I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World, or any canon characters.
Extended Family
Chapter 149 – On Campaign
Takes place after chapter 134.
"Why are you green?" Daphne asked, bemused.
"Just getting into character," Ron said comfortably. He sat back in his chair, his skin a deep green that looked unnaturally natural somehow.
"A pillock that fell into a vat of peas?" Harry asked.
Ron kicked him in the knee and deftly dodged the reprisal kick. "No, jerk. It helps me feel more like my character: Weavley Ronaldo Billsby, half-orc bard specializing in in singing and other oral magics."
"Oral magics, eh?" Tracy smirked.
Hermione made a noise of deep disgust. "No, no no no. No expounding on that. I do not need that mental image involving any of you."
"Fine, I'll ask Hannah later," Tracy sniffed, wincing when Daphne pinched her side.
"Go for it, I got nothing to hide," Ron said, puffing his chest out a little.
"Oh but you really should," Harry remarked. "Stop kicking me!"
Luna frowned at them from over the screen that blocked off her part of the long table. "Children," she said sternly in a tone that many of them found very reminiscent of someone they knew well. "Behave."
"Shant," Ron and Tracy said together and they high-fived while the others snorted and laughed.
Luna smiled and shrugged. "Fair enough, I tried. No complaining when things become difficult for you later on."
"Hey, that's petty behavior that should come from a Slytherin," Tracy gasped with faux affront.
Luna snorted deeply. "You haven't listened to Ravenclaws trying to prove a point about being intellectually correct."
"No, that sounds awful," Tracy said with a shudder.
Luna had been inspired by the friends enjoying the Dungeons and Dragons game and had made a campaign for them. She said she would not base them off of Harry's past adventures, at least not in their entirety, and she had gathered inspiration from other sources while writing from her own imagination. She had also worked with everyone to create new characters for this new campaign.
"Ron decided to keep his, and I think most of you did the same with a few changes?" Luna asked.
"I like my character," Tracy said happily. "So I'm sticking with Bashmina of Bashington and my trusty axe Chopperella. I'm a dwarven locksmith."
"Locksmith?" Hermione asked.
"I open doors really well," Tracy said, miming swinging an axe. "I guess the more technical term is barbarian."
"Oh speaking of, did you want a prop axe or one that you could actually use as an axe?" Harry asked. "I talked to MumAndi and she knows a really good clan for weapon making, goblin, but they aren't prop or fashionable weapons."
"Oooh, I kinda want a real one," Tracy mused.
"Why would you possibly need a real axe?" Daphne asked, looking at her with disapproval.
"I don't need one but I want one," Tracy said. "Let's talk later."
Daphne sighed and rolled her eyes. "I am keeping my character too. I like my Elven druid with a wolf pet. Nightshade and Calliope."
"Your wolf is named Calliope? That's so cute," Mirabelle gushed.
"I thought so too," Daphne smiled.
"I'm Chickadee," Mirabelle said with a big smile. "Halfling rogue and I like nicking, picking, and stabbing. In that order."
"I would be so concerned if I didn't know you in real life," Hermione smiled.
"I'm playing a character! I'm an upstanding citizen of society in real life," Mirabelle protested.
"Unless you have a bat in your hand and they deserve it," Harry grinned.
"Well even then I'm doing my civic duty so there's that," Mirabelle giggled.
"I decided to remain a human wizard," Hermione said. "I looked at all the other classes and didn't really find another I like and I've come to terms with the way magic works here. And I can have a familiar so I'll be using Crookshanks." Crookshanks barely twitched at his name and continued to snooze in her lap. "Her name is Aurora."
"I like being a knight, so I'm sticking with my human paladin," Harry said, smiling at Luna's obvious pleasure.
"I'm still not calling you Sir Harry," Ron laughed.
"That's fine, Captain still does," Harry laughed. "My character is named Hadrius. And he's a paladin of a deity made by Luna for her setting: Hedwigina the Owl Goddess."
"Ah, and your character is wearing an owl helmet," Daphne observed, looking at Harry's miniature. She smiled at the real Harry. "In a case of art imitates life?"
"I don't know what you mean," Harry said with faux confusion while Hedwig sat plumped on his head and cheeped smugly.
