Ok I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I don't really like this chapter that much. I've had problems fleshing Hirano's attitude toward his ALS. That sometimes I think I make him deny connecting to people a little too much, but if I let him come to the realization too soon, I would just be rushing the story. So please bear with me on this and future chapter. I'm not a professional writer and do not intend to make money on it. But I will try and improve on my story-telling for better quality of this story.
Great thanks to Dima Mahontsev for your interest in this story and your effort in translating this story into Russian. Translation is underway and will be available on for Russian readers.
So I hope you enjoy. If any of the good writers end up interested in this story, or just reading through it, if you have time, please leave me a feedback on what's good and what should be improved. That would help me a lot. And thank you.
Disclaimer: I do not own SAO
Chapter 4: Reflection of Self
And so we headed to a small, cozy house at a neutral rural area for all races, where I was informed that the Sleeping Knights usually use it for a gathering spot. When I arrived, everyone was already there, sitting at a wooden round table, all eagerly looking at my direction with a smile on their faces. It made me a little nervous, but I was familiar to being greeted by groups of people, especially strangers, already so it didn't concern me that much. I regained my composure and got ready to greet them.
"Hirano-san! Let me introduce you to our clan." Yuuki was almost yelling at me in excitement as she pulled me into the room in front of everyone. "The Sleeping Knights."
"Good evening guys. I'm Hirano. It's a pleasure to meet you all." I said, waving to the six members, including Yuuki. Sometimes it was a little awkward trying to introduce myself for the first time in front of a group, but my extrovertedness seemed natural, as once I got down to doing it, the words just seemed to flow like a stream.
"Yo. The name's Nori. It's a pleasure to meet ya." The girl sitting on the far end, next to a red haired guy and a green haired guy with glasses, replied, giving me a friendly smile.
"My name is Tecchi." There was a tall, burly Gnome guy sitting the closest to me. He turned around and offered me a handshake. "Nice to meet you."
"A pleasure to be your ally from now on." I returned the handshake with formality. I was a little astonished at how big this guy's hand was comparing to mine. It was as if he could crush my hand if he wanted to. But he seemed like a very peaceful giant to me. His smile assured that.
The girl sitting right next to Tecchi, a long light-haired older lady also offered me a handshake. "Nice to meet you Hirano-san. I'm Siune." She said.
"I'm Jun. Nice to meet you, Hirano-san." The red haired guy said.
"I'm Talken. N-Nice to meet you." And so did the other member of the group.
I waved greetings to those two as well. I sighed relief inwardly. The whole guild didn't seem to have any problem with me joining the clan so suddenly. I honestly didn't know how strong these people are, but a normal guild usually would have ran a check over the skill level before admission. The guild size appeared to be small comparing to other guilds. Maybe this really was a friend guild, made up of people who knew each other in real life or via a certain medium. But in any cases, I was glad that they were so friendly and welcome to me.
"And finally." Yuuki, who was probably the most excited and energetic of the entire group. "Yuuki. Guild leader! I'm glad to have you in my guild!"
"I'll be in your care." I replied, smiling in return. "Is this it? All the members?"
"Yeah. It's a little small I know. But it's one of the most high-skilled guild out there in existence!" Yuuki said, puffing her chest in pride.
"And the richest? Don't lie to me." I said as I stared at her mischievously. "You cannot hide that fact when you told me you guys own that whole cave to yourself.
"Ara. Yuuki-san, did you tell him about it?" Siune asked, seemingly unaware.
"Aha…" The purple-haired girl scratched her head yet again. It seemed like every time she got exposed, she would try and use that laugh and that face to get away with it. I wouldn't be surprised given that attitude. But still, she looked cute when she did so.
"It's true that. In terms of individual welfare, we are pretty well-off comparing to a normal guild member." She said. "We were not concerned with the goal of reaching the top of the world tree, or becoming the Alf."
"Yeah. We're just a group of gamers who just want to have fun." Jun came into the conversation, to which the rest of the group nodded.
