Act 1 Part 10

A Crackling Fire

There is something special about a fireplace, even if it might be the place where a dangerous fire rests, it makes us happy, comfortable and relaxed. There has never been a time when I've not been happy to be by a fireplace.

Vader…

Anakin…

Who am I?

He had much to thank his mask for, hiding his scars, hiding his voice, hiding everything really… hiding who he is. Anakin and Vader, which one is him?

Anakin was the Jedi hero, the hero without fear… he was also a man that had forsaken every single pledge and oath he'd ever made. Be it how he pledged himself to the Jedi order or the one to promise he made to his mother, most importantly he'd forsaken his wife, Padmé… his Angel…

Vader was a mystery, the dark enigma… Vader was the shell… the vessel where the remnants of Anakin were housed. Anakin was the idiot that ruined everything, Vader was the one who had to suffer the consequences. Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, apprentice to Darth Sidious, right hand to the Galactic Emperor.

Anakin sacrificed everything on one singular thread of hope, he lost everything that truly mattered and Vader got the pieces. Anakin had had a clay bowl that meant the world to him, Vader got the priceless porcelain bowl that meant absolutely nothing.

When did you get so damn philosophical? When did you start feeling nothing but sorry for yourself? You put yourself here… you're going to pay the price for that… so just get on with it…

He opened his eyes, he was sitting in the living room, the fire was slowly dying and it lit the room with a smoldering warmth, a comforting light, it let you see but didn't truly encroach on the darkness in the room. He reached his hand out from beneath his cloak and simply fiddled around with his fingers around the glowing embers. Making it look like he was holding the fire or tracking its outline with his pointer finger. It would probably look odd to anyone who witnessed his strange movements but to him it felt… soothing…

He let his hand fall down slowly onto the armrest, it once again caught his attention. The black chromium reflected the warm light coming from the dying fire, it looked so peculiar. The light perfectly outlined his black gauntlet against the mossy green of the armrest, raising his pointer finger slightly from the edge of the armrest he observed it mindlessly. The black claw should've felt unnatural to look at, to imagine as his hand… but it didn't… it felt right, natural… It felt like this is what it should be. He turned his entire hand towards himself with an open palm… this was the hand of Darth Vader, the hand of Anakin Skywalker… The black truly fit, he thought, the claws as well… like the hand of a gundark or a rancor… The hand of a monster.

It was weird, here he was, sitting in the living room of his extended family's home. In all his years he'd never really felt like he was a part of a family, he and his mother on Tatooine had felt like home but not like a true family. An actual family to him was more than just two people even if that wasn't what others thought. He and Padmé had been married, yes but that hadn't felt really like having a family either, when the child had been on the way he'd been too preoccupied with worrying, plus they were living a double life… both of them…

He lost everything, Padmé and their child, his friends… well the big ones at least… and what had he gained? Power, wealth and unlimited luxury… but also one thing he'd wanted for a long time…

A family…

The bitter cold that he'd been going through ever since that day felt almost negligible, the warmth that he'd experienced these two days was… incredible. There had been moments in those two months where he'd felt a bit of warmth, like when he got his new apprentice… that in and of itself was a complete mystery to him, it had felt extremely weird but… still good. But these two days made those two months pale in comparison, it hadn't been like he'd expected it to be but… again, weird… he had looked and felt so out of place around that table, Padmé's parents, her sister and his two nieces, all of them fit in that image he had of a family. But when you put himself into the mix it felt weird, yet they'd seemingly accepted him. He was part of that family, no matter what he thought, they for some reason believed him good enough to be a part of the family.

It had been a complete whirlwind of emotions and frankly he was beyond exhausted by now, but he'd not been able to go to sleep… he'd made changes to his suit and helmet that allowed him to sleep and function for long periods of time without having to change his mask or perform maintenance on his suit. What good would he be if he was unable to be on a mission for the time that it required, having to constantly replace something wasn't practical and simply a waste of time if it could be helped.

