Chapter 89- A Different Kind of Vow

"Sooooo," Rosemary drawled, plopping down on the edge of the bed in front of where Charlotte was going through a pile of her clothes. She and Minnie had come over to help Charlotte pack for the honeymoon. The two women were on their way up to the cabin to clean it and prepare the building for the newlyweds on Christmas Eve. They wanted to take Nathan and Charlotte's clothes and other essentials up to the small cabin now, so no one had to worry about it tomorrow night after the wedding.

"So what?" Charlotte asked, turning away from Rosemary's intense gaze to dig in her trunk at the foot of the bed.

"Oh, come on!" Rosemary rolled her eyes and threw up her hands in exasperation. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't play coy with me Ms. Thompson."

A small groan came from within Charlotte as she straightened. She didn't know exactly what Rosemary was talking about, but she could guess.

"Even Minnie knows what I meant by 'sooooo'," Rosemary shifted her gaze from Charlotte to where Minnie was folding the clothes laid out on the bed.

"I… ah…" Minnie's eyes grew big, and her mouth hung open at being brought into this conversation.

"Rosemary, why don't you just come out and say it. You're wondering about the kiss last night, aren't you?" Charlotte tossed a skirt onto Rosemary's lap, hoping giving the other woman a productive task of packing would change the subject.

"Not just the kiss," Rosemary's voice was becoming quite theatrical. "THE kiss. It was unlike any kiss I've ever seen before in Hollywood movies or on Broadway stages. It was the kiss to end all kisses!"

Charlotte felt a strong flush upon her cheeks talking about 'THE' kiss. The one that swept Nathan and Charlotte away so quickly, they had forgotten the very public place they were in. Their action giving others plenty to whisper about. "You've never seen it before in the movies or on stage because Nathan and I weren't acting. It was real. So very real."

"Oh, dear," Rosemary stood. "I didn't mean it in that way."

Rosemary put her hands on Charlotte's upper arms and turned her. "I know you and Nathan weren't acting. You've never been acting when it comes to your feelings for one another. You've both maybe been guarded or hesitant at different points in this relationship, but no. You've never been anyone other than yourselves with each other. And that… It's a beautiful thing, Charlotte."

Charlotte smirked slightly. "It was a pretty great kiss."

All the women started to giggle.

"Does this mean…" It was Minnie then who spoke up. "That you and Nathan are… ready?"

Charlotte let out a deep breath. She knew what Minnie meant. Would her and Nathan be able to be with each other in every way that a husband and wife could be? Could she offer him the complete marriage they both desired so much?

God knows she wanted to. Since that very first time Charlotte and Nathan touched, but especially since their first kiss months ago, she knew without a shadow of a doubt, she wanted that level of intimacy with Nathan.

But she was afraid that her want to and her ability to, may be two completely different things.

Yes, some of their kisses had been… passionate. Some of their touches… exploratory, but even in all that, Charlotte had known Nathan would not go any farther until they were officially married and having that knowledge made those moments so enjoyable for Charlotte. She knew that there would be no expectation for those kisses and touches to go any further.

Over the past weeks and months, Charlotte had been bold when talking about the idea of her honeymoon and wedding night, but she had to admit, as the time came nearer, her heart sped a little faster. What would happen if a certain touch or a certain kiss sent her backwards, spiraling down that dark hole she, and Nathan, had worked so long to climb out of.

Since Beck's death and their engagement, Charlotte remembered only one time where she had a hint of those 'ghosts'. The day Nathan was released from the hospital when Charlotte came back into his room and was caught off guard with him standing in front of her. Unbuttoned. His height and his body more imposing- more unsettling masculine- than she had remembered from before the accident. It had taken her aback.

It had been easy for her to tend to him bedridden. It had been easy for her to kiss him. It had been easy for her to take the lead. He had been invalid and just with the action of standing on his own, it flipped the switch in her mind that said he was now capable. Which also meant he was capable of hurting.

Nathan had noticed the change in her and didn't push for anything further. But Charlotte did. She knew she had to overcome this sudden fear that had crept up on them. Her hands shook fiercely until she noticed Nathan's expression as he simply watched her. It wasn't the look of malicious pleasure Beck had on his face as she cried out and withered in pain as he overpowered her. Nathan's look of admiration was one of warmth and tenderness. Completely opposite of anything she had seen or felt with Beck.

