-ROBOTS!-
Soldier, after seeing space marines for the first time, before beating them.
The ancient vault of 'Monkey-nautics'. For centuries it stood sealed and defiant against the test of time and outside interference. It was once guarded with fervor as the Mechanicus was, for decades, trying to access its secrets with whatever means at their disposal. But the doors wouldn't open, cave or make i89way for anyone, righteous or not. Many rumors were circulating in the Imperium ki8about what could be stored inside. Some said there were ancient and powerful weaponry hidden in there, others claimed
there were rare historical documents about the times before the Imperium's creation, there were also those who believed the vault guarded the fabled Omnicopaeia, the amassment of every STC ever created. These were only the original stories though because with the passage of time and the doors remaining shut, the rumors became more diverse and outlandish. But of all these ideas and theories, none of them even came close to what inquisitor Cadmus was staring at right now. Not one, but NINE, perfectly preserved and alive human specimens from way before the foundation of the Imperium, even before the Dark Age of Technology, possibly younger only than the God-Emperor Himself. After calling for extra manpower to secure the site entrance, he returned to the stasis pods, searching for clues:
"Did you find anything new about them Magos?" He asked the tech-priest, who slightly twitched at the question, as he was scanning the findings:
"Oh, yes, very interesting. After a quick scan, I can confirm that the pods, those who reside within and every item in this bunker are indeed more than 40000 years old. The subjects all have augmentations of the same type. Each of them has an implant in his heart and another in their brains, except..." He walked towards the one wearing the yellow helmet:
"...this one also has a mechanical right arm of unknown design. It is covered by his glove." The red robed priest showed with his own machine hand:
"Did you find any traces of chaos taint or heresy?" The inquisitor asked. It would be a real shame to dispose of such precious specimens, but the laws were clear. 'Burn the heretic, kill the mutant, purge the unclean', simple as that:
"The ice doesn't allow very accurate scanning, but I am certain that there is no taint to any of them. I did detect an unknown substance in their blood, but it could be liquid to keep their bodies intact while in stasis. They certainly aren't aware of the Imperium itself, of course, but I believe they can be persuaded to see the light." Aughton replied, organic eye and mechanical visor glued to the man with the hardhat:
"Any details about the weapons you found? Are they products of heretek nature?" Cadmus questioned, still holding reservations despite their luck. Hope is the first step to disappointment after all:
"That I am not able to answer unfortunately. These relics seem... incomplete. They have no machine spirits or the means to store it, thus they are unblessed. Maybe there was no time to finish them, as many of them are not functional, or they are not meant for use, could be samples to assist in the manufacturing process." The priest answered, still unsure of their real purpose:
"There isn't much else we can learn right now. We need to wait for our backup to come." The inquisitor concluded:
"Or we could open the cryo vats, at the very least 1 of them. If there are too many of us, it could have severe consequences. Omnisiah knows how they will react when they see how far in the future they are, it could cause irreversible damage to their brain." Aughton reasoned...
(Time stops, portal opens, Deadpool appears...)
(Deadpool): Whoa, whoa, whoa, I have a question that needs answering. Is it possible for a machine worshipping nerd to actually care for a frozen human popsicle?
(Serious Deadpool): He wants the knowledge he can get from them.
(Silly Deadpool): Or he wants new friends, maybe a hug too.
(Deadpool): Wondering how it feels to be a cyborg. Nah, never mind, Cable knows that pretty well which reminds me...
(Deadpool returns to portal, gunfire and screams audible, a loud crack, mad cackling, snapping sounds, portal closes, time continues...)
Cadmus stopped short of refusing. He knit his brows in thought. The idea was risky, but it could also yield more significant rewards. Making allies out of the frozen men could make the task at hand a less complicated matter, but there was the danger of corruption or daemonic possession, even mental degradation posed a risk. There was little risk of fallout among the Imperium, thanks to his status as inquisitor, but the loss of even a single one of the specimen would be catastrophic and irreversible. He made a silent prayer to the Emperor and made his decision:
"Your idea has some merit Magos. Normally I would entrust the task to someone with more experience, but you did open the vault so I will show faith in your judgement. Who should we release?"