Luna clapped her hands. "Splendid! Then let us get started shall we?" She waved her wand and the surface of the table undulated. She had a tray of sand on it and with her magic, the sand twisted and shivered, forming a forest environment, complete with small trees and path. She set down a wagon and put Mirabelle and Tracy's characters on it. A few other miniatures were put around it. "Mirabelle, you wake up in the cart with your hands tied together in front of you. You see Tracy's character sitting across from you, also similarly bound and secured. You both are surrounded by armed individuals that wear a motley of clothing without any actual uniformity. The cart is pulled by a horse and the pace is slow but steady."
"G'morning," Tracy grunted.
"Morning," Mirabelle replied cheerily. "What are you in trouble for?"
"Public drunkenness," Tracy sighed, "which is bullshite because I wasn't even all that drunk." She grinned when Daphne sighed even more loudly and Harry and the others snickered.
"Wow, they treat public drunkenness hard here," Mirabelle said. "Say, wait, do I see any identifying markings on the guards around us?"
"No you do not," Luna confirmed. "As I said, there is a distinct lack of uniformity."
"Then they're probably not like a recognized group of law enforcement," Mirabelle frowned.
"Which means they shouldn't be able to arrest us," Tracy said indignantly. "Oi! You! Why are we trussed up like chickens here?"
Luna grunted in a deep gravelly voice. "Shaddup."
"Tall talk for a tall man," Tracy sneered. "Why don't you come over and say that to my face."
"I can gag you," Luna the guard growled.
"No thanks," Tracy snorted. "I like gags for fun times but I'm picky with who I have that kind of fun with."
Daphne groaned and hid her face with her hands while Hermione gave Tracy a flat look and Ron and Harry snorted with Mirabelle giggling.
"The guard is flummoxed and after stammering some, decides to ignore you," Luna said with a serene smile.
"Don't suppose you can get us out of these things," Tracy said to Mirabelle, miming shaking her bound hands.
"I don't have my usual things," Mirabelle sighed.
"You both see your things sticking out of a bag that is tied to the back of the wagon," Luna said. "Where there are more guards."
"Hmm," Tracy hummed. "Little to no chance to get at them. What we need is a distraction."
"Ron," Luna interjected, "roll a listen check." She nodded after he did and told her the result. "You are woken from your mid-morning nap by the sound of stomping feet and the creaks of the wagon and conversation."
"Oh, not good, I hate being woken from a nap," Ron said. "What do I see?" He looked thoughtful when Luna described the wagon and the guards and Mirabelle and Tracy. "I'm going to try and go back to sleep."
"Hey!" Tracy said indignantly.
"What? I don't know you, yet, right?" Ron replied.
"That is true," Luna nodded.
"Oh that's fair," Tracy said.
"Unfortunately, some guards see you napping beneath the tree you are sitting against and they come over," Luna said. "Hey, you, get up," Luna the guard grunted.
"Why?" Ron asked politely.
"Because we said so and you're trespassing," the guard growled.
"You own these woods?" Ron asked, eyebrow crooked.
"No, but this land belongs to our Lord and we're bringing in undesirables to face judgement."
"I don't know this Lord of yours, right Luna? Right. I don't know this Lord of yours and I don't care. He doesn't get to judge me for anything. So how about you just let me nap in peace?" Ron said.
"You must be a particularly stupid half-orc," Luna the guard sneered. "You can't count."
"I can count very well," Ron sniffed. "I placed well in math classes at Bard College."
"You went to bard college?" Hermione asked, delighted.
"Sure did!" Ron said, puffing his chest out. "It's in my backstory. I went to the Chudley College of Bardcraft and Bardry and I passed with honors!"
"The interaction between Weavely and the guards are drawing the attention of the others and they start drifting over," Luna described and the models on the map moved with her wand waves.
"Hey would you look at that, distraction," Tracy grinned. "I call out to the guard I was talking to before." She cleared her throat. "Oi! Looks like you lot are kinda pathetic if it takes all of you to deal with a bard of all things." She looked at Ron. "No offence."
"None taken," Ron grinned.
"Brave talk for someone tied up in a wagon," Luna the-other-guard said angrily.
