Chapter 110- Reasons
Charlotte hadn't realized there would be assigned seating at the meal. She assumed they would be free to sit with their friends and family, but soon after she and Nathan had entered the ballroom, they were quickly ushered to their seats by a baby-faced Mountie.
Charlotte tried not to pay attention to all the stares she and Nathan still seemed to be collecting as they made their way towards a large round table near the stage at the front of the room. Her husband must have felt her unease as his fingers tightened slightly around hers, drawing Charlotte's attention to him, he winked. His attempts to give her courage pulled at her heartstrings. Knowing him the way she did, Charlotte understood he was probably struggling just as much with all the attention being bestowed onto them.
When they arrived at their table, the men all rose to acknowledge Charlotte and shake Nathan's hand. The rest of their group from Hope Valley and Brookfield were being positioned at nearby tables with a few of the other officers Charlotte remembered meeting Thursday at dinner. The young constable, who escorted them in, pulled out Charlotte's chair at the table, but Nathan kindly excused the boy to help his wife into her seat, before taking his position on her left.
Beside Nathan sat Chief Superintendent Collins and his wife Nancy. George Lane was positioned next to Nancy Collins, and his wife, Elizabeth Lane, sat on his other side. One of the final two at their table was the highest-ranking officer at the ball, Assistant Commissioner Duncan Aitchison. He had also been one of the officers Nathan and Charlotte were introduced to the other night. Aitchison had traveled from Cape Fullerton to escort Mrs. Mary Macleod, the widow of the late Commissioner James Macleod, to the ball. Macleod had been a highly regarded officer of the NWMP and a prominent citizen in the area. Even after his death, over fifteen years ago, Mary had stayed in touch with many in the Mounties and enjoyed coming to events like these to show her support for the profession.
"I'll never understand why there is so much tableware at these events," Mary leaned over and whispered to Charlotte after seeing the internal struggle she was having trying to determine which fork to use first. "I always feel terrible for the kitchen staff who have to clean all these plates, glasses, and silverware after we are through."
Mary reached for the smaller fork on the outside of her setting, holding it up slightly so Charlotte could see which one to use first. Charlotte gave the other woman a thankful smile.
Even in her late sixties, Mary Macleod was still a beautiful woman. While her hair was mostly grey now and her skin slightly wrinkled from years in the sun, her eyes were light and happy. She had a kindness about her, but also a strength that radiated from within. Charlotte instantly felt a connection with the woman. They were both part of the wives of the Mounties club, but it seemed more than that. They were a sisterhood of women married to honorable men. A confidant, friend, and sounding board to their husbands. Those who knew them as more than the serge.
As their meal progressed, Charlotte had to admit, she enjoyed the conversation and people they were with. Mary, as she insisted Nathan and Charlotte call her, spoke lovingly about her late husband, James, and all the adventures that they shared together, especially in the early years of the Mounties. Chief Superintendent Collins and Nancy echoed her sentiments. George and Elizabeth Lane shared their own marital advice for the newlyweds and told more stories of Charlotte's parents and the ranching community she had grown up in. The Lane's felt as though they shared a certain level of kinship with the Grants since they too had married on Christmas Eve over thirty-five years earlier.
Assistant Commissioner Aitchison, while still a willing participant in the table's conversations, was the sole bachelor of the group. In fact, he seemed quite against the idea of Mounties marrying.
"Other men can run their lives with family first then work," Aitchison had commented. "But a Mountie must put his job before all else. He shouldn't ask a woman to take a lesser position."
Charlotte noticed Nathan's jaw tense at the comment, but her husband, as well as the others on the table stayed silent. No one choosing to pick this particular battle with the higher-ranking officer.
"Of course, there are some who seem to make it work," Aitchison continued. "But I think that it's a mistake. Most young women who come out here are used to plays and concerts and dinner parties back east. They are unfit to trade all that for blizzards and sickness, wild animals, and loneliness. Do you really think that they would appreciate that exchange? Come on, even love can't stand a test like that."
"My, my," Mary spoke up. "Quite the cynic, you are Duncan. While yes, over the years, I have seen my fair share of softer women wither when pressed by what is required of them, I have also seen plenty bloom. I think every woman at this table is of the latter group."
"Yes," Aitchison answered slowly. "Some have. But I'd be ashamed to ask it of the woman I loved."
"Then you would also be short-selling the woman you loved," Nancy Collins said softly. "If she really loved you."
Aitchison shook his head slightly, "Even if they could withstand the hardships of a Mountie's life, everyone at this table understands the dangers of it. How it can tear apart not only marriages, but families." His eye's bore into Charlotte's. "I've seen many a woman never be the same after losing a love to the Mounties."
There was a long draw of silence at the table. George Lane finally broke through the awkwardness, shifting the conversation away from the Mounties and onto discussions about the current cattle markets and the drought conditions that seemed to be spreading into the region over the past couple years.
Charlotte could tell Aitchison's words had struck a chord with Nathan on multiple levels as he suddenly seemed withdrawn. Charlotte reached over and took his hand, squeezing it in reassurance. The action seemed to do the trick as Nathan's shoulders straightened and he gave her a short nod in understanding, before joining back into the table's conversation. Charlotte felt Mary's gaze on her and turned slightly to face the woman on her right.