"I'm not sure," Charlotte finally answered. "I wish I could say that I was, because I want to give Nathan every aspect of a marriage, but when we actually get to… that part, I'm so afraid I won't be able to.

She sunk down onto her bed, wringing her hands in her lap.

"Oh sweetheart," Minnie came and sat beside her, wrapping an arm around Charlotte's shoulders. "No matter what you and Nathan are able to share, it will always be complete for you two. Intimacy is only one part of a marriage. Your wedding night is just the first night of the rest of your lives together. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. When it's right, for the both of you, you won't have any hesitations. It will just… be."

"You've both been through some traumatic experiences," Rosemary came and sat on Charlotte's other side. "Have you talked to Nathan about what you are feeling? That you may have some hesitancies when it comes time? He loves you, Charlotte. Nathan's not going to push you or pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with. You know that right?"

"I know that," Charlotte felt a lone tear escape down her cheek as she twirled the silver band on her finger. "It's just that… I want Nathan to have all he deserves and all that he's ever wanted in a marriage."

"All he's ever wanted is you, Charlotte," Rosemary reached over and brushed away the tear that had streamed down her friend's face. "You two will be together. It's what you both deserve. Like Minnie said, tomorrow… it's just the first day of forever and forever is a very long time."

Charlotte smiled as her heart was filled and her soul was lifted with these fierce female friendships she had found in Hope Valley. Friendships of love and support that she was overwhelmingly grateful for. She moved to circle her arms around Minnie and Rosemary's back and pulled them into her sides for a group hug.

"Have I told you how thankful I am for you two lately?" She said, squeezing them tighter.

"We are thankful for you, too," Minnie answered.

"Sooooo," Charlotte wiggled her eyebrows. "Since we are packing for my honeymoon… which of these chemises do you think Nathan will enjoy more?"

That evening, the Grant family had their Christmas. Maise and Charlotte had worked most of the afternoon in the kitchen, preparing the dinner at Nathan's house, while Allie went fishing with Archie and Nathan at the meadow.

After dinner, they gathered around the tree and exchanged presents. Archie relished in the craftsmanship and functionality of his new toolbox. Maise loved her homemade apron and was impressed to find out Nathan had helped Charlotte sew the pieces together.

When it came time for Allie's gifts, she opened the boxes of clothing and exclaimed each piece was more beautiful than the last. When she came to the final large present and opened it to reveal a deep, cranberry red dress, she squealed in delight. Pulling it from the package, she held it up and twirled around like a princess at a ball. The image confirmed to Nathan his little girl wasn't so little anymore.

"We have one more gift for you, Allie," Nathan said, extending the small box he had picked up in Union City to his daughter.

Allie took the present from him and removed the lid. Inside, there was a note.

To Our Cowgirl,

Keep blazin' trails, but always know the road that will lead you back home.

Love you always,

Mom and Dad

Behind the note, was a small, silver cowboy hat charm that matched the real hat Charlotte had gifted Nathan and Allie before the cattle drive in Brookfield.

"I love it!" Allie exclaimed, jumping up to hug Charlotte. "Thank you so much."

"The charm was your dad's idea," Charlotte explained. "We had it custom made by a jeweler in Union City. Your dad picked it up the other day on his way home."

"Thank you, Dad," Allie said as she squeezed Nathan around his neck. "This is already the best Christmas ever and we haven't even gotten to the best part yet!"

"Charlotte," Maise spoke up. "I know you said you and Nathan didn't need any Christmas presents as the wedding was gift enough, but Archie, Allie, and I have something we want to give to you. Really it could just be considered an early wedding present from us."

"You didn't have to do that," Charlotte said, taking the small package that Maise extended to her.

"I don't know if you have all that new, old, borrowed, and blue stuff for your wedding, but we thought that you may like to have this tomorrow," Maise continued as Charlotte peeled back the old, worn tissue paper inside to reveal the most beautiful hair comb she had ever seen. It was small and delicate. Made of the shiniest silver and decorated with a few pearls and sweet little beads that shimmered in the light.

