Chapter 75- The Words
"How long has it been since you slept?" Maise's question pulled Charlotte's concentration from where Allie was still curled into her arms.
Charlotte shrugged. "A couple days?"
"That's what I thought. You need sleep, sweetheart. I'll stay with Nathan if you want to go back to the house and go to bed."
"I can't leave him, Maise. I need to be here when he wakes up. There are things… I need to tell him."
Maise nodded her head in understanding. "Okay, Allie and I will leave you two then, so hopefully you can get some rest."
Maise held out her hand for Allie to take and the two walked towards the door. "We will be back in the morning. If anything changes, please send someone to Nathan's house to get us."
"Of course," Charlotte answered.
Maise was right, Charlotte was tired and in desperate need of sleep. But every time she was about to drift off, Charlotte would imagine hearing Nathan gasping for air or that he stopped breathing all together and she would dart awake. Hours of frustration ticked by slowly as she would shift positions in the chair and the cycle of worry would continue.
Charlotte constantly found herself staring at Nathan's chest, watching him breath, confirming to herself he was still alive. Still fighting to get back to them.
But she felt the need to be nearer, to feel it for herself, that he was in fact breathing through the night. So, Charlotte lay down on the bed beside Nathan and gently placed her arm across him, giving extra care to avoid the area of his wound. Resting her head softly on his chest, letting her body absorb the gentle rise and fall of it. She could feel the faintness of his breath in her hair. Charlotte closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of him, still the same warm masculine smell of leather, fresh cedar wood, and cool mountain air she had so intimately come to know.
She tried not to think of anything at all. She just tried to be. Tried to absorb the man she loved through osmosis. Tried to imprint what she had left of him on herself. Charlotte's gaze fell upon the rain at the window. She watched the large drops on the glass touch and grow and finally slide down into a river on the frame.
She longed to hear his voice. The way only he could say her name. She wanted to crack a joke or make a silly comment, in order to hear him laugh and see the lines crinkle around his eyes. She needed to hear his voice as he read aloud from one of their favorite novels, like this summer when Nathan's face had flushed, while reading to her, when he had come to a particular passage in Charlotte's copy of 'Jane Eyre'.
"I have for the first time found what I can truly love- I have found you. You are my sympathy- my better self- my good angel- I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wrap my existence about you- and kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one."
While 'Jane Eyre' had always been Charlotte's favorite novel, she had a new favorite story. Their story. Their life together. So, to drown out the sound of rain against the windowpane, Charlotte retold their story into the low light of the room, hoping Nathan could hear her and find comfort in the love they had grown together.
She told him the story of two people. Two people who shouldn't have met but had been drawn together by forces outside their own control. She told him of the adventures they had, the places they had gone, and all the small, special moments in between. She shared memories of their morning coffees or their evenings around the dinner table as a family, full of laughter and silly jokes. She conjured for him the moonlit nights and the way the grass would dance in the summer breeze like a verdant ocean on the prairie. She drew the world for him, a world far from a patient room in the Hope Valley Hospital, a world in which he was still here with her. One full of wonder and possibility. She let him know a hurt had been mended in a way that he couldn't have known, and for that alone there would always be a piece of her indebted to him. As she spoke, Charlotte knew these would be some of the most important words she would ever say and that it was important they were the right words.
Time slowed and stilled. It was just the two of them, Charlotte murmuring in the empty room. He cheek pressed to Nathan's chest. Her ear trained to listen to the gentle thump of his rhythmic heartbeat as she finally gave herself over to sleep.
His muscles and body ached. The unfamiliar warmth at his side, drew him to pull it closer. The feel of a steady breath soft against his neck.
His mind was a fog. Unrelenting as he tried to push through it. Tried to find anything that looked or felt familiar. The world was dark, with just a hint of dawn peeking over the horizon, casting soft grey light into the room through the wet windowpane.
Where was he?
He willed his mind to clear so he could remember something. Anything.
He shifted slightly and a pain instantly shot to his shoulder as well as the memory of the events that caused it. Beck. Charlotte. The mountain. The gunshot.
Charlotte.
He saw her then. The dark, slender, graceful outline of her form, resting along his side. He smiled. She was here and safe.
She looked so peaceful, curled up against him. Just like she had that night of the cattle drive. Part of him wanted to stay like this forever. The other part wanted to see the grey of her eyes and hear the soft sound of her voice.
"Charlie."
Her body stirred next to him.
"Charlotte, sweetheart."
"Mmmm…" she hummed in response before finally her eyes fluttered open.
It took her a moment to shake the haze that always waited between dreams and reality, but when she did, she quickly pushed herself off Nathan's chest, twisting and propping herself up as she looked over at him, complete and utter surprise painted across her features. Words failed Charlotte. Her mouth opened and closed slightly, but no words came forth.
"Morning…" Nathan smiled. His good hand found Charlotte's forearm and began to gently glide along its length.
"I… ah…" She stumbled. Searching recklessly for all the words she wanted to tell him but couldn't as they all became one jumbled mess in her throat. "I thought I lost you."
"You're never going to lose me."
"I've never been so scared in my entire life, Nathan. When I thought you were…"
"But I'm not. I'm here. We're together," Nathan comforted, reaching his hand forward to cup the side of Charlotte's cheek.
Charlotte tilted her head slightly, embracing the warm and familiar feeling of Nathan's touch.
"Nathan, there is something I've… something you need to know."
A lone tear escaped down Charlotte's cheek, to which Nathan quickly swept away. She reached up and took hold of his hand, bringing it to her lips she brushed a kiss across the back of his knuckles, before holding it tightly in her grasp.
Nathan saw her struggling. He noted the way the muscles in her neck tensed and felt the way her hands squeezed his.
