Chapter 57- So This Is Love

*Shout out to Mamabethany for in her review of Chapter 56, remembering Charlotte's words to Nathan in Brookfield on trusting him to do his job. That being said, Charlotte didn't realize how personally involved she was in the case Nathan and Gabe had been discussing. This chapter is her processing that information and what her next steps will be...

He poured another glass of whiskey, rewarding himself with a job well done. He had delivered the resealed letter to the Mountie and his new friend, Nathan, was none the wiser as to who he was.

What a fool.

The saying was true with this one, that 'love' really did make people blind.

He had watched her making deliveries along the other side of the street. First the cafe, then the mercantile, the Coulter's office, and the barbershop. Finally, she had gone into the jail.

She had been in there a while. How long did it take to deliver a couple apples? He was about to go down to the street to see if he could get a better view, when he saw her emerge from the Mountie's office.

Her pace was hastened. Her eyes; red and puffy. He could see by the way her hands were held, clenched at her sides, that she was upset.

She had found the letter!

Her discovering the letter wasn't a part of his plan, but an added perk. He had wondered if she knew her precious Mountie was investigating him, and it appeared the answer to that was, no.

Judging by her body language, maybe he wouldn't even have to enact the rest of his plan. Maybe she would come back to him on her own, now that she knew the Mountie had lied and deceived her.

Picking up the whiskey bottle, he finished what remained, and staggered slightly to the door. His plan was set in motion.

Tears blurred Charlotte's vision. She silently prayed she could make it to the safety of her bedroom before being discovered by any Hope Valley resident. They would ask questions and wonder what was wrong the moment they saw Charlotte's trembling bottom lip and bloodshot eyes.

Charlotte was still undetected by the time she neared the road leading towards the row houses, but instead of turning left, she was drawn to the right. Like an out of body experience Charlotte was pulled in a different direction. Her steps were fast and sure. Driven and with purpose. Soon enough she had reached her destination, the fallen tree beside the stream. The sanctuary Charlotte had found her first full day in Hope Valley when she needed to escape the confines of her house. The spot was just the same as it had been that day, except for the color of the aspen foliage beginning to change. A few yellow leaves floated to the ground, creating a carpet of gold on the forest floor around her.

The air was chilly with the change in season, but that didn't stop Charlotte from unlacing her boots and removing her stockings. She sat on the trunk, pulling her skirt up slightly as she scooted further into the stream. Charlotte closed her eyes and lost herself in the feel of the cool water flowing past her feet.

Even though she had told him she needed time alone to think, Charlotte had half expected Nathan to follow her like he had the night of the Christmas dance. When he had pursued her into the street and held Charlotte's weeping and tormented body in his arms.

That night, Nathan had felt warm and familiar. He felt solid and safe. Charlotte had wanted to cling to his shirt, bury her face in the curve of his neck, and never let go.

But she had to, didn't she?

She had to let him go.

It wasn't because Nathan had withheld the truth from her. Charlotte had forgiven him almost immediately. She understood why he had chosen to go after Beck. Nathan believed that Charlotte could never completely heal from her attack until she knew Beck would never hurt her again. Charlotte remembered back to her confession as Nathan held her the morning of the attack anniversary.

"I'm so sorry you have to see me like this. I thought… I thought that I was getting better. I truly believed that we could… but it's never going to happen, is it? Because these nightmares are never going to go away. He's always going to be there. A ghost."

Her mind also fluttered to their first night in Brookfield. Charlotte could tell Nathan had been upset about something since arriving in town. She knew it had to have been about the case he and Gabe were discussing. Charlotte just didn't realize that the case was Beck McEntire.

Nathan had tried to tell her that night, and so many other times over the past months. Charlotte saw it now. His confession, right there on the tip of his tongue, but she never gave him the chance.

"Charlotte, I…"

"Nathan. You don't have to explain it to me. I realize that because of the nature of your job, it is best for you to keep some of your cases, well for lack of a better term, under your hat. Whatever you are helping Gabe with, I can tell it's big. It has been weighing on you all day. I know you don't keep secrets from me and that is why you have been so tense.

"Charlotte, you don't understand…"

"No, Nathan. I trust you. If you think it is best for me to not know the details of a case. I believe you are acting in our best interests. You're protecting us. You, Allie, and I. Be confident in your training and skills. Trust your gut. Doing so is what is going to ensure that you keep coming home to us. To me. Just know I'm always here for you when needed. To hold your hand. To make you smile. And when you are ready. I'll be here to listen."

Charlotte's heart hurt at the memory. She herself had lied to Nathan. When he finally told her the truth, all she could do was turn away and not listen to his reasoning.

And then she had to bring up Archie.

Charlotte was ashamed of that dagger she had aimed directly at Nathan. He had trusted her with so much of his past and then for her to use it against him. To hurt him with those words, filled her with so much sorrow and regret.

Charlotte's eyes turned up to the heavens. Feeling the breeze of his presence wash over her weary soul.

God, please let Nathan forgive me for what I said and did. And for what I'm about to do.

Ever since Charlotte discovered the letter there was only one image that flashed through her mind.

Nathan.

Lying on the frost covered ground in front of her.

Charlotte lifting her hands to reveal them stained in crimson.

Because of her past, she would have his blood on her hands.

The feeling that came over Charlotte had made her knees want to buckle from beneath her weight. She felt as if she was physically being torn apart. The thought of losing Nathan, in the most permanent of ways, made Charlotte not want to live anymore. The pain of it would just be too much to bear.

So this is love.

Charlotte thought to herself.

Her eyes were closed. Pleading. Praying.

There had to be another way to fix this, but she couldn't see it. She couldn't see another path that would save Nathan. Save him from her and her scarred past.

Something told Charlotte she was no longer alone, and her eyes fluttered open.

"Charlotte."

He was there.