Chapter 9: The Curse of Caring

"I can do it, Uncle Mac! If you can just get me a recommendation, I'll be the best partner you've ever had!" Said the scrappy, scraggly, spry junior detective.

"You're wet behind the ears, boy! This ain't a life you're ready for, Callem." Said the gruffy, scruffy, sour old detective, yanking his tie into place. "We find this bank robber and maybe I'll put in a good word for you with the captain. Hurry on now!"

"R-right!"

Dinner and a movie. Classic, some might say. Some people like Neptune once upon a time. Used to be a time where he was glad for such a thing, be it with Sun when they went to see the new High-Speed Fury movies. Or Weiss, and her baffling fascination with horror films. And sure, every guy dreamed of having a girl cling to him in fear, which was definitely what happened every time they went to one, and certainly not the opposite.

But right now? Neptune wasn't in the mood for a movie. But Sun had insisted on him watching with him and Jaune. What was he gonna do, say no then promptly go back to sleeping in Sun's spare bed or playing his games?

The two watched the movie pretty attentively. Sun who was entirely riveted, be it in peals of laughter or squeals at action. Jaune was the exact opposite, leaning on the arm of the chair with his chin in his palm, a glazed look in the eye like the movie failed to impress. Occasionally his eyes would pop, at an explosion or a line or whatever, so if he was trying to appear as if he wasn't interested, it wasn't working. Meanwhile Neptune didn't have to pretend to not be interested—the fact that twirling the spaghetti on his fork was a more suitable distraction was all the proof he needed.

He'd done this before, hadn't he? When Weiss tried to check up on him? He cringed just thinking about it. How whiny and pathetic he must have sounded. A spiteful part of himself was glad to push her away—some conceited need to have some type of control—but what did it amount to? Nothing but a hollow stomach and a guilty lump in his throat that failed to fill the space. All because he didn't want to look weak in front of her. In front of anyone. Look how it all turned out?

Neptune recalled Jaune's words. Felt the heat pool into his stomach. And seeing that wanna-be devil-may-care look on his face only poked the figurative fire. Neptune wished he knew how wrong he was, he wished he'd take what he said back and be sorry for ever acting like the answer to his problems was so simple. He didn't know how people did it down south, but talking almost never solved anything. He'd tried with the swim team and all they did was brush him aside. So what difference would it make? Stupid Jaune. He just didn't get it.

He wished he could confront him on it. Several times he'd almost mustered the will to yank him by the collar and yell. Just scream out everything.

But even that would be pointless. Jaune would believe whatever he wanted, and his opinion didn't matter. Not at all. In fact, Neptune didn't care. He wasn't even thinking about it anymore.

… gods, it pissed him off. Acting like he knew it all.

"We could have had it all, Callem!" roared Detective Mac, snapping Neptune to attention. Wait, the last scene he remembered, he and his nephew found the docks where the bank robber was supposed to have hidden the stash. Now they had their guns pointed at one another. "Think of how rich we could've been! How powerful! "

"What's it all for, uncle?" Callem snapped back, gun trembling ever so slightly. "All that money can't be worth the people you killed!"

"You're a fool if you think it isn't. You either take or get taken from, boy. That's how this world works," The uncle held his gun steady, eyes narrowed into deadly slits, white teeth exposed through a vicious snarl. "You understand better than anyone. You think your mother wanted to whore herself to make a life for you? She had to because she didn't have money or power! She gave up everything she could have been to give you a chance!" He gestured to the bags of money in the bottom of a pit they both stood across. "And you would turn it down when all the power in the world is at your feet?"

Corny, cheesy, tropey, and all kinds of other words that Neptune could think of could describe this mediocre b-movie. And yet he didn't find himself looking away. Hadn't they spent the whole movie together before this? So the uncle had behind the robberies and murders the whole time, hardly much of surprise, and yet the fact that they had their guns on each other made Neptune more attentive than he'd been before.

The nephew was in tears. "What about you? Look what money and power has turned you into. Be better than this, uncle. I'm begging you!"

There was no tension-filled music playing, no bombastic chorus to strike the feelings of urgency. It was all displayed in a completely silent moment, fit for the dead to sleep to. Nephew versus uncle. Purity against corruption. It made it hard to guess what the uncle would do. After a moment, he lowered his gun.

The nephew then lowered his. "Thank you, uncle."

