Chapter 73- Hope in Hope Valley

Charlotte couldn't bring herself to look at her reflection in the mirror of the hospital. Her fingers clutched into the sink to steady her swaying body. Everything seemed to be spinning.

She willed her eyes to focus and when they did all she could see was the blood on her hands.

Both literally and figuratively.

The guilt hit her, and it hit her hard. Charlotte doubled over the sink. Her cries coming in between gasping breaths, each little sob interrupted by hiccups. Her grip on the sink's edge tightened. Her knuckles turned white. Charlotte's eyes stung with the burn of tears. Her whole body felt on fire, as if it were being scalded from the inside out.

Charlotte's back found the bathroom wall and she leaned into it for support as she started to dry heave. Her throat closed around nothing. She shook with each ragged breath as she sank to the floor. The guilt filled her mind and seized her heart, where it squeezed so hard, she actually believed it may kill her.

She kept seeing his eyes and the way they had looked at her with such love, even in the final moments.

Charlotte held herself and rocked back and forth. It was her fault. All the ifs flooded her: If she would have never met Beck… if she had never come to Hope Valley… if she never would have let Nathan Grant fall in love with her or let herself love him in return… if she had only confirmed Beck was dead.

If, if, if… the endless, twisting, downward spiral.

But I did all of it. And now it's too late. Charlotte thought to herself.

She stared down at her hands again and the dried stains of his blood.

Charlotte stood and turned on the faucet to the sink. Needing to scrub the reminder of her failings from her soul. She needed to cleanse herself.

The first icy hit of the water bit her flesh, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to be clean, to wash it all away.

Nathan had still been alive as Henry and Joseph helped Lee and Carson carry him into the hospital. Faith had taken over her task of providing pressure to the wound, but Charlotte refused to let go of Nathan's hand.

As long as she could hold onto him. She knew he would hold on for her.

When the men lay Nathan's unconscious body on the operating table, Faith reached over and touched her shoulder.

"Charlotte! You're hurt," the woman exclaimed, as she for the first time, took in Charlotte's appearance.

"I'm fine," Charlotte answered, brushing off any concerns for herself. She wasn't the one who was shot.

"You're not fine. Look at your swollen cheek. Do you have blurry vision? A headache? Any feelings of tingling or numbness?"

Numbness. Yes. Complete, numbness.

"No," Charlotte answered.

"And your leg! That cut; it needs stitches. Let me go…"

"No!" Charlotte barked. "Nathan's the one that needs you. Don't worry about me."

"Oh," Faith retracted from Charlotte's sharp tone.

Charlotte was ashamed and instantly regretted her harshness. "I'm sorry Faith. I just…"

"I understand," Faith squeezed her arm in a reassuring manner. "We will do everything we can. Nathan is in the best hands possible with Carson here."

"And you," Charlotte added. "You both are what Nathan needs. Thank you, Faith."

Dr. Carter nodded in understanding before turning back to Nathan and beginning to prepare him for surgery.

"Charlotte," Carson was standing beside her. "I know you don't want to leave him, but you are going to have to. Faith and I need this area to be as sterile as possible. If I can get everything repaired and cleaned up in there, one of the next biggest threats would be infection."

Charlotte's eyes searched Carson's, hoping to find a way to convince him to change his mind.

"It's for the best, Charlotte," Carson pleaded. "Faith's room upstairs is the last one on the left. You two are about the same size. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you wanted to take something of hers to change into. There is also some soap and other things in the bathroom, you are more than welcome to use."

Charlotte looked down at where her hand still held Nathan's.

"Please, trust me. You got him this far. He knows you are here. Nathan would want to know that you're taken care of too."

Charlotte nodded in agreement, but before she left, she ran her fingers along Nathan's temple, brushing back a piece of his hair, she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"I love you," she whispered into his ear.

Yet again, it was met with no reply.

"Charlotte, sweetheart," Minnie's voice came from behind the bathroom door.

Charlotte didn't reply, she just kept scrubbing at her hands and fingernails. Trying to rid it of the dirt, blood, and grime she felt was buried deep inside her.

It wasn't until Minnie's hands reached out and wrapped around hers, did Charlotte even notice that the other woman had entered the room. Minnie didn't say a word, she simply took over the task of washing Charlotte's hands. Gently, she cleansed one hand, then the other.

Turning off the faucet, Minnie tenderly helped Charlotte remove her remaining soiled clothes and then set about washing the rest of her body clean.

"You're going to need stitches for that cut in your leg," Minnie stated as she cleaned the wound. "It's been a long time since I've put some in, but it's not all that different from any other sewing. I can do it for you if you want me to?"

"I wanted to be a nurse growing up," Minnie answered the question Charlotte had asked with her surprised eyes. "I did some medical training, but… it didn't work out."

