Chapter 61- Jeremiah 29:11

Charlotte groaned. Why did he have to come? Charlotte thought everyone in Hope Valley knew by now she didn't want visitors. That she didn't want to talk about it. While small town life had its perks, knowing everyone's business was not one of them.

"Please come down. If you don't talk to me, Rosemary says you have to talk to her. Pick your battles, Charlotte!"

Charlotte chuckled slightly at Lee's play of good cop, bad cop.

Fine. She would see what he wanted and then send him on his way. Charlotte walked down the stairs and opened her front door.

"Smart girl," Lee smirked. "I thought you would see it my way. Now come on, let's take a walk."

"Lee, I'm busy."

"Don't worry. This won't take long," Lee answered, reaching past Charlotte to grab her a shawl that hung on the hook inside the door. He pushed it towards her and took Charlotte's arm, guiding her outside with him.

"Where are we going?" Charlotte questioned, not trying to hide her discontent.

"I told you. We are going for a walk."

"Really Lee, I don't have time for this today."

"Don't make me threaten again to have Rosemary talk to you instead," he winked as he walked a step or two in front of her.

Nathan sank the ax deeply into the log. It went straight through and embedded into the block. He gave it a hard tug and freed the blade again. He set up another log and split it with one swing. Over and over, he did the same thing until sections piled up around the block. He kicked them aside and set up another log. He swung again, harder than before, and the ax sliced through, bouncing off the block this time and narrowly missing his leg on the recoil.

Shaking, Nathan dropped the ax and sank to the ground. Sweat was running into his eyes. He wiped it away with the back of his arm and looked out over the land. Why was he even doing this anymore? Without her it just didn't seem to matter in the same way.

Nathan heard something then and turned towards the path leading to the main road. Squinting into the sun he saw Joseph standing a few feet from him.

"How long have you been there?" Nathan asked, his chest heaving.

"Couple of minutes."

Nathan tried to get to his feet but couldn't. As soon as he had stopped focusing his energy and emotions on the exertion of his labor, all his strength had left him. He sank back again and leaned against the block. Glancing up, he gave Joseph a wry smile. "Didn't hear you drive up. It's Saturday. Didn't I give you the weekends off?"

"You got enough wood there for two winters, plus what you spent all morning chopping back at the houses."

"I thought I would need more this winter, but that doesn't appear to be so."

Joseph moved then to sit beside Nathan. "Go talk to her."

"She doesn't want to talk to me. That became obvious this morning. I'd probably still be chopping wood waiting for her to talk."

"Just give her time then. Charlotte will come around. You'll see."

"I don't know Joseph. She has thought this out. I'm not sure anything I say to her will change her mind."

"How do you know that?"

Nathan raked his hand into his hair. How many times had he gone over the things she had done and said yesterday? He could still so clearly see her quivering lip, the way her dark hair floated about them, gently waving in the breeze. Nathan still felt the way Charlotte's body shuddered under his touch as she tried to disguise her emotions. That the idea of leaving him, broke her heart as much as it did his. Nathan shut his eyes. "I just know."

Joseph put his hand on Nathan's shoulder. "Charlotte loves you, Nathan. I think that is why she is so afraid to say it. She has a past that isn't at all pretty and she thinks that sharing that burden with you is going to darken your heart too."

"I don't blame her for being afraid. Not after all the indescribable suffering and pain she has been through. I know she isn't thinking clearly. She is letting her head talk instead of her heart. I told Charlotte I wouldn't give up on us and that I would be there every single time she needed me, but Joseph I can't force Charlotte to feel my love."

"You're not forcing anything, and I don't believe Charlotte has any trouble feeling your love. She is just scared and confused. Charlotte thinks that letting you be free, is the greatest love that she can give to you. That even with all the hurt and emptiness you both are feeling, Charlotte believes that her sacrifice is the purest and most selfless way she can show her love for you."

"I just don't understand why she thinks she has to play the martyr.

"Like you have been planning for months to be her savior?"

Nathan looked over to Joseph. He was right. Nathan's investigation and potential arrest of Beck, without Charlotte's knowledge, was very similar to what Charlotte was trying to do for them as well.

"Listen Nathan, none of us are God. We need to take a step back and put our faith in him. That he will direct our actions as he sees fit."

Nathan remembered the Bible verse he had shared with Charlotte on the anniversary of her attack. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"Exactly," Joseph smiled as he rose from the ground. "Now what do you say we get to work here. We still have plenty to do if this is going to be done in time for Christmas."

Joseph extended a large hand to Nathan, helping him to stand as the two men set about moving forward the plans for the Grant family's future.

Charlotte pursed her lips together and begrudgingly followed as Lee led them north along the road heading towards Benson Hills. Not too far down the path, Lee took a left hand turn into the forest, walking a little further before stopping abruptly in a small clearing.

