Chapter 66- … And Hellos

*I know a few people had issue with Charlotte not being able to say ILY to Nathan in the last chapter and while I would have loved to give them that, I somewhat selfishly chose not to for a scene I had wanted to give her in this chapter with Joseph. It is a scene that is close to my heart. I have for a long time called myself a Christian, but it wasn't until I was able to say ILY to the one it was meant most for, that I was able to say it and mean it more fully to those around me. It was a turning point in my faith and one that is very special to me. While I struggled with wanting to write that piece of my personal journey on here in a very public space, I've felt called to share what has been in my heart.

"Everyone let's take the next thirty minutes or so for open reading," Charlotte said as she came back to the classroom after watching Nathan ride out of town. Once she saw that the children had pulled out their books and were beginning to read, Charlotte walked over and knelt beside Allie's desk.

"Can we talk?" She gently asked.

Allie nodded her head in agreement.

"We are just stepping outside for a few minutes. I'll be back shortly. Keep reading until then, please," Charlotte told the class, as her and Allie stood to walk back out of the school room.

They walked in silence, making their way past the hospital which was being decorated with streamers, balloons, and banners for the grand opening party. Past the church, to the dock by the pond.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Allie questioned, leaning against the wood railing to look out at the water.

"I wanted to say that I was sorry for walking away earlier, when your dad came to say goodbye."

"Did you get to tell him goodbye?"

"I did," Charlotte nodded her head. "When I left the church steps I went to the livery and helped him saddle Newton."

"Well, I'm glad you two got to talk, but why couldn't you have just told me that was what you were going to do?"

"I should have," Charlotte answered, guilt seeping into her. "Remember last week when we were picking apples and I told you it's natural for doubts to find a way of creeping into your mind, well into adulthood. I told you that still to this day I sometimes have questions such as, am I worthy of love? Will I be rejected again? Am I different than others? Then I told you that it is okay to not feel okay all the time? That it's okay to hurt and to feel sad or upset?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not okay today, Allie. Far from it actually and it's hard for me to show that in front of you. I feel like I should be so strong and confident. To set a good example, but I couldn't do that today with Nathan leaving to…"

"Leaving to what?"

Charlotte swallowed and grappled with her next few words. "You know about my past Allie. How my ex-fiancé… How he... hurt me."

Allie reached over and placed a hand on Charlotte's squeezing it in support, which caused Charlotte's tears to flow down her cheeks.

"I didn't know until the other day that your dad, Bill, and Constable Kinslow had been investigating my ex with plans to arrest him next week, but Gabe sent a telegram to Nathan today saying they needed to meet earlier. That's where Nathan is going. To arrest Beck."

"Isn't that a good thing though? If dad arrests him, there is no way he can come back and hurt you."

Charlotte turned to face Allie. "Yes. Beck deserves to be in jail for not only what he did to me, but so many others. I'm afraid, though. I'm afraid if things go wrong..."

Charlotte leaned down to pick up a small stone. "Sometimes, I feel like I'm this rock. Before I arrived in Hope Valley, my past and my pain, they were just mine. My own sufferings."

"But now," Charlotte tossed the stone into the water. "Now it's a ripple effect. I opened and shared my past with people here. With you and Nathan. And I can't help but fear that if something goes wrong with Beck's arrest, that my past life will disrupt the peacefulness around here. My pain will find a way to spread to everyone else I care about. And that's not what I want."

"I think you are looking at it wrong," Allie said in her matter-of-fact way. "When the rock is first dropped into the water, there is a big splash right? But as the ripples come out farther and farther, the impact of the rock being dropped is less and less. That's the same with you. When you first told people about what happened. I'm sure it felt like the whole world was unstable, but as the truth became more known. When you shared what was on your heart, the ripples became less significant."

"After a while," Allie looked back down to where Charlotte had dropped the stone. "The ripples all go away, and you would never have known that you had dropped a rock into the pond. That's healing, Ms. Thompson. Your ripples. The feelings that make you uncertain. Those fears that take you back to your past. They are so much less than they were before. I think dad arresting Beck is just what we need. There won't be any more ripples to be seen. We can be free to be a family. Nothing would be holding you two back anymore. It's like what you said last week. Sometimes when we have a deep, deep wound, it can only be bandaged with love, acceptance, affirmation, and healing. It can take a lifetime of restoration that will come in stages. It's like the changing seasons. Some days are a bright summer day at our meadow. Blue skies, birds singing, fish biting. Other days it is the dead of winter. Grey, cold, and silent. Those days make you appreciate the bright moments even more. Remember there is beauty in the change."

