Chapter 101- Honesty

*Well, it appears "The Dinner" is going to be a 3-part section… sorry about that. I know last chapter I said it would only be 2.

A scene I began to write (that will now be in the next chapter) started to run away from me and take on a life of its own. Think everything I mentioned in my last author notes, but now instead of through Charlotte and Elizabeth's viewpoint… It's Nathan's. For those who expressed in reviews your appreciation of me talking about the comparison "monster" and being in different seasons of waiting. I think you are going to love it. That's why I wanted to give it a little more attention and devotion that I think it deserves. Hope you don't mind.

Same warning as last chapter with Season 8 Elizabeth showing up here. Nathan and S8 E have a heart to heart at the end of this chapter that I hope starts everyone on the healing process. No more minced words between these two. Like I mentioned, I have plans for Elizabeth a "redemption" arc. It won't be in the immediate future as I already have a full "season" planned, but if I continue with this story, it will make an appearance at some point. I want to give her character the grace, Charlotte was praying for last chapter.

"I wanna sit here." Jack firmly stated, pulling out the chair at the head of the table Nathan usually sat in. "By Mrs. Nathan."

Allie laughed. "Well, I think you'd better ask Mountie Nathan, Jack. He might want to sit there, too. By his wife."

"He can sit on the other side," Jack said, clearly staking his claim.

"Jack," Elizabeth chided, already taking a seat beside her son. "The man of the house's position is at the head of the table. You scoot over and sit on the other side of me and let Nathan sit there."

"That's alright, Jack," Nathan chuckled. "You're a guest here tonight. I'll happily sit on this side of Mrs. Nathan, like you suggested."

As Nathan came to the chair on the other side of Charlotte, she caught Elizabeth's look of regret as he moved further down the table and away from where she had wished he would sit.

Nathan placed a firm hand on Charlotte's shoulder and bent to press a sweet kiss to her forehead, smiling warmly as he sat down beside her and across from Allie. He had washed up when he changed into his blue woolen shirt and dark trousers. His scent was clean and masculine, causing Charlotte's head to swim and heart to race. "Dinner looks wonderful, Charlie." He whispered. "Thank you."

They all took hands and Nathan led them in saying grace over their meal. Through the prayers, Nathan gently rubbed his thumb over Charlotte's, easing the tension in her muscles.

Conversation flowed freely through dinner. Jack talked about his excitement in starting to come to school at least a few days a week like all the older children. Allie brought up the wedding and Christmas. Archie and Maise. The house and the ranch. Nathan discussed his return to work this week and digging out of the piles of paperwork left behind by Gabe and Bill. Because he didn't feel like bringing it up around Elizabeth or Jack, he avoided the topic of the shooting and the Mountie Ball in a couple weeks, as well as his commendation. Elizabeth filled the remaining time talking about her very successful book tour and all the places they had seen and traveled over the past few months.

After a while, Jack became impatient and blurted. "Mrs. Nathan. I know I'm supposed to be polite, but do you think we can have my chocolate birthday cake now?"

The Grants all laughed, seemingly thankful for the break in discussing the finer aspects of Bruges and Brussels.

"Of course, Jack," Charlotte reached over and ruffled the boy's hair. "I think it's a perfect time to have some cake." She stood and started to clear the table of their dirty bowls and silverware.

"Here, let me help," Elizabeth offered, starting to stand.

"No," Charlotte said, almost too quickly. "Please, you are a guest. Let me take care of this and get the cake." Then turning her attention to her daughter. "Allie, will you go and get Jack's birthday present? It's in the cedar chest in the living room." Allie nodded in agreement as both women left the dining table in opposite directions.

When Charlotte entered the safety and seclusion of the kitchen, she took a deep breath. Filling her lungs with the air and life that had seemed to be slowly sucked out of her over the past hours.

Nathan took her hand where it rested on the counter, and she started. Charlotte hadn't heard him enter the room with the remaining dishes from their dinner. "What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing." Warmth spread through her at his touch.