"You're the one who put me here! How about you make good on your threat and come over and gag. If you're tall enough," Tracy said saucily.
Luna rolled a die and then nodded. "He comes stomping over and punches you with all his might. What is your armor class?"
"Where is that on my sheet again? Oh right." She told Luna the number.
"He barely hits you and deals," she rolled another die, "two points of damage."
"Pathetic. My grandmother hits harder than you and she's 150 years old!" Tracy taunted. "I'm hoping I piss him off enough to get sloppy and he really leans in and I want to try and grab him and drag him into the wagon."
"I think that's a grapple check," Harry said helpfully. "I've been reading the rules and things too. It's fascinating."
"Thank you," Luna smiled. "It is and you will have a penalty because you are tied up, but it is a strength check though."
"And I'm all about that strength! Let's try it!" Tracy rolled a die. "18!"
Luna compared the roll and the negative penalty. "You manage to grab his arm and drag him into the wagon. Luckily he really leaned in and you were able to use the fact he was off balance and he is rather tall so going over the wagon wall worked."
"Yes!" Tracy and the others high-fived. "I drop him onto the floor of the wagon and sit on his back."
"I search him for something to cut the ropes," Mirabelle said eagerly.
"You find a dagger in the back of the belt. Roll some sleight of hand and some dexterity rolls please." Luna nodded when Mirabelle did. "You manage to take the dagger out and cut through Tracy's bonds without hurting her or yourself."
"I'll then cut through her ropes and then hit the guy over the head with the butt of the dagger," Tracy said eagerly.
"Ron, roll a spot check," Luna said. "You successfully see the commotion around the wagon and some of the guards are starting to notice as well."
"In fact, I'll prove that I can count!" Ron said loudly and boisterously. "I can count in common, orcish, elvish, and dwarvish even. Which do you prefer? Let's start from the back. One ugly person, two ugly people, three ugly people…"
Luna smiled while the others laughed. "With your successful perform check, you gain their attention. Unfortunately for you, it isn't positive attention and they are getting rather peeved with you."
"I could use some help soon," Ron said to Mirabelle and Tracy.
"And help is coming! I grab Chopperella and get ready to chop some arseholes down to size," Tracy said eagerly.
"I'll grab my things, all of them, and then get ready with my knives," Mirabelle said just as eagerly.
Luna had them roll for initiative, while rolling for all the guards, and the first round of combat had Ron be hit a few times but still up, Tracy laying an enemy low, and Mirabelle sneaking around to the side to help Ron. She then looked at Harry and Hermione. "You hear a rather loud conflict through the trees and both come through the forest to see the battle going on. On the other side, Daphne, you come out and see the same."
Luna cleared her throat. "Hey! You two!" She pointed at Harry and Hermione. "We need your help here! It's your duty as humans to help us against them!"
"Help you because we're humans too? That makes no sense," Hermione frowned.
"Daphne, make a spot check?"
Daphne rolled a gold die. "17."
"You see one of the guards, the one that harassed Ron first actually though you don't know that, wearing a mark that is familiar. It is the shape of a mailed fist clutching a ring of thorns."
"Where is my sister?!" Daphne yelled. "You took my sister! I want her back!"
"The guards are shocked by the sudden appearance of you three and the man wearing the mark looks very nervous all of a sudden," Luna said. "Help us!" she shouted at Harry and Hermione once more. "There'll be a reward in it for you!"
"I don't like the sound of that," Harry frowned. He looked up. "I don't think I should help them, right?"
Hedwig shook her head empathically. She flapped her wings and hissed at the miniatures representing the guards.
"As my Goddess commands," Harry grinned. He looked at Hermione. "I think we should help the people being assaulted."
"I have your back," Hermione said with a smile.
The battle raged and the players came out victorious. Tracy cut a swathe through them with Mirabelle doing sneak attacks while Harry linked up with Ron and he was an immovable wall with Hermione casting spells in support. Daphne and Calliope moved about to join them and between them, they finished off the enemies.
"The one wearing the mark is gurgling painfully." Luna made a very lifelike watery gurgling sound. "He is not long for this world."
"Where is my sister?" Daphne growled. "Tell me where she is!"