Charlotte looked at Allie with complete wonderment. "How did I get so lucky?"

"Lucky?" Allie questioned.

"Lucky to have you in my life. You and your family. I don't know where I would be if you all hadn't come into my life with the most steadfast love and understanding I've ever experienced. You are the most precious gift God has ever given me and I never want to take that for granted."

The two women hugged for a long moment before Allie stepped out of Charlotte's hold. "Also, there is nothing to be afraid of. Dad is an impeccable Mountie. He's going to be just fine. You'll see."

"Wow! This really is something, isn't it?" Rosemary cheerfully exclaimed as she and Charlotte walked arm and arm through the hospital. "Carson and Faith have out done themselves on bringing this all together."

Lee cleared his throat beside them.

"Oh and you too dear," Rosemary reached out and touched her husband's cheek. "None of this would have been possible without your lumber."

"Rosemary is right, Lee. None of this would have been able to come together without the mill and your support for the project as town mayor," Carson agreed, walking over to join the group.

Bill coughed loudly.

"Of course, thanks to you too, Bill," added Carson. "As part of the town council and then also your help to get all the legal papers worked out."

"You're welcome," Bill answered, before scanning the room around them. "I haven't been in many hospitals or doctor clinics in my life, but I can't imagine many being better than what you have created right here, Carson."

"I was able to take a lot of inspiration from my surgical fellowship with John Hopkins University in Baltimore," Carson stated. "Would you all like a tour?"

"Yes!" The group exclaimed in unison.

"Follow me then," Carson directed as he led the group through the hospital and clinic. Just to the right of the front entrance hall was the large waiting room. A wood burning stove sat in the corner giving heat to the space. A desk was right inside the doorway where patients could check in before taking a seat in one of the many chairs and benches scattered throughout the room. Along the far wall were all the pictures and paintings Charlotte's students had created to help decorate the space beside some toys and puzzles that had been donated. A large bookshelf, one of Nathan's creations, lined another wall and held some old magazines and novels. Carson led them through a second door that entered another hallway. In one corner of the building was a surgical prep room that, of course, attached to the well laid out operating theater. Next to the surgery sat a smaller room that would allow Carson and Faith to run tests and analyses. Further down the hall was a large supply and linen storage room that sat next to the only patient room on the first floor. Across the hallway and back towards the front of the hospital was a dressing room situated between two clinic spaces, where both Carson and Faith could work at the same time examining patients. The upstairs was for the remaining overnight patient rooms as well as a nurse and doctor's quarters, where Faith had recently moved into (Carson, for propriety, had stayed in his residence at the original infirmary).

"Do you like it, Charlotte?" Carson whispered to her at the end of the tour. "You've been rather quiet."

"I'm sorry I'm such a terrible guest tonight, Carson," Charlotte responded. "The hospital is beautiful and such a blessing to this community. My mind is somewhere else."

"With someone else you mean?" Carson squeezed Charlotte's hand in reassurance.

Charlotte nodded.

"Chocolate cake to make it better?" Carson asked, tilting his head in the direction of the refreshment table set up in the entry.

Tears welled in Charlotte's eyes. "No. I'm sorry, Carson. I don't think even chocolate cake can help tonight.

After the hospital tour, Charlotte found herself in need of a quiet space. She seemed pulled to the overnight patient room that was on the first floor in the back corner of the building. The room was the farthest from the rest of the party and a place she could stop and think.

Charlotte sat on the edge of the bed and replayed the conversation with Allie this afternoon. The girl was wise beyond her years and such a credit to Nathan and his upbringing of her. While Charlotte had taken Allie to the dock to apologize and explain, it was Allie who ended up bringing so much understanding to Charlotte.

"Oh, hello Charlotte," Joseph stood at the door. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Charlotte smiled gently, "Joseph you could never be an interruption."

"Nice view you got there," Joseph nodded out the window of the room towards the church that sat just across the field. "Mind if I take a seat?"

Charlotte scooted a little further down the bed, giving Joseph an invitation to sit beside her on the quilt. They sat in peaceful silence for a long while. Each lost in their own thoughts and prayers.

"I heard Nathan left today," Joseph's voice broke through the silence. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm not. Is that an acceptable answer?"

"Acceptable," Joseph gave Charlotte a sad smile. "And truthful."

"I couldn't say it, Joseph."

"Say what?"