Bang. Neptune nearly jumped out of his skin. So loud it was like it had come from outside. A beat of silence. Smoke wafted off the mouth of a gun.

The uncle's.

The nephew dropped to his knees, the crack of bone against the ground made Neptune cringe, then like a string-cut puppet, he dropped into the money pit. Didn't once move. A fake-out? Yeah, that had to be it. The nephew was only pretending to be hit. He'd flip back up any moment and catch his criminal uncle between the eyes. Thats what would happen.

Neptune got increasingly less sure as dark blood began to stain the bed of money.

The uncle fitted a hat on his head, casting a shadow over his eyes. As if to dismiss the blank, soulless surprise of his nephew laying in a pit of his making. "Pity. It could have been our dream, son. Our triumph. Now, when the cops show up, they'll put it all on you. Because that is how the world treats the weak. We could have had it all, my boy." The man turned away and gave his trenchcoat a flap, "But you're the exact kind of fool who chooses to be the loser."

The uncle walked away, down into the endless black street as the screen panned away toward the night sky, followed by the approaching wail of police cars. The credits were close behind.

"What?" Neptune looked desperately toward Sun and Jaune, the former who was clutching himself in intrigued shock, while Jaune watched with flat-eyed disinterest.

"What the hell?" Sun gasped, "I never expected that!"

"How?" Jaune asked, "The uncle was obviously evil the whole time."

"I mean, yeah. But I wouldn't say evil exactly."

Neptune and Jaune shared a flat look at him.

"Besides killing his nephew obviously!"

Now Neptune wished they could play it back, but didn't want to go through the slog again. An ending like that just didn't seem right. The nephew, the hero, was supposed to win, there was supposed to be a happy ending. A right ending. Why did the bad guy, the one who had quite clearly betrayed family and morality for money and power, get away with it? What kind of message was that supposed to tell the audience? Neptune felt like he should demand a refund or something stupid like that. "That's not how that should have ended."

"Why not?" Sun asked. "I thought it was pretty good."

"Its not good, its depressing." Neptune said staunchly. "What does that even say? That bad people will get away with everything? That there's nothing you can do when you get betrayed? Thats fucking stupid. Worst movie ever."

It was quiet for a while. And Neptune realized he'd made a fool of himself and promptly leaned into the backrest of the couch. He couldn't help but watch the credits, now washing over the young detective's body as the police arrived on the scene. He was good. Why did he have to be the one to die?

Sun rubbed his neck in thought. "Well, I guess I kinda saw it as, "Try even if you fail" type of deal, you know? Okay, maybe him getting killed is too much. Like, the movie could have ended with him just getting shot in the knee. But its… with the uncle… ugh, how do I explain it?"

"Its about the uncle choosing something hollow and how that won't make his life happy. He's always going to be on the run now." Jaune said. "Sure, Mac gets away with it, but not with the money or the power he wanted with it. And, now that he's killed his nephew, he has no family left. He killed the only thing that could have made him truly happy. Something money and power can't get you or some crap like that."

"Wait, really? Oh yeah, the money pit, he wasn't able to take any! So its like the nephew did still stop him. Sorta."

Neptune couldn't help but blink at the screen as the two went back and forth on the matter. They had been paying attention the whole time, so maybe it wasn't worth getting upset when he didn't know much about it. Still it bothered him like a burning rash, leaving him so profoundly uncomfortable that he wished he could delete the memory.

That partner probably did everything in the world for his uncle, he practically idolized him in the beginning. So how could the uncle still murder him? Who did that to someone that loved them so unflinchingly? Even at the very end, even when the partner knew that his uncle had done horrible things, still he didn't pull the trigger on him. And he got punished for it? His dreams and goals and everything he could have ever wanted was snuffed out all because his damn uncle was too selfish to look beyond himself? It wasn't right, no matter what Sun and Jaune deduced from the movie.

"Ugh, its making me think too much." Sun shook his head, "Anyway, I thought it was good. What do you guys wanna do now?"

Jaune shrugged. "Maybe we should jerk off to porn together. Isn't that what sororities do or something?"

"I wasn't eating. Like at all." Neptune grimaced. Who was he kidding? His food had grown cold long ago.

"And we only do that on Wednesdays, silly goose." Sun threw a noodle at Jaune's face. "What else?"

Neptune was feeling equally as facetious. "Talk about our feelings?"

"Gotcha covered. I'm in a great mood, you're in a bad mood, and Jaune comes from some place where smiling is against his religion."

