AN:
Ivy123: Aw thank you! Your comments make me very happy xo
Cheire: Yay! I'm so glad you're enjoying it still! Honestly it is such a compliment for me to hear that you feel they represent their characteristics in canon respectfully. Although this is a Modern AU, I really do want the characters to maintain their psyches because their psychology is so fun to explore and is so fascinating to me.
I love that quote you sent from the Brotherhood novel! I've heard really good things and a lot of people recommend it so I should read it at some point! Oh and I love Padme tooo! xo
Obsession
"God, it's hot!"
Padme exclaimed after a good fifteen minutes of hiking up a hill. No doubt Anakin's idea of a fun day out.
"We're almost there." He assured, holding his hand out to lead her along.
They made it to the top of a mountain. The highest mountain in all of Tatooine.
"Wow! You can see the entire town from up here." She breathed out, catching her breath from the uphill journey. "It's beautiful."
The darkest corners, the light, sandy landscape. It was all part of a picture, a poem. It told many stories, fairytales, nightmares, horrors and comedies. But it was real life. It had all the best and worst parts – every shadow that covers a mountain forces the world to face itself, while the golden sun stresses its power of light, guiding you, settling you in the knowledge that outside the outlines of shadows is your destiny, your faith, your higher self.
"I used to come up here when I was a kid." Anakin explained. "Felt like I was on top of the world. Invincible."
She glanced around, catching a splash of green quite far ahead. "What's that over there?" She asked.
"The Old Green Park." Anakin's words were laced with sentiment, a shared history. "It's been closed since I was little. It's the only bit of greenery in the desert."
"How come no one's done it up?" She couldn't believe a land of fresh foliage, wild flowers, and towering trees that protect the grass from the soaring temperatures of the sun could be overlooked like that.
To Anakin it was a heartrending mirage of his childhood. "It would cost a fortune to buy that piece of land now."
Padme's legs traveled backwards, slowly, with measured steps that gave her time to scan the atmosphere and take it all in. "All this desert and no beach."
"We're not on the coast. But the next town over has plenty."
Anakin watched her, deciphering the ever-changing expressions on her face. The contours of her face reform, and then smoothen, going from concerned to blurred. He tried to find some repetition in the patterns to clarify her pure thoughts.
"I miss it." She admitted. "In Naboo we have the clearest waters. I spent all my summers at the beach."
"I never got the appeal." Anakin shrugged as his eyes wandered the ground. "You spend the day lazing around, baking in the sun. Roasting."
"You get to swim!" She defined like it was the most obvious notion. "Nothing makes you feel lighter, more refreshed than feeling the crystal cool waters wash over you. Then you dip your toes in the sand." The scenes played in her head from memory, and the familiar sensation coated her skin with such warmth and joy.
"Sand just reminds me of work." He groaned before looking at her. His words hid his darkness under a mantle of humour. "You try your hand at carpentry in the summer, in the scorching heat. Sweating. So the sand sticks to you and you gotta wait till the end of the day to wash it off." Just the thought of scrubbing off the roughness of sand after a day of hard labour made his skin itch. He hated those days and every time they crossed his mind, he'd be hit with a wave of nausea.
She quickly understood that there was a stark contrast in their connotations of sand. She just couldn't relate to his.
"The beach was my whole childhood." She recollected. "I can't remember the last time I felt that carefree, that spontaneous."
Anakin spotted the sense of ambition in her eyes. He admired how she seemed to be on a quest to regain the hope she had as a kid. It was incredibly brave. And he didn't know many people that would even have that kind of awareness and would be willing to go back. She turned even the things he detested into magical beacons that merge resilience and perseverance. If she could turn sand into water, then he could erase his memories and create new ones.
"Just outside of Chewie's bar there's a drive-in." Anakin began. "They play movies every now and then. Tonight they're showing Hamlet."
"Which Hamlet?" She asked, still strolling around, encapsulating the view with her eyes.
"Mel Gibson." He replied. "You wanna go?"
And with a keen smile, she nodded. "Sure!"
As they made their way to his car that evening, Padme wore a simple, strappy red dress while Anakin stuck to his signature black tee and jeans.
"Oh man. Not again." He whined as he inspected his truck.
"What is it?" She joined him, following his eyes to the flat tire.
"It keeps going flat."
"I was gonna say, your truck did look like it was on its last legs." She said softly with a grin.
"Hey!" He warned with a tinge of impishness as he waved his finger in the air. "It's not about that. It's about loyalty. Threepio may break down. A lot. But he's got a lot more miles in him. He's got a lot more to say."
She pressed her lips together to avoid letting it be known that she found hilarity in his undying love for his machinery. "Well, for now, we'll just have to take my car."
Walking over to where she had parked, he saw the silver BMW M4 convertible that was her car and he burst out laughing.
"You want to take this to the drive-in?" He eyed her like a parent who was just about to call your bluff. "Do you want to get robbed?"
She paid no heed to his haughty attitude. "Just get in the car."
She made sure not to giggle as she watched him make his way to the driver's seat. "No." She said with a provoking smile. "I'm driving."