"My parents gave that to me on my wedding day," Maise stated. "And then when Colleen married, she wore it too. We thought you may like to carry on the tradition and wear it on your special day as well."

Tears clouded Charlotte's sight. She was speechless, unable to form any words, Charlotte found herself nodding in agreement as her fingers ran over the tines on the comb.

"Here," Nathan said as he delicately removed the pick from her hands. "Let's see how it looks."

Nathan reached his left hand forward, pushing back a section of Charlotte's hair off her face, twisting it slightly, before securing her locks in place with the comb.

"There," he stated, leaning back slightly to take in his work before his eyes fell on Charlotte's.

"How does it look?" Charlotte couldn't disguise the quiver in her voice caused by the way Nathan was currently looking at her.

"You look beautiful," he smiled and placed a sweet kiss on her lips.

The morning sun reflecting off the snow in the valley brought a soft glow through Charlotte's bedroom window that cast shimmering diamonds of light on the ceiling and walls. She took a deep breath and stretched her sleepy muscles.

Today was Christmas Eve. Her and Nathan's wedding day.

The realization caused her heart to race and her stomach to flutter. In the best of ways. Today was the day Nathan Grant became her husband. This would be the last day she awoke in this bed. Her last day in this house. Charlotte's mind swam with all the 'lasts' she would experience today. But it also led her to thoughts of her 'firsts'.

Today would be the first day Nathan called her wife and she called him husband. Today would be the first day they were officially the Grant family. Today, hopefully, would be the first time they made love. Today was the first of the rest of their lives together.

As Charlotte worked to braid her hair, after changing into a simple skirt and blouse, she heard the gentle crunch of footsteps in the snow as they approached her door. She hurriedly finished the braid as she crept down the stairs past the girls fast asleep in the living room and opened the back door.

"Hi," an almost shy smile crept across Nathan's face.

"Hi," she whispered in return.

"I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to see you this morning. I think I've heard it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding and because of that I wasn't sure if we were still having our morning coffee. I figured I'd bring it over and at least make sure you had something warm to get you up and going this morning."

"Well lucky for you, I don't believe in too many superstitions. Plus, I think it's only bad luck if you see me in my dress before the ceremony. So, we should be okay," Charlotte winked as she took the cup in Nathan's hand and led him into the kitchen.

They both sat down at the table, silence filled the room, as they didn't quite know what to discuss today. It was just morning coffee with one another. Like they had done almost every day for over a year, except today was different.

"It's strange, isn't it?" Nathan asked.

Charlotte smirked. "Yeah, it is. This day, it seemed like it would never get here and now… it's here."

Nathan's gaze fell into his mug of coffee and Charlotte noted his grip tighten.

"No second thoughts?" He asked.

Charlotte ran her hand along his jaw, tilting his chin up so she could look in his intense blue eyes. "No second thoughts. I have no doubts about the way I feel for you, Nathan. I want to be your wife."

"Good," he smiled, removing her hand from his face to press a delicate kiss across the back of her knuckles. "Because I want to be your husband."

"Oh, my goodness, Allie!" Charlotte exclaimed. "You look so grown up and beautiful."

Allie stood in one of the upstairs rooms of the hospital where the women had decided to dress for the wedding. A vision in her new cranberry red dress befitting of a beautiful young woman. Clara had helped style her hair. Braiding the girl's hair back before it spilled down in soft curls over her shoulders.

"I feel grown up," Allie stated, smoothing her hands over the front of her dress. "Thank you again for all the lovely new clothes."

"As much as it pains your dad and I to say you're getting older and becoming quite the young lady, we realize that you can't be little forever. It was time we started getting you a bit more grown-up wardrobe. Just make sure not to get fish guts on that dress, okay?"

"Deal," Allie smiled, causing her nose to wrinkle slightly.

"Will you do me a favor?" Charlotte asked.

"Of course."

"I have a couple of letters that I was hoping you would deliver for me."

"Now?"

"Yes, please."

"Oh, okay?"

Charlotte handed two envelopes to Allie.

"One of these is for me." Allie stated a quizzical look upon her face after reading the names on the letters.

"That it is."

"Do you want me to open it now?"

