brave engine."
"That's alright, sir. I didn't know I was being brave."
"You were VERY brave indeed," said The Fat Controller, "and I'm proud of you."
Pulling hard, Kate managed to get Duck back on the rails. Duck's crew had been taken to hospital for injuries caused by the crash, but they would return to work two weeks later.
"And when you are mended, you're going home."
"Home, sir?" asked Duck, "You mean Paddington?"
"Bless you, no! Knapford!"
"But sir...you said you were going to send me to whatever shed on the mainland would accept me."
"Duck, I cannot apologize enough for how I acted. The truth is I was putting on an act to lull Bruce into a false sense of security. If I had sided with you, Gordon, James, and Henry probably would've gone on strike again. I knew Bruce was bullshitting the whole time, and just a little bit ago, we pulled a Klondike Slipper on him. In fact, there he is now!"
Duck looked over and saw Diesel being hauled back to the mainland on the back of Gordon's express. Diesel looked at Duck and said nothing. Gordon, meanwhile, smiled at him.
That night, The Fat Controller came to the sheds. Gordon, James, Henry, Neville, Belle, Molly, Dennis, and Eagle were all in attendance.
"Duck has been in an accident and is being repaired at the Steamworks."
The engines felt terrible.
"Fortunately, because of his bravery, not a single person was harmed. If not for him, a runaway train would have killed many of Belle's passengers. He will return in a few weeks, and when he does, you three-" he pointed to Gordon, James, and Henry, "-had better give him a good apology. However, after that, I think we should put this all behind us. This has been a learning experience for all of us. Gordon, James, and Henry, it is natural for you to get angry. However, it is best to know the facts before jumping to conclusions and trying to commit murder. Because it was a product of Bruce's machinations, this won't go on your records, but do know that I will not tolerate an engine killing another engine unless it was in self-defense."
That night, Ruby couldn't sleep. Her mind was too focused on Duck.
"What if he's beyond repair and has to get the Final Firing?" she said, worryingly.
Yang opened a sleepy eye. "Duck will be fine, Ruby. Our Steamworks are better than any of the other works on the mainland. Besides, if what Kate told me is true, he did more damage to the barbershop than himself."
"You sure about that?"
"Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
"Yang, I'm not a Brightoner, I'm a Yorkshirer."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot."
"Yang, do you find it strange, a Yorkshirer and a Brightoner considering each other sisters?"
"It's not so strange. There's a woman who lives near Knapford Station with an eggplant brought to life by the essence of a non-faceless Rolls-Royce that crashed and burned."
Said woman's life was a living hell.
"MORE CHICKPEAS, BLAST YOU!" said the eggplant. The woman had been trying to get rid of it, but it kept coming back. So, she did what she was told and gave the eggplant a spoonful of chickpeas.
"CHICKPEAS!" it cried as it chewed, "CHICKPEAS!"
The woman held up a sign towards the camera saying, "SEND HELP".
With that Big-Lipped Alligator Moment meant to break up the tension of previous scenes, Ruby and Yang went to sleep, utterly confused by the sudden break in the fabric of reality that totally wasn't caused by BNSF1995 wanting to put that scene from the Earthworm Jim cartoon in to see if Broa Island would edit it out.
Three weeks later, there was a rousing welcome for Duck the Great Western Engine. After that, everyone put the whole episode behind them, though James developed his infamous blind hatred for diesels.
Diesel, meanwhile, was tried before a magistrate and found guilty of intimidation of a human and conspiring to instigate the genocide of non-faceless steam locomotives by framing. He served a full 30-day sentence at Rail Gate, and when he got out, became a pariah at his home shed of Swindon, which, ironically, was in the Western Region where Duck had come from. Duck's brothers and sisters, and even many of the diesels, relentlessly bullied him when they heard what he had done.
But Sodor hadn't seen the last of Diesel. He returned to Sodor ten years later, a changed engine...