He looked out the window and thought back to the conversation the 4 adults in the house had had some 1 or 2 hours ago. Unlike with Jobal he'd not gone into specifics of everything, like how he blamed himself for Padmé's death and especially not about how he'd hurt her. He'd seen Jobal's reaction to him leaving it out, either she'd somehow sensed or seen how uncomfortable he'd been about even talking about mustafar. The other might've been that she simply believed it necessary to burden the others with that information, Ruwee and Sola would've undoubtedly had completely different reactions to the complete truth.

In the end it had not been him on the verge of tears like he usually became when he remembered the recent past. It'd been Sola who was holding back tears, he'd briefly reached out with the force to get a better read on her emotions. She was… maybe not heartbroken but close to it. That was without a doubt the truth, he didn't completely understand why it had affected her so strongly but on some level he could…

The conversation which he had had with Jobal the previous night had helped him a bit, she might not blame him for what happened which in and of itself was a comfort… but it still didn't change the facts. He was too weak… he lost control… he wasn't strong enough…

Some starved Alderaanian playwright would've probably have given Vader their firstborn child to be able to portray the tragedy that was his and Padmé's love story. The thought made him chuckle slightly, which then became a cough which forced him to adjust his respirator. He'd made adjustments to it but in the end he'd been unable to truly get rid of the sound of the mechanical breathing. He'd managed to improve the oxygen intake so for the most part when he wasn't exerting himself he could have it on a lower setting where the breathing noise wasn't as pronounced. But when he got breathing troubles he had to adjust it to compensate, which meant essentially that he was turning up the volume on his respirator.

He had been so preoccupied with his ruminations and breathing that he'd completely missed the tiny individual now standing beside the armchair and quite adorably holding a holopad with both hands.

"Are you alright?" Vader was quite visibly startled by the sudden appearance of Pooja, unlike him however she only tilted her head a bit to the side.

"Oh… yes, it is nothing to worry about." He said half heartedly, he did not want to burden Pooja with his problems. "Why are you not in bed, it is rather late and you should be asleep."

"I couldn't sleep." She said it with a rather obvious hint of omission hidden behind those words, Vader knew that there was more to it than just that. He wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of prying into her mind with the force to find the reason for it, so instead he decided to use the normal way… talking.

"I'm no stranger to that..." He gave a small chuckle that thankfully didn't evolve into a cough, he made a slight pause after it. Then he shifted in the armchair, turning his body a bit towards Pooja. "But there is always a reason for it."

"Why can't you sleep?" There was a moment of hesitation before she spoke again "Is it because of the accident you had?" Her eyes gave a distinct look… inquisitiveness, it reminded him of how Padmé used to look at him whenever there had been something bothering him. He'd surrendered to that look before and would once again.

"Yes… but even before that I had trouble sleeping at times." How those old times seemed so peaceful now, the time when he could sleep with the haunting images of hell plaguing every second he slept.

He reached out with the force and took a hold of a piece of firewood and slowly floated it over to the fire letting it levitate above it for a moment before gently dropping it. Pooja was as she'd been before, in awe of his "awesome magic", it was interesting how her reaction seemed to make Vader smile… even though no one could tell because of his helmet.

"Do you know why I can do that?" He asked her calmly, keeping his hand raised but resting his elbow on the armrest displaying his armoured hand clearly for Pooja to look at.

"Ryoo said she thought you had the force, that thing the Jedi all have." She fiddled slightly with the holopad, she probably remembered how all the adults had been uneasy when Vader had previously used it.

"Yes… but it's not just the Jedi that have the force, others have the power to use it as well… like me." He wasn't going to go on the usual rant about how the force was in every being and every plant and so on, instead just confirming what Pooja's older sister had said. "The force is a mysterious thing, no one really knows how it works… it does more than just letting me float objects around."

