Chapter 108- Trepidation and Redemption

Nathan knew something was bothering his father. Archie seemingly refused to make eye contact and was aloof all morning over their breakfast at the café. Even when Nathan tried to talk about his night with Allie, who usually brought a sparkle to Archie's eyes, his father was sullen and reserved.

Now here they sat, hands wrapped around their coffee cups. Archie's; full and basically untouched. Nathan's drained. Just like his nerves. In the silence, his mind stirred. He hated to think about it, but that didn't stop the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

The man who sat across from him was acting more like the father of Nathan's childhood than the redeemed one he had come to know over the past few years.

What was it? Had Archie stolen something? There were plenty of fancy stores in town and fine things in the hotel. Had he fallen back into gambling? Nathan knew of many high-stakes saloons within easy walking distance.

Nathan ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"I'm guessing you already know why I wanted to talk to you this morning," Archie finally broke the silence between them as he stared out the café window to the bustling Calgary street.

"No. I don't." Nathan snapped, harsher than he intended to. "Should I?"

"I'm sorry," Archie's eyes finally connected with his. "I guess, I just don't know how to talk to you about this. I don't want to hurt you and I'm afraid what I need to say may do that."

"Dad," Nathan's voice was tense. "Just tell me."

Archie's eyes again shifted outside. His mind seemingly in a different time and place. Nathan couldn't take it anymore. He sighed deeply, shaking his head.

"Obviously, you're not ready to discuss what's on your mind. I just hope when you are ready…" Nathan abruptly pushed back his chair as he placed money to pay for their breakfast onto the table. "It's not too late for me to help you."

Nathan turned to leave, but Archie's broken voice stopped him. "Nathan. Please."

Nathan's jaw clenched as he worked to control his emotions. He glanced over his shoulder at his father. Archie's eye's silently pleading with him. Whatever his dad had to tell him, it wasn't good, but Nathan felt he owed it to Archie to listen. He returned to the chair and sat down.

"I know I hurt you when I broke my promise to stay away from your mother. You had told me that she had a new life, that didn't include me, and you were upset when you found out we had reconnected."

Nathan nodded his head in agreement, thinking back to late this summer when after the small dinner party to welcome his mother to town, Allie had let it slip that Archie and Maise had not only been communicating, but seemingly reconnected. Nathan was furious and had lashed out at Allie, his mother, and Charlotte. It was far from his proudest moment. He had let the pains and hurt of his childhood erupt between them all. He couldn't help replaying his and Charlotte's fight about it.

"I can't believe they kept this from me! Dad promised me that he would leave mom alone. That he would let her have a new life that didn't include him. I love them both, but they aren't right for each other. I know if I was married, I could never imagine not being there every single day for my wife and children. Letting them know they are safe and cared for. Letting them know every moment that they are loved…"

"I know you will." Charlotte had tried to comfort. "You and I, more than most, should realize that life isn't perfect. People make mistakes, but what they do to fix those mistakes, that's the important part. The love and courage it takes to mend those fences, to set things right, that is something to be proud of too."

"You'll never understand," he had snapped. "My childhood wasn't like yours."

Nathan had regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

"I don't believe your parents reconnected just to hurt or upset you, Nathan. There is probably a reason behind it all and unfortunately, I don't have that answer. Not tonight anyway. So, I think it's best if we both just try to get some rest. It's late. You have a lot of information and feelings that you need time to process through. I'll see you in the morning."

The next morning, like whenever his world felt heavy, Nathan found himself in their backyard, chopping firewood. Charlotte had joined him there so they could talk further about the night before. Nathan would never forget what she had said to him.

"Nathan, as close as you are to perfect. You have flaws. Just like I hope you are able to see mine. You feel so incredibly deeply and want to protect everyone you care about, but you are allowed to feel emotions and act on them. As long as we can talk about it. That's what is important. Communication. Last night, you said I will never understand your childhood and you were right. I probably will never be able to understand all the hurt that you felt growing up like you did. Just like you will never be able to fully understand the pains of my past. But even though you didn't walk the same path I have; it doesn't mean that you weren't there for me every step of the way. You've pushed me when I needed it, held me when I cried, listened to my concerns, and have been my best friend through it all. I'll do the same for you. The only piece of advice I will give is this; I would do anything to have both of my parents back in my life and you have that opportunity. Which seems to me like such a blessing, but however you want to handle Archie and Maise's relationship, I'll support your decision. Just like you have always supported me."

Remembering Charlotte and her understanding and encouragement seemed to pull Nathan back to the present. "Dad, I know why you reconnected with Mom. It wasn't to hurt me, but rather help her."

"I know I can never make it up to you, or her, for all the times I was a lousy father and husband." Archie let out a ragged breath. "But I had hoped that being here now could help to make amends. Especially for her. I was never what Maise deserved, but with her illness, I wanted to show her I, at least, could be a better friend and be there when she needed someone the most."

"And you have been, Dad." Nathan reached forward and touched Archie's arm. "I remember something Charlotte told me this summer when I found out you and mom had reconnected. She said that people make mistakes, but what they do to fix those mistakes, that's the important part. The love and courage it takes to mend those fences, to set things right, that is something to be proud of too."