He frowned slightly. "Something's bothering you."

She shrugged, not meeting his eyes.

He studied her thoughtfully. "Did Elizabeth say something?"

"It wouldn't matter if she did."

"It would matter to me. If she hurts you, she hurts me."

His tone caught her full attention. She despised that Elizabeth still had a way of making Charlotte doubt, when nothing Nathan had ever done or said to her should make Charlotte think that he was not completely committed to her and their marriage. Just like she was to him.

"Will you grab the small plates over there? And some forks?" Charlotte shifted the subject. Nathan, seeming to realize she didn't want to talk about it right now with their guests only a few feet away, nodded in agreement and moved to fetch the dishes.

They returned together to the dining room, chocolate cake and plates in hand, as everyone joined in singing 'Happy Birthday' to Jack. The boy's eyes grew large as Charlotte set the cake in front of him. He twisted in his chair and hugged her around the waist. His broad smile directed up at her, made Charlotte's heart twist. Her anxiety from the evening slipped further away as Nathan wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer into his side. "That little boy loves you." He whispered into her ear.

After the song, while Charlotte and Nathan cut and distributed the cake, Jack opened his belated birthday present from the Grants. Allie had made him a very cute card, but it was Nathan's hand carved baseball bat, the perfect size for a young boy, that had Little Jack jumping for joy.

"Thank you, Mountie Nathan!" The birthday boy hugged Nathan around his knees. "Now I can practice so I can play in this year's baseball tournament for your birthday."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Jack." Nathan grinned. "We could always use more players."

After everyone had enjoyed a slice of cake, Elizabeth stated. "Well, it was a lovely evening, but it's getting late. Jack and I should head back to town." She had been rather withdrawn since Nathan had followed Charlotte into the kitchen earlier.

"Momma," Jack rebutted. "Mrs. Nathan was going to read a chapter or two of that book."

"Jack, I can always read it to you another time," Charlotte tried to ease the boy's concerns. "Or when Allie is done reading it, we can lend it to your mom, and she can read it to you."

"Momma doesn't read to me anymore," the little boy commented.

"Jack!" Elizabeth gasped. "How can you say that? I just read to you last night."

"No, you didn't. You were going to, and then you got that phone call, and it was taking so long I ended up falling asleep before you returned. And when we were away, it was always Laura who read to me or Grandpa Thatcher."

Nathan and Charlotte shared a sideways glance. A silence settled over the room. No one was quite sure of what to say to diffuse the situation.

"Please, Momma." The little boy begged. "Can Mrs. Nathan just read one chapter before we go home?"

Elizabeth's gaze was on her son who was staring back. Silently pleading. "Alright. But only one. It's almost past your bedtime and we still need to drive back to the row houses."

They all moved into the living room. Elizabeth sat on the couch, Charlotte on the other side, closest to the fireplace. Allie curled up into Charlotte, snuggling in close like she usually did in their evenings together. Nathan placed another log onto the fire before sitting across from them in his chair.

As Charlotte opened the book, she gave a start of surprise when Jack climbed up into her lap. Charlotte touched his light, silky hair and was enchanted. Little Jack was soft and cuddly, with glowing cheeks and bright eyes. Glancing up, Charlotte encountered Nathan's gaze. He smiled gently, urging Charlotte to begin.

"At sunset hour the forest was still, lonely, sweet with tang of fir and spruce, blazing in gold and red and green; and the man who glided on under the great trees seemed to blend with the colors and, disappearing, to have become a part of the wild woodlands."

Charlotte read on through the first chapter, but when she reached the end, Jack begged for one more, which Elizabeth reluctantly agreed to. So, Charlotte continued, bringing to life the setting and characters from the story with the different voices and inflections she used. She rested her head on Jack's and held him close, not noticing the boy had fallen asleep in her arms until she reached the end of the next chapter.

