Chapter 14- All I Need

Whoosh… Thump…

Charlotte opened her eyes. Soft, early morning light was filtering into her living room. When had she fallen asleep?

Whoosh… Thump…

Charlotte had returned to her house after the talk with Rosemary yesterday afternoon. Politely declining the invitation to Elizabeth's bachelorette party. She just had too much to process from this last week to be in a festive mood. Rosemary understood but said that Charlotte would be missed and if she changed her mind the invitation was still open.

Whoosh… Thump...

Charlotte had stayed up most of the night. Thinking about what she was going to say to Nathan.

Whoosh… Thump...

Nathan

Charlotte stood up from the couch and moved to the window. There he was. In their backyard.

Whoosh… Thump…

Nathan leaned over to pick up the split wood. Placing some in the stack behind his house. Then setting the remaining chopped wood in the stack he had just started at the back of Charlotte's.

This will not be easy. Charlotte thought to herself.

Charlotte still peered out the window. Watching the way Nathan methodically moved about, picking up the next piece of wood, placing it squarely on the block, then raising the ax over his head before…

Whoosh… Thump…

The well-placed log split in half.

Charlotte noticed everything at that moment. The way the blade of the ax would glint in the morning sunrise for a second before Nathan would bring it forward into the wood. The heat and humidity of the day already causing the fabric of his shirt to cling with sweat to the muscles of Nathan's shoulders and back.

Whoosh… Thump…

The way the motion of his swing caused Nathan's hair to fall over the corner of his right eye. A brush of his forearm, instead of Charlotte's fingers, putting it back into place, before…

Whoosh... Thump…

Nathan wore a hint of morning stubble across his face. Obviously choosing to do this laborious job, before getting ready for the day by bathing and shaving. At that moment, Charlotte pictured this version of Nathan being the first thing she would awaken too. Unkempt. Unapologetic. Raw.

Charlotte took a jagged breath, before turning the doorknob. No, this will not be easy.

"Nathan," Charlotte said gently, her voice husky in the morning air.

"Charlotte." Her unexpected presence behind him had startled Nathan. He laid down the ax, before turning to face Charlotte as she stepped down off the stoop to her back door and came a few paces closer to him.

Charlotte still wore the clothes she had the day before when they spoke in her classroom. They were slightly crumpled, like she had slept in them all night. Although from the circles under her eyes and the unbrushed hair that hung loose about her face, Nathan was not sure if she had slept much. Probably the same amount he had.

From the moment he read Charlotte's letter and found out she was pregnant with her ex-fiancé's baby, Nathan knew that the honorable thing to do would be to ask Charlotte to marry him. He would then be able to take care of her and the child. To keep them safe in case Beck ever came searching. Nathan's hand subconsciously clenching at the thought.

He had spent days, running through the words he wanted to say to Charlotte. How to balance telling her how he felt and at the same time not scaring her further away. When he saw Charlotte walk past his office yesterday and enter the schoolhouse, Nathan knew he could not wait any longer. He had to ask.

"I'm sorry if I woke you. I didn't pay attention to the time when I came out here." Nathan said truthfully, finally taking in the view of the sun just beginning to rise over the tree line to the east. He had attended Lucas' bachelor party last night but did not stay long. Hickam had been in charge of the event this time and with some assistance from Lee, had ordered a billiard table for the saloon. While the game seemed entertaining, Nathan's thoughts had been somewhere else. With someone else. He excused himself early from the party and had come home. Allie was still up when he returned and was a little surprised her uncle was back so early. But seeming to understand Nathan had other things on his plate she did not say a word, just placed a goodnight kiss on his cheek as she headed off to her room.

"You just had the sudden urge to chop wood?" A small smile crossed Charlotte's features.

"I guess I just needed to clear my head a bit."

Charlotte dropped her gaze to the ground as she nodded in agreement. She could understand that. Her mind had been swimming for days, but especially last night when she was making this decision.

"Nathan." Charlotte began again, her voice low and breathy. "I don't understand. Why would you ask me to marry you? Look at me. I am carrying another man's child. I have no family. Little money. I am a woman who is so incredibly broken. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally."