Cadmus would swear that he saw the tech priest smile from ear to ear, if it wasn't for that respirator:
"Excellent, excellent. It is prudent to take it from the beginning in order to make the best choice. Let's see..." He went to the leftmost pod, the word 'Scout' written on the plaque, but unnoticed by both of them:
"Too young, doubt he could handle the stress of the situation." Next up, the 'Soldier':
"Doesn't look smart enough for such a delicate task.": On to the 'Pyro'.
"I don't trust it. And I doubt it can form coherent sentences." The inquisitor interjected at the remark:
"Wait, it? You mean you don't know... Is it even human?" Aughton looked a bit sheepish:
"I am unsure, the suit it wears, plus the ice, scramble my sensors. We will have to ask one of the others." Now Cadmus was slightly worried. If that masked creature proves to be a xeno or, Throne forbids, an abominable machine, they would have to dispose of all the specimens, maybe even all the weapons, equipment and artifacts they found:
"Alright, please continue." He relented. The tech priest nodded and went to the next one, the 'Demoman'.
"This one looks promising, but we should check the others first." Moving to the 'Heavy':
"Too risky. His strength and size pose extreme risk if he turns hostile." Onto the 'Engineer':
"This one looks significantly smarter than the others. Personally, I would choose him." Later, the 'Medic':
"Also intelligent, but there is something to him that unnerves me." The priest said:
"You're right. He looks like a male hospitaller, but more violent and sadistic. Not a good combination." Cadmus answered:
"Indeed, so lets proceed..." Next up, the 'Sniper':
"Looks like an hardened and experienced veteran soldier. Seems like a decent choice." Lastly, the 'Spy':
"Reminds me of the eldar, always scheming and totally untrustworthy, only a fool would trust this man." Aughton concluded:
"Go on then, I await your selection." The Inquisitor said. Suddenly the tech priest lost most enthusiasm as he saw his companion moving to a safe distance away, hand close to the bolt pistol hidden under the robes. The message was clear, make a good choice or the consequences are going to be severe. A quiet prayer to the Omnisiah for enlightenment later, the young, by mechanicus standards, Magos proceeded to make the choice that would likely change the course of history, towards the better or the worse. Taking a deep and audible breath, muttering a last prayer for guidance to the Omnisiah, he went to the nearest console. As there was no cogitator or machine spirit to call upon, he had to adjust switches and press buttons to make it work. Thankfully, he found a manual that explained the basics of how to operate what was called 'analog technology'. Crude in his humble opinion, but effective, cheap and very well made. It held a certain charm, like everything non-essential was removed to allow function over long periods of time. The creators were definitely considerate as no machine spirit would be able to last that long without maintenance, at least he believed that to be the case. Finishing with the fiddling, he pressed the last button. Both servants of the Imperium held their breaths as the pod hissed and cold vapor started to come out. The man inside was now more visible. He wore a yellow helmet, black goggles, knee protectors, black work boots, a brown leather apron and red clothes. When the fog cleared, he stumbled outside, coughing and wheezing for air. Aughton was about to approach and help him up, but the man stood upright on his own:
"Woo, about time someone bothered to come here, you with the company?" He asked. Both the tech priest and the inquisitor gave inaudible sighs of relief. No mental degradation, confusion or panic, up to a good start:
"What company?" The tech priest said, unsure of what other answer he should give. Now that human took a more serious look at the tall red robed figure:
"Look, I understand that the war made communications difficult but seriously? You don't know about Mann Co.? Are you even aware of the robot wars? Wait, how far in the future are we?" He asked:
"Well, taking into account the..." The inquisitor didn't let his partner finish:
"It would be better if you don't panic, but you've been in there for a very long time." Cadmus said:
"Alright then, spill. Judging from those fancy bionics of yours it must be, what, 2070, 2080?" The man asked again, a peculiar drawl on his speech. The veteran inquisitor visited countless planets across
many sectors and heard almost every human, abhuman and xeno accent in existence, but nothing like this. It was like an ogryn reciting litanies almost as well as a highly talented missionary, clear and concise, but slow and soothing. Intriguing:
"The current date is 591.740.M41., could you help him understand, if you please." The senior member ordered his partner:
"Yes, considering that you use an older system of dating, and if my calculations are accurate, today is the 4th day of the 8th month, year 40740."