"I…don't know," Luna the-dying-guard whimpered. "We're only told to take them to processing."
"Where did you take her?" Harry asked. "I will ease your passing, tell her."
"The first gathering place is in Grethor," the guard said. "I don't know where after or what they do besides separate them and evaluate them. I swear."
Harry nodded. "I do what I can before he dies."
"The guard dies more peacefully than his fellows did," Luna said.
"I needed more information!" Daphne hissed. "You had no right to interfere."
"I made a promise and he was just as likely to lie to you," Harry said calmly.
"He probably would've needed a lot more healing to keep away the Reaper," Mirabelle said. "I nudge him with my foot."
"He does not react in any way," Luna reported.
"He kidnapped your sister?" Harry asked.
"Not him, but others wearing this mark. I will cut it off his clothes and show them," Daphne said.
"Ron, your character sort of recognizes it from his time at Bard College," Luna said. "You remember some of the other students wore it."
"Do I remember where they were from?" Ron asked.
"Roll…knowledge. Okay, you vaguely remember them being from the far south and that is the general direction of Grethor. Also, the wagon was heading that way, southwards I mean," Luna said.
"I'll tell the others that," Ron said.
"Why did they think we would help them because we were humans?" Hermione asked. "Oh, wait, they had Mirabelle and Tracy tied up, harassing Ron, and kidnapped Daphne's sister and they're non-human characters. Are all of the guards human?"
"They are," Luna confirmed.
"So someone is rounding up non-humans, and that sort of thing is never good," Harry said. He looked up when Hedwig tugged on his hair. She hooted in a commanding way and pointed her wing at the south end of the map. "I am getting the feeling I need to go and investigate this."
"You would help me to find my sister?" Daphne asked. "Why?"
"My Goddess is telling me to," Harry said and Hedwig nodded. "That and I'm not too fond of the implications."
"Me neither," Hermione said stoutly. "I'd go too, even if my brother wasn't already committed. Our characters are siblings."
"I get to chop up bigots and it's morally correct, count me in," Tracy said loudly.
"I'll go," Ron said. "Heroing was my minor in college and I'd be a bad hero if I didn't join in."
Mirabelle hummed. "Do I get to nick things?"
The others looked at each other. "As long as it isn't from innocents and from us," Harry said.
"Do I get to stab things?" Mirabelle asked.
The others snorted. "Again, as long as it isn't innocent people and us," Harry repeated with a smile.
"I'm in! I got nothing better to do anyways and if I get to nick and stab, I'm happy," Mirabelle said with a wide smile.
"I think that will be a good place for us to finish this first session," Luna smiled.
"You being a murderous kleptomaniac worries me," Hermione smiled at Mirabelle.
"Hey! First of all, Chickadee can control her stealing impulses, she just really likes to. Same with stabbing! She's a simple girl with simple wants and needs," Mirabelle protested.
"We're going to get along great," Tracy grinned. "Can Chickadee handle her alcohol?"
"Constitution is my dump stat," Mirabelle said. "So not really. But that doesn't stop her!"
"I'm glad you found some spells you like," Harry said.
"Me too!" Hermione said. "In fact, I've been trying to find if we have spells similar to the ones I've read about. Some sound incredibly useful."
"Thank you again," Daphne said to Luna. "I am really enjoying myself."
"Me too," Luna said with a sunny smile. "And I have many things already planned out with options for when you all ruin them or do something else. That's important for a dungeon master."
"Are you going to stay green for work?" Harry asked.
"I might," Ron said, holding up his arms and admiring the color of them. "It's growing on me."
"You can tell people that when they ask why you're green," Mirabelle giggled. "That something is growing on you."
"That's a conversation starter," Ron laughed.
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odonnellzoo99 - Oh boy, drunken energized Hedwig would be hilariously dangerous. She really is affectionate with the people she loves.
poka - They're so fun to write too. I'm glad Hedwig has grown into such a character where her having dialogue is fun and people like to reread certain parts. Hope your days continue to be kinder.
alix33 - Hedwig ranting and lambasting is very funny.
TheSphynx - Most valualblist (potter) owl indeed.
Ghostwriter - Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
WhatHaveIDiscovered - It's nice to revisit the funny moments and make them funner.