"Dale broke away from them and wended a thoughtful way down the road. The burden of what he knew about Beasley weighed less heavily upon him, and the close-lipped course he had decided upon appeared wisest. He needed to think before undertaking to call upon old Al Auchincloss; and to that end he sought an hour's seclusion under the pines."

Charlotte looked up after finishing the chapter and saw Nathan's gentle gaze on her. Her heart fluttered. They studied one another, talking without sharing a single word. Lost in their own world and understanding until Elizabeth spoke.

"I'm not sure how I'm going to get Jack to the car now that he's fallen asleep."

Nathan again sought Charlotte's gaze and she nodded in agreement.

"I'll carry him out for you, Elizabeth," Nathan said, standing and coming to Charlotte as she shifted the boy's weight into his open arms. Jack stirred slightly, but soon fell back asleep, his face buried in the crook of Nathan's neck. They walked into the hallway and while Elizabeth put on her coat, Allie and Charlotte packed up the remaining cake into the basket Elizabeth had brought, along with the extra chicken and dumplings for her to deliver to the Coulter's as a care package to Fred.

"Goodnight, Charlotte. Allie." Elizabeth nodded in both women's directions. "It was a lovely evening. A beautiful home you've built here, Nathan."

"I know," Nathan answered, as his gaze didn't falter from where Allie and Charlotte stood. They were his home. The rest was just a place. He winked at his girls before focusing on Allie. "It's about your bedtime too, young lady."

"Go wash up," Charlotte said, brushing a hand over Allie's hair before leaning forward to lovingly kiss the girl's forehead. "I'll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in."

"Goodnight, Mrs. Bouchard." Allie nodded in Elizabeth's direction.

"Goodnight, Dad." She said, hugging Nathan's side.

"Night, sweetheart." He squeezed in return, placing a kiss to the top of Allie's head before the girl scampered up the stairs.

Nathan took a few steps towards Charlotte and reached forward. Tipping her chin, he kissed her. Charlotte felt her insides melting, her knees weakening. When Nathan lifted his head, he touched her face tenderly. "I'll be in shortly."

Pressing her hand against her quivering stomach, she watched him stride towards the door where Elizabeth was waiting.

"Goodnight, Elizabeth." Charlotte said. Her breath was noticeably unsteady, and she wasn't sure if it was because of Nathan's kiss or the other woman's cold stare.

"Goodnight, Charlotte." Elizabeth answered as she and Nathan disappeared into the night.

"There," Nathan said, after positioning Little Jack in the seat of Elizabeth's car. He reached for a blanket out of the back and covered the boy, tucking the fabric around his sides. "He's pretty exhausted, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Elizabeth agreed. "It's been a busy few months."

"If you need someone to carry Jack into the house once you get back to Hope Valley, I'm sure Joseph or maybe Mr. Weise would be willing to help."

"I'll be fine."

Nathan turned to face Elizabeth. The faintest glow from the house illuminated her from behind, hiding her expressions from him. She had worn the same purple dress and coat tonight that she had over three years ago. The day of the prisoner transport when she thought he had been shot and ran into his arms. Seemingly never wanting to let go.

But she had let go. Nathan shook his head of the cobwebs she spun. Had Elizabeth worn this dress on purpose?

She wore the same perfume, but the smell didn't cause the same sensations it once had for Nathan. It overpowered her. It was a mask on Elizabeth. Something she could hide behind, instead of something that accentuated the woman she was.

Nathan saw Elizabeth turn back and look at the house. Her gaze scanning its length, taking it all in. "I hope Charlotte isn't jealous that you are out here with me right now."

"Why would she be jealous?" He asked harshly, quietly closing the car door behind him. Was that the reason for Elizabeth's gander at the house? She was looking to see if Charlotte was spying on them. Nathan could feel heat rise in his body. "Have we done anything that would warrant her to feel that way?"

Elizabeth turned, her focus now explicitly on him. "We have a history together."

"That's just it. History."