"Now. With your dad. Later. Wherever it feels right. I had time last night when I couldn't sleep, and I wrote down a few things I wanted both of you to know today."

"Allie!" Nathan exclaimed as his daughter walked through the door of the row house as he was finishing getting cleaned up. After his and Charlotte's coffee this morning Nathan felt as if he had run a marathon of various errands for Rosemary and others in preparation for the wedding and tonight.

Nathan walked towards the girl, taking in her very grown-up appearance. "You look so much like your mother, right now. I almost thought it was her walking through the door."

"Really?" Allie's eyes lit up.

"Really." Nathan confirmed. "But what are you doing over here? There isn't much time before the wedding. I thought you were decorating for the reception and helping the others get ready."

"Mom gave me these," Allie said as she handed the two letters to Nathan.

"One of these has your name on it," Nathan mentioned shuffling the envelopes between his fingers. "Are you going to read it?"

Allie's eyes shifted to the wood floor of the row house. "I was wondering if you read it to me. Like if it were 'The Wonderful Wizard of Oz'."

"Allie, I don't think Charlotte's letter to you is a storybook."

"Please? Can we just sit in the chair and read it aloud? Like old times?"

Nathan's heart clenched at the request. "Of course, come here."

Nathan sat in the armchair and Allie sat across his lap. Leaning against his shoulder like she had done occasionally since she was four years old. Nathan flipped over the envelope in his hand and pulled Allie's letter from within.

"Are you sure you want me to read this?" He asked one more time.

"I'm sure."

With confirmation, Nathan began.

My dearest Allie,

First off, I want to thank you.

You, my sweet girl, my darling daughter. You are the reason I can love again. You are the reason your dad and I are getting married. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. Your love was the first love I let myself feel and return. You are what opened my heart and because of that I will forever be indebted to you.

Today we officially become a family, but the truth is, I think we already were. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but I felt you in my heart long ago, years before I held you in my arms… You have always been a part of me. A part of my story.

You have been the hope I carried all the days that left me broken. You were a promise that allowed me to pick up the pieces again and again. Even though God's plans sometimes contain heartache and pain, once they are revealed they are so much more beautiful than the ones we had laid out for ourselves. You are living proof of that, and I am utterly grateful for the gift I have in you.

This is just the beginning of the life we will live together. Today I say my vows to your dad in front of all our friends and family, but as we were preparing for the wedding, there was one thing that seemed to time and again be missing from our plans.

My personal vows to you, as your mom.

So let these be my promises, Allie.

I promise to do my absolute very best by you with God's grace and guidance.

I promise to take care of you when you are sick.

I promise to protect you.

I promise to pick wildflowers with you and take every opportunity to go fishing.

I promise to live life with you as a continuous adventure and with curiosity, even if it's just in the backyard.

I promise to be a safe place when you are scared or worried.

I promise to give you space so you can bloom.

I promise that when I don't have the answers, I will help you find them.

I promise that when hard days come, I will lean into God for wisdom on how to be the mother you need.

I promise to love myself for who I am so that you will love yourself in all the ways that make you unique.

I promise to remind you daily of the joy you have brought to our lives.

I promise to always sing to you and tell you how beautiful you are.

I promise not only to love your dad, but to be friends with him and to continue to grow with him in Christ so that we can build this family on love.

I promise that this family is and will always be my priority.

I promise to always pray with you and fiercely love you on good days and on bad. Even days filled with teenage sass, dirty shoes on the couch, and other chaos.

I promise to love you unconditionally and fully and with my entire being.

Lastly, I promise that you will always know how utterly thankful your dad and I are to your mom, Colleen. I want you to know how much we love her and never want to forget her. She gave us the most precious gift anyone could receive. She made us parents.

It is my prayer that you will continue to live your life in a big way. That you live with big compassion for others. Show gentleness, kindness, and grace. Have big faith and big dreams. Don't be afraid of failure, allow it to teach you and learn from your mistakes and follow your dreams. Live with big humility and loyalty. Mostly live with big love and big passion.

I am humbled that God is allowing me to be your mom and I am excited for this life we get to live together. You are God's promise in my life. The fulfillment of my soul's ache and the joy of our lives.

I will love you forever,

Mom