The staff of IMP all sat in the office's waiting room. It was a slow day and no clients had come in with any hits, so the crew was just chilling till something came along. Loona sat at her desk glued to her phone as usual, Millie was sharpening a giant knife, Moxxie was cleaning his sniper rifle, Blitzo was in his office playing with a toy horse, and Dante was leaning back in a chair by Loona's desk drinking from a big bottle of wine.
Suddenly the phone rang, startling Dante causing him to fall over, Loona snickered as Dante sat up rubbing the back of his head.
"Hello IMP," Loona said in a bored tone, suddenly Loona's eyes went wide, she looked over at Dante with a sly smile.
"Oh yeah he's right here," she said in a cheeky tone,
"Hey Dante, your girlfriends on the line," she said as Dante glared at her, snatching the phone from her hand.
"Girlfriend? But I thought you were Dante's girlfriend?" Millie pointed at Loona with her eyebrow raised in confusion.
Moxxie smirked, "told you, "He whispered to his wife.
Loona just rolled her eyes she had overheard Millie and Moxxies stupid debates about whether or not she and Dante where a couple or whether or not they were right for each other, she honestly didn't care what they thought. Her and Dante where for all intent and purposes, friends with benefits, they'd go out get drunk then fuck till morning, and she was perfectly fine with that relationship.
"It's not like I have feelings for him…right?" she thought to herself, suddenly feeling worried she looked over to Dante who was talking to Octavia on the phone.
"Hey Octavia what's going on?" he asked, in a casual tone.
"Oh, nothing I was just wondering if you'd maybe like to go see a movie with me today?"
"He can't seriously be into that skinny bitch, could he?" she thought to herself nervously, watching Dante talk on the phone.
"Ahh sorry Octavia, I'd love to but I'm busy with work, a lot of clients need people killed," he lied trying to sound disappointed.
"Dante, we have no clients today, if you want to go spend time with your lady we won't mind," Moxxie said reassuringly, Dante scowled, luckily Octavia didn't hear him.
"Oh alright, maybe some other time," Octavia said in a sad voice.
"Yeah, sure another time," he said in a reassuring tone before hanging up the phone and sighing, turning to Loona.
"Next time she calls just say I'm not here alright," he said in an irritated tone.
"Why did she say anything weird like her dad?" Moxxie asked, confused about why Dante wouldn't want to talk to Octavia.
"No, but I know her type, she's probably gonna call again later, so it's best if we just ignore her calls," Dante said walking back to his seat when not two minutes later the phone rang again.
"See!" he said, gesturing to the phone.
"Oh, I'm sure it's not her," Loona said rolling her eyes, she picked up the phone when her eyes went wide in surprise.
"Uh Dante it's her," she said begrudgingly admitted while Dante just nodded, she handed the phone to Dante who just raised an eyebrow.
"Uh he's not in the office right now, leave a message?" she said into the phone, listening for a minute she hung up, and turned to Dante.
"She wanted to know if you were free this Friday," she said, Dante just shook his head back and forth pinching the bridge of his nose.
"I'll take that as a no," Loona said.
Throughout the rest of the day the phone continuously rang, as Octavia continuously kept calling trying to secure dates with Dante. At this point much of the crew was getting sick and tired of the phone constantly ringing.
"Alright that's it I'm going out for lunch!" Dante exclaimed, sick and tired of the constant phone ringing. He stormed out of the office slamming the door with so much force the glass cracked.
"I think I'll join you," Loona said, getting up from her desk and heading out the door, the glass cracking more.
"Look at those two just rushing out of here off schedule just to get away from some noisy phone," Moxxie said, crossing his arms and shaking his head when suddenly the phone rang again.
"Hey there's this cute little cafe down the road you want to get some coffee?" Millie asked.
"Sure do," Moxxie exclaimed, grabbing Millie's hand and leading her out the door, with the window cracking even more.
Suddenly Blitzo bursted out of his office, a furious look on his face, foaming out of the corner of his mouth.
"WOULD SOMEONE ANSWER THAT FUCKING PHONE!" he shouted before realizing there was no one in the office.
"Dammit can't a guy sleep off a hangover in this damn place?" he asked, rubbing his head as he answered the phone.
"What?" he asked.
"Hello, is Dante there?" Blitzo recognized the voice of Stolas' daughter Octavia.
"Uhh no but what do you need from him sweetie?" he asked in a polite tone.
"Oh, I just wanted to see if he was available to see a movie," she said Blitzo could hear how flustered she was through the phone.
"Ooh is this a date?" he cooed.
"Oh, uh no no not a date I just wanted to see if he wanted to hang," she stuttered out. Blitzo could picture her blushing.
"Yeah, sure kiddo, look you can't keep calling here tying up the phone so how about I give you Dante's number and you can bug him.
