Chapter 93- My First… My Only

*Alright friends… We've probably come to the end of my daily postings leading up to the wedding/Christmas and will go back to my more regular 2-3 postings per week after this chapter.

These 3AM writing sessions this past week or so have been brutal, but I hope worth it. I know I've enjoyed writing Nathan and Charlotte's story almost in "real-time" as the events of their wedding have unfolded, so I hope you have enjoyed reading them that way too. (Even though I know for many of you it is a very busy time of year, and you maybe haven't had as much time to sit down and dig into these chapters as I post them- I apologize if that is your case.)

My author's note for this chapter is… STEAM ALERT!

Actually, I almost called this chapter- 'Suspenders Unbuttoned' because well… y'all will find out.

This chapter is Nathan and Charlotte's wedding night… I think it goes without saying what may transpire in this posting, BUT I wanted to put that warning up here. If this is not your cup of tea/thing/read, I get it… come back next chapter for a little less (dot… dot… dot…) *FYI- How I chose to write this scene I believe leaves a lot up to the readers interpretation- More talking about feelings, kisses, touches than the actual- deed. I wanted it to be tasteful, sweet, enduring, but also… all the flame emojis.

That being said… if you remember back to the beginning of this story (over 7 months ago!)… I mentioned that before the tale of Nathan and Charlotte, I had no experience writing fiction. Which means I've also never wrote a love scene… This was hard for me. I wanted to do it justice. To me, given Charlotte's past… this chapter really felt like (oh gosh… blushing for lack of a better term here)- the climax of 'So This Is Love'.

I tried to capture everything about that moment of coming together for this couple. I hope it is believable and true to where these two are at and it is something enjoyable to you the reader. Let me know your thoughts.

Love to you all! And Merry Christmas!

"I think you can put me down now," Charlotte chuckled as Nathan's kiss trailed from her lips to the sensitive skin below her ear.

"Can…" Nathan paused his kissing to wiggle his eyebrow. "And want to, are two different things, Charlotte."

"I know," she leaned over and placed a playful kiss on his cheek. "But please. I don't want Carson or Faith having to make a house call tomorrow on Christmas Day, because you carrying me around hurt your shoulder."

Nathan saw the look of concern on Charlotte's face and decided to appease his wife. He lowered her feet to the ground and was fully aware of the way her body slid along his.

"This is beautiful, Nathan," Charlotte said, taking in the entry hall of the home he had built for them. Nothing escaped her inspection. The wood floor, the wall color, and decorations. "I can't believe you did all this without me knowing about it."

"I can't say it was easy. We thought you were going to find out so many times."

"Does Allie know?"

Nathan nodded. "I brought her up here soon after Joseph and I broke ground on the project. She's been one of my biggest helpers."

Charlotte still stared in almost disbelief as she began to unbutton her coat, Nathan followed suit and removed his own, taking them to hang on two of the hooks along the wall.

"You made this, didn't you?" Charlotte stated, running her hand along the smooth edge of the wood bench in the hallway.

"I did," Nathan confirmed.

"You are so talented, Nathan. You can design and build a house and everything in it with such care and precision. You pay attention and bring to life the little details of the wood. Like this spot right here," Charlotte pointed to a knot in the board. "Most carpenters I know would have tried to hide this. They look at it as an imperfection, but you… You see it for the beauty and character it gives to the project."

Nathan smiled as Charlotte continued to examine the bench's details.

"You know…" Charlotte sat on the bench and looked over at him. "It's kind of symbolic of what you did for me too."

Nathan's brow furrowed as he came to sit beside her, causing Charlotte to reach for his hand and continue her explanation. "You paid attention. You were the first to notice my own knots and imperfections, but instead of letting me hide them away, you helped me heal those scars and turn them into something beautiful. A life with you and Allie."

He worked to swallow the lump that grew in his throat. Charlotte extended her hand forward to push back his hair from his forehead, the action bringing Nathan's gaze directly to hers. The air hung thick between them.

"Thank you for taking your time and care with me," Charlotte's voice was heavy, but clear. "I know it was seldom easy. Most days it was downright hard. But my hope is… that you feel it was worth it. Loving me that is."