The chagrined look on his face couldn't be any less obvious. It was as though the tension was painful for him. The struggle to be the passenger stirred an uneasiness within. It became a catalyst for his impertinence.
Once they were settled in the car, Anakin placed a cigarette in his mouth but before he could light it, she interjected. "No smoking in my car."
He exhaled and slowly, and begrudgingly, put the cigarette back in the pack.
As she drove through the lively streets, following his directions, she could practically feel his body tensing up. He was bound up with restlessness, antsy, with a frenetic mind as she maintained a steady speed while all the local drivers drove past her, cutting her off, ignoring the times when she had the right of way.
"I don't mean to be rude," Anakin chimed in. "But are you going to drive at this speed the whole time?"
"Speed limit is right there." Padme pointed at the sign ahead.
Anakin then wrestled with his impatience, trying to flush out an internal struggle.
"Padme, look." Anakin said sternly. "This isn't Coruscant – this is Tatooine. No one follows the road rules here and if you keep being that polite on the road, everyone's gonna take advantage."
She remained calm, regal, with her eyes on the road, not bothered by the inconsiderate drivers as they ploughed ahead. "Let them go. We are wiser. We're patient... Besides, better safe than sorry."
She glanced at him, wanting to laugh at his fidgeting. "Boy, you really don't like relinquishing control."
The more agitated he grew, the funnier she found him.
"How about," He paused, trying to button his thoughts up nicely. "–just on the way there, you let me drive. And if you don't–
"–Survive?" She joked, and he did his best to disguise his enjoyment of her quips.
"Like it." He corrected, finishing his sentence with a blunt emphasis. "You can drive on the way back. You know, when we're not scheduled to be anywhere at a certain time."
She chuckled at his not so subtle grumbling. "Anakin, relax."
An annoyance swept over him like a burst of anxiety at his inability to steer his impetuous ship in a chaotic sea, which was triggered further when Padme let several cars leap ahead of them.
"Padme, come on! Everybody's flying past you!" He blurted out with an insistence.
She had tears in her eyes from laughter at this point as everything about him accelerated – his erratic mind, speeding heart, tightened fists of frustration that go beyond his threshold of endurance.
"Oh my god, Anakin!" She chuckled, so blithely with an almost belly laugh even. "Calm down. This is obsessive."
He huffed, lounging back in his seat as he rubbed his forehead and ran his fingers through his hair to tame his own temper. "You know what, it's fine. I only wanted to see the last five minutes of the film anyway."
She shook her head but smirked at his attempt to tranquilize his own thoughts with hyperbole.
As soon as they found a place to nest at the drive-in, Anakin got out of the car.
"You want popcorn?" He asked.
"And a coke." She called after him.
As he was about to head to nearest food cart he quickly swerved back in her direction, over to her side of the car.
"Listen," He said, bending down to rest his arms on the edge of her window. "You still got that pepper spray?"
She wanted to grin at how serious he looked when he asked the question. "On my keychain. Why?"
"Don't hesitate to use it." He warned with a wink. "Be right back."
"Oh wait!" She quickly cried out, opening her car door.
And it hit him before he could turn away, right in the nether regions. He groaned as he crouched down to cradle his groin. Padme's hands flew to her mouth. Her eyes sparkling with an urge to laugh at how badly this was going for them.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry!" She apologized profusely. She placed a hand on his back, bending over to check on him. And that's when she spotted the devious smirk on his lips. Catching wind of his no longer suppressed laughter, she glared at him with pursed lips.
"That's for laughing at me in the car." He stood up quite proud of himself.
"You're such an asshole." She nudged his arm away as he tried to wrap it around her shoulder.
The night had calmed, sedated the rowdiness of the atmosphere with the tone of the film. It had engrossed them in Shakespeare's traditional melodrama as they felt with profundity, the characters' agonies. Anakin had his feet up, legs perched over the convertible car door with the window all the way down, while Padme nestled her popcorn bag in her arms.
"Poor Ophelia." Padme sighed. "Hamlet didn't love her. Not really."
"Of course he did." Anakin's face scrunched up, as though Padme's observation had irrationally denied what he found fundamentally obvious. "It's much more complicated than the two of them."
She disagreed. "You don't do that to the people you love."
A heavy exhale left Anakin's lips as if to brush off her statements that trapped him close to home. "People mistreat the ones they love all the time. They just don't realize it until it's too late." He gestured at the screen in its entirety like he could pinpoint the vague woundedness as though it was a significant friend and he hated other ordinary interpretations. "That's all Hamlet's circumstances leading him to torture his own mind, and it dictated his actions."
Padme gave him a large measure of her attention as she turned to face him, finding a paucity in the isolated silence. Perhaps this was one of those moments — Anakin's little pearls of wisdom. Or, maybe, just a glaring red flag.
And then Anakin looked back at her, with those stealthy eyes that have you responding with a flutter of the heart, a flicker in the stomach. He holds your eye contact, deliberately testing your control of your impulses. And after he stretches out the tension to what he considers a satisfactory amount of time, he sends a smirk your way — and as always you only ever remember the release.