Now the 2 imperials waited for the reaction. The unfrozen surprisingly showed only slight shock and moved towards a locked cabinet. Entering a code it opened, revealing a still functional atomic clock, showing both time, date and year. The news checked out:
"I'll be damned." He just stood there with his hands on the hips, contemplating and shaking his head, in silent anguish:
"Dammit all to hell. Well, I reckon that's that, no use crying over spilled milk. Oh, where are my manners, I didn't even tell you fellas my name. I am Dell Conagher, the engineer of this motley group." He introduced himself, as if the previous troubles seemingly vanished:
"I am Magos Aughton-Five of the Adeptus Mechanicus, and this is Cadmus Calinicos, inquisitor. Pleased to make your acquaintance." The tech priest extended his hand, which the engineer gladly shook. Cadmus didn't like being called by his title at a potential heretic, but in order to avood garnering distrust he kept quiet:
"Likewise. If it's not much of asking, what forced you to replace so much of your body? Industrial accident? Battle?" The engineer asked:
"Neither of that, how should I explain it... It is the religion I follow, the creed of the cult Mechanicus. Flesh is weak and fleeting, just like its pleasures, but steel and circuit
are eternal. Organic bodies are inherently flawed, decaying cages of biomatter, not fit to carry our intellect, as I am sure you are aware." He explained, pointing at the gloved right hand. Dell got the meaning and removed the glove, showing his machine hand. The tech priest was almost mesmerised by it:
"From what I can gather, you are some sort of techno religious character. I get this whole fascination with machines, really I do. Hell, most of the stuff here I designed or made myself. But it would be better if you tone down this whole machine worship thing or the boys might mistake you for a clanker sympathiser."
The ancient human said seriously:
"What are these robots and clanker you refer to, did you fight against them?" The inquisitor piped in:
"Fight them? More like destroy them utterly. Come, I'll show you." He moved towards a locked door, pressed some buttons on a panel and unlocked it. A room filled with cogitator like machines, screens, button panels, charts and many strange black canisters placed on shelves, along with rows of paper documents. The engineer grabbed one of the canisters and put it in a machine on a table, which lit up and showed images on a white wall:
"So, let's take it from the beginning fellas.
Badlands, New Mexico, year 1850, business entrepreneur Zepheniah Mann, founder of the Mann and Sons munitions company, Mann Co for short, dies. In his last will, he leaves the company to his aide Barnabus Hale and his land to his twin sons, Redmond and Blutarch Mann, to share. This led to a feud dubbed the 'Gravel Wars' which lasted until 1972."