"It has always been worth it. Even on those difficult days," Nathan touched her hand on his cheek and turned to place a featherlight kiss to the inside of her wrist. "Loving you will forever be worth it."

Charlotte smiled gently before moving to start unlacing her boots.

"What are you doing?" Nathan questioned, feeling the sudden loss of Charlotte's touch on his skin.

Charlotte flipped her hair to the side to look over at him as she continued at her task. "What does it look like I'm doing?" She quipped. "I'm taking off my snow-covered boots. There is no way I'm trudging this muck all over these gorgeous, new, wood floors."

Nathan tilted his head back and laughed but set to work on his own boots. Finishing their removal at the same time Charlotte did hers.

"Here," Nathan reached for Charlotte's hand, pulling her to her feet and guiding her towards the living room. "I want to give you the house tour."

"Nathan," Charlotte's voice was soft as she pulled back slightly, stopping him from continuing forward.

"Yes?" Nathan tried to hide the hint of concern in his voice at Charlotte's hesitation. Was this too much? Were they moving too fast? All these thoughts and more raced through his mind.

"You said that we will be here, by ourselves, through New Year's, right?"

"Yes," Nathan nodded as the muscles in his jaw clenched.

"That's over a week?"

"Yes."

"As much as I want to see everything you've created in this home for us, Nathan," Charlotte took a step closer, her attention turning to one of the buttons on his vest. "Right now, I think a week is plenty of time for us to discover it."

Charlotte's eyes slowly moved from where her fingers continued to play with the opening of his waistcoat to his intense gaze. "However… I'm not as certain, a week is enough time for me to discover… you."

Nathan's lips half parted as realization registered slowly on his face. That same jaw that had tensed seconds before went slack and his throat bobbed on a swallow. He was stunned. Staggered.

"Nathan," her voice was low and intimate as she moved to entwine their fingers together. "Show me our upstairs."

His throat had gone dry. Bone dry. Words were not possible at the moment, so Nathan just nodded his head in agreement and gently guided Charlotte to the staircase in front of them. They climbed slowly. Purposely. Nathan wanted to give Charlotte time to change her mind if she felt she needed to.

When they came to the top landing Nathan pointed out each room. Allie's, a guest's, and two more bedrooms at the end of the hall. Beside that, the bathroom, with complete indoor plumbing. Nathan mumbled something about Archie picking up on the trade in the past few years helping a friend. As they turned slightly, they came to the final door, causing Nathan to pause his tour.

"Is this?" Charlotte asked, pointing to the only door on the north side of the upstairs.

Nathan nodded slowly. Charlotte twisted the knob and pushed the door forward and into the room. She took the lead stepping over the threshold into the space, guiding Nathan with her. A small fireplace lined the one wall. It's warm flames dancing, casting the bedroom in a soft, flickering glow. Large windows allowed for stunning views of the whole property from almost every angle. The stars and moonlight shining in from the night sky would certainly give over to the most beautiful of dawn's golden light streaming in from the east and the vibrant colors of the sun setting in the west over the mountains. Beside the east windows sat two rocking chairs that looked so familiar to Charlotte, but she couldn't quite place them. A reading lamp in between. Next to the chairs and along the wall were shelves lined with Nathan and Charlotte's collection of novels and booklets. He had given them their own reading nook and a place to rock their future babies to sleep. Charlotte's heart clenched at Nathan's thoughtfulness he had put into every detail of their home.

To the west was their bed. Charlotte knew instantly it was another project that Nathan would have created himself. The dark stain of the wood contrasted with the creamy white paint she had unknowingly chosen with Florence and Molly at the mercantile. On one side of the bed sat Charlotte's table Nathan had made over a year ago, while his table was placed on the opposite side. When did they have time today to move all of this in here? She thought to herself.

Nathan's gentle squeeze of her hand drew Charlotte's attention back to him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked.

"It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. You really have thought of everything, haven't you?"

"I'm not sure about perfect. There is still a lot I want to do, but with the bum shoulder, it kind of put a damper on my original timeline for everything."