As if to prove him right, Jaune's frown got deeper. "Ha, hilarious."

Sun ignored him. "Well Nep, what are you up for? Playing more games?"

"We don't have anything for three players local," Neptune sighed. "Today is just a drag." Like a lot of things lately.

"With a sack of misery like you around, its no wonder." Jaune said, "What was wrong with the movie?"

Neptune gave him a look. "You're talkative today."

"I'm trying to bond," Jaune droned so obviously that it was clear he was lying. "And you're avoiding the question."

Neptune frowned. "It just sucked. That's all."

"Why?"

Neptune shrugged his hands. "It just didn't work for me, okay?"

Jaune shrugged back dismissively, like he was brushing aside his opinion. "You just didn't get it. Its too elevated for you."

Neptune stifled a grumble. It wasn't worth rising to that. But it was Jaune saying it, he wasn't sure why it hurt when he barely knew him. He thought he was cooler than that. "That's not it. The ending is trash."

"How would you know if you didn't watch the whole thing?" Jaune came back quickly. Did he just like arguing or something?

"So you think the uncle killing his nephew in the end is fine? After everything they went through together?"

"I'm not saying its a good thing. But it fits the movie."

"No, it doesn't!"

"Guys…" Sun tried to interject. Jaune wasn't having it though, and Neptune found that he wasn't, either.

"Why does the ending bother you so much?" Jaune asked. "It is fake, you know."

"Think about what the detective took from his nephew, all for some stupid superficial bullshit! The nephew only wanted to do the right thing. Why does he deserve to get killed for that? Why does he have to lose everything just so the person he respects can be happy?"

"Because that's how it is," Jaune said. "I don't see what your problem is."

His problem? Neptune's blood simmered, his skin felt like it might burst into flames. Something told him not to say it, warned him he'd regret speaking, but the flames were too hot, and Jaune had pinched the very last of his nerves. "You really want to know, huh? I used to like swimming!"

Grave silence. Nothing but the cold, soulless whistle of outside wind through the walls. Neptune couldn't even before sure if he was imagining his echoing shout or not. Jaune sat there, entirely unaffected, and it only made Neptune angrier. "You act like its easy. That I can just confront my dad and tell him what's what. You think I didn't try? All he ever talked about was how I shouldn't waste my talent and that he wanted to see me succeed. I used to think it was for me, but it was only for himself! He gave up something he wanted for me, so now I have to be the fucking proxy for what he wasn't able to get? How is that "Just how it is" Jaune? How!?"

Tears began to well up, it felt like veins were popping on his neck, and his head throbbed with a vengeance. Stop, he told himself, but he was screaming far before he could stop himself. "I was in that fucking pool every single day. I gave up dates for it, I ditched class just to get half an hour of practice. That was mine. That was me!" Neptune's shuddered as the hot tears spilled. "Its the only thing I had. I loved it more than anything and its ruined forever. I'm the one who lost everything." Just like Detective Callem. "But my dad? He gets to punish me and belittle me all he wants. He can still pick up his fucking guitar and play music if he wants to. I can't even look at a pool anymore. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Neptune crossed the distance and poked Jaune hard in the chest. Snarled so viciously he was sure he'd spat on him. "So don't act like you know anything about how I feel. You can't even put aside your own self-pity to just be nice to people. What right do you have to judge me!?"

All Neptune could hear was his own haggard breathing as silence stole the room again, his throat drier than sandpaper. He didn't feel like any weight had come off his shoulders. The feeling just piled on and on, heavier and heavier, like it always did.

Neptune marched back to his seat and plopped down. "Nothing to say now? Where's all your talk, huh?"

Jaune was fiddling with his fork, staring down at it like he was replaying an old, depressing memory. "Miss Peach isn't my mom."

Neptune blinked. What did that have to do with anything?

"She isn't?" Sun asked. "But you kinda look like her. No offense."

"She's my mom's sister, so you're not wrong. I didn't come here because I wanted to. My dad sent me. Drove me three hours just to…" And Jaune dropped his fork on the plate. "I guess abandon me here."

"Why?"

"Fuck if I know. Dad wouldn't tell me. Just woke me up one day and made me pack. Made me leave behind my sisters, my neighborhood, everyone I know, so I can stay with an aunt I barely know. I can't go to the abandoned playground I used to go to, I can't help Miss Clove with her gardening, I can't go catch frogs in the woods. Because my dad just… said so."