"What more does it do?" Her eyes had a certain glint in them, even if her body language wasn't giving away much then her eyes were telling him the complete story. Curiosity, she'd had the same look in her eyes when she had been asking questions during the day.

"Well, it can let me sense how others are feeling, it can tell me if there is danger and many other things that can help…" He heaved a deep sigh before continuing in a more serious tone than before. "But it can also give you visions… I have always had a special ability… I can, at times, see the future."

A beaming smile began forming on Pooja's face, to most people being able to see the future was a dream, something incredible so her initial reaction was an expected one. However she stopped suddenly, her face returning to a more neutral expression. She looked down on her holopad, angling it slightly to better see what was on it.

"Did you know that auntie Mé was going to…" she slowly trailed off mid sentence but he already knew what the rest of it would've contained. Now there was a clear sadness emanating from her. Under his mask he stifled a short smile… Auntie Mé… an adorable nickname for Padmé…

"Yes, I knew what was going to happen, for a long time actually…" It hurt in his core to think about it. How hard he had worked to try to stop the inevitable, to stave off that future… to no avail. Pooja began hanging her head ever so slightly, she may be a child but even she could understand that it must have been awful to know about something like that.

"Pooja… don't be sad… don't bother yourself with the hardships of us adults. There is too much for you to experience to be hooked up on the troubles of those older than you." Vader stretched out his arm and placed it on Pooja's small shoulder, hating the fact that he couldn't actually feel anything through his prosthetic. "There are many things that will happen in life so don't get stuck on the sad parts, look at what tomorrow might bring instead."

That was what he was trying to do himself, get on with his life, look to the light at the end of the dark tunnel. Although he was making little to no progress in that department himself, hopefully his wisdom would work better for his niece. It was clear that she was still dejected so instead of continuing the heavy conversation they'd been having he tried focusing on something else instead.

"Tell me Pooja, how old are you?" He already knew she was seven but all the same she became a bit more alert when he asked the question, he sensed a small bit of youthful pride that always seemed to accompany children when they talked about their age.

"I am seven and three quarters, I'll be eight in just three months." A small smile had found its way back to her face along with that look of curiosity in her eye.

"Do you want to know a really big secret, one that only 4 people in the whole galaxy know?" Overinflating was the idea, in reality there are secrets that even fewer people share in but nonetheless. The brightness in Pooja's face was well worth it.

"Yes, yes please!" She began hopping out of sheer excitement at the prospect of knowing a big secret.

"Calm down first then I'll tell you." She instantly stopped as if she hadn't just been on the verge of waking those asleep in the house due to her excitement. "You have to promise to not tell no one the only one you can tell is your sister but she too must promise to never reveal it to anyone, am I clear?"

Without skipping a beat Pooja started to furiously nod. "Yes, I promise! What is it?" He waited for her to once again get a hold of her excitement.

"The secret is how old I am." Pooja's face contorted a bit, forming a look of confusion.

"Only 4 people know how old you are?" She still had the confused look on her face but her eyes still held the same curious glint in them.

"Yes, your mother, grandma and grandpa, and also a friend of mine are the only ones who know." Before Pooja could speak he continued. "If you combine your age and that of your older sister, then it is only three less than how old I am."

The gears were visibly turning in her head, using all her problem solving skills accrued from math lessons in school to figure out the correct number. She began counting on her fingers for a bit then stared blankly at her fingers. She did the finger counting again and once more, it made Vader quite amused at how Pooja was reacting to the nugget of information that he was only 23 years old, only around 15 years older than her.

"You're 23?" The look Pooja gave him was one of disbelief, she was seemingly unable to believe that he was in fact just 23 years old.

"It is true, I'm only 23 years old." He crossed his arms and straightened his back to appear taller. "You don't believe me?"

Pooja simply looked dumbfounded at him. "No, you're not, you can't be an uncle at 23, no way".