"That's nice." I said. "I rarely see a group of multi-race being together so nicely."
"We all met each other via an online game community a few years ago. So you can say that we're bests of friends." Siune said smiling. "We're just here to make some memories together."
That's nice. I wasn't a clan kind of player before, so I had never actually actively searched for a clan before. But I did receive a couple of recruitment from various Sylph clan before, with all the same purpose: to join and help defeating the other races and become the Alf. And now that one of the game creator's associates had been accused of some controversy that had not been announced publicly, but inside sources told the players that it was a mind-controlled test, with subjects kidnapped from SAO. It is a very serious case, and now the game's purpose was being redesigned, since the top of Yggdrasil tree had been said to contain nothing, and that Alf were a non-existent race, which disappointed many of the players. Despite many quitting the game, there were still a majority number of players who were still committed to the game, or were too committed to leave now. I was probably the latter, but it doesn't matter.
"Anyway! Now that Hirano-san is already here, let's get this party started!" Yuuki cheered, punching her fist in the air.
"Hurrah!" Followed by the entire group.
And I was officially blessed as the seventh member of Sleeping Knights. My new guild…To tell the truth, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I actually enjoyed it
"So we're gonna divide our work now. We need quite some people to deal with the lobster meat. The others just prepare the drinks." Yuuki stated. "Anyone know how to cook?"
On that note, it is actually interesting that the cooking stat in SAO did not survive the transfer to ALO. It was too redundant and honestly not worth putting skill points into it, so RECT decided to remove it from the game. As a result, cooking in ALO acted very similarly to real life, with each individual's skill being equivalent to their IRL cooking skill.
The only person who raised their hand to the question…was the one asking the question. It appeared that she was the only one among the entire group who knew how to cook. How the hell did that happen though? I didn't think that a girl who had a twenty-four login session would know how to cook, and the rest of the group, who were probably more normal than her, didn't know how. The paradox is real…
"Anyone? Come on, don't let me do this by myself again." She pouted, looking around at the group, who were hopelessly chuckling or scratching their cheeks. And it seemed like this was not the first time this happened.
Dejected, Yuuki's attention turned to me, the new guy. And then she smiled, proceeding to stare at me expectantly like a puppy. It was hard to resist such a face.
"Ok I do." I admitted. I didn't acknowledge myself to be an outstanding cook whatsoever, but I did know how to cook. Living on my own was not easy. I didn't have the money to eat out every single day, so I had to learn how to survive on my own. Not to survive starvation, but to live life healthily, with enough substances and vitamins. So it wasn't just a few dishes, I actually knew quite a lot. Including lobsters like this one.
"You do? That's so nice! Alright, then you and I will be doing the hard work. Jun-san, do you mind helping me in the kitchen?" She said brightly
"Sure. I would be willing to." The Salamander smiled.
"Great. I'll leave the rest to you guys. Come on Hirano-san." Yuuki then led me into the kitchen.
The kitchen was rather small comparing to the house, probably only ten square meters in size. Having three of us here was a little cramped. But the nice thing was it overlooked the garden, with trees, grass and flowers capturing the beauty of nature in just a one square meter frame.
"Ok, so what do you suggest we do with the lobster meat?" I said as I put a huge lobster part, the back, on the cabinet.
"Hmm…I would make it boil it fresh and put it with corn and potatoes…maybe? I don't really know. I haven't cooked seafood before. You know how, Hirano-san?" Yuuki replied.
I placed my finger on my chin, pondering a bit. For this many people, I would have to make more than one dish, in case they don't like one, they can enjoy the other. Yuuki's dish wasn't exactly a bad idea. It was simple and, to be honest, a little bland, but the combination didn't necessarily create a bad taste.
"I think your dish is fine to make. If you can, you are free to make it. We have plenty of meat to spare." I said. "For me, I had quite a few recipes in my mind. I wonder if we have enough ingredients for that."
"Well, that is up to the chef." Yuuki quipped, recognizing me as the chef of this feast. "The ingredients are in the cooking category, in the guild item."