Her lips pursed for a moment, but then it faded, and she floated forward and leaned against the car beside him. "You can't just completely erase your feelings towards someone and act like it never happened."

"What does that mean?" Nathan's jaw tensed and he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his trousers. He had watched Charlotte throughout the evening. Seeing her withdraw further and further into herself. She had been a gracious hostess but said very little. She was preoccupied, in full retreat, building up walls to protect herself. He'd seen it before, but he had hoped to never experience them again. Not between each other. He had tried to ask what was on her mind earlier in the kitchen, but it wasn't the right place, he realized that. It hadn't taken him long after walking back into the house from untacking Newton to realize something had happened between the two women.

Elizabeth's eyes flickered. "Let's talk about something else, shall we?" she said and took a step away from him.

He caught her arm and turned her back towards him before releasing his grip. "No. Let's talk about what's on your mind."

"There's nothing on my mind." He waited, obviously unsatisfied. "Fine." She drew in a ragged breath. "Being here tonight. With Jack, Allie, and you. I couldn't help but think of what could have been between us. If only I had admitted what you meant to me. What you still mean to me..." She hugged her coat about her.

What could have been. Charlotte had said the exact same thing this morning.

"I do know what we have Nathan, it's just I'm not always certain, Elizabeth knows."

"Did you say something to Charlotte tonight?" Nathan studied Elizabeth. She looked pale and uneasy at his question. Guilty.

"You were there. We barely spoke."

"But you did speak." His voice was tight, and his shoulders stiffened in defense. "Didn't you?"

"Of course, we spoke," Elizabeth's voice rose to match his.

Nathan frowned slightly. "What did you say to her?"

Elizabeth was tense, worrying away at the seam in her glove. "It wasn't really anything."

"Obviously it was something. You've spent enough time with Charlotte over the past year and a half to know she wasn't herself tonight. All of us could see it. So, what caused it?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do."

"I told her exactly what I just told you. That being here made me think about what-if. What we could have been. The four of us. The life we would have created together."

"You said that to her?" Nathan ran a hand through his hair. "Elizabeth, what are you doing? Why the attack?"

"I'm not attacking. I'm being honest. For the first time in a long time. I'm being honest with you… and myself." She looked away, shoulders sagging. "You asked me what was on my mind. Don't be mad that I told you."

"Yeah, I'm mad. You're pushing again. Pushing hard."

"You should know that I never did see Jack in you-"

"I don't want to hear it!"

"-And in certain ways, I wonder if I'm still in love with you."

Nathan let out a sharp breath as though she had punched him hard. He stared at her for a long moment, a muscle jerking in his cheek. "Why say those things now? Did it make you feel better to throw that in my face? In Charlotte's?"

"Not much," she said dully. Elizabeth fixed her steely eyes on him. "I shouldn't have said anything." She whispered. "I need to go."

"Don't leave it at that, Elizabeth." Nathan could feel himself shaking with anger. The idyll was over. The storm had hit. "Tell me the rest of what you've done and felt. What you've been holding back. Get it off your chest once and for all. Dump it on me. Not Charlotte. Never her. She has nothing to do with your unhappiness."

"She has everything to do with it!" Elizabeth whipped. Tears welling in her eyes. "Don't you see that? Everything! You were here tonight. You see the way that Allie adores her. Even my own son!" She chuckled softly in self-mockery. "And you…"

"What about me?"

"The way you look at her…" Elizabeth choked.

"How do I look at her?"

Elizabeth gave a bleak, broken laugh. "I don't even think I can describe it. Attraction. Admiration. It's a connection you two share that's..."

Nathan stood like a soldier going into battle. "Charlotte's my wife, Elizabeth. And she is Allie's mom. She loves us for exactly who we are and because of that I have never felt more truly seen or more appreciated in my life. And the love we feel for her in return… that can't be described. Because it's not like anything I've felt before… or will ever again."

Elizabeth couldn't hold his stare.