"I love you. To Nathan. I've said it to others. My family. My friends. Allie. I even said it to Beck," Charlotte looked down at where her hands wrung together in her lap.

"Ah…" Joseph nodded his head in understanding.

"Ah… what? Because if you have something insightful to tell me, I will take any advice you got, Joseph."

"I'll tell you the same thing I told Nathan last week. That you clearly love him, but that is why you are so afraid to say it. Your past. It's a heavy burden, Charlotte, and you still think, even after all this time and healing that you've done, that sharing that last piece, fully letting yourself love Nathan, saying it directly, it has the possibility of taking the last piece of burden from you and giving it to him."

"Isn't that what I've already done? He's going after Beck. That's why he isn't here. If something should happen to him..."

"Protecting you. Seeing that justice is served for you. That's how Nathan feels he can show you, his love. Charlotte, I think you still have this feeling of being unworthy of what Nathan so freely wants to give you."

"How can I get over that feeling of unworthiness when all I seem to do is bring so much darkness and pain into his life. Look at how many times I've tried to run away. Tried to push him away. And now he feels the need to sacrifice himself to protect my honor."

"Nathan chose you. With all your past, with all your frailties, with everything. He may not have known all the details in the beginning, but it didn't make any difference to him. He still chose you, even knowing that your journey together wouldn't be perfect. There would be a lot of ups and a lot of downs. Nathan was never afraid to share in the burden of your past, Charlotte. To fight for your love. He knew how much you needed him. He took one look at you, and he knew. Right from the beginning. You. No one else."

"Joseph, why can't I say I love you to the person who it is meant the most for?"

"Maybe because you haven't said it to the one who it is meant the most for?"

Charlotte eyebrows furrowed. "I don't understand…"

"Have you ever told God you love him, Charlotte?"

Charlotte's eyes grew wide as she was taken aback. She went to church on Sunday. She prayed. She believed. But for all her memories she could never remember a time she simply said. I love you.

"God chose you too. Even with all your past, your frailties, with everything. It makes no difference to him. He still chose you, even knowing that your journey together wouldn't be perfect. That there would be a lot of ups and a lot of downs. Questions of faith. God is there to share in the burdens of your past, Charlotte. Just like Nathan has been. They both want to absorb that hurt and pain to make you free. Not to darken their hearts, but to heal yours. To make you feel worthy of both of their unconditional, redemptive, and all-consuming loves."

Charlotte worked to swallow the lump in her throat.

"John 4:12- No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us," Joseph recited, gently patting Charlotte's hand before standing and leaving the room.

Charlotte's body trembled. She rose and walked to the window. Leaning against the wall, Charlotte pushed the lace curtain back to stare out at the church. Her hand clenched in the fabric until her knuckles were white. Charlotte shook with overwhelming emotions. With the overwhelming truth of what Joseph just said.

"God is there to share in the burdens of your past, Charlotte. Just like Nathan has been. They both want to absorb that hurt and pain to make you free. Not to darken their hearts, but to heal your own. To make you feel worthy of both of their unconditional, redemptive, and all-consuming loves."

Charlotte closed her eyes, the action causing a single tear to trail down her cheek.

"I love you," she prayed, deeply and with conviction. No other words were necessary at that moment.

I love you. An affectionate voice around her responded.

Instantly Charlotte's heart and soul lifted. She was reminded of so many stories and teachings from the Bible. At the base of her faith was to love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as he loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love.

That is the way back to life. To living fully and completely. She understood now.

"Aunt Charlotte. Mom told me to come get you," Fred stated as he came up beside Charlotte. "We have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Charlotte asked, as Fred began pulling her down the hallway.

Her godson did not answer. Instead, he guided her to a chair in the large waiting room. The space had been rearranged, with all the seats facing one direction, towards what looked like a small stage. Others began filtering into the room and taking their seats. Maise came and sat beside Charlotte on one side. Rosemary on the other.

Charlotte leaned towards Rosemary and whispered. "What is this all about? Fred said it was a surprise?"

Rosemary patted Charlotte's hand, "Just wait and see my dear."

As soon as all the seats in the waiting room had been claimed and the remaining space was filled with people lined against the walls, Rosemary stood and walked to the back door of the room, opening it slightly, she said a few words, and then closed it again.

