Chapter 78- Healing Hearts

*Sorry I have been a little MIA here and didn't get out my usual Sunday/Monday chapter. I spent the weekend at a friend's wedding in Michigan and then have been fighting a nasty cold ever since returning home. Today, I'm starting to feel like myself again and finished up another finale "bonus" chapter. In this one we see the sweet intimacy of what Charlotte and Nathan's days have been like since the engagement.

Over the past few days, Charlotte and Nathan had heeded Carson's advice for rest. Charlotte only leaving to grab a few items and clothes from her row house before quickly returning to Nathan's side. She was offered one of the other patient rooms in the hospital, but pleaded to stay with Nathan, at least while he was in the most crucial part of his recovery. While they knew it wasn't considered proper conduct for Charlotte to be sleeping in the same room as Nathan while they were still unmarried, no one seemed to mind.

Between so many townspeople stopping by to visit and Carson and Faith coming in regularly on their rounds to change Nathan's bandages, check for infection, and attend to all his other medical needs, they had hardly been alone for too long. But that didn't stop Charlotte and Nathan from taking each moment they could, to be present with one another.

Rosemary had firmly stated she would handle Charlotte's teaching duties for the next two weeks, while Nathan would most likely still be in the hospital under Carson and Faith's close watch. Gabe was staying in town for some time, as he and Bill worked at wrapping up the paperwork and investigation involving Beck. Allie and Maise would bring dinner in the evening and the family would sit around Nathan's room enjoying each other's company, planning for the wedding, and their future.

It was this time, in the evening, after everyone else had left, that Charlotte had learned to relish the quiet moments of just her and Nathan being together. Sometimes they would play a card or board game, sometimes they would sit and talk, and other times they would be perfectly happy just being in the silence holding each other's hands.

Tonight though, Charlotte had rifled through the pile of novels borrowed from the library and chose the poetry booklet 'Paradise Lost' from John Milton. She had sat down on the cushion chair by the hospital bed, but as the reading progressed, Charlotte became more lax, shifting sideways, letting her head rest on one arm of the chair, her deep mahogany waves spilling over the edge like a waterfall, while the back of her knees rest on the other chair arm. Her legs suspended over the side, gently swaying back and forth as she rhythmically read through the poem.

"Are you sure you want me to keep reading?" Charlotte asked, setting the book down on her chest, twisting slightly to look over at Nathan in the bed. She noted his eyes had grown heavy and sleep was waiting to take over. "I can stop if you want."

"I am getting a little tired," Nathan was honest. While both he and Charlotte had taken multiple naps while recuperating, each night he had been awakened by nightmares surrounding Charlotte's kidnapping and the shooting. Each time he would rouse, Charlotte would be right there. Easing his concerns, making sure Nathan knew she was there with him. Reminding him that they were both safe and there would be no way Beck could ever separate or hurt them ever again.

"Before you stop for the night, will you go back and read that one section from a few pages ago?" Nathan asked.

Charlotte nodded her head in agreement. She knew exactly what stanza Nathan was referring to as it had been one of her favorites that she had read tonight and welcomed the thought of digging into it a little deeper. She turned back a few pages and then began in her dulcet voice.

How can I live without thee, how forego

Thy sweet converse, and love so dearly joined,

To live again in these wild woods forlorn?

Should God create another Eve, and I

Another rib afford, yet loss of thee

Would never from my heart; no, no, I feel

The link of nature draw me; flesh of flesh,

Bone of my bone thou art, and from thy state

Mine never shall be parted, bliss or woe.

However, I with thee have fixed my lot,

Certain to undergo like doom; if death

Consort with thee, death is to me as life;

So forcible within my heart I feel

The bond of nature draw me to my own,

My own in thee, for what thou art is mine;

Our state cannot be severed, we are one,

One flesh; to lose thee were to lose myself.

Charlotte again lay the book down across her chest as she twisted her head to look at Nathan who was already watching her.

"Hmmmm," Nathan hummed. "How can I live without thee? Thy sweet converse, and love so dearly joined."

Charlotte smiled, shifting her weight she sat upright and leaned over to his side. "The link of nature draw me; flesh of flesh, Bone of my bone thou art, and from thy state. Mine never shall be parted."

Charlotte brushed a piece of hair off Nathan's forehead and leaned forward to gently kiss his skin where her fingers had just touched.

"From what Carson tells me with this blood transfusion, you saved my life. We are now as the poem says, 'Our state cannot be severed, we are one, One flesh'."