"I stand by what I said. It's perfect, Nathan. Although my wedding present feels a bit lacking compared to all of this," Charlotte winked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I love your present," Nathan stated, watching closely as Charlotte came back to where he stood just inside the doorway to their bedroom. Her sweet honey and sandalwood lotion enveloped his senses.

She stopped a mere inches from him, moving her gaze from his eyes to just above his head. Nathan tilted back to see what she was looking at and instantly they both began to giggle. There, hung just above the doorway, was a small bundle of mistletoe. Nathan and Charlotte knew who the top suspect on the list was.

"Rosemary," they both laughed in unison.

"I made her promise not to go all out on the rose petals and candles for our honeymoon suite," Charlotte laughed. "I guess I completely forgot to say something about mistletoe."

"Well…" Nathan slid first one arm then his other behind Charlotte's back. "I don't know about you Mrs. Grant, but I would hate to start our marriage off by breaking with tradition and not kissing under the mistletoe. Especially on Christmas Eve."

"I think you are right," Charlotte smiled. "That simply won't do." Slowly bringing her arms to circle his neck, clinging to him as his lips moved on hers. Nathan's calloused palm slid up along her cheek, and his fingers worked themselves into the loose strands of hair at the nape of her neck.

Charlotte drew in a breath of air. Nathan's simple, tender touch made her want to melt into him. He inched closer; his firm thigh pressed up against hers. Charlotte's heart raced in her chest, her heartbeats pounding loudly in her ears.

At first, she was concerned it was the lingering effects of her ghosts, but as Nathan's lips slid across hers in a soft caress, undemanding and gentle, she realized it wasn't ghosts that made her heart race, but rather her desire. Her longing for Nathan. Heat rushed through her insides, and her head spun dizzily. Charlotte leaned forward. She craved more than a tender kiss. Liquid fire pulsed through her veins as she pressed her body to his solid form wherever she could. Unfulfilled yearning surged through her, settling in her stomach, raising a new need and awareness within her. Never had she imagined that a man could bring forth such intense feelings in her.

Charlotte moved her hands up Nathan's torso and over his shoulders, helping him shed his suit jacket to the floor. Her fingers then shifted to the lower buttons of Nathan's vest working deftly up the garment until it too found its place on the ground next to the jacket.

Nathan's kiss froze on her lips, and he pulled back slightly, "Charlotte?" he mumbled.

Charlotte stopped her movements. Her eyes widened in surprise at her actions. Surprise, but not regret.

"Charlotte," Nathan repeated as his hands came to her upper arms and he shifted slightly away, putting a few inches of space between them. "We don't have to do this."

His breathing was as labored as her own.

"I don't want…" Nathan whispered hoarsely. "This… to bring those memories back and ruin tonight for you. Our wedding day has already been perfect. We can just…"

"Nathan, I love you," Charlotte interrupted. "And I love that you are always thinking of my feelings and always wanting to protect me. But… I want this. I want this for us."

"I know, but it doesn't have to be tonight. Whenever it's right for us."

"Now is right. Trust me. Let me show my love in this way. Please."

"I trust you. And believe me, sweetheart… I want this just as much as you do," Nathan reached for her, his hand coming to cradle her cheek in that way of his. He regarded her steadily, his blue gaze as solemn as it was tender. "I'm just scared."

"Scared?" She softly questioned.

"Petrified, actually," Nathan chuckled nervously as his eyes shifted to the floor.

Charlotte's eyebrows drew together, and she shook her head not understanding.

"I'm scared that I'm going to hurt you."

"You're not going to hurt me, Nathan," she blinked as tears stung her eyes.

"You don't know that, Charlotte. What if I lose control and…"

"Nathan, look at me," Charlotte directed and when his eyes remained on the floor, she reached forward and tilted his chin up so he couldn't avoid her.

"Look at me," she said more sternly.

"You. Could never," she shook her head side to side. "Hurt me. Do you understand? Your vulnerability and honesty about how you are feeling right now, shows me just how much you care. That's love, Nathan. The purest form of love there is. A love only shared between husband and wife."

