Chapter 53- What Lies Within Us

Charlotte reached up to pull the last pin from her hair, the action causing the waves to tumble over her shoulders.

What a day. She thought to herself.

She had known for quite some time that she cared immensely for Nathan. That he was special, but there was something about their time together today she couldn't quite shake.

It was the way Charlotte's pulse quickened at the sight of Nathan riding towards her on Newton. The way his hand would clench over hers when Charlotte would nuzzle in close on their ride. The way her breath caught, when Nathan's hands slid slowly up her sides as he helped Charlotte from Newton's back. It was the way her body had initially reacted to his after they collided rolling down the hill. The feel of his bare skin under Charlotte's fingertips sent a rush of heat through every vein in her body.

Charlotte would never understand how Elizabeth, or any other woman for that matter, passed him by.

Nathan Grant was one handsome man. All six feet plus of him. Dark hair. Blue eyes. Broad shoulders. Every inch of him; lean and hard. When Nathan directed that smile, the lopsided one that crinkled the corners of his eyes, in Charlotte's direction it always sent a wave of… something… through her body. A feeling that coursed through Charlotte, all the way down to her toes.

Charlotte blew out a slow breath. Her heart was fluttering at a rapid pace thinking back to those memories of today. Thinking about how lucky she would be to love a man like Nathan for the rest of her life.

What are you thinking? Charlotte scolded herself. Don't get ahead of yourself. It's not like Nathan has asked you to marry him.

But he had, hadn't he?

Charlotte remembered back to a year ago, when Nathan proposed and offered her a marriage of convenience.

What were his words that day in her classroom?

'All I ask is that you consider it. You don't have to love me, Charlotte. You just have to let me love you.'

Charlotte had considered it. Nathan's proposal.

'Nathan. I am tired. I am lonely. And I am weak right now and it would be so easy to say yes to you. So easy! But I can't. You are the most incredible, selfless, kind, generous, and noble man I will ever meet. But I can't just say yes to you. It wouldn't be fair of me. I can't take the possibility of a complete marriage away from you. You deserve someone who can kiss you at the end of a long day. A woman who can hold you at night and give you children of your own. I will never be able to be that woman, Nathan. Not after everything I've been through.'

Charlotte sat on the edge of her bed and looked over at her nightstand, the one that Nathan had made for her as a thank you gift for taking care of him while he was sick. The memory of the inscription inside, hit her in the chest with painful force.

What lies behind us and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

There was no doubt Charlotte had experienced horrific events in her past. Ones that shaped her future and impacted how she processed so many feelings and emotions. Especially the feelings and emotions she felt towards a certain town Mountie.

What did lie within Charlotte?

She reached forward, running her finger along the edge of the glass jar holding the now dried bouquet of flowers Allie and Nathan had gifted her. It sat directly behind the picture frame Nathan had made for her birthday.

Their photo was the last thing Charlotte always looked at before going to sleep. The image of Nathan's loving gaze always made her feel light, giddy, but most of all it made her feel desired.

Something Charlotte thought no man would ever want to feel towards her after what Beck McEntire had done.

But it almost seemed as though Nathan did.

'Charlotte, whatever we are able to… share. That will be enough for me because you will always be enough for me.'

What would she be able to share?

While yes, with Nathan's help, she had made strides in her healing, would she ever be able to give Nathan what he deserved?

To kiss him with every ounce of her being?

To tell him out loud and directly that she was in love with him?

To hold Nathan at night? To love him as only a wife could?

A flush came over Charlotte at the thought. Could she? Could Charlotte give Nathan a complete marriage?

God knows she wanted to.

Charlotte couldn't deny she had felt the desire today. She had experienced an appetizer of what life with Nathan would be like. Of what loving Nathan completely and letting him love her in return could feel like. The thought of spending the rest of her days being loved in that way filled Charlotte with anticipation.

She had told Nathan goodnight over an hour ago, but Charlotte still felt his presence in the absence. She could still hear Nathan's smoky voice whispering in her ear in the silence of the night. Charlotte still felt the way his touch lingered on her skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.

Charlotte took a deep breath. Would Nathan ever ask her to marry him again?

She knew he wasn't one to give up, but she also knew Nathan would never pressure her if he didn't think she was ready.

Charlotte remembered back to earlier in the summer, on the date of the anniversary of her attack, when Nathan had come to her. When he had held and comforted Charlotte through the painful memories of her attack. In the moment, Charlotte hadn't even considered the intimacy of their time together that morning. Nathan on her bed. Charlotte still in her nightdress. Raw and unfiltered life. Their arms tightly entwined around one another. Tear-stained cheeks grazing. Soft whispers of encouragement and love.

Charlotte could hear the ghost of Nathan's gentle voice questioning her.

"I want that future together. Me, you, and Allie. Do you want that too?"

"I do."

I do? Why had Charlotte chosen those particular words? While yes, to answer Nathan's question, she had been honest. She wanted a future with him and Allie more than anything. But 'I do', suggested other things.

Marriage things.

Charlotte lifted her left hand and inspected its features. Her palms had the occasional small callus and plenty of scars from her years growing up on the ranch. The skin; tanned from the summer sun and slightly freckled. Her fingers weren't particularly long or elegant.

Even with its flaws, Nathan never seemed to mind. Since their first touch, when Charlotte had reached for Nathan in the infirmary after the wildfire, she had felt it. The perfect way their hands would form into one another.

A perfect pairing in every sense.

I do.

Charlotte sighed, reaching over to extinguish the oil lamp she paused for a moment. The image of a ring appeared on her finger.

Nathan's ring.

Simple. Special. Symbolic.

I do.

Charlotte whispered the words out loud, leaning back to rest her head on the pillows of her bed. Charlotte's body relaxed and seeped further under her quilt. Visions of Nathan led her instantly into blissfully happy dreams of their future together.

*This chapter is a quick recap of Nathan and Charlotte's day that started with the ride to their property and finished with Fred's adoption ceremony. In this chapter, we get to see a little bit deeper into Charlotte's current feelings and where she is emotionally at and what she is thinking.

Also, I'm trying to bring in little reminders of where these two have been together over the past 53 chapters. As I'm sure if you are reading multiple FanFics right now it could be a little difficult keeping all the stories straight. Since many of you don't have time to reread every chapter of this story, I felt it was important to add little tidbits here and there to pull attention to some important history for these two. Setting up for what is to come.

Last bit here for the night, I wanted to apologize for only getting one chapter out this past week. I've been aiming for two per week over the past month or so, but with my travel schedule for work, finding time to write was a little hard this past week and probably for the next few weeks as well.

I am gearing up for my "Season 10 Finale". If you remember back to the "finale" I wrote for my Season 9 (the wildfire), you know I like to fill it with action and keep you all at the edge of your seats. Because of that, I am trying very hard to get the next chapters outlined before moving forward. I want to make sure my action scenes make sense, and I don't miss important details in the telling of this story. I want you, the readers, to picture and feel the scenes as best as possible. With the extra work to get each of the next chapters, 'just right', I may continue with the slower roll out over the next few weeks.

Hope you stick with me and see what is to come.