"It is true no matter what you believe, and so you know I was your uncle when I was 19." Pooja was clearly not believing him but the whole situation was just too good to be true, he'd never thought this would be what he was doing 2 months ago. Trying to convince his niece that he was in fact 23 years of age, it all brought a smile to his face and even if it hurt when he did it was well worth it.

"Well anyway, what have you got there?" He asked, pointing towards the holopad that she'd been holding this entire time.

Pooja adopted a smaller smile, it held a hint of sadness in it. "It's my holopad… Auntie Mé got it for me on my sixth birthday, it reminds me of her…"

A memory flashed through Vader's mind, one from before order 66… a memory of better times…

"She… she was so excited to go home to Naboo that weekend, if I remember correctly that holopad was a special order she'd placed almost half a year in advance." Even he could hear the longing in his voice. Pooja didn't answer immediately, instead she fiddled around with the corner of the holopad.

"Can I sit in your lap?" Vader was shocked; sit on his lap? This whole scenario was so utterly outlandish to him… but there was something else gnawing at the back of his mind at the same time. It felt like an instinct, a feeling he couldn't quite place. The way Pooja was acting had seemingly flipped some switch in his head and really he couldn't help but acquiesce.

"Yeah, of course." A bright smile once again returned to Pooja's face, immediately making her way around to stand in front of Vader as she waited for him to pick her up. Unable to hold back his own smile he reached out and with little to no effort placed her on his left leg, making sure it was the biological part of his leg as well. In that same moment his eyes glanced over the holopad, he could now see what it was displaying. His gaze froze itself on the image, it was the senate chamber but more importantly… Padmé…

Even when Pooja turned her head and looked at him quizzically he didn't move, he'd had dreams where Padmé was present or well every single one had been about her since that day. In the two months that had passed he'd not actually seen her, he wasn't sure if her fake body counted but either way… Seeing her like this… like she used to be… that reached deep into his core.

"Uncle?" He snapped out of his frozen state feeling a bit strange.

"Heh, don't mind me Pooja, it's just…" He was unable to find the words so he pointed to the image instead hoping that it would better convey his reaction. Pooja followed his finger and she too looked at the image, pausing to gaze on it for just a moment.

"She was amazing…" Dejection… sadness… clear as day, that was impossible to not hear in her voice. Then she pushed a button on the side of the pad and a video started. It was one of Padmé's many speeches, how many had she given during her time in the senate?

Just like Pooja said, she was amazing, the epitome of passion, strength… power. Her magnificent beauty, her endless compassion, even in his cold and hollow heart it manages to stir a fire. To see her like that… in her element, fighting for others… it made him proud. But along with those feelings came the sense of inadequacy, why had she chosen him? Why was he her object of love? Even when she'd assured him time and time again, it wasn't enough… she was just too incredible for him to truly comprehend why she'd chosen him.

He couldn't tear his eyes from the pad but could still at the edge of his eye see Pooja's smile, this was the effect which Padmé had on people. She made them happy, joyful… those who went unaffected by her were truly those who lacked a beating heart, he himself might be a man with a cold heart but even he would always be moved by her words.

Morning

Jobal was making her way downstairs, after the previous day she'd been fully drained like all the others in the house. In the corner of her eye she caught something, she'd gone past it and had to backup slightly. Looking into the living room she couldn't help but smile, there in an armchair sat Vader seemingly asleep, you could never tell if he was awake or not with that mask. The fact that his breathing was automated as well didn't help. But that wasn't what she was smiling about, in his lap curled up against his chest was Pooja, hugging her holopad.

This was to good an opportunity to pass up, retrieving Ruwee's camera from the table in the kitchen she hurried back and took a photo.

"One new memory to add to the collection…"

Author's Note:

Since this was the tenth chapter and also the chapter that would make this fic over 50000 words long I decided to make the overall chapter shorter, but one continuous part plus a very wholesome premise. Had originally intended to write this scenario later but thought it fit better to keep it alongside the ones that led up to it.

As always thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my fic :)