Hmm. Neat. Every guild had a storage shared among all members, and they could manipulate that storage to however they wanted, like a hard drive in a computer. I opened the storage to see it being basically a virtual restaurant. Pretty much everything was there. Olive oil, mayonnaise, flour and pepper. There were a few very specific ingredients that were not here, but I could make do.
'Let's see…'
Repeatedly swiping the screen, I simultaneously materialized all necessary ingredients in front of me. Bacon, butter, garlic, olive oil, cheese, pepper, pasta, vegetables, and spices. All set.
"Alright." I cracked my knuckles. "Let's get this done."
"Sorry for the wait!"
It took me over an hour to prepare the various dishes that I had in mind. But all those minutes were worth it. The moments cutting those onions, grinding the garlic into pieces, pouring the olive oil into the pan and watching it boil in the heat was just beautiful and elegant in its execution. The same thing could be said when it comes to painting a fine painting. The art of adjustment and creating things.
No one knew where that passion came to me. Perhaps the fire had always been burning since I opened my eyes to this world. Or perhaps it was passed on to me, through a channel that I did not have any conscious memories of. But that fire of beauty, the beauty of creating beautiful things, within me had formulated my ambition to become an artist. You could arguably said I could have become a cook as well, but the fact that all food are temporary while arts are permanent pushed me to the former profession. But I still loved both activities, and I learned both in time. I may have not been the smartest kid in the class due to that, but I did not care at the time. I was learning and doing what I liked. And I was seriously considering my future with it…when it all came crashing down onto me.
"It smells good!" Nori stated as three of us presented the group with the dishes. Five in total, with over half of it were my own creations.
We simultaneously placed it down on the table, in front of the hungry patrons, letting them feast on the food with their eyes first.
"Wow, it really makes me drool over here." Talken commented.
"I know right? I had been fighting against my own hunger the whole time I was in there." Jun said turning his eyes to me and Yuuki.
"So...what are we waiting for? Let's dig in!" As expected, Yuuki was the leading voice for such activities.
"Itadakimasu!"
And the dinner began.
For your information, our dinner's main ingredient was obviously the S-class lobster meat. We turned six, out of all thirty, meat item into food item, dividing it all, but not necessarily equally into five dishes. The first, the appetizer, was the salad. Simple combinations with vegetables and mayonnaise. The second dish was the tail part, cooked with zucchinis, corns and cherry tomatoes, all fried up with onions and various herbs. The third dish, which was Yuuki's, was very simple, with boiled corns, potatoes and lobster meat. The fourth, also Yuuki's, was the lobster soup. And the fifth, my most proudly presented dish, was the brown butter bacon pasta lobster. It took me half the time in total to make that dish, but the smell could rock a person to his core. Ok maybe that was an exaggeration, but the taste itself was good by my standard. I just hope that others did too.
"Hmm!"
The first reaction came from Nori, after having spoonful of the salad.
"I never knew lobster went so well with salad!"
"Well, if you've been to some restaurants, they offer things like raw fish or shrimp with salad as appetizer." I said, taking her reaction positively.
"Really?…I guess I should spend some time outside as well."
That statement was somewhat stimulating.
"Hmm. I concur. It is really good." Tecchi complimented, on both the salad and the lobster, as he had already finished the salad. That was staggeringly fast.
The others nodded in agreement, which made me kind of happy. I mean who wouldn't, if something he himself created was appreciated.
"Here. Try this one." The group leader, Yuuki, said to Siune, pointing at one of her dishes, the lobster soup
"Hmm…Yeah the lobster's great…though the soup itself is a little…" She hesitated in thoughts.
"Salty?" Yuuki asked, frowning a little.
"...No. It's a little conflicting. I mean it doesn't really fit with the ginger you put it there. But still, I enjoy it. You're a good cook as always Yuuki-san." She reviewed, in a way I would say pretty nicely and softly.
"Hehehe…" She smiled brightly, which looked really cute to me.
