Chapter 26

Elizabeth sighed in relief as the carriage door closed. The ball was now through, she was at last alone with Jane. She hoped she might come to better understand what Jane was now feeling. Were the options of others sufficient inducement to rethink Bingley? Elizabeth hoped not but knew not whether to believe it to be the case. For Jane to hear accusations that she could provide no benefit to Mr. Bingley, from both Lady Catherine and Mr. Darcy, and as soon as Bingley reappeared! It would be too much for anyone to fully comprehend, let alone someone as tenderhearted as Jane. So much happened, and so quickly, and after months of nothing but pondering.

"I must say, never have I felt so much relief at quitting a ball. I've longed for your company, and I glad to have it, no matter how tired I am. Nothing could provide sufficient inducement to stay up but the chance to finally speak with you."

Jane made no reply, Elizabeth continued unperturbed. "I sorry Jane, for the way Lady Catherine spoke to you. You must not let her affect your spirits, her nonsense goes unchallenged, no matter how little sense she speaks, which is sufficient inducement, it seems, to spout more nonsense. Pray, do not think Bingley would betray you. I have never seen a man so set upon anything as he was set on coming to you once he knew of your feelings."

Jane still said nothing, betrayed nothing, and made no acknowledgement of what was said. Elizabeth, feeling her sister was only in need of some encouragement, or contradiction to the discouragement, continued. "I am sorry to have put you in such a situation, to have to dance with Mr. Darcy, after the way he has treated you. Even you must have found it hard…. Well, it hardly matters now, Mr. Bingley knows of his guilt."

"Lizzy, it is you that betrayed my trust. Why can you not see that."

Shocked, Elizabeth at first said nothing. "But Mr. Bingley has returned to you, is it not exactly as you would wish? Aside from the evils of his connections."

"I cannot fault your result, but your method, Lizzy, I hardly know what to make of it. My private thoughts, my feelings, and even the contents of my private letters are on display. What right had you, to share it with whomever would listen until you found satisfaction. Can you truly believe I would wish to be exposed in such away, and before those that are but strangers to me?"

It hit Elizabeth then, that no, Jane would not have exposed herself to all the world in such a way. "I see now what you must mean, but I daresay, what I did, I did in defense of you."

"But I would not have wished it for all the world."

"Not even for the return of Mr. Bingley?"

Jane sighed heavily, "Now that he is returned to me, I could not wish him away. But, I find, I cannot now be so very open with you as I would like. I know you mean well, but so does mamma, and I would hardly share anything with her I would not wish to be bantered about. Mr. Bingley is restored to me, but it has come at the cost of my confidant."

"Oh Jane, I could hardly wish to pay such a cost. Pray, believe that I would not have done so without such severe provocation. That man rejoiced in his success, even after learning what he had done to you. He had no notion of correcting the mistake himself, even if he had no confidence in my words -though he claimed he did-he could have at least, let Mr. Bingley know of what had been withheld from him. That would have been the gentlemanly thing to do, considering it was not his business to intercede in the first place."

"That is precisely the problem Lizzy. Though I could not have believed so very badly of him, it cost me nothing to know his part, and very little to learn of his sisters, but to learn yours, it cost me something very dear."

"Forgive me Jane. My temper got the better of me, I did not know what else could have been done. The injustice of it struck me as so very wrong. We women can move so little in the world, it was infuriating to think that in the face of such machinations, that I was completely dependent on Mr. Darcy's willingness to expose his own evils -his honor, his integrity, his willingness to correct the wrong. I thought the rest of our lives insufficient for him to come to his sense. I have to believe it would never have been accomplished, if we were entirely reliant upon his character. It is very wrong the world expects us to shut up, and sit down, and accept whatever a gentleman, wholly unconnected to us determines, for us and his friend. That I have sunk in your esteem is my only regret. But what else may have been done within the confines of our sex? I cannot like myself for it, but I can forgive myself for stooping to his arts. Whereas doing nothing felt not only like abandoning you but, in a way, our entire sex. Would it not validate such interference and only encourage it, would he not, having succeed once, cause other woman such pain? And where he has no right. He must think very little of young ladies in general, to be so very dismissive our dependent state. Without marriage we can have no respectability, he threatens even our ability then to have that provision, and as though it is nothing."

"Your thoughts, dear Lizzy, are still all for Mr. Darcy, and not very much of me."

"Oh, Jane, please don't believe it of me! There is no one dearer to me in all the world, not even papa. I pray that we may soon put this behind us. You may depend upon it; I shall not make the same mistake again. Your sentiments will not again be betrayed by me."

"Very well, Lizzy. I wish you a good night." Jane said as the carriage stopped.

Elizabeth hesitated, not yet willing to forsake the company of her sister, and with so much unresolved between them. "Jane, I …"

"Never mind that now, Lizzy, the matter between us will keep. I could never not think you dear."

Elizabeth nodded, then existed the carriage. That has the distinction of being the most unforgiving speech Jane has ever delivered. And that it was aimed at me! And more so that she is not wrong! Elizabeth began now to think upon that which she had before considered: She may have achieved her aim, Jane would forgive her in time, but things may never again be the same between them. The sting of the loss was so sufficient, Elizabeth had nothing with which it could adequately compare, and wondered if she should regret her own interference.