"Is there anything you can't do, Minnie? Pastor's wife, restaurateur, loving mother and friend. Now a nurse, too?"

"We all have our own talents."

Charlotte reached out and touched Minnie's caring hand, pausing the woman's actions, causing her to look into Charlotte's gaze. "I would appreciate the help, Minnie. Faith had offered to do it earlier, but I just couldn't take her attention away from…"

Minnie nodded her head in understanding. "I'll go downstairs and gather some supplies."

"Thank you, Minnie."

While Minnie was away, Charlotte leaned over the sink and washed her hair. Working the tangled strands loose with her fingers. When Minnie returned, she finished doctoring Charlotte's body with expert care and then clothed her with a few items she had picked up from Faith's room.

"Where is Allie?" Charlotte asked as Minnie worked at braiding her damp hair together. "Does she know?"

"Yes," Minnie placed a steady hand on Charlotte's shoulder. "Joseph is with her and Maise."

Minnie glanced up at the clock on the wall. "Most likely they are on their way to the church right now."

"The church?" Charlotte questioned.

"The town was going to assemble at the church for a prayer vigil while Nathan is in surgery," Minnie answered.

"Do you think I should go? What about this bruise on my face? Or if something happens while Nathan is in surgery."

"If you are feeling up to it, I believe the church would be the best place for you right now. I'm not going to force you but being here by yourself is only going to eat you up from the inside out, thinking about things you can't control. It's all in God's hands, Charlotte. Being with him and this community, I think would not only be healing for you, but Nathan as well. Carson will know where to find us and as for that bruise. It is just visible evidence that you are a survivor, Charlotte. Not every woman who has been in your position can say the same thing."

A lonely tear fell down Charlotte's cheek as she nodded her head in agreement and let Minnie lead them out of the room.

Minnie held an umbrella over herself and Charlotte on the walk across the field to the church. The light from the inside showed that the building was completely full. Every pew. Every available floor space was lined with community members there for Nathan.

As the pair arrived through the door, the sea of people parted, allowing the two women to walk towards the front where Maise and Allie were sitting with Rosemary and Lee.

"Ms. Thompson!" Allie jumped up and wrapped her arms tightly around Charlotte's waist. "I was so worried! How is dad? Is he going to be okay?"

Charlotte brushed her hands along either side of Allie's face, tipping it back slightly so she could look into her eyes. "I'm sorry, Allie. All I know is he is getting the best care possible with Dr. Shepard and Dr. Carter."

"And all this," Charlotte glanced back over her shoulder at the congregation. "All these prayers. I don't believe they can go unheard."

A small tear escaped down Allie's cheek and Charlotte quickly brushed it away. It was time for her to be the strong one for them both.

Taking hold of Allie's hand, Charlotte turned towards Joseph. "Can I say a few words before you begin?"

"Of course," Joseph nodded in agreement.

Charlotte turned towards the pews, internally reciting her father's, and Nathan's, wise advice.

Walk tall, look 'em straight in the eye, and shake hands.

"I can't even begin to express how much it means to me that you are all here tonight. When I first came to Hope Valley, I had little in terms of expectations. As most of you know, I needed a fresh start. A place to heal my broken soul. What I didn't realize though, is that place... wasn't just a place… it was a community. A living and breathing being. People full of warmth, kindness, and love. Each and every one of you had a hand in healing my weary heart. I don't believe I will ever be able to thank you enough for the support you have shown me over the past year."

Charlotte took a long and steadying breath before she continued, "Nathan Grant is a man of few words. He isn't one to seek praise for his actions. He isn't one who does his job for the glorious deeds or pomp and circumstance. Everything he does is solely for the people and community he loves. Even if he didn't wear the red serge, I know he would selflessly continue to give of himself to serve others, because the man beneath the uniform... is so much more. One day, this past week, while Nathan and I were having our morning coffee I asked him the question, 'What do you want to be known for?'. His answer wasn't anything to do with his career in the Mounties. He paused only a moment before saying he 'wanted to be known as a Godly man, a caring friend, and a loving son and father'."

A few tears sprang from Charlotte's eyes. Many others in the room had the same reaction. What Charlotte had left out of Nathan's reply for the crowd gathered were his final words. Nathan's full statement had been that he wanted to be known as a Godly man, a caring friend, and a loving son, father, and… hopefully one day, a loving husband. Charlotte worked to swallow the lump that had grown larger in her throat.

"Being with Nathan has made me understand that it is common, everyday blessings of our common, everyday lives for which we should be most grateful for. He taught me to take joy in the little things that fill our lives with such happiness and love. Nathan isn't one for fanfare. He doesn't like to be the center of anyone's attention or praise, but I still want to thank you all, on his behalf, for being here. For praying for him. You all are the reason there will always be hope, in Hope Valley."