Neptune didn't think his anger could have shrunk away any quicker, nor had he ever felt the need to sink in on himself as potently as he did now. "My dad sat down with me just before we left, and he told me to ask him anything. So I yelled at him. I called him horrible things, I said he didn't love me, and I begged him to not send me away." Jaune's eyes squeezed shut. "I begged him again and again, but he said he was doing it for my own good. I didn't get a choice. I just have to believe that my dad is right."

"I..." What was he even supposed to say to that? Sorry? It wouldn't help worth a damn. Nothing would in a situation like that. "That's not the same situation. Your dad obviously did it for a good reason. Mine is just selfish. He doesn't care about me at all."

"You actually believe that? Sun, do you believe that?"

Neptune felt Sun's hand on his shoulder. "Your dad loves you, dude. You know that."

He had a shitty way of showing it. Where were the days when his father would say he was proud of him? When they'd talk about more than just swimming and careers and achievements? Why all of a sudden were girls just money-grubbing and untrustworthy? His dad's hate for his mom ran so deep that it spilled over his life, no differently than Callem's blood did over the pit of money. Things used to be good between them. Proof that his father wasn't the bastard he was acting like. But what could be done? How did he confront him without putting his own feelings at risk? What was the right thing to do?

"What if it doesn't change anything?"

"You deal with that when it happens. It doesn't change what you need to do, does it?" Sun said.

Neptune looked between the both, felt something warm surge up. But then he remembered his father's words and sank back into himself. He wasn't like Jaune or Sun—they were fearless and willing to let themselves get hurt. Neptune just wasn't. Maybe that made him a pussy and a coward and a loser, but what else was new?

"Its not gonna make a difference. No matter what you say," Neptune got up and headed for the stairs. "I'm going to bed, alright?"

He didn't wait for them to answer and hurried upstairs, didn't even care if it looked like he was running. At this point, how he looked to everyone didn't matter anymore. All he wanted was to curl up and be alone.

His chest burned as he slammed the bedroom door shut, sank to his bottom, and wept. Blubbered like a smacked toddler. Pathetic. He was pathetic and cowardly and worthless.

And he wished with all his heart that, for just one moment, he could feel like he wasn't.

Why… in the world… did he tell him that?

What idiot had taken over his body? What demon had possessed him to do such a thing? That wasn't at all necessary. More importantly, it wasn't a part of the plan. He'd just… done it. He felt hot for a moment. Angry and yet solemn. And looking into Neptune's eyes, it just… it made him do it. Jaune didn't even question whether he'd pushed him too far—the silence of the living room was all the confirmation he needed.

"I'll go check on him," Sun said. "I'd let you stay, but you're better off going home."

"Right," Jaune bowed his head as he went for the door. "He really loved swimming, huh?"

Sun let out a breath through his nose. "You couldn't keep him out of water if you tried. Get home safe, man."

Jaune didn't return Sun's wave. But once the door was closed on him, he wished he was back inside, apologizing. Why? He had no clue. So why did he tell him about his situation, about his dad? That wasn't even something he talked to Aunt Peach about, even if she already knew. Why? Fucking why?

Jaune pulled up his hood to brace against the cold night breeze, and there was only the sound of his scuffling shoes and passing cars as he made his way down the way. A dying streetlamp greeted him, bathing a lone bench in dead orange light. It flickered and hummed, buzzed and popped, holding onto the very last dregs of strength it could to keep the dark at bay. An island sanctuary of a kind, if only temporarily.

Jaune was sitting on that bench before he knew it, hands in his pockets, neck leaning over the backrest and staring up at the starless sky, and that's when the answer came to him. One he desperately wished to deny.

Gods. How had it ever come to this? He was supposed to know better than this, be more resilient than this. It's why the walls had to stay up, why the armor had to remain on at all times. Why his weak, needy heart needed to be caged so it could never find something to attach itself to. But what had he done if not thrown his heart right at Neptune's face, hoping for him to catch it? He'd compromised himself. Far more than dared in a long time.

All he could ask himself was if it was worth it. He didn't know. Even if he was fairly certain what Neptune's key was now.

No better way to find out why Neptune loved that pool so much than trying it out himself.

Pretty short chapter, but that's mostly because this was initially going to be in chapter eight, but that would've hastened the pacing a bit too much, I think.