I had a bowl of the soup as well and reviewed it too. And yeah, comparing mine to Siune's, it was pretty similar. The ginger did not go well with the lobster in the flavor it created for the soup. But I did not announce the review anyway, to not take away that smile off her face. The soup was overall good for my standard, and quite impressive for a girl her age to make.
And then was the last dish, served for last. I was a little uncertain when it was being served, but when the food reached the tongue, all worries disappeared.
"Soooo gooddd!" Yuuki exclaimed, clutching her cheek.
Jun and Talken both had their eyes widened as they chew on the bite, nodding to each other.
"This is probably the best thing I have ever tasted in my life." Siune said, making me a little embarrassed.
"Who's the chef of this dish?" Tecchi asked with a satisfying smile on his face.
All eyes turned to the two of us, me and Yuuki. At first they were split between the two of us, but when Yuuki turned to look at me, it was all too clear.
"Hirano-san. You made this?" Despite so, Siune asked for confirmation.
"Yeah I did." I was a little embarrassed to admit openly, but just laughed it away.
"Are you a chef in real life or something? This is so good I could compare it to a five star restaurant!" She exclaimed. Ok this time this really was an overstatement.
"No no!" I laughed as I raised my hand in denial. "I'm no chef. All of this are from online recipes I collected for myself and sometimes for my friends."
"Comparing to what I have eaten in the cafeteria where I live, this is seriously better. I think I can eat this all day." Jun added his own reviews too.
The cafeteria where he lived? That's interesting…I haven't heard about a residential area with a private cafeteria before.
"I may have fallen in love." Yuuki suddenly exclaimed as she had her seconds. The unexpected out of the blue comment made my cheek go hot. I looked away quickly and awkwardly. Was that…
"With the food I mean!" She quickly corrected herself, seemingly having noticed her own misleading statement herself. Hopefully so. I did act a little weirdly back there.
But anyway, I was really glad that my plate ended up being so appreciated. I didn't really expect them to actually praise me that much. I did collect from some of the food journalist to add some spices to my daily life, but they were mostly home-cooked, mostly for myself, for my standard. I wouldn't dare to compare it to any restaurants, especially not a five star.
"Jun-san." I called. "You said about the cafeteria in your place. That's pretty convenient. Where do you live anyway?"
I mean he could be living in a university dorm, with their own private cafeteria, but I couldn't help asking it. It would be a great thing to actually live in a place with a private cafeteria. I wouldn't have to worry about cooking everyday. And now, with my current condition, I think it would be an important thing later.
The seemingly simple question suddenly brought an awkward silence to the room. I was genuinely surprised and confused. The person in question was hesitating as he struggled to answer. The others, instead of looking at Jun, was looking away, each in their respective direction. Did I hit a sore spot again?
"Ok ok. You don't have to answer me if you don't want to." I said, raising my tone, trying to lift the mood. But it didn't work that much. For a few minutes, the silence persisted. It really was awkward, in an excruciating way. This had happened before with Yuuki yesterday, and now it was on a different level. I was a little concerned about what they would feel about me afterward.
"A-Anyway!" Siune thankfully broke the silence, as she turned her attention to me. "So you cook for yourself? Do you live alone?"
"Yeah." I nodded, trying to be bright. "I'm currently a college student in Hokkaido. I currently live in an apartment by myself."
"Hokkaido? Wow. I didn't expect." Yuuki joined in. "We're all from Tokyo."
"It must have been nice. I've been thinking of going there sometimes, but I couldn't find the right time for it."
"Yeah, it is." The response were rather short and unenthusiastic. "You are in college?...How old are you?"
"I'm nineteen."
"Oh my. You are the same age as me." Siune exclaimed, to my surprise as well. She looked so dignified and mature I didn't think she and I would be born in the same year.
"You're four years older than me?" Yuuki looked at me closely, in disbelief. "Hah. I guess a lot of people abuses the quote 'Don't judge a person through his Net appearance'"
"Hey. I didn't abuse anything!" I retaliated
"Your avatar is your own creation you know." She smirked mischievously.