The engineer started reciting the story, while the film showed locations, people and names. Cadmus was listening impassively, Aughton was taking silent scans of every piece of machinery while also watching the film. The advantages of augments. But still, the readings on the unfrozen man where inconclusive, most likely both the implants and that substance in his blood were made in such a way to make both scanning and reverse engineering difficult if not impossible:
"Redmond and Blutarch hated each other with a passion and instead of sharing the land, as their father willed it, each brother hired mercenaries to take the land from the other. And thus, 2 new international conglomerates were created, RED (Reliable Excavation Demolition) and BLU (Builder League United). Over the years, both companies amassed so much power that they could easily take over the world. But nooo, they just kept fighting over that piece land for a century and half." His tone
showed clear disdain and hostility:
"Do you know what could be on that land that they wanted so badly?" Cadmus asked, taking advantage of the sudden change in demeanor. People who are angry, happy or otherwise emotional are more likely to let something slip. All ot takes is a small nudge. What allowed the Mann brothers to live so much longer than regular humans would have to wait:
"Absolutely nothing. Only gravel and rocks. You will see where this feud led. Cyborg fella, fetch the 1962-1972 film canister for me." The engineer's previous cheerful disposition returned. The tech priest, while slightly confused at the name he was called, complied. Grabbing the reel with utmost care and reverence, he gave it with a slight bow. The shorter man thanked him and replaced the films, with a bit more force than necessary, giving the projector a whack for good measure. More images and videos were shown:
"I believe you recognise me on that picture. First day working for RED, 5th generation mercenaries. I'm sure you know the others too. You did read the names on the plaques right?" The former mercenary asked. He received a negative response:
"Oh for... Just count yourselves lucky that you didn't release someone with a worse temperament. Anyway, meet the team. That young one on the left is Scout, Jeremy is his name. Runs fast, hits fast, talks fast, kills fast, good kid, but annoying. The one with the helmet is the Soldier, Barrister Doe. Bit of a dimwit but knows how to get the job done, been fighting longer than any of us, angering him is a good way to get exploded to bits. The fella in the gas mask is Pyro, our resident firebug. Loves fire and spreading it. Total lunatic, glad it's on our side.":
"It? You don't know this... creature's identity either? Is it even human?" Cadmus demanded and answer. If this Pyro was anything but human, he would have to kill it no matter what:
"I was wondering the same thing myself, but it is human. Bleeds red just like us, we just don't know what lies underneath that mask. And if you cherish your limbs and head don't try getting the answer out of it. Anyway, the one-eyed guy there is our Demoman, Tavish Finnegan de Groot. Yeah, I know it's a mouthful, he is currently the last descendant of a long line of demolition men, his knowledge in explosives is second to none. Now, the big bald man in the middle, that is our Heavy Weapons Guy, Heavy for short, his real name is Mikhail. Strong enough to decapitate a man with a slap, our big fearless bear. That one with the white robe is the Medic, Ludwig Humboldt. Absolute maniac and extremely dangerous, but he is a brilliant doctor. These heart implants, we have are his invention. Be really careful around him or you might end up on the slab for... experimentation... No reaction? Either you fellas don't know war and fear or something is really wrong with this place, but judging by your looks I think it's the latter. Am I right?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer:
"Indeed you are correct at your assumption engineer Conagher. The situation is grim and mankind is threatened by many enemies, inside and out. Xenos, mutants, heretics..." Aughton piped up, but Dell raised a hand tiredly:
"So humanity faces extinction level threats... again, just great. Might as well, let's get back to it. That lanky guy with the shades is Lawrence Mundy, our Sniper. Can hit the eye of a man from 300 yards like it's nothing. Quick question, what measurements you use, imperial or metric system?" Another interruption, Cadmus was getting annoyed right now. Not that he would ever admit it, but there are a fair amount of cases were he killed others just because they bothered him. However, these were extraordinary circumstances and his instincts told him that this engineer was more than what it seems:
"We count length in meters if that's what you mean. That yard system does exist but it is not widely used." The tech priest answered:
"So nothing changed, good to know. Now, for the last member, that one with the suit and mask is the Spy. Don't ask about his real identity or anything about his past, there's so much mystery in that man that even I don't dare ask. Now, you are going to see what we were capable of doing. Please stay quiet, keep your questions for after the reel ends." The engineer concluded and resumed the video. It showed footage of the RED team fighting against another team dressed in blue, no doubt the mercenaries of BLU, in many different locations and weather conditions. The more Cadmus watched, the more concerned he became. While their physical attributes proved to be most impressive, like how the Scout managed to launch a Heavy so far in the air with a single strike, or how the Soldier and the Demoman can jump so high by detonating explosives under their feet, nor how they all survive such grievous injuries in general. What disturbed him about both side was how lightly they took their roles. Taunting and mocking their enemies, laughing like maniacs, showing a worryingly low amount of fear and self preservation. Too many similarities to Chaos cultists and Orks. Also, every dead was replaced within seconds by an exact look-alike, clones maybe?:
"You and your compatriots show an abnormal lack of fear in the face of death. Could you explain why?" The inquisitor inquired:
"Because we couldn't die, thanks to the respawn machine. It was almost a game to us, no matter how many times we died, the respawn brought us back alive and whole within a few seconds. Sure, getting shot, stabbed, burned, atomised, electrocuted, bashed or blown to little chunks in a daily basis hurts like hell, but these where the good old times." Dell answered, a ghost of a smile on his face.:
"I have so many questions engineer Conagher. But what interests me more are the machines you build, what are they?" The Magos interjected:
"It would be better if I show you, wait a moment. Now, where did I put it, aha, there it is. What you see is my trusty toolkit. Watch. Dispenser going up." The engineer slammed said toolkit to the ground and smacked it with his iron fist a few times until a blocky red building popped up:
"This is the dispenser. As the name suggests, it dispenses stuff. Ammo, health, construction materials, you name it. You, inquisitive fella, throw away your spare magazines, clips, cells or whatever your gun uses." He requested:
"It is 'inquisitor' and what are you planning to do with the ammunition?" Cadmus questioned while the ancient machinist facepalmed with his organic arm:
"Now listen here bucko, I'm not playing any mind games or secret stealing or whatever, I'm just showing tech boy and you a couple of things. Now, can you please dump your spare ammo and see the dispenser in action so we can proceed with the presentation?" His voice was now dangerously low and threatening. The inquisitor finally relented and threw away his spare magazines, showing his weapon too, keeping eye contact all the time:
"See it wasn't that difficult, nice boomstick by the way. Now approach the dispenser, wait for the sound and check your bandolier." Cadmus did as he was told, something he didn't have to do for a long time, let alone by some... ancient who had no idea about the horrors lurking in the galaxy. A red stream of mist emanating from this 'dispensing' machine surprised him, a clinking sound followed. He raised his robes and found his bandolier full of ammo again. Checking on the floor, the magazines he threw away were still there:
"Nice, ain't it slick? Don't worry about the red stuff, it's just a healing agent. What about you tech boy, have you ever seen a sentry gun before?" Dell said:
"You mean those automated turrets on the film? We do use similar defence systems, but I saw no targeting cogitators. Will you build one of these sentry guns for study?" The priest asked:
"Even better, I'll let you build it yourself. Take some metal from the dispenser, then merge it in the toolkit using this wrench, unless you have a mechanic appendage yourself, then use it." The engineer instructed, handing Aughton a black wrench, until he stepped on some liquid which apparently came from under the tech priest:
"Uhhh, this looks like oil. Hey techie, did you blow a flange or something?" No answer and complete stillness:
"You overloaded his emotion restrictors, never imagined I would see it happen. No need to worry, he will reboot himself shortly. Now, proceed with the story." Cadmus capitalised on the opportunity, his voice and expression steely. So much for friendly barter:
"You are a really busy man aren't ya? Okay, 1972, both Redmond and Blutarch Mann are lured in a trap and killed by their long lost brother, Grey Mann. As the last living member of the family, he was entitled to all the holdings and assets of the 2 brothers, effectively securing almost every private enterprise on the planet, except Mann Co... "
(Deadpool sage moment...)
"Putting our favourite mercenaries out of work, without any compensation too. What a dick. Am I right?
(Sage moment ends...)
"... As you can see, that sum bitch wanted everything, the whole world under his rule , so he has built a mobile robot assembly factory named the 'Super carrier' and assaulted all Mann Co. facilities around the globe. Saxton Hale, the CEO hired us to pit a stop at this. These are the robots, we call them clankers because of the noise they make when they move." The engineer paused at a scene that showed a wave of armed robots:
"Do these things happen to possess abominable intelligence?" Cadmus asked worriedly:
"If you mean artificial intelligence, no, these models are dumber than dirt. Still, their sheer numbers and firepower made them really dangerous, me and the medic had to work on several improvements to both our equipment and ourselves, the respawners required an overhaul too. Anyway, months passed, the robots kept coming, Grey Mann also kept upgrading."