"God spoke to me. It was him who gave me the confidence that the transfusion would work. I'm so thankful he did. I don't even want to think about what almost happened. Not now."

"I was thankful when I found out it wasn't you who pulled the trigger," Nathan stated, looking slightly past Charlotte, reliving their time on the mountain a few days ago.

"After everything Beck had done. After he had almost killed you. You're glad I didn't shoot him?"

"He had taken enough from you already. He didn't deserve any more," Nathan's fingers glide along the inside of Charlotte's wrist, causing a tingling sensation up her spine. "When you were with him… did you ever tell Beck about his baby?"

Charlotte's eyes shot to Nathan's. Shocked at his question. It took her a moment to collect her thoughts.

"No," she answered, shaking her head. "Because the baby… was never his. The child was always ours, Nathan. I believe that with everything I am."

Nathan's blue eyes searched hers, taking to heart her words.

"Nathan," Charlotte continued. "I can't wait to give you the world Nan described in her letter. Our little family. When I was up on that mountain the other day. You and the children were all I thought about. I had these visions of what our life would look like together. This one dream... It was so vivid. We were sitting in our living room in front of the fireplace. Allie and our little boy were playing checkers together on the floor. You and I were sitting in our chairs, and our youngest daughter begged you to tell her a story."

"Did I tell her a story?"

"Of course," Charlotte grinned. "I think both of us are going to have trouble telling that one 'no'."

Nathan laughed. Recalling his own vision of their family he had dreamt of the other night. One that sounded eerily similar to Charlotte's.

"She asked you to tell the story of my birthday this year. You talked about the cake and how Aunt Rosemary and the rest of the town pitched in to help. How I spent almost all night dancing with the school children before you finally got up enough courage to come and ask me to dance. Then in my vision, you stood, walked over to the gramophone in our living room and turned on the same record that played when we danced. Do you remember it?"

"How could I forget? I remember everything about that moment. The same with our Christmas Ball last year. I love dancing with you. The way I can hold you in my arms. It's like the whole world fades away."

Charlotte blushed, causing Nathan to reach his hand forward to cup the side of her face, rubbing his thumb over the outline of her swollen cheek. "Does this hurt?"

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Always worry about others before yourself. Nathan, you were shot. We almost lost you and yet here you are being worried about a bruise on my face. Some days I wonder if I'll ever completely understand you."

"You understand me just fine," Nathan uttered in a matter-of-fact way.

"Honestly, Nathan. Are you through being the one who holds it all together for everyone else? Will there ever be a time you'll let me put you first?"

"Probably not," he chuckled.

"Tough," Charlotte stated. "After everything you've been through Nathan. Please let me do this for you. Let me put you first. Let me show my love in this way. By taking care of you.

"I don't want to be a burden…"

"You, Nathan Grant could never be a burden to me," Charlotte reached up to take his hand that was still on her cheek. She turned and placed a gentle kiss on his palm. "Not when all I've ever wanted to do is care for you."

Charlotte shifted her attention back to Nathan. His blue eyes fixed on her with a single-mindedness that made her pulse tremble. A wave of shyness assailed her, and she stood up and strode to the dresser along one of the walls.

"What are you doing?" Nathan questioned.

"Exactly what I said I was going to," Charlotte glanced over her shoulder at where Nathan lay propped against the pillows, his eyebrow raised as he examined her actions. "I'm taking care of you. I told Faith that I wanted to start handling your daily bandage change and cleaning. She gave me a few pointers and instructions, plus God knows I've watched her and Carson do it enough over the past few days. I think I can handle it."

"You're going to…" Nathan's voice choked.

Suddenly Charlotte felt unsure of herself. Was this too bold? Too intimate? What if she hurt Nathan further? Or missed something like the beginnings of an infection that could cause issues down the line?

"If you don't want me to," Charlotte spoke up. "I can get Faith or Carson…"

"No, that's not what I meant. It's just… I'm not used to this," Nathan stammered. "Being someone's choice."

"And you think I'm used to it?" Charlotte brought the supplies she had collected from the dresser to the table beside Nathan's bed. "I'm not doing this because I feel indebted to you. I haven't stayed by your side just because you saved my life. I'm here because I love you. I will always love you. You've spent over a year healing me. Healing wounds that weren't even visible, but you saw them. You saw me. Let me do the same for you. Let me heal you, Nathan. Here…" Charlotte placed her hand gently on the old dressing at Nathan's shoulder.