"Alright. At least I did not do things like cross-dressing or things like that."
"Who knows if you actually do it. Voices in ALO can be randomized if the player wants to. Maybe you are actually a female in real life."
Alright I'm getting a little pissed here.
"But how about you then? How can I believe you to be a female in real life?" I tried countering her, who was still standing strong with a grin on her face.
"Unlike you, I have been observed by my pals here to be a female." She replied
"But how do I know that? Have any of you guys ever see her in real life?"
None of the people in the room had any reactions of some sort.
"See? I can use the same argument against you like you how used it against me. I'll just ask you one question. If online avatar can easily be faked, how can you prove to me effectively that you are actually who you are in real life?"
"You're an idiot." She said. Simple, with only one line of pure roast.
That was honestly so senseless that it was actually funny.
"Ok that's quite reassuring. Quite." I conceded, emphasizing on the word.
I can't really argue with women, can I?
I was still looking at the cheerful energy ball in the form of a fifteen years old girl. She gave me a V sign, yet again, with her fingers, signaling her victory. It gave me a strange feeling. Even though I lost that argument, in which I shouldn't have, I didn't feel too bad. The lightheartedness, the silliness of such an illogical argument. It actually made me giggle in earnest. A giggle of pure amusement and joy, with no burden, no worries, just pure entertainment. And they didn't say that laughing is contagious for nothing. Soon, Yuuki's grin got bigger, as she giggled with me in sync, only to be followed by the others softly. We shared the moment in complete and pure joy, and to me, I could feel my distance between me, Yuuki and the whole group growing smaller and smaller with every seconds like this.
After the meal, we were treated cola as refreshment. For the next few hours, we talked about ALO stuff, about how the group tested the targeting algorithm at the World Tree, seeing that the guardians focused less on healers and more on the attackers, just for the pure fun and pleasure. Also about how a guy - back to the cross-dressing topic - actually cross-dressed here in ALO, got mistaken for a girl then ended up in a weird situation, and ultimately getting slapped in the face hard. And more. Among those silly stories were more of those lighthearted moments of amusement. Something I haven't enjoyed in a while.
I didn't realize it right there, but I was really beginning to enjoy life again. Not for the big things ahead of me, but for the plain, simple and average junks we have in front of us everyday that we didn't often pay attention to. And to be honest, sometimes things like that were more valuable than the higher and more luxurious thing we desired. It may not help in the long run, but sometimes it did, in a way unimaginable.
"Oh I haven't shown you guys." Yuuki excitedly offered her new sword on the table for viewing. "Tada! The rare event only one-handed Obsidian Crusader."
"Whoa!" Jun gasped. "Sugoi Yuuki-san! I didn't expect that you can get that by yourself!"
"Actually I didn't get it by myself. Hirano-san here helped me." She clarified herself, recognizing my contribution.
"Nice! You both beat that boss by yourselves! That's an amazing accomplishment to say the least!"
"Aha…" She scratched her head, just like the first time I met her.
"Well, we technically memorized all the pattern and moves of the boss, and perhaps thanks to Yuuki being perhaps an utterly strong swordswoman that we won."
"Aw. Don't flatter me." She blushed at my statement.
"I'm pretty sure my statement is not meant for flattering." I replied.
"But considering you helped her to victory, I genuinely believe that you are a really capable fighter, Hirano-san. How long have you been playing this game for?"
"Ever since the game was released. Which is…just a bit over a year."
"Wow. You are one of the Old Guards." Jun exclaimed
"Uhh, I'm sorry?" I asked, kind of confused over the term. Old Guard? I remember it was a Napoleonic Unit in an old game I have played, but what does it mean here?
"Ah, it means that you are the players from the very beginning that's all. " Talken explained. "Though have you played any other VR games before this one?"
I placed my hand on my chin. "I remember playing a game called Warship Simulator. Basically about a group of hundreds of players being assigned to a warship, like a destroyer, cruiser, battleship or submarine, and we all cooperate to make the ship function and battle ready. There are missions for us to play as part of the team."