"Lee, really, what is this all about?"

"At the root? My utter lack of sleep. Since becoming pregnant, my wife has started snoring. Like a freight train."

"For your sake, you probably shouldn't tell her that."

Lee gave a warm laugh. "You are probably right. I've come close a time or two but catch myself. Otherwise, I may be moving into Fred's room or the couch."

"What does Rosemary's snoring and taking me on a walk into the woods have to do with one another?" Charlotte questioned.

"My second reason for a lack of sleep is our local constable deciding that the only way to work through his frustrations is to get up before dawn and start chopping wood."

"I'm sorry about that," Charlotte lowered her gaze. "I still don't understand why you brought me out here though."

"You're stubborn enough, I figured I'm gonna have to show you."

"You are not making any sense."

"Look, sometimes it's easy to forget why we love someone. You get a little lost sometimes. You can't see the forest for the trees."

"I can see the forest just fine, Lee." Charlotte was getting annoyed at this point.

"You know, for a girl who didn't want to talk, you sure are saying a lot. Now close your eyes."

Charlotte gave Lee a questioning glance. "What? Why?"

"Close them," Lee coaxed.

Charlotte decided the sooner she did as Lee asked, the sooner she could return to her house and finish packing, so Charlotte complied with his request.

"There you go. Now, I want you to picture Nathan. What did he look like the night of your Christmas Ball?"

Charlotte peaked open one of her eyes. "Lee, I don't see how…"

"Ssshhh. Close your eyes. Humor me."

Taking a deep breath Charlotte again shut her eyes. "He was nervous. Just like I was. My heart was beating so fast as he walked towards me that night."

"What did you see?"

"When Nathan smiled, his eyes seemed to light up and sparkle in the moonlight. I swore they were every shade of blue that God had ever created. Sometimes he only has to look at me…"

Charlotte stopped, her cheeks flushed, realizing she was speaking her most private thoughts aloud.

"What else? What did you feel?"

"When we waltzed together, it was like my feet never touched the ground. My stomach turned light. I remember that when he touched me and I finally let myself feel it as Nathan's touch, how it was like magic flowed through every vein in my body. Everything else in life didn't matter anymore. As long as it was Nathan holding me, we could get through anything."

Charlotte's eyes fluttered open. She had become lost in the memory and that seemed to be exactly what Lee had wanted. "I had promised him that night. I had promised that I wouldn't do it alone anymore. That I wouldn't face that darkness without Nathan. I would let him be there for me... And I would be there for him."

Charlotte's heart sunk in the realization. She hadn't been there for him like she promised. If Nathan loved Charlotte as much as she believed he did, the past day was probably as much agony for him as it had been for her. At least Charlotte had Maise and now Lee, but who had Nathan been able to turn to? This wasn't fair of her. She had to stop putting the burden of her past onto the man she loved in the present.

"Mmmhmmm," Lee nodded his head. "You see, Charlotte, love isn't just a feeling or an emotion. It's a choice. What you and Nathan have is a commitment you chose to renew every single day. Choose love and every day can make you feel like it's Christmas."

Charlotte smiled at the memory. She hadn't been exaggerating. That night with Nathan at their personal Christmas ball had been magic and the idea of feeling that way for the rest of her life sounded like such a blessing.

Lee continued, "Jack Thornton was a dear friend of mine, Charlotte. He loved Elizabeth, but he also loved his position with the Mounties. The Mounties were his life and why he was willing to make the sacrifice he did. While Nathan's job is important to him and he is very good at it, he's different from Jack. The Mounties aren't what completes his life. Allie and you are. He could step away from his posting and still be happy, but if he lost you… it would crush him."

The tears Charlotte had been holding back for the past day misted in the corners of her eyes.

"What both you and Nathan need to realize is that you don't have to sacrifice yourself to show how much you love one another. You don't just have to die for the people you love. You need to live for them too."

Charlotte took a deep and shaky breath. She again remembered back to her and Nathan's discussion in Brookfield the night before the cattle drive.

"Charlotte," Nathan's voice had been barely above a whisper. "Are you afraid of being with me? With a Mountie? Especially after what happened with Jack Thornton."

"I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind. But I've realized you being a Mountie is only a part of who you are. You, Nathan Grant, are so… much… more… than the red serge. Nathan, the man beneath the uniform… is the one I fell in lo… is the one I care so very much for."

Lee took a step closer to Charlotte and asked, "Do you understand what I'm saying?

"I do," she answered, looping her arm through Lee's. She knew exactly what Lee was saying.

"Good," Lee gave her a grin as he patted Charlotte's arm in reassurance.

"You know. You give excellent brotherly advice, Lee."

"Can you tell my sister Susanna that? She never seems to listen to me."

"Well, she should," Charlotte leaned over and placed a familial kiss on Lee's cheek as the two began their walk back to the row houses.