"And here…" Her hand grazed across the muscles of his chest to rest over his heart.

"And…" Charlotte's fingers threaded into Nathan's hair as she leaned forward and placed a feather-lite kiss on his forehead. "Here."

After the kiss, she pulled back slightly, noticing Nathan's eyes fixed on her. "Will you let me do that for you?" Charlotte whispered. "Please?"

He nodded his head in agreement. Unable to even form a simple one-word answer of 'yes'.

"Good," Charlotte gave a relaxed smile, before setting about the process of changing Nathan's bandages. She washed her hands thoroughly in warm, soapy water, before carefully removing the soiled bandage covering the wound. Charlotte felt Nathan's eyes watching her intently. Following her as she disposed of the old gauze and again washed her hands. Charlotte poured another bowl of fresh warm water with a little soap and wetted a clean cloth, wringing out the excess, she turned her attention back to Nathan.

"I'm sorry," Charlotte hesitated, her fingers mere inches from his skin. "This may sting a little."

Nathan again gave a dip of his head in agreement. His small gesture encouraged her to continue, but when Charlotte first touched his injury, he flinched. Not so much because of the pain, but rather the unfamiliarity of someone freely offering comfort. Charlotte, noting his reaction, pulled away, afraid she had hurt him in the process.

"Are you okay?" She searched his eyes for answers and further signs of discomfort.

"I'm fine," Nathan gritted. He didn't feel pain. At least not a pain associated with his injury. It was a pain of a touch-starved life. All he currently felt was the cold spot where her fingers had just been. A tingling, ghostly feeling of a lover's gentleness. A touch he hadn't realized he had hungered for all his life.

"Don't move," Charlotte murmured as she leaned closer to clean the area of the incision. This time Nathan managed not to flinch so violently, instead he concentrated on returning the feeling to Charlotte, brushing his fingertips up and down her arm as she worked. The intimacy was more than Nathan could ever have imagined. He almost felt foolish for needing this simple contact so much.

Once Charlotte had cleaned the area of the incision, she used a small towel to pat the wound dry and inspect it for any signs of infection. Faith had told her to pay attention for any swelling or hardening, redness, inflammation, or unusual drainage from the incision. Nathan's fingers gliding up and down her forearm, made it hard to concentrate, but Charlotte knew she needed to focus on making sure she did everything right.

Next, she opened the small jar of special ointment Carson had prescribed. Charlotte felt Nathan brace himself, waiting for the sting of the treatment, but as she began to smooth the salve on his wounded shoulder, he felt only the unfamiliar sensation of pain leaving his body. His muscles untensed, and he began to breathe again- he hadn't even realized he had stopped.

Nathan watched as Charlotte again washed her hands before returning to his side with the clean bandages, securing them in place, a proud look came upon her face.

"There," she gleamed, inspecting her work.

"Yeah, this feels better," Nathan's voice was deep and warm. "Thank you for taking care of me."

Charlotte's heart fluttered. She tried her best to contain the shot of desire that flooded her senses as she raised her eyes back to Nathan's intent blue stare.

"Always. I'll always take care of you, Nathan," she tipped his chin up on the edge of her hand and bent her head to kiss him very softly on the mouth. Nathan's eyes fluttered closed as his lips met hers. He wondered if he would ever get over the feeling that came over him every time they kissed. Charlotte's lips were warm and soft, molding perfectly to his. She listed against him, their mouths clinging together for an endless moment, before she pulled back slightly, breaking their kiss.

Nathan opened his eyes and blinked up at her, as if waking from a dream that had ended far too soon. Her hand still cupped his chin. He was regarding her intently.

"Was that alright?" Charlotte asked. "My nursing skills?"

He nodded, still incapable of speech. It was more than all right. It was a revelation. Every nerve ending in his body was humming with he knew not what. And all she'd done was care for him, caress his face, and press a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Do you think you can bear to repeat the experience again tomorrow?" she teased.

Nathan's cheeks burned. Another man might play coy. Might pretend that what had just happened hadn't shaken him to his core. But Charlotte wasn't blind. And they'd promised to be honest with each other. He saw no reason to prevaricate. "I can more than bear it."

A flash of triumph gleamed in the depths of her smoky gaze.

"Goodnight, Nathan," Charlotte shifted and placed another sweet kiss on his temple. "Sweet dreams, my love."