"Heeehh! That's so cool!" Yuuki excitedly uttered. "So how did it go for you?"
"It was horrible." I facepalmed, burying my forehead in my hand. "Well the game concept is cool. Bravo to the developers. But they forget the fact that strangers pulled together from different walks of life with randomized role do not work well together. I remember a noob being assigned to a captain's role on a battleship, and you know what he did? He charged the ship forward so we get deleted by an enemy destroyer with ten torpedo tubes. I mean, there are some experienced and really good players in there, but honestly…"
"Haha! I get ya there." Jun said sympathetically, patting on my back.
"Before that, I signed up for a short test for SAO during its beta testing period at the local game center. It is one of the company's effort in public's advertisement. Thank God I didn't turn up for the real game."
"Wow, you are one lucky son of a gun." Nori exclaimed. "Still, you didn't have that many experience in online RPG games and yet ended up being quite a good player in ALO, to be honest, is quite impressive."
"Thanks…"
It wasn't that impressive…I did spend over ten hours in this game everyday anyway. It was impressive from an outsider's perspective, but what good would it do for me? It didn't help cure my disease, or help me accomplish anything in real life. It was just helping me living in the world that I thought I was free from all the real world physicality and killing my time, the time that I thought was worthless for me now.
I saw Yuuki looking at me for a bit, then suddenly stood up, went to my side and stood facing the other members.
"So…I guess our party concludes here. Now that this dungeon had been cleared, what's next for us?" She said.
"Hmm…nothing really…" Tecchi said as he opened the information menu, searching over the game's official website. "The game is said to be updating the week after next week, so no new dungeons are to be made."
Yeah I did hear of that. It was said that it would be the hugest update ever, since ALO would be transferring moderation, and the game developers would remake a lot of stuff. Details are bound to be released the week after.
"Hmmm…" Yuuki said, frowning. "Well, I guess it'll be a daily grind for next week I guess."
The rest of the group simply nodded, biting their lips in dispirit. There's nothing that could be done though. It was the developer's decision and schedule.
"Then I guess I should get going. I'm being summoned." Siune said.
"I think I should be going too. It's kind of late, and I need to do a few things." Talken also said.
Seeing two of the group members are already obliged to leave, Yuuki saw no reason to keep this group together for the night.
"Ok! See ya later. Goodnight!" She waved goodbyes not only to the two group members, who logged out right after, but also to the others, who were still here.
"Goodnight Yuuki-san." Jun said as he also followed the two of them.
"Goodnight guys." Nori waved, her avatar dissolving and fading away.
"Goodbye." Tecchi also left
With all the members gone, the inn was quiet again. It was seven thirty eight in the evening. The sun was finally entering the horizon, halfway in. The once peaceful blue sky was now scorched in a mesmerizing red and purple, decorated gently with a little white bits of steams. The timeless sun shone with all its beauty, its elegance but not with all its might onto the world below. It shone through the tiny windows of the inn, and onto us. It was, in this man's opinion, one of the most beautiful and realistic thing to be recreated in a VR world. Sometimes, upon looking at it, the boundary between the real and virtual world seemed to blur. It was something that was once considered unimaginable, and perhaps scary sometimes.
"Hirano-san." Yuuki suddenly called out to me, as I was busy observing the sunset.
"Yeah? What's up."
"How do you feel?" She asked as she leaned forward tilting her head to look at me. "About the Sleeping Knights."
"It's a modest yet fun guild. I would say." I smiled, looking at her. "For some reasons…" Then at the sunset. "I feel a bit at ease here…I don't know. It's a strange feeling I can't really explain right now."
"Well, not many people had the chance to join Sleeping Knights." She laughed lightly at my awkward response, as she brushed her hair a bit.
"But there's something about the guild that bothers me somehow." I continued. "About-"
"The question you asked? Yeah I know…" Yuuki said, deciphering exactly what I was about to say. "Do you mind sitting down a bit?"