The video resumed and Dell described the other, more deadly variants he fought. The Spybots, the giants, the crit-charged bots and the Robo-engineers:
"Before you ask, yes, these are A.I., class 5 to be precise, which means they possess near human intelligence. We destroyed them, same as everyone. It took us some time to device a way into the super carrier itself but we did. Long story short, Soldier, Pyro and Spy sneak into the carrier while the rest of us fight the robots, Grey Mann dies, we rig the super carrier with a high yield explosive device, boom, the robot wars are over. All fine and dandy, just the occasional alien invasion or demon incursion, typical stuff..." Cadmus raised his hand:
"I'm going to stop you right here Dell Conagher. Did you just say daemon incursions and xeno invasions? On Holy Terra?" The mere thought of something like this happening was preposterous to the inquisitor and any right thinking citizen of the Imperium. Just considering, let alone mentioning, the possibility of it happening was a sure way to a corpse processing facility. The engineer plugged in another reel, this one named 'Demon infestations'.:
"Back in the Halloween of 1965, a wizard named Merasmus, who we fought against several times, accidentally opened a portal to hell. All manners of creatures spewed out of it, horned ones, winged ones, stinky ones, of all colors and shapes. Also, some strange wrongness was emanating from the portal, we needed a full hour to take out the demons. The portal had to be destroyed, but we couldn't get near enough because of that malicious energy, had to come with an appropriate countermeasure, hence the brain implant upgrades. As for the portal, big bomb in hell, no more demons setting foot on Earth. There have been more small incursions over the years, the last one in Teufort, 1974, when some crazy doomsday cult opened a really big rift. And as you see in the film, they started mutating and screaming about blood gods, skull thrones, lords of change and fate, rotting grandfather nurgles, raving lunatics the lot of them. Same as every other case, kill every demon and cultist, blow up the portal. But the damned thing kept reopening so we had to build a nuclear reactor shielding installation around the portal along with special anti hell energy inhibitors..."
The poor inquisitor swore that he was ready to black out, just like the tech priest, right then and there. Chaos attempted to corrupt Holy Terra so many years ago, yet the 9 frozen men succeeded not only at closing the warp portals with little outside suppprt, repelling the daemons and saving the planet, but also created devices capable of warding away the corrupting influences of the Immaterium, truly astonishing, incredible:
"... until this fella came along, Karl Sigmund Schwarz, top quantum physicist and inventor. He helped me create a portal destabilising bomb in order to shut down the portal for good. The operation was a success and we could finally leave after a whole month.
He hanged around for some time, until he did something to anger our medic and disappeared. Never learned what transpired that day and I don't want to know." The engineer showed a photograph of the team along with this Karl Franz, a black haired man, probably in his forties, wearing a lab coat, like the medic. Where did Cadmus see that face before? Loud voices and objects breaking pulled him out of his thoughts:
"ROBOTS!" That voice belonged to the soldier:
"Hey inquisitor, did you bring anyone else with you?" Dell asked:
"No, just me and the tech priest were allowed inside, I stationed guards around the entrance." He refused and grabbed his gun. Now the noises where a lot louder and fighting could be heard. Didn't take long for the engineer to figure that someone released his colleagues. Before they could open the door, a tall armored figure crashed through, wedging itself and blocking the exit:
"YAAAAAAGHHHH!" The heavy was currently engaging an armored giant, only slightly bigger than the russian weapons expert, and pushing him back:
"TASTE AUSTRALIAN GOODNESS YOU TIN BASTARDS! The sniper lobed a vase of jarate to 2 hostiles who where ready to fire, dousing them with piss and corroding their power packs:
"NOPE, TOO SLOW, WHOOHOOHOO!" The scout jumped on a heavy weapon wielding space marine, bashing his head with a steel pipe:
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The medic was cackling maniacally as large caliber rounds ricocheted harmlessly from his body, thanks to the ubercharge:
"UP AND AT THEM LADS!" The demoman charged one of the attackers while ubercharged, stole a power sword and locked blades with the other, who wielded a chainsword:
"MMMMMRPPPHGG!" Pyro launched a gout of flames to another enemy fighter:
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ENGIE YOU METAL FREAK?" The soldier was punching a helmet less armored giant, who laid on his back, his suit getting crumbled. The spy, as expected, was nowhere to be seen.