"Are you sure?" He questioned once more. "I don't want to kiss you or touch you… wrong… and cause you to start thinking about… him."

Charlotte's heart clenched.

"Nathan Grant," Charlotte made sure she spoke these next words with such conviction, her husband knew she meant every word. There could be no doubts.

"You…" She tapped her hand gently on Nathan's chest. His heart beat strong and wild beneath her palm through the fabric of his blue dress shirt. "You are the only man in my mind and heart. Now and always."

She could see the way her words found Nathan and his muscles began to untense at the realization of what she was telling him.

"Make love to me, Nathan" Charlotte huskily murmured into his ear. "Be my first… my only."

Charlotte watched as Nathan's final hesitation faded away before her very eyes. The uncertainty, replaced by love and adoration.

To lead them forward, Charlotte turned and faced away from him, sweeping her hair to the side.

"Nate," Charlotte seductively looked back over her shoulder at where he stood behind her. "Can you help me with the buttons on this dress? I can't seem to reach them."

Charlotte saw Nathan release a ragged breath, before taking a few steps forward. She turned her attention to the fire in front of them. Concentrating on the way the flames flickered and danced. She could feel his presence behind her. Feel the warmth of his breath on her skin.

A lifetime seemed to pass in those few moments. Waiting. Wishing. Wanting.

Then, what Charlotte assumed could be only compared to being struck by lightning, she inhaled sharply, as Nathan's fingertips reached forward and traced along the edge of the lace material at the back of her dress until they came to rest on the first button situated just between her shoulder blades. As he unfastened it, exposing more of his wife's soft skin that had been hidden beneath the material, he reverently placed a chaste kiss where the button had been. Continuing his discovery of his wife's body down the length of Charlotte's spine.

When all the buttons had been unfastened, Nathan straightened, in the process his hands found their way under the opening of the dress, sliding along Charlotte's sides to her shoulders, he slowly pushed the material down, freeing her arms from the sheer sleeves of the gown, until the dress slipped into a pool of lace at the base of their feet. Leaving Charlotte only dressed in her thin chemise that left nothing to Nathan's imagination.

She stepped out of the material at her ankles and turned back to face her husband. Reaching out to take his suspenders in her hands she pulled him close. Charlotte kissed him lightly at first until his fingertips threaded into her hair and tilted her head back so he could return the kiss more thoroughly. Charlotte drew him into her body with the help of the suspenders, hooking her thumbs under the straps she slid them off his shoulders until they hung loose around his hips. Her hands next moving to pull his shirt's edge free from the waistband of his trousers. Slowly and methodically unfastening each button from bottom to top, it too was added to the pile of wedding clothes now scattered across the bedroom floor.

Charlotte broke the kiss in order to step back slightly and take in the appearance of her husband. The soft glow of the flickering firelight bathed his skin in a golden hue. With an unsteady hand, she reached out to touch his arm. Taut, hard muscles bunched beneath her fingers. Taking her time, Charlotte ran her palm down his torso, bumping over ever ridge and slope. Watching as his chest heaved as her hand stroked leisurely over its broad expanse.

Charlotte hadn't seen Nathan's bare torso since he had been in the hospital. Sick and weak. The man who stood before her now was anything but those things. The only remnant of that time, where she had been so close to losing him, was the scar on his shoulder. Charlotte directed her fingertips to brush across the raised and discolored skin that would permanently mark the sacrifice Nathan had made for her.

During this time, Nathan had simply watched his wife. Letting her take pleasure in discovering her spouse like he had earlier when removing her wedding dress. He noticed the play of emotions that came across her face as her fingers traced his gunshot wound. She glanced up at him, tenderness and warmth filled her eyes, before she returned her attention to his shoulder, placing an adoring kiss upon the scar.

"Charlotte." The sensual way in which he whispered her name made her shudder. His roughened hands slid slowly up her bare arms and over her shoulders. Heat exploded inside her. Her breath caught in her throat.

He cupped her face between his hands and kissed her fully, before sweeping her up into his arms for a second time this night. Carrying her across the room; setting her down on the edge of their bed.

