9

Over the next few days more complained about 'funny tummies' and Owen was starting to get a little hysterical about it. "You are dinking the bottled water, right?"

"Yes Owen, since we got back. Same as you" Jack nodded, watching the village moving outside the huge plate glass window of his office at the police station.

"Well… it's unsettling. Those Red Caps know more than they are letting on. For them to get here within hours of the 'anomaly' as they are calling it… and why call it that? What the fuck is it? They know and are holding back. They already have catch phrases. You know they have gone through my patient files. The medical records for the entire village right? Toshiko caught them cyber stalking through her own files too."

"What?" Jack swung to look at him, then over at his own PC humming quietly on the desk "Do you think…"

"I'll get her to give it a scrub."

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.

"Really? God, well your files would be boring as fuck anyway" Ianto said as he placed the plate of food down and then returned to the kitchen for his own, remembering to place the cat's on the fridge and the dog's on the floor.

Jack watched the small plate descending in to Ianto's spot that even a child might not live off, frowning "Is that all you're eating?"

"I picked while cooking and you know my stomach is weird" Ianto said without scolding back, he knew Jack cared.

"Well, I have another ever-loving fete meeting tonight so… you and Owen can play that video game if ya like. Toshiko wants to work and told him to bugger off, he's on his way over soon. Pudding in the fridge for you both."Ianto said as he pushed the food around and then got up like he might really fool Jack that he had eaten any.

Jack sighed softly as he accepted that nagging would not help either.

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It has been a week since everything … That Friday that Never Was. People referred to it as 'Fridayitis' and joked that as it was approaching again maybe they had all better sleep in the church to be safe.

Of course… it went by like nothing was wrong and the UNIT bods at every fucking street corner only heightened the drama for no good reason. The Fete was coming along nicely and Ianto now hated it with a passion, the only positive note that the proceeds were going to Cancer Research and he felt it a good cause to push for. Naturally.

So he found himself at a Fete meeting on a Sunday night listening to the usual complaints about neighbours, the youth of the town and then….

"I think I am preggers."

"No. Diane… not again. Christ are five not enough?"

"I… I always know within days and I am telling you… I feel my boobs tingle!" Diane gushed happily "I think I am up the duff again."

"Well with Morgan just back from the oil rig, I hope it's not… well. He is my son and… well… I have never thought…"

"How dare you!" Diane spat at her mother-in-law, rising from the chair at the committee table "I say I am with child and you accuse me of… of …. Well. Ta very much. You know he came back a day before Fridayitis! And who, prey tell Mona… who would I fuck around here? Huh? The only fuckable man in the place is gay! His spindly little sap of a husband here as testimony to that fact!"

Her hand flapped in Ianto's direction and he felt that horrible flare of heat crossing his face, the blush no doubt fierce as he tried to maintaining some dignity. He tired to blink if off as she continued to harangue her mother-in-law.

"Come on Mona, come on. Give it to me then. Maybe it's Ivy's fella… oooo… he's black. I might like a black one" her hands were on her hips now and she was on a roll, her anger starting to galvanize others to turn and glare are Mona for doubting this woman's love for her man. After all… all five kids were his clones to look at.

"Well… if we are all going to jump on the bandwagon… I think I am up the fucking duff too!" another said, her nod savage enough for her wig to shift "And I thought Norman and I were past it. Christ, I am almost fifty. FIFTY!"

"Could be worse" Ianto finally spoke "Could be twins."

Everyone stared at him and then someone snorted with mirth "Oh yes?"

"Or maybe it's the aliens. You know… the Fridayitis ones impregnated you all. Thank Christ I am a man, at least I don't have to worry about that one! I had sex before it happened too…. Oh dear" Ianto started to pick up steam as more laughter started "And Mona… I would be careful if I were you. After all, you had your lovely boy quite young, right? You are only… fifty three? Maybe you are alien shagged too."

Now they were all laughing at the stupidity of it and a pleased fifty eight year old Mona apologized to Diane for being a twat.

Aliens indeed.

But now he had said it… Ianto felt weirder than ever about UNIT's presence here.

.

.

"General?"

"Is your man home?"

Ianto stepped aside to allow the fucker in, resisting the urge to camp like a top diva while calling out "Jack, visitor love."

"Visitor love? Did I order a … oh. General" Jack was instantly alert, motioning the man to a chair as Ianto watched from the sidelines, then his cell phone buzzed in his pocket and so he stepped outside to watch the dumb dog play… maybe throw the ball a few times and covertly pet a time or two… so?

"Guess what."

"You are a guinea-pig in the guise of a man?"

"No. No… actually that was a good one… no. I have three more."

"Three more what?" Ianto was confused now.

"Babies! Three more… that makes… right. Eight women so far this morning came in and tested positive for a baaaaaaaaby. What do ya reckon? Something in the water? Eh? Was I right?"

"Well, last night at the Fete meeting I said the aliens shagged them so… oops. Maybe today they are a little jaded at that one. Mona accused Diane of sleeping around since her fella was just back from the rig… the dates don't add up right?"

"Yes it is if they screwed like rabbits and she was within hours duffed again."

"Owen… that is not a word."

"Must be I just used it" Own retorted, using one of Ianto's snarks back at him and Ianto smiled softly with affection for the little fucker.

"Well… creepy."

"Yeah… well creepy right? Whatcha doing?"

"Jack has the top Red Cap Honcho here so I am out back with slobber face."

Silence.

"The dog."

"OH! Right. Come over, I wanna show you something wicked!"

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"So… this is…."

"Yeah, since talking to you two more tests came back. Ten. Ten confirmed now and look at the dates… if I am right, and I always am with babies, they will all drop on the same day… within hours I will deliver ten bundles of shit… and that means… they are all conceived on the same day too."

Ianto knew before Owen said it and saying it did not make it any more palatable.

"Fridayitis!"