Blitzo read Dante's number to Octavia who wrote it down on a piece of paper, when he was done a coy smile appeared on his face.
"Good luck Octavia oh and remember to use protection," he said cheeky before hanging up.
"This is gonna be hilarious," he said to himself as he went back to his office.
Dante was in his apartment resting on his couch with a bottle of wine in his hand he took a swig from it and found it was empty, tossing it aside he stretched out on the couch when suddenly he heard his doorbell ring. Getting up he made his way to the door, opening it up he saw much to his surprise Loona holding a bag in each hand.
"Oh, hey Loona what's up?" he asked surprised to see her over at place, or at least over at his place without having spent some time with him at a bar.
"Oh, I was bored and, in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop by, is there a problem?" she asked as putting her hand on her hips.
"Oh no I'm just surprised," he said, stepping aside to let her in.
"So, what's in the bags?" he asked, pointing to the bags in her hands.
"Oh these I got beer, and I got Chinese," she said placing both bags on the coffee table, reaching into both she pulled out a takeout box, and a bottle of beer tossing both to Dante.
"Hey thanks," he exclaimed smiling.
The two sat on the couch chowing down on their food and drinking their beers, as they did Loona began to scoot closer and closer to Dante until their legs were rubbing against each other. Dante noticed this but brushed it aside instead focusing on his food.
"Hey, do you mind if I watch some tv?" Loona asked, picking up his remote. Dante just shrugged.
The two watched TV, it was some comedy show about an imp family living in the greed ring, Dante wasn't really paying attention. Suddenly Loona leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. Dante was taken aback by this sudden act as normally outside of sex Loona liked to keep her space, Dante looked at her and noticed her face was bright red. He was about to ask her what was up when his phone suddenly began to ring.
Pulling his phone out of his pocket he saw it was an unknown number.
"Fucking telemarketers," Dante huffed rejecting the call.
"Tell me about it, you would not believe how many times Blitzo falls for them," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose, recalling Blitzo's stupidity.
Later on, the two were in Dante's room lying on his bed, making out, Dante ran his hands through Loona's hair, noticing the way she shuddered with pleasure as his talons grazed her scalp. Noticing this Dante moved one of his hands down Loona's back, scratching her with his talons almost hard enough to break the skin. Loona broke from the kiss arching her back and letting out a moan that turned into a howl, Dante smiled.
I'm guessing someone's having fun?" he asked sarcastically.
"Shut up," she said before returning to the kiss.
Loona slid her hands up Dante's shirt while Dante grabbed her ass when suddenly they were both startled by Dante's phone once again ringing.
Reaching into his pocket Dante pulled out his phone and canceled the call, before going back to Loona, when yet again the phone rang. It kept ringing over and over and over again till eventually Dante couldn't take it anymore, he pushed Loona off his lap, sat up, and answered his phone.
"What do you want," he growled into his phone, but the Look on his face changed to one of surprise when he recognized the voice on the other line.
"Via?" he said in utter shock. Loona looked at him in surprise.
"Hey Dante what's up?" she asked in a cheerful tone.
"Uh nothing," Dante replied awkwardly, Loona looked offended before crossing her arms and turning away from Dante.
"Uhh how'd you get my number?" he asked uncomfortably.
"Ohh Blitzo gave it to me, he said he didn't want me calling and tangling up the lines," she explained. Dante pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Next time I see Blitzo I'm tearing his spine out through his ass," he thought to himself.
"So, I was wondering if you wanted to get a bite to eat or something, there's this really great pizza place over in Pentagram City... oh, unless going to the city is too much for you, I'm sorry I almost forgot about your-" Dante interrupted her before she could finish that sentence.
"It's fine Via I'm not mad, but no sorry I don't really think that will work out, alright," he said trying to hide the frustration in his voice.
"Ohh alright maybe some other time, good night," Via said disappointed before hanging up.
"God dammit this bitch is relentless," Dante muttered to himself, clearly getting sick of Via's constant calls.He turned to Loona and put his hands on her shoulders.
"Now where were we?" he said in a sultry tone, Loona just shot daggers at him.
"Oh, I'm sorry, were we doing something cause I could've sworn you said you were doing nothing," she said venom clearly in her voice.
Dante was taken aback by this sudden shift in her attitude, butting his hands up defensively he said.
"Whoa what, oh come on i didn't mean anything by it," he said reassuringly placing a hand on her thigh, Loona just stood up grabbed her clothes and began getting dressed.
"Hey, where are you doing?" he asked.
"Nothing," she spat heading for the door.
"Oh, come on Loona I'm sorry ok don't leave, what am I supposed to do tonight?" he asked following Loona as she headed out of the apartment.
"Sorry but if you're so horned up, why don't you call your girlfriend?" she said, slamming the door on her way out.