"People can change, son. If they are strong enough and motivated to do the right thing for the people they love. And I love you and Allie and Charlotte, but Nathan…" Archie swallowed the lump in his throat. "The love I feel for your mother, it has never wavered. I know I've made some terrible decisions in my life, ones that have cost me everything. But I never stopped loving her. I've always held a sliver of hope that, one day, I'd be a man she truly deserves."

Archie squeezed his eyes shut. Silence fell between the two men, for a long moment before Nathan's father continued. "I don't know if I'll ever be that man, but I want to try. I want her to remember me like this. How I am now. Before…" Archie's voice cracked. "Before it's too late for her to remember anything."

"Dad…" Nathan's throat choked with emotions. "What are you trying to say?"

"What I'm trying to say is… I want to ask your mom to marry me- again."

Nathan knew his jaw dropped open in shock.

"I know we are technically still married, but… I want to renew our vows."

"Is this just because of her illness?"

"That's not the reason." Archie took a deep breath. "But her dementia is what is pushing me past my fears."

"Fears?"

"Yes. Fears. I'm afraid that Maise won't want to take a second chance with me. That I've hurt her too much in the past."

"How long have you been thinking about this? About you and Mom getting back together?"

Archie gave him a small smile and with that one gesture, Nathan knew the answer. A very long time.

"I've actually talked about it with Joseph quite often since I came to Hope Valley."

"You have?"

Archie nodded his head. "While we would be working on your house together, we would discuss and pray about it daily. About what it would mean not only for myself and Maise, but you, Allie, and Charlotte as well." Archie seemed to search Nathan's face. Trying to read his son's reactions. "I have your wedding to blame for pushing me to act," Archie chuckled under his breath. "To do something that has been on my heart for so long."

"My wedding?"

"Yes." Archie's eyes seemed to sparkle at the memory. "Joseph's final prayer. When he asked God to help you and Charlotte be each other's strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. That God give you grace, when you hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge your faults, and to seek each other's forgiveness and God's. That he makes your life together a sign of your love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair."

Nathan was taken right back to that little white church. The sights, the sounds, the softness of Charlotte's hands in his, and the pounding of his heart beating wildly against his chest as Bill and Joseph officiated the ceremony. Every part of it had been tailored to fit him and Charlotte, but as Archie repeated the final blessing from Joseph, he realized how much those words could also hold special meaning for his parents as well.

"Your mother and I took the same vows you and Charlotte did. For better or worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness…" Archie's voice broke. "In health. To love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live."

"What are your plans?"

"Joseph and I have been talking for some time about starting a construction company. We work well together and with Hope Valley and the surrounding areas growing so quickly, we thought it would be something that the community could use. In the winter, when we can't build, we will spend time making furniture and other things to sell in the store?"

"The store?" Nathan raised a questioning eyebrow.

"After Faith and Carson's wedding in a couple weeks, he plans on moving into the living quarters of the hospital with her. Once that happens, the infirmary will be empty. We've talked to Lee and Ned about investing into our venture. It would benefit Lee with the mill and then with the furniture we plan on making, it can be an extension of Yost's mercantile. If your mother and I move into the residence on the second floor of the infirmary, she will be closer to both you and Charlotte during the weekdays if I'm away at a construction site, and then I will be there in the evenings and weekends for her."

"So, you're staying in Hope Valley? Permanently?"

"Only if this is something you want too, Nathan. This is as much your decision as it is mine and Maise's."

It was Nathan's turn to look out the window, his mind and heart racing. Did he want this too? He blew out a deep breath, and with it, he released the final weight from his tumultuous past with his father.

"Dad, I've spent so many years being angry at you," Nathan's gaze switched from the window back to his father, whose eyes had fallen into his wringing hands on the table. "While yes, you've made some terrible decisions in your life, that ended up breaking up our family and causing so much pain, I forgive you. You had your own demons to fight, but you've done your time. You're a different man now. You've made a better life for yourself and… I'm proud of you. If Mom agrees, you both have my blessing and support."

"Really?" Archie questioned, with a slight quiver in his voice. "I didn't… I didn't think you would be okay with this."

Nathan could feel a smile growing across his face. "We deserve to be a family again. Now more than ever. I want Allie, and any future children Charlotte and I may be blessed with, to be able to know their grandma and grandpa. I want them to have you both in their lives. Like Colleen and I had in Nan and Pop. I want this for them. I want this for all of us."

"Son…" Visible relief spread across Archie's body. "It's all I've ever wanted and prayed for."

"Good. So how are you asking Mom to marry you? Again." Nathan teased.

"I went with Gabe yesterday to the jewelry store down the street."

"Wait?" Nathan's brow furrowed. "Why did Kinslow need to go to a jewelry store?"

Archie produced a mocking scowl across his face. "And you call yourself an investigator, Grant? I would assume the reason would be obvious."

"Oh." Nathan chuckled as realization hit him. "I thought he's been acting strange the past few days. He's finally going to ask Lillian?"

Archie nodded. "He is."

"When? Why didn't he talk to me about this? Why did he take you to the store?" Nathan rattled off all the questions that flew through his mind, before shaking it off. "Never mind. You were going to tell me about your planned proposal."

"You'll never believe it," Archie said, digging into the inside breast pocket of his suit jacket. "But when we were there, I saw this, and I knew… I knew that this was the sign God was sending to tell me it was time to get past my fears and talk to you and Maise about my feelings."

As Archie unfolded the handkerchief onto the table, Nathan's eyes grew big. "Is that?"

"It is."