Once Padme's eyes were back on the large screen projector, Anakin took his time to study her profile. Struck by her beauty, like he had dreamed it up. Like he had wished for her to exist. He became meditative, mesmerized in the madness — in the state of wanting to drown in her, in everything that made her so angelic.
Just thinking about you, baby, got me twisted in the head
And I don't know how to take it
But it's driving me so crazy
Thinking about your beauty, it makes me weak
I'm feeling hopeless; I don't know what to do
I think I'm in love, baby
"Thank you for an eventful day." Padme expressed with a smile of sincerity as soon as they reached her front door. And Anakin did that thing – where he looks so deeply at you, you can see your reflection in his eyes.
"It doesn't have to end."
His voice was a smooth dream and a precarious nightmare. A taunt of an infatuation she wasn't quite ready to face. But he doubled down on his suggestion and held his hand against the doorframe beside her head; his body leaning an inch closer to hers.
Padme was taken by a slight trembling as Anakin stood merely a breath away from her, ornamental. His heart was spinning with fantasies for this moment, aching with anticipation on the inside – but on the outside all she could see was two bold blue eyes, demanding, imploring...
"I uh I'm not good at this." She fidgeted, overwhelmed by the state of his stare, it smiled and coerced, and made her nervous. "I – I don't really date, even." Her exhales were louder than her words. "I've had one relationship and even that was–" Somehow his head got closer to hers. His eyes were fixed on her mouth, getting lost in her and every shape her mouth took as she talked. She closed her eyes and breathlessly whined, "I don't know what I'm doing."
"Nobody does." Anakin drawled affectionately. And she was stilled by his fingers meeting her neck and she swallow a gulp. His fingers drew a line down the side of her neck, gracefully. His excited eyes on her neck didn't match his calm murmurs, "And I don't think they ever really do..."
Now both of his hands had found her flesh, obsessing over the exquisite touch of her delicate skin as he went on, spurred on by the nuances, complexities, fragilities of her perfect texture. "Until one day you meet someone. . .who makes you feel this visceral feeling. . .deep in your soul that you just have to explore."
Those rough fingers of his were so tender to her, subtle, evocative as they slipped under the straps of her dress and dragged the straps along, sliding them off her shoulders. Those fingers. . .they weave and tease, smooth with light agility as they caress her from her shoulders, around her collarbones and back to the curve of her neck. Each stroke left a palpable trail, a transcendent touch, more than a touch, a devotion, an obsession that pounds the heart as they paint their sweetness in the places that burn under her ear and the cooler areas that have missed out on the fire.
This was how you touch a woman. As a lover, with soul, with absorption, with passion. Anything else is a waste, a disgrace to the art of the human body. How had she not experienced such an envelopment before?
She tried to avoid getting swept away by the heat of the moment – it was scary, irresistible, engulfing, it had too much power over her. But it was rather difficult. It got blurry, almost hazy between them – the air had been filled with smouldering exhalations – so commanding that their surroundings vanish.
"That's what makes it good." Anakin continued as he adored her clavicle with dedicated fingertips. "–the emotion behind every touch. . .and every kiss." And when he desired her most, deluged by lust, and could no longer pull back from the brink, he pressed his lips to her neck.
Her polished posture wilted as her head fell back against the door from the heat of his mouth, his tongue, his kiss. The pleasure was painfully potent as he let his wild, erotic, agonizing desires loose, staining her neck and cleavage with hungry kisses. His hands sunk to her waist, gripping on so tightly as he buried his head in the warmth of her breasts, coiled up in pleasure.
It was an act of desperation when her fingers got tangled in his hair, tugging on his locks. An overwhelming passion, a wildness that had her palpitating in between her legs. She had lost control of her once clear and concise thoughts. It was debilitating yet invigorating.
"Anakin." She cupped the sides of his face, lifting him up. He obliged and forced his lips off her chest, but not without difficulty. His nose brushed against hers on his way up.
His breath ragged as he leans in to take her mouth in his.
"Not now." She pleaded. Her voice begging for a release as though she couldn't muster the strength to walk away on her own. He rested his now heavy forehead on hers.
"Yes, now." He urged with a yearning, gently pressing his hips to hers, pinning her to her door. "Let me in, come on." His words, his eyes, his hungry voice, all starving for a taste of her.
He leaned in to once more devour the deep curve of her neck. And she couldn't take anymore, falling apart at the seams, absorbed by his hot breath.
She lured him back up a second time. They looked into each other's eyes, both tormented with desire.
"I can't." She pleaded again miserably. "I want to. But I can't." She turned as quickly as she could to let herself into her apartment without him.
Anakin let out a breath, heavy, unsteady, before reaching down to adjust the tightness in his jeans. And he walked to his apartment with a slow gait, brooding over an indelible ache, stirred by the denial of pleasure and delayed gratification.
Now, I know you're not my lady but I'm trying to make this right
I don't know what to do, I'm going out of my mind
So baby if you let me, we could do this all night
Baby I wish you'd understand no one can love you right, quite like I can
Amor, no es amor (If this ain't love)
Then what am I feeling?
What am I doing wrong?
Is this an obsession that I have in my heart?
Frankie J - Obsession (No Es Amor)