"Charlotte, like I said yesterday. If we were to marry, I could take care of you and the baby." Nathan said as took a few steps closer to Charlotte, stopping when she looked up at him in a panic. The same petrified expression from the night of the storm, flashing across her face. Why couldn't she see that he just wanted to help her?

"We've never even courted Nathan. How can you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"We may not have formally courted, but haven't you enjoyed our time together? And with Allie?"

"You know how much I care about Allie. And you." Charlotte's voice rising in anguish. "That day we spent away at the upper meadow. I would be lying to you if the thought hadn't crossed my mind of how perfect life would be if every day could be like that. Happy. Peaceful. And spent with two people who have come to mean so much to me."

"Then why don't you think we could be happy becoming a family?"

"Stop! Nathan, you have to stop this!" Charlotte cried out as moisture started to collect at the corners of her eyes. She turned her face to the sky. Blinking back the tears forming so they would not stream down her face. "I know you came to Hope Valley as a sense of duty to Jack Thornton. To protect his widowed wife and fatherless child. And in doing so you fell in love with Elizabeth. Which I cannot blame you for. She is an amazing woman. Beautiful and accomplished. But she broke your heart and Allie's too. And I can't do that to you both. I can't cause you that kind of hurt."

"You wouldn't." Nathan tried to interject as he took another step closer to Charlotte. The need to hold her hands. To touch her. Center her body into him. But he couldn't. Instead, he clenched his jaw in frustration.

"But I would Nathan. Don't you see? You are just doing this because you feel it's your duty to save my reputation. To save me. To save my child. But Nathan it is not your duty to save us. Not at the risk of your own happiness. Because Nathan. I would never be able to offer you what someone else will be. And there will be someone else Nathan. Someone who is able to love you completely. To love you and Allie how you both deserve. She will complete your family in ways I never could. Because Nathan. How I am now. I can't even breathe with you being this close to me. Looking at me like that. The way my body reacts at the thought of you just holding my hand. Let alone kissing me," Charlotte's voice breaking, "or being intimate."

"I don't need those things to be happy, Charlotte. All I need is you, Allie, and the baby."

"You say that now. But what about a year down the road? Or five?" Charlotte answered as salty tears began their cascade down her cheeks. "Nathan. I am tired. I am lonely. And I am weak right now and it would be so easy to say yes to you. So easy! But I can't. You are the most incredible, selfless, kind, generous, and noble man I will ever meet. But I can't just say yes to you. It wouldn't be fair of me. I can't take the possibility of a complete marriage away from you. You deserve someone who can kiss you at the end of a long day. A woman who can hold you at night and give you children of your own. I will never be able to be that woman, Nathan. Not after everything I've been through."

"Char-" Nathan started, trying to reach for her hands.

"No. Nathan." Charlotte said sternly, as she escaped quickly back into her house. "I'm so sorry. But I can't marry you. Please understand."

*Gah! I'm sorry y'all for doing this. But in my mind, everything Charlotte just confessed to Nathan is REAL to her. Charlotte cares so much for Nathan that she is willing to sacrifice her own happiness and the safety he could provide so that Nathan has the opportunity to find a wife that will be able to give him a "complete" marriage.

You and I know that our honorable Nathan Grant would never pressure Charlotte to do more than she is comfortable with. He was being truthful with his words "All I Need" (Thank you Jack Wagner for that line- great song btw)

We also know that Charlotte will, at some point, get past those fears and be the woman she described as Nathan needing in a wife. But these are still fresh wounds y'all. And we still have the unsettled topic of one certain baddie, Beck McEntire.

I have tried to write this FanFic as I pictured it coming to life on screen for WCTH. Which means by the timeline, we are getting close to the "Season Finale". While there is still some angst and hard stuff to overcome, we will by the end see Nathan and Charlotte moving forward. Whatever that may look like.

Plus, you know what comes after the Season Finale!? That's right… one super fluffy, love filled Christmas movie.

And like any good Hallmark fan, I am not afraid to enjoy me some Christmas-y feelings all year long.

P.S. I hope I softened the blow of Charlotte saying "no - not yet" by giving us a hunky Mountie chopping wood... I don't think you needed my words to picture Kevin McGarry, his fabulous hair, and suspenders doing some "winter prep" ;)