Charlotte closed her eyes and shivered, anticipating Nathan's touch as his hand skimmed across her cheek on the way to remove the silver comb in her hair. Allowing her chocolate brown tresses to cascade around her shoulders and down her back. Nathan ran his fingers through the waves until it all spilled freely against her skin.

Nathan eased her to lie back onto the mattress, the action causing her chemise to shift higher, revealing Charlotte's own scar from the kidnapping. The gash on her upper thigh that Minnie had patched together. It was a delicate scar, but a matching reminder to his of the pains of their past they had lived through together.

Nathan brushed his thumb gingerly over the raised and darkened skin before he too placed a reverent kiss on his wife's scar. Charlotte arched her back in response to his touch. A soft whimper escaped her lips.

In the next instant, Nathan slowly untied the laces holding her chemise together. With torturous slow movements, he slipped the garment from her body and tossed it to the side.

Charlotte's heart skipped several beats, watching Nathan's face as his eyes feasted on her body in its entirety. Using the back of his fingers he traced a delicate path from her collarbone to her hip.

"You're so soft," he murmured. "Even softer than I imagined."

"You've imagined… touching me?"

He gave a light chuckle. "Often," he said. "Too much for my own good."

She inhaled a tremulous breath. His fingers were warm on her skin, his touch almost admiring. She'd never dreamed it could feel this wonderful. To be handled with such care, devotion, and love.

He slid his mouth along her neck to her shoulders. His hands began their own exploration of her, moving from her waist up along her ribs. Wherever his hand caressed, his lips followed. Her skin sizzled in the wake of his touch, and renewed shivers coursed down her spine.

Nathan parted from her slightly, in order to remove his trousers, before again joining Charlotte on the bed.

"Come here," he spoke huskily against her cheek a moment later and gathered her to him. Charlotte wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Her hands continued their exploration of his well-sculpted torso. She couldn't get enough of touching the smooth skin over hard muscle. When she moved lower to slide her fingers across his hip, Nathan tensed, and sucked in a deep breath of air. His upper body trembled.

Nathan's mouth covered hers, moving across her lips first slowly, then with greater urgency, coaxing a response from her. Charlotte couldn't get close enough to him. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and she greedily kissed him back.

"Charlotte," Nathan breathed as he moved on top of her, seeking her eyes to make sure this was what she wanted.

"Please," she whispered in his ear, her voice as strained as his own. She slid her mouth along his jaw and down to his shoulder. Her gentle plea and kisses, the reassurance he needed to continue.

And continue they did. Lost in a wilderness of new sensations, they moved together, drawing against each other, deeper and deeper, until suddenly their world spun out of control. Pleasure rushed through them, and a feeling of weightlessness came over. As if floating on air, flying, and there was nothing else in the world except for one another.

As their breathing slowed, Nathan moved to Charlotte's side and pulled her close. Realizing then, that tears fell down her cheeks. A look of concern raced over his face. "You're crying. Did I hurt you?"

"Oh, heavens no," Charlotte quickly responded. Brushing the tears away as she leaned up on her elbow to press a kiss to Nathan's lips. "This isn't a bad cry. It's a good one. These are happy tears. Blissfully happy tears."

Nathan swallowed. His heart threatened to leap from his chest.

"I never realized it could feel like that," she commented, tracing her fingers along his stubbled jaw. "Warm and wonderful. Exciting and right."

"I love you," Nathan swept her hair from her damp face, and held her tight. He ran his hand through her thick strands and kissed the top of her head. His heart beat strong and steady against her ear.

"I love you," Charlotte responded. Warmth radiated from every part of her, from the inside out. She couldn't remember a time when she'd ever been so completely happy.

"So," Nathan lazily ran his fingers up and down her arm, the after effect of their lovemaking lulling them into contented inner peace. "Do you still believe it's going to take you over a week to discover everything about me?"

Charlotte laughed, as she lifted her head to stare up at him. "If that is what discovering you is like Mr. Grant. I'm happy to explore you for a lifetime."