Chapter 63- Let Me Hold You

*Oh man. Y'all made me chuckle a bit reading through reviews on Chapter 62 last night. I know I have left you with some cliffhangers in the past, but I'm going to be honest… I NEVER planned for my "Thwack" to cause such distress. I thought I had used it so often in the past it would be obvious where it came from, but that was where I failed you as a writer. Sorry. Sometimes I forget I know where this story is going and you don't have that luxury. Hopefully with posting the next installment so soon, I didn't leave you hanging for too long.

Thwack…

Charlotte swung the ax, hitting in just the right spot to ensure the smaller log in front of her split in two. She quickly understood why Nathan found the action so therapeutic. Charlotte picked up another small piece, placed it on the block, pulled the ax back and swung forward in a smooth motion.

Thwack…

Charlotte had witnessed the oil lamp on the first floor of Nathan's house turn on. She knew he would have immediately found the cookies and judging by the silence within, he had found her letter.

Charlotte's heart raced in both anticipation and trepidation. She placed another log onto the block and as Charlotte reached for the ax handle, she heard Nathan's door open into the backyard. She took a slow and steadying breath, before turning to face him.

Whatever happened in the next few minutes would direct the rest of her life.

Nathan stood in the door frame. Frozen in place. Charlotte noted the new lines in his face. When she looked into his eyes, everything she felt spilled over. Charlotte had always known her pain and fear, her own need. Now she came to face his.

"Nathan," Charlotte felt her lips move, but no sound came forth.

What had she done to him in denying her love, in turning away? She had played God and done what she thought best for him and all she had done was cause him pain. Charlotte thought Nathan was too strong to be hurt, too wise not to move on without her. How much had her martyrdom cost them?

"Do you mean this?" Nathan lifted the slightly crumpled pages of her letter into the air. "Did you mean what you wrote?"

Nathan advanced forward and down the steps, coming to rest on the ground a few feet in front of her.

All Charlotte's carefully planned words fled. So many words to say a simple heartfelt thing: I love you, and I'm sorry. Instead Charlotte simply nodded, "Every word."

"You're staying? You're not leaving Hope Valley?"

"I'm not leaving you," Charlotte answered. "That is… unless you want me to go, because I would completely understand after the way I've treated you."

"Don't go," Nathan breathed. He stepped closer, reaching his left hand towards Charlotte, before pulling it back slightly. Still unsure of her reactions to him.

Charlotte saw the warring emotions play out across Nathan's body. She dropped her gaze, not able to continue looking into his face, suddenly wanting to hide her own with the guilt of knowing what she had most likely put him through not only in the past day, but since she had come into his life. Those doubts of worthiness again started creeping into her mind and her heart raced. Maybe Nathan was better off without her.

Nathan noticed Charlotte precariously teetering on the edge. Weighing what was in her heart against what was in her head. To pull her back to safety he reached forward and tipped Charlotte's chin up. She had no choice but to look into his eyes again. They were wet like hers, but filled with light.

And love.

"Don't go," Nathan repeated more directly. "I know how we left things yesterday, I said I'd support you in your decision, but I didn't mean it. I want you here with us. With me. Don't run from my love. Use it as a lifeline. Reach out, take hold, and don't let go."

Charlotte felt as if her legs would buckle from beneath her. She realized then that she had doubted Nathan would forgive her again, but he already had. Charlotte knew she could live with Nathan forever and not fully understand the depths of his love for her.

"Nathan," Charlotte could feel the tears burning in the corners of her eyes. "I meant what I said. I'm tired of feeling unworthy of your love and finally hope I'm strong enough to give you as much as you have given me."

Nathan's eyes closed slightly, as if savoring a piece of candy. Letting the sweetness of the moment seep into his soul.

"Let me hold you." Charlotte softly requested.

Nathan's eyes bolted open and his jaw became slack.

"I mean," Charlotte smiled at his reaction. "It always makes me feel a little better when you give me a hug. I was hoping I could do the same for you."

"Look at me," Nathan took a step back, creating space between them, holding his hands out to his sides. "I'm so sweaty and dirty from today. You don't want to hold me. I'll get that beautiful dress you're wearing covered in grime!"

Nathan started to turn and head back into his house, "Just… just let me go get cleaned up and change and then…"

But before Nathan could finish his statement, Charlotte had reached for his arm and pulled him back towards her.

"Don't worry about me or my clothes. We wash up just fine with a little soap and water." She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Nathan's torso, spreading her hands on his strong back, pressing herself as close as she could. Nathan was her warmth and light and life. Closing her eyes, Charlotte inhaled the sweet scent of him and felt she was finally home. She had missed this feeling of safety that only came when she was with him. His arms were strong enough to hold every fear, every beautiful broken piece of her. Nathan didn't just make Charlotte feel complete. He completed her.

Charlotte felt the tension in Nathan's body melt underneath her touch. His arms enveloping her in return. His cheek came to rest on top of her head. They stood there, slightly swaying back and forth as if drunk from the feeling of the moment.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you," Charlotte murmured, squeezing Nathan's body tighter.