"She's not my girlfriend!" Dante shouted punching the wall smashing through to the apartment next door, a female imp looked through the hole at him.
"Shit! Sorry Rhue," he apologized to his neighbor.
"Hey no problem, so who's this new girlfriend I've been hearing about," she asked excitedly, Dante just sighed.
The crew of IMP sat in a large tree overlooking a campsite but it wasn't just any campsite. This campsite was home to a group of thieves who left one of their own to die after a bank robbery went wrong.
Dante sat perched in the tree with the other he was wearing his human disguise while the others were wearing animal suits, Moxxies made him look like this cat demon Dante plays cards with sometimes. He thought the suits looked ridiculous but hey nobody asked him.
Dante lined up his shot he was about to pull the trigger when his phone started ringing. Startled Dante lost his balance and fell out of the tree as he did Blitzo tried to pull him up by his tail but he was too heavy and Blitzo fell as well as he fell he grabbed onto Moxxie who then grabbed onto Millie causing them to fall as well. As they landed on the ground Dante looked up and saw the targets looking down at them,
"Fuck," he muttered.
Later
Dante and the rest of IMP walked through the portal, all where all battered, bruised, and bloody. As they entered the office Loona looked up and was surprised to see how bashed up they were.
"Jesus, what the fuck happened to you guys?" she asked what seemed like genuine concern.
"Oh nothing, just that Dante's girlfriend decided to call while we were in the middle of a fucking job!" Blitzo shouted glaring at Dante who glared right back.
"Christ on his cross, for the last fucking time! She's not my girlfriend! And besides this would have never happened if you hadn't given her my phone number," Dante pointed a finger at Blitzo murder in his eyes.
Sensing a fight Millie got between Blitzo and Dante.
"Alright, alright everyone just calms down, ok," Millie said in a calm voice.
"Millie's right let's not let things escalate," Moxxie said putting a hand on Blitzo's shoulder
Turning to Dante she put a hand on Dante's arm.
"Look sweetie, now while I think it's sweet that you've been nice to this girl, I think it's time you tell her you're not interested," she said in a sweet maternal tone.
"Or just tell her to tone down the calls, we don't know he's not interested," Moxxie said, Millie shot him a glare.
"You know what you're right it's time I stop trying to let her down easy and just tell her how I really feel," he said in a somewhat ominous tone.
"Yeah!... or whatever I don't care,'' Loona said, going back to her phone blushing slightly.
Dante pulled out his phone and dialed Octavia, holding the phone up to his ear. Dante listened to it ring again and again, his frustration growing each time until finally all he got was her voicemail.
"Of course, when I actually call you, you don't answer of freaking course!" he said, his voice seeping with anger and rage.
"Look Octavia I'm going to say this once, I'm not interested in you alright and guess what I'm Never going to be into you! You are not my fucking type ok your just some annoying, clingy, whiny, little bitch who can't take a hint a fucking leave me alone!" The rest of IMP was taken aback by the intensity of his anger, they also noticed that Dante's horns seemed to have grown an inch or two, and the fact it appeared his claws had grown longer and sharper along with his tail having grown barbs.
"Stop calling me alright I'm never going to go out with you, ok NEVER, in fact to even think about me cause you can bet that scrawny little ass of yours I'm never going to be thinking of you! So, fuck you, fuck your constant calls in the middle of the night, fuck your annoying emo shit, and most of all FUCK YOU, YOU SCRAWNY, FLAT CHESTED BITCH!" Dante finished his rant and hung up the phone, by crushing it in his hand.
Dante took a deep breath, his horns returned to their original length, as did his claws and the barbs on his tail vanished as well. He turned to face the others who were staring at him with wide eyes.
"Whew there now I don't think I have to worry about her anymore," he said, relieved that he didn't have to deal with that girl anymore.
"Are you a Fucking IDIOT!" Blitzo screamed at the top of his lungs, much to the shock of the rest of IMP.
"Why on earth would you break up with her like that? Are you trying to destroy my business!" he screamed again marching up to Dante who looked at him confused.
"What are you talking about Blitzo? Wait break up we were never a-" before he could finish Blitzo interrupted him.
"Stolas is very protective of his daughter, what do you think he's going to do when she hears that voicemail and comes to him crying," Dante's eyes went wide with shock.
"Oh shit,"
Oh, shit is right he'll tear you limb from limb, then turn you to stone, then worst of all he'll probably revoke IMP's access to the book!" Everyone's eyes went wide with horror at the thought of IMP losing their only key to the living world.
"You're gonna have to fix this kid, or else we are Fucked!" he said, pointing a finger at Dante.
A look of utter despair came across Dante's face.
"Oh shit," he muttered trying to figure out what to do to fix this problem.
Well, everyone that's another chapter down! How's Dante gonna get out of this mess, stick around and find out.