Coming to the middle of the stage, Rosemary cleared her throat to draw attention to the front.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Hope Valley," she began. "I have had the privilege of assisting Ms. Thompson this school year with a few different projects. Occasionally when she would need some extra time grading or preparing for classes, I would come and help with the students. During those times, the students and I decided to start putting together a surprise play for the Founder's Day celebration that is only a few short weeks away. While it isn't quite Founder's Day, we thought tonight would be the perfect opportunity for a sneak peek to celebrate the people of this wonderful community. Without further ado, Allie…"

Allie appeared from behind the back door and came to the middle of the stage as Rosemary took her seat again beside Charlotte. Allie beamed a smile at Charlotte and then opened the book she had carried to the stage with her. While Allie began her narration, the rest of Charlotte's students would filter on and off the stage in different costumes, playing their roles of various members of the Hope Valley community since its founding many years ago. One of the last scenes of the play was of the inaugural Nathan Grant- Hope Valley Baseball Tournament that had been held this past spring. When Paul, who was in charge of portraying Bill, threw a small "fit" when Opal, playing her role of Charlotte, won the game with the home run hit, everyone in the audience erupted in laughter. Bill, himself, couldn't help but give a small chuckle at the scene.

Charlotte became choked up when after 'winning' the game, Opal handed Fred, who was playing Nathan, the tournament trophy. Fred said a quiet 'thank you' and then leaned in to give Opal a hug.

How Charlotte wished Nathan was here with her.

At the end of the scene, Rosemary stood and strode back to center stage.

"Thank you everyone for being such a wonderful audience. The children and I have one more surprise we wanted to share with you all tonight. Since the town of Hope Valley was founded by a large group of Irish immigrants, to end our performance, we would like to sing an old Gaelic favorite."

Rosemary winked at Charlotte and then turned to the children who had formed into three rows. Rosemary raised her hands, counted off, and then led the students in song.

There's a tear in your eye,

And I'm wondering why,

For it never should be there at all.

Tears did fill Charlotte's eyes. Her wish came true. Rosemary had brought a piece of Nathan here tonight. He was no longer alone on the trail on this cold night, but rather sitting across the warm campfire from her on a summer cattle drive.

And your eyes twinkle bright as can be;

You should laugh all the while

And all other times smile,

And now smile a smile for me.

Memories of Nathan's smile filled Charlotte's vision. Him in their backyard the night of her birthday. Her father's guitar over his shoulder as he carefully strummed the chords to the song.

When Irish hearts are happy,

All the world seems bright and gay.

And when Irish eyes are smiling,

Sure, they steal your heart away.

As the children finished their song, Charlotte led the crowd in giving them a standing ovation. Tears freely flowing down her cheeks, she walked to the front of the room to the children.

"Thank you all," Charlotte said gratefully. "That was a beautiful performance. So well done. I can't believe I had no idea you were planning this. What a wonderful surprise!"

"Did you like my performance as Uncle Nathan?" Fred asked in his sweet voice.

"Yes," Charlotte smiled. "You looked quite handsome in the red serge and campaign hat. So much like Uncle Nathan. I'm sorry he couldn't be here himself to see how perfectly he was represented."

"Don't worry," Fred hugged Charlotte's side. "He'll be back to see us perform it at the Founder's Day celebration.

"I suppose you are right," Charlotte agreed. "I know he will love hearing your song as well."

"Mrs. Coulter told us that it was special for you two and that's why she chose it," Emily commented.

"Oh, she did, did she?" Charlotte turned to Rosemary beside her.

Rosemary gave a sheepish grin before turning back to the students, "You were wonderful tonight children. Let's all swing by the refreshment table and see if there are any more treats available."

"Thank you," Charlotte reached forward and grabbed Rosemary's arm as she walked by, ushering the children to the hallway. "For everything."

"We are family, Charlotte. This whole town is here for you. Even with Nathan gone, you are never alone."

After the children's performance and her talk with Joseph and God, Charlotte's spirits were lifted. The Coulter's had supplied their gramophone and soon the waiting room had turned into a dance floor of cheerful townspeople.

Following a lively quickstep lesson with Allie and some of her other students, Charlotte needed a break and excused herself. She grabbed a cup of punch and settled into a chair beside Rosemary in a quieter corner of the hospital.

"Looked like you were having fun out there," Rosemary noted.

"I was," Charlotte answered. "I'm tired though. It's been an emotional and exhausting week."

Rosemary nodded in agreement and rubbed her every growing belly gently. Charlotte smiled at the nurturing gesture and remembered the few times she had been able to do the same thing for her baby.