"Nor I, you." Nathan rubbed a hand gently up and down Charlotte's back in comforting reassurance. He kissed her hair and held her. Breathing in the scent of her until his head swam. It was ironic how close he felt to her now, closer than he ever had before. "This feels good, doesn't it? And right."

A small sigh escaped from Charlotte, the stress of the past day dissolving between them. The tears that had been frozen inside her came and as the last bastion melted away in a flood.

They held each other, letting their tears merge together and fall. The waning light of day casting them in a soft autumn luster. Charlotte felt safer, more whole, than she had since she was a little girl, before her parents had died. She had lost a part of herself when they had passed. Beck had stolen another piece of her. Those parts were still gone, but she no longer felt empty.

"Nate?" Charlotte whispered, burying her face into the curve of his neck.

"Yes?" Nathan choked out a response, trying to calm his pulse as it raced where Charlotte's lips grazed his neck.

"How long do we have?"

"How long do we have for what?"

Nathan wasn't sure why he had answered her in that way. He knew exactly what Charlotte was asking. How long did they have before Beck broke them apart again. He could feel the color draining from his face.

"How long do we have… before you go?"

"I leave in a little less than two weeks for Brookfield. Gabe and I will travel the rest of the way together."

"So soon?" Charlotte took a deep and shuddering breath. "I had hoped we would have longer. There is so much I have to say. So many things to tell you."

"Well I'm here now. The chopping firewood worked on me. I came back here, didn't I?" Nathan joked, drawing attention that he had answered Charlotte's call that they needed to talk. "Unlike someone I know."

A boisterous laugh unexpectedly escaped from deep within Charlotte.

"There it is," Nathan smiled.

"There what is?"

"Your laugh. I was afraid I'd never hear that again." Nathan leaned back slightly to look down at Charlotte's features. "And as for how long we have… Charlie, we have the rest of our lives to be together. There is no end to what I feel for you."

Charlotte felt the heat rise into her cheeks.

Nathan combed his fingers into Charlotte's flowing hair and tilted her head back gently, so he could stare down into her eyes. "Did you mean what you said in the letter? About wanting to wake every morning, being curled into my arms, my fingers threaded through your hair like this. The feel of my breath on your skin."

"Mmmhmmm…" Charlotte's body hummed and she closed her eyes, giving over to the feelings of the moment.

"Good," Nathan smiled, leaning closer. "Because there has been something I've been needing to ask you for a very long time…"

"Dad!" Allie's voice called from behind Nathan. "You're back!"

Charlotte opened her eyes to see Nathan's intense gaze burning through her, but then she saw his features soften as he realized what Allie had called to him.

Dad.

Since Allie had asked Charlotte the day before if she thought Nathan would be okay with her calling him 'dad', Charlotte had prayed she would be able to witness Nathan's reaction. To see his emotions at the realization that Allie finally saw him as the person he had been for her all these years. His eyes sparkled. Charlotte swore she could feel Nathan's heart swelling beneath where her hands rested on his chest. She smiled and Nathan smiled in return before the both turned towards Allie standing in the door frame. Their arms wrapped around each other's back. Charlotte pressed in closely to Nathan's side.

"Oh hi, Ms. Thompson!" Allie beamed from the back step. "We saw that you brought over cookies. Please stay for dinner. Grandma and I picked up food from the cafe."

"I'd love to. If that is alright with your grandma." Charlotte answered, seeing Maise come into the doorway behind her granddaughter.

A smile spread across Maise Grant's lips at the realization her son and the town's teacher had found their way back to one another, "It is more than alright with me. Glad to see you are feeling better, Charlotte."

Charlotte turned into Nathan and looked up at his face beside her. "And only if it is alright with your dad."

Nathan dropped his gaze to Charlotte's and tightened his grip on her waist. "I would like nothing more than a family dinner tonight."

"Allie, why don't you help me get the table set and food served up," Maise's hands on Allie's shoulders gently guided her granddaughter back into the house. The older woman gave a small wink in Nathan and Charlotte's direction before closing the door behind, giving the couple a little privacy.

"Did you do this?" Nathan's voice was low as he looked back towards the house.

"Do what?" Charlotte questioned.

"Convince Allie to call me dad?"

"No," Charlotte shook her head as she reached a hand forward, laying it over Nathan's chest.

"No, you did this, Nathan," Charlotte gently tapped her fingers over Nathan's heart. "Just by being the wonderful, kind, understanding, and loving man you are. Allie has known for a very long time who her dad is. I don't think any child could pick a better one than you, Nathan Grant."

"You believe that?" Nathan questioned, uncertainty painted across his face. "You think I'd make a good dad?"

"I don't just think so. I know so," Charlotte beamed. "Now what do you say we go join our girls and get some dinner."

"Good idea," Nathan agreed, moving Charlotte's hand to loop through his arm. "Before Allie decides to eat all of my snickerdoodles."

They both chuckled as they walked arm and arm back into the Grant family home and into their future.