"I know…" He gently coaxed. "You don't have to say anything."
"No, Nathan," Charlotte's grey eyes pierced his. "This is something I have to say because this is something you deserve to hear. I'm so sorry I haven't been brave enough to say what has been in my heart for so long. So, so very long."
She again worked to swallow the lump in her throat, tears threatened to spill from the corners of her eyes. "Nathan, when I met you, I didn't know. I didn't know how I would fall for your laugh and your sense of humor. I didn't know how you would become what filled my every thought during the day and my every dream at night. I didn't know I would eventually start skipping sleep, just so I could see you earlier and fill even more of my day with your light. I didn't know how we'd get to know one another so well; it would take just a shared look to read each other's minds. I didn't know how your hugs and your touch would be the best remedy to my sadness. I didn't know how seeing you spend time with Allie, Little Jack, Fred, and my students would make me pray that someday I could look into your eyes, place your hand on my stomach and tell you that you're going to be a father. I didn't know how your quiet strength and steadfast, unwavering love would not only heal me, but help me find a family. A family in you and Allie."
"Charlie…"
"Please let me finish. We've had too many interruptions, and this is something I have held onto for so long, which hasn't been fair to you," Charlotte tightened her grip on his hand. "Nate, in you I have finally found, all I never dared dream I could deserve or have- the kind of love that is rare. Being known in a way that touches the deepest parts of my soul. Accepted for exactly who I am. In you, the love I have always desired to give, now has a place to call home."
"Nathan Grant," Charlotte leaned forward, her hand curving along Nathan's jaw as she gazed longingly into his crystal blue eyes. "I love you… I've been in love with you… Even before I knew you. It was you. My heart has been, and will be, forever more yours."
Nathan's eyes gently closed, and he took a deep breath, savoring the words he didn't know if he would ever hear uttered to him by any woman, let alone the woman.
Love: it was something he had known she felt, because it was a part of everything they shared. Nathan had meant what he said the other day before riding out of town, their love was so much more than words, but that didn't stop the heart pounding feeling he had when she not only told him she loved him, but also that she was in love with him.
Nathan felt a smile beam across his face, and he opened his eyes again to reveal Charlotte studying him, leaning so close he could feel her warm breath across his lips. He slid his hand along the nape of her elegant neck.
"I love you," his voice low, but unwavering.
"Hmmm," Charlotte hummed as if for the first time, letting herself feel the weight of those words find her soul and sink in permanently.
Charlotte's eyes followed her fingers as they ran along the length of Nathan's stubbled jaw line, before her gaze landed on his lips. The small smile she gave drew Nathan's attention to the dimple in her right cheek and his breath caught.
She glanced up at him through her thick eyelashes, their eyes locking, an electric current passing between them, before Charlotte returned her gaze to his mouth. She took the lead, guiding her body closer to his, as Nathan's fingers threaded into her loose, wavy hair.
Charlotte paused a moment, their lips barely grazing against one another.
"I love you, Nathan Grant," she breathed into him before finally sinking forward and bringing her mouth to his.
The world seemed to fade from around Nathan. He barely had enough time to take a breath, to blink, to part his lips before she took them with her own. Time froze.
Charlotte's lips softened. Nathan could feel the rapid beat of her heart, taste the sweetness of her mouth. He wound his hand deeper into her hair and enjoyed the feeling as it curled around his fingers, silky and fine. His heart was hammering, and there was a rushing sound in his ears, like beating wings.
The kiss was urgent, but gentle. So slow. Sweet, soft demolition. It felt right and natural.
Charlotte's breath was unsteady and heavy as she slowly pulled away. Nathan's lips like a magnet to hers followed slightly forward, chasing the feeling he had just felt so thoroughly. He was equally breathless.
"Was that…" Nathan's eyes were still closed. Still hanging onto the moment they just shared. "Was that, okay?"
"Okay?" Charlotte tilted her head slightly to the side.
Nathan felt a rush of heat to his cheeks. "That was…" He was stumbling. Unable to form any coherent words let alone sentences. "That was the first time… I've kissed anyone."
Charlotte's eyebrow shot up and her delicious mouth opened in surprise. She analyzed his face and noted the soft vulnerability cast through Nathan's eyes at his admission. The wave of emotions that hit her was like nothing she had ever experienced before or ever would again.
"And… I was just wondering if it was…" Nathan swallowed. "If it was okay for you? Or if I…"
Charlotte pulled him to her. Her lips instantly finding his again. Nathan swore his heart ceased to beat as he felt Charlotte's soft body and warm skin move against his. She was life. She was his. He took her lips and tasted the exhilaration of the moment. The subtle tenderness. The hope hidden in joined breath. He took it into himself. Soaking in the peace that came with.
Charlotte's lips moved against his. Exploring, feeling, loving. A soft moan escaped from her mouth, causing Nathan to instinctively pull her closer. A fluttering sensation swooped throughout his stomach. It was the most amazing thing he had ever felt, and it kept growing. The vibrating heat expanding outward.
He felt her lips move against his, lifting into a smile, she shifted slightly struggling to catch her breath as she rested her forehead against his. Her chocolate waves falling around them, brushing softly against Nathan's cheek, and shielding them from the rest of the world. Their chests rising and falling in time as they drew in each labored breath.
"Did that answer your question, constable?" Charlotte quipped her eyes sparkling in a shade of grey Nathan had never seen before. They were like diamonds shining back at him in absolute splendor. With absolute love.
"Yeah, I think it did," he chuckled. "My next question though; what took us so long to do that?"
Charlotte tossed her head back and laughed joyfully.
"I was thinking the exact same thing," Charlotte answered under her breath as she again leaned forward and placed a playful, gentle kiss to Nathan's lips. "The exact same thing."