With one mighty yank, the engineer unblocked the door, by literally lifting the grey knight and putting him aside. The Grey Knights. The emperor's hammer. The mightiest, purest, toughest, infallible, most powerful space marines ever, created by the God-Emperor's own gene-seed. The greatest weapon of mankind against the ruinous powers. Yet here they are, being beaten, punched, bludgeoned, doused with foul smelling substances and thrown around like ragdolls by a bunch of unarmed, unarmoured ancient humans. Cadmus really considered starting drinking again:
"WHAT IN SAM HILL ARE YOU BOYS DOING? CUT OUT THAT DOGSHIT RIGHT NOW!"
Almost like magic, the fighting stopped. It was like a funny pictograph, with the 7 mercenaries completely still at various fighting stances. The scout on a space marine's shoulders, the soldier on top of another with his fist held back, the demoman locking swords, the heavy lifting a grey knight overhead, the medic's ubercharge flickered out and the sniper's jarate throw went wide:
"Engie, you're alive! We thought the robots took you. These are robots, right?" The soldier asked:
"I think they're humans laddie, look at this one, he's drippin' blood." The demoman interjected:
"You sure about that demo? This one has metal in his skull, could be a cyborg." The australian sharpshooter remarked, showing the helmet less warrior:
"Are they human mister, or we have a problem?" Dell asked the inquisitor:
"T..They are bio-mechanically augmented superhumans. The Emperor's holy warriors. H...How could you possibly..." Great. Now Cadmus was stuttering. After witnessing something so impossible and incomprehensible, it was a miracle he didn't fall on prayer to save his mind from everything he witnessed. But the question lingered, who could be so stupid to release the other ancients, all at the same time and without caution. Even without knowing the risk they posed, it was a terrible mistake:
"Well, seems the situation is under control." The french agent finally showed himself, having a female human figure on his shoulder:
"Yeah, and no thanks to you fancypants. By the way, who is the lady on your shoulder?" The runner from Boston asked:
"Vell, judging by zhe similar uniforms, I assume zhe engineer's new friend must know." The german scientist notified. All eyes turned to Cadmus:
"Can I see her?" He eventually requested. The spy put the unconscious woman on a nearby chair, upon a brief inspection the inquisitor face palmed:
"Emperor on the throne. Out of every inquisitor in the Segmentum Solar, why her?" He said in exasperation:
"Mph mmph huh mmphh huf fhuhs , huh?" (You aren't the best of friends, huh?)
The masked arsonist gave his input, to the confusion of Cadmus:
"Anyone of you understand what it said?
He asked:
"Yeah, pyro observed that you don't like the lady, who is she?" Dell said:
"Inquisitor Sera Lombartie. Let's just say we had a falling out after a botched mission and keep it to that." The inquisitor replied. Thankfully, the 9 mercenaries, who looked to acknowledge the gravity of the situation didn't poke further:
"So, will the company fire us now?" The heavyweight russian finally deemed it the right time to talk:
"Well, about that, I have some news boys... Mann Co. is no more, same with the world as we know it." Now that got a reaction out of the mercs. From confusion and anger to... soldier ranting that made even the grey knights flinch:
"THAT EUROPEAN SON OF A CUSSING CUSSWORD! I DIDN'T FIGHT 30 YEARS FOR HIM TO WIN AFTER DEATH! LET ME GO, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO EARTH, KILL EVERY ROBOT, WRECK EVERY LAST MACHINE, REAP AND TEAR THE TIN SAVAGES..." Too fast to be stopped, the grizzled war veteran grabbed a bolter from a nearby space marine, a sword and stormed towards the exit, screaming obscenities:
"Hey, HEY, SOLDIER, HOLD ON A FRIGGIN' MINUTE, AAGH!" The scout proved once again to be faster and blocked the passage. For his effort, he got his scrawny neck squeezed real tight. The heavy, the demoman and the engineer moved in to separate them:
"HEY SOLLY, CALM DOWN! WE DID BEAT THE ROBOTS, EVERY ONE OF THEM. I JUST MEANT THAT WE ARE TOO FAR IN THE FUTURE!" Dell blurted out to calm his comrade:
"Oh, really?" The soldier was jerked out of his rage but it was too late, Jeremy died:
"Again lad? We barely got out of the fridge." The demoman deadpanned:
"Come on cyclops, the little maggot is totally faking it. Watch, he will rise any second now. Aaaany second now." Barrister poked the body with his foot, but to no avail, the Boston runner was dead:
"Don't ya have any control over yer strength boyo? What's that, the hundredth time it 'appened?" Tavish quipped, making the soldier groan and protest about the 'sacred art' of neck snapping. While the engineer explained to the rest of team RED the situation, the spy decloaked next to an utterly confused Cadmus:
"I do believe you never saw someone die before." Despite his extensive training and experience, the inquisitor failed to notice him coming and let out a not so dignified yelp:
"That is not true, I ran several missions against the enemies of the Imperium, while I am impressed by your prowess, if the footage your engineer showed to me can be trusted. However, I to understand why you are so amused by the death of your teammate." He answered, confusing the spy this time:
"What do mean? Didn't the engineer explain you about the respawn?" He asked. And just like that, the scout appeared in front of them both, like a ghostly apparition, eliciting yet another high pitched and short scream from Cadmus:
"Pretty sweet huh? Would be better if it didn't hurt so bad, but whatever, I got used to it." The runner boasted, jamming his thump on his chest. The dead body was nowhere to be found. Cadmus really had enough. Ancient humans, grey knights easily beaten by said humans, robots, respawning, portable warp inhibitors and who knows what else the engineer didn't say yet. So, when he saw the one-eyed explosives specialist popping open a bottle of liquor, he knew what to do:
"Excuse me, you are the demoman right? Do you have any more alcohol on your person?" The scottish man stopped drinking and smiled:
"Aye, here you are lad. It will help calm yer nerves a wee bit." He gave the inquisitor an unopened bottle, which he seemingly pulled out of nowhere:
"De Groot rum, old family recipe since 1630. Sweet and mellow, just don't drink too quick, it will hit yer noggin' real bad..." Too late, he already emptied the whole bottle and when the who knows how many centuries old brew kicked in, it did so hard. The inquisitor, supported by demoman, went to a chair, his last coherent thought was: 'What did I get myself into?"
(Deadpool sage moment...)
"What have you done author, you broke the poor guy. Which is pretty crazy, considering this galaxy's grimdarkness, deadliness, lunaticness, orkiness, eldarness, chaosness and all that stuff. Whatever, it's not like people just come to life right?
(Sage moment ends...)
Somewhere else, in the deep recesses of the immaterium, Tzeentch the changer of ways and architect of fate was, as usual, weaving his enormous web of intrigue, ambition and secrets. His vast mind easily let him know and comprehend every possible outcome to his plans in order to achieve his, still unknown to everyone, end goal. That is until something happened, some of the outcomes on some of his schemes suddenly became uncertain. That never occured before and almost sent the great conspirator to a panic. Patiently and unknowingly to the other chaos gods, the anathema and every creature in the galaxy who possess divination abilities, Tzeentch searches in every corner of his web to find the reason of the disturbance. There, at the moon of Terra, 9 little voids that just couldn't connect to the warp, and by extend a large part web of intrigue, their mere existence was an unaccountable and unpredictable factor. Part of the chaos god became enraged that his carefully laid plans could fail and wanted to snuff those pathetic ants, but after rethinking it he smiled like a mad creature. Change was coming in a great scope, and not knowing what tomorrow would bring just made the experience even more exciting. But now, new plans, more people to corrupt and possibilities to account for, change never waits for anyone, and if one thing is constant, it is change.
AN
Despite my efforts, it is difficult to seamlessly combine these different universes as they are complete opposites. And my relatively limited knowledge in 40k lore requires research, which slows down progress. But I am pushing on, writing will continue as intended. As for Deadpool, I keep him because he is the exact kind of character who embodies the soul of the fanfic, being both grimfun and dark comedic. Do my words make any sense, or I should check myself in the nearest
nut house?