"I know I'm ready for bed. Not sure though if I can convince Lee and Fred to leave anytime soon though," Rosemary tilted her head down the hallway where Lee, Fred, Joseph, and Cooper were again involved in a very competitive game of marbles.

"No, I don't suppose so," Charlotte chuckled. "If you want, I can walk you home. I think both of us could use a little extra rest after this past week."

"I think I'll take you up on your offer," Rosemary agreed, pushing herself upright in the chair. "I just need to let Fred and Lee know about our plans."

"I'll meet you at the front door. I need to tell Maise and Allie that I'm leaving."

Rosemary nodded and the two ladies went in opposite directions.

"Maise. Allie." Charlotte had found the two Grant women beside the refreshment table. "I'm walking Rosemary home. She and I are both tired after such a busy week. Even though I hate leaving the party early, I really could use some extra rest. If either of you need anything through the night, you know where to find me."

"Of course, dear," Maise responded. "We will be fine. Get some sleep. We will see you in the morning."

Charlotte squeezed Maise's hand before turning to grab her coat and meet Rosemary at the door for their walk back to the row houses.

After saying goodnight to Rosemary at the Coulter house, Charlotte slowly made her way back down the road to her own place. The air was cold, and Charlotte could already see a thick fog settling into the valley. By the time she awoke in the morning, the forest around them would be coated in a heavy frost.

Charlotte shivered, not only to ward off the chill of the evening, but also of the thought of Nathan out in this weather. Alone, without any sort of shelter for the night. Saying a silent prayer for his safety, Charlotte looked up, taking in the beauty of the moon in front of her. For some reason, it made her feel closer to Nathan. Wherever he was, she knew that the same moon was shining on him. Charlotte remembered the first night of the cattle drive in Brookfield when after cleaning and putting away the dinner supplies, Nathan had turned to Charlotte and held out his hand.

"What's this?" Charlotte had questioned.

"What do you say to a bit of an evening stroll?"

"I would love to," Charlotte answered, taking Nathan's outstretched hand as they started their journey meandering across the meadow in the moonlight.

Charlotte could almost imagine Nathan's hand in her own right now. The feel of his quiet strength. She always relished in how naturally their hands seemed to fit together. As if every joint and fine muscle and soft ligament had been designed for perfect alignment with one another.

"You know," Nathan had leaned over to whisper in Charlotte's ear. "We could close our eyes and pretend to be anywhere right now. Wherever your heart desires. Just two people, walking, hand in hand, through the streets of New York City or Paris, France, or on some far-off beach in the middle of the ocean."

"Is that what you think I want?" Charlotte had gently questioned. "What I need in this relationship? As lovely as that sounds. That is not the woman I am. I am perfectly happy right here, right now, with you."

"I only asked because I think you deserve the world and I want to be the one who gives it to you."

"Nathan, I don't need fancy dresses or romantic candlelit dinners in some far-off place. That is nice and all, but this is what I want. A simple life full of love, is grander than any romance novelist, or a certain Hope Valley teacher, could write about."

Charlotte could almost hear Nathan's chuckle at her comment. As if it floated in the breeze all around her and not some distant memory.

"Look around us," Charlotte had continued, releasing Nathan's hand as she lifted her arms up to the star filled sky and twirled around in the tall grass. "We could never have this in New York, Paris, or even Bora Bora. Wide open spaces and fresh mountain air. Just you and me; not a care in the world. With dusty clothes, a romantic meal of campfire beans, and these fireflies as our candlelight. That is all I need to be happy Nathan. I hope you know that. I hope that you know we don't need to be anyone other than ourselves. Because that is home to me. Wherever you and Allie are is where I want to be too. You are my world."

Charlotte blinked back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks from the beautiful memory. She made her way up the front steps of her house but paused before opening the door. Instead, she turned back towards the moon.

"Nathan, wherever you are tonight. I hope you are warm and safe. I hope you know how much you are missed. Hurry home to me. I love you."

Charlotte listened intently to the night. Hoping with some small miracle, Nathan had heard her plea and was able to send a reply to her. Letting Charlotte know that he was safe. That he had found shelter from the elements and a warm meal. That he missed her too and would be home soon.

But the hoot of a distant owl and the soft melody from the party in town were the only sounds in the still night. Charlotte took one more glance up at the moon, before using her key to the front lock. She twisted the knob and stepped through the threshold, shutting the door behind her, she let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. The first floor of her house felt stifling compared to the crispness of the outdoors. Charlotte turned and locked the door, before a sound came from behind her.

"Hello, Charlotte."