"As for how Jack acts with her… Charlotte is kind, generous, funny, and incredibly tenderhearted. Children are drawn to her naturally. Just as they always were to you, Elizabeth." Nathan's anger softened. The woman in front of him seemed more lost, confused, and hardened than Charlotte ever had, and it saddened him. "Your son loves you. And he always will." Nathan paused for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. "I know how much it hurt me in the past when I received unsolicited parenting advice from others…"

Elizabeth looked up at him then as realization hit her square in the gut.

Nathan continued. "And because of that, I don't feel like I should be saying this, but for Jack's sake I'm going to. You're never going to get this time with your son back, Elizabeth. They are only this age for so long. I never got that chance with Allie. Being there when she was born. Or learning to walk. Or saying her first words. And I would give anything to have that. To experience that growth with her. The first few years of a child's life is filled with so much discovery and shaping who they will become. Because of that, Allie was always the first person I had to think of when I made any life decisions, because that's what you do when you are a parent. You put your child's needs above all else. That's why I stayed in Hope Valley even after receiving the inspector promotion I had wanted for so long. We had found a loving and supportive community here and it wouldn't have been fair of me to take her away from that. Nor did I want to. So, I sacrificed something I wanted for her needs. It was one of the best choices I have ever made, because not only did it lead me to officially becoming her dad… But in staying, I also found my best friend."

Elizabeth stood, stunned. Alternately hot and cold. His words had gone straight through her breastplate.

"Elizabeth, you know the horror of Charlotte's past. And the abuse she has experienced. It's hard for her to trust people. When she came here…" Nathan's voice broke as visions of Charlotte's battered body ran through his mind. "She had walls built all around her. High, thick stone walls. And I can't say I blame her, but slowly she learned to trust… and to love. Over time, those walls began to crumble as Charlotte learned she could let others love her and know we would not use that power against her."

Nathan shifted his gaze to the house. He wanted nothing more than to run back into its warmth and his wife's embrace, but he needed Elizabeth to understand everything. No more minced words. "Because of the abuse Charlotte has experienced, sometimes the smallest, most untrue things, or words, can cause her to retreat again. To rebuild those walls. I wish I could say you didn't realize what you were doing tonight. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't on purpose trying to give Charlotte the mortar and stones to start building those walls again between her and I, but you're too smart for that Mrs. Bouchard."

Elizabeth reeled. The name was like a slap in the face from Nathan. He had never used it before when talking to her.

"You knew what you were doing and that disappoints me more than anything. You claim to love me. Then don't try to break down everything that Charlotte and I have created together. Respect the life I have with her. Just as I have respected the life you've chosen with Lucas."

Neither spoke for a moment. Nathan noted even the wilderness around them was deathly quiet. As if every living being in the valley waited on bated breath to see what would happen next. It was never that way with Charlotte. There was always music being made in nature with her. The mountain breeze carried on it notes of life and love that sounded sweeter to them than any big city orchestra ever could.

But right now, there was nothing but silence, and it was deafening to Nathan.

"Anything else?" She asked quietly.

"You should know… one morning while Charlotte and I were having coffee before you left town on your book tour, she said something to me. And I think you need to hear it. Because it will tell you more about the type of woman Charlotte is, than I ever could. She had told me she felt the need to extend you grace, Elizabeth. She didn't know the battles you had personally gone through in life. She hadn't walked the same path as you. She didn't know what it felt like to be a single parent. She didn't know what it felt like to lose a love like you had with Jack. She knew that all those experiences, they change someone. Just like you will never be able to understand what Charlotte has gone through and how that's shaped the woman she is. Elizabeth, I have faith that someday, you'll figure out what you truly want in life, and you won't hesitate to fight for it. And when that day comes, Charlotte and I will be there to support you in your decisions, as will the rest of Hope Valley, because we are your friends. But you're going to have to learn how to forgive yourself before you'll truly be able to accept it from us."