"Sure." I said as I sat on the chair, in front of the table that we used to party just hours ago. Yuuki sat right next to me, putting her two hands on her lap.
"These people…are special. As I said, I met them in an online community. And because of how similar they are to me in that specialty, I quickly became friends with them."
"How similar?"
The question I asked left her in silence. She was still smiling, a light smile, but it wasn't the cheerful smile I knew. Her hands were still tight on her laps. Her eyes wore sadness, staring down at the ground below. I could barely hear her breathe anymore. Before the setting sun, her choice of color were in coincidental resemblance to the color of the sky preparing to rest after the day, her fragility seemed to be even more apparent than ever.
In that moment, there were reflections. From Yuuki and to me. It was not merely a reflection of light, of her beauty into my eyes. It was the reflection of self. For that one moment, I saw not just a pretty fifteen years old girl who was always excited but contained a hidden depth within her character. I saw myself too. For that one moment, I was there, in front of me. There were something buried deep within that layer of energy that she struggled to bring it to the light. And it wasn't something ordinarily embarrassing. I could not guess what it was, but it would be a shameful thing or maybe something that an ordinary people could not process well. My intuition was ticking. There was no evidence, but I could feel it there…
And wasn't that the same as me?
I'm no different. I too had my disease to hide. I wasn't afraid of discrimination or pity from my friends and families. I did hate people who pitied me, basically seeing me as nothing more than a handicapped man who could never have accomplished his life goals and had to rely on other people to live. But those were the minorities in which I just wouldn't care. It was the feeling that I would put on the other majorities that halted me. I was enormously privileged to be surrounded with people who like me, and who love me. But what I put on these people were a very sorrowful feeling. The feeling that in just a few years from now on, I would be gone. And I would never be coming back again. I would never be back to go for another chess match, another camping trip or another journey through the virtual world. I hated hurting people. This is not a battle. This is going to be a very heavy defeat. Not just for me but for everybody around me. And that feeling of hopelessness was just too heavy a burden that I didn't want anybody else to bear it with me.
A moment passed, but Yuuki was still silent. Before that reflection of self, I really wanted to tell Yuuki that she didn't need to say it if she didn't want to, but I didn't proceed with it. I wanted to see how she would proceed with it. Or rather how I would proceed with it. Would she openly talk about what she struggled to say? Or would she deny to talk about it? I wanted to hear. I wanted a direction.
"I'm sorry…"
Her voice finally took off. Pale and silent, she said. My heart sank at the few words uttered.
"I'm not ready for it yet…"
I knew she would say that.
I sighed heavily. It was a hard thing after all. Maybe I should just-
"But I guess I can't hide it forever."
Huh?
"After all, it was my decision to bring you into this guild after all. But I need some time."
Her words were followed with a light smile, yet again. Damn, I didn't think there is anything I could do to remove that smile from her face. I probably wouldn't want anyone to do that too.
But in the end, it came down to time. About getting ready. Or perhaps about observing if it is worth the revelation. I couldn't say I am eager for it, but I honestly was looking forward to it. Partly for the information, but mostly because I wanted to see myself again. I somewhat saw it. Not at the time, but my subconsciousness had seen it. In her eyes, I saw it. That behind the Sleeping Knights, behind Jun, Talken, Nori, Tecchi, Siune, and, most importantly, Yuuki, lied the soul that I had abandoned.
"Will you wait until then?"
I placed a hand on Yuuki's shoulder. As gently as possible, I gave her my response.
"I will…Don't take too long okay?"
Yuuki turned to me, smiling weakly, but earnestly.
"Hmm!"
It was a journey to find myself again.
Although there are lighthearted and silly scenes in the background, the relationship portrayed in this story will be quite serious. Just saying for you to look forward to it in a different way.
Sidenote: I knew that Sleeping Knights are a group of high-level players, so I was forced to flesh out his strength being high as well. Please sympathize with me on that. I don't intend to make the focus of this story on that.