"Don't let this fool, or anyone else for that matter, tell you what love can and cannot do, Charlotte," Mary whispered, tilting her head slightly in Aitchison's direction. "Duncan wouldn't know true love if it bit him on the behind. Your Mountie here… Well, I can tell he's got a good head on his shoulders, and his priorities straight. You give him your heart and he'll protect it with everything he has. But make sure you do the same. Be there for each other through everything life throws at you and you will have no regrets."
After the meal had reached its end, it was time for the official ceremony to begin. Collins opened with a few words before handing over the next part of the proceedings to Superintendent Hargraves. Charlotte heard the smallest of groans escape from Nathan when Hargraves took the stage. She glanced over at him, and he rolled his eyes ever so slightly in a mocking manner. A gesture, thankfully, only Charlotte was attuned to. She worked to suppress a giggle from escaping. Nathan had told her everything there was to know about Hargraves, and she was glad to finally put a face to a name the other night when they were introduced at the hotel restaurant.
Hargraves had been tasked with announcing the Royal Canadian Mounted Police's promotions over the past year. As he began, Charlotte glanced over at the tables beside them, filled with their friends and family. Fred had moved from his own chair to sit on his father's lap. His droopy head rested against Lee's shoulder.
"Looks like Fred has the right idea," Nathan leaned over and whispered in Charlotte's ear.
"It's been a busy few days for all of us," Charlotte responded. "Rosemary didn't think he would last very long tonight. She had hoped he could make it to the dance, but I don't believe any of us accounted for this portion of the ceremony."
Nathan chuckled. "I should have warned you. The Mounties are known for their formalities and speeches. Unfortunately, it does have a way of drudging along. Especially with Andrew in command of the pageantry.
Hargraves continued reading. Most of the Mounties receiving promotions were not in attendance, but if they were, they came to the front of the room to be formally given their new insignia. The long list of names meant nothing to Charlotte. She didn't know Inspector Cortlandt Starnes from Corporal Stuart Taylor Wood. It wasn't until Hargraves reached the promotions to Sergeant, did Charlotte hear a name she recognized.
"Constable Nathan Grant. Hope Valley, Alberta. Promoted to Sergeant Nathan Grant. Hope Valley, Alberta."
"Nathan!" Charlotte gasped, wrapping her husband into a hug. "Congratulations!"
"Go Dad!" Allie called out.
A lively whistle sounded from Tremblay along with shouts of excitement from others in the room.
"Well done, Nathan." Mary smiled from beside Charlotte.
Nathan was flabbergasted. Completely stunned with his mouth agape.
"Don't just sit there, Grant," Chief Superintendent Collins stated, patting Nathan on the shoulder. "Go get your stripes. They are long past due."
Nathan shook his head, as if trying to clear it from the fog. He rose, placing a peck of a kiss to Charlotte's cheek in the motion and made his way to the stage. Hargraves presented the badge to Nathan and attached it to his right shoulder.
"Congratulations, Grant. Very well deserved." Another round of applause and cheers resounded as Hargraves shook Nathan's hand. The look in Andrew's eyes, let Nathan know the superintendent truly meant the words he was saying. He was happy for Nathan and seemed rather regretful for the vengeful career taints he had produced in the past.
It took Nathan some time to come back to his dinner table as he was stopped along the way for more words of congratulations from others in the room.
When he finally sat down in his chair, he let out a long, slow breath. Again, shaking his head in disbelief. "Didn't expect that to happen tonight. Or ever."
"These look pretty good on you," Charlotte commented, her fingers tracing over Nathan's new marking of three stripes and with a small crown atop.
"What happened to the uniform does not define who I am to you?" Nathan joked.
"It doesn't define who you are to me," her voice turned low and sultry as she leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "But I'd be lying if I didn't say it makes me think about the man out of the uniform."
For the second time in just a few minutes, Nathan's jaw dropped to the floor for a moment before he glanced over Charlotte's shoulder towards the door. Seemingly contemplating if it was necessary for them to stay the rest of the evening or if they could be excused from the proceedings now.
Reading his thoughts, Charlotte laughed and ran a thumb along his jawline. "Easy there, Sarge." She smiled and her eyes hinted at teasing. "We have plenty of time for that later."
To everyone's pleasure, Gabe had also been promoted to sergeant, and recognized in front of the crowd only a few names after Nathan. He too had seemed quite surprised, but very appreciative of the promotion.
As the proceedings moved forward, Collin's returned to the stage for the presentation of the Order of Merit recipients. He explained to the crowd that the award represented the best of the best in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and the country as a whole. The Order of Merit honors the leadership and exceptional service, or distinct merit displayed by the men in uniform. It recognizes their commitment to the Mounties and to their country. The primary focus is on exceptional values, contributions to policing and community development.
First, to be acknowledged was Gabe. Upon receiving his medal, he gave a short and meaningful speech. Mostly about his conversation with Nathan many months ago in his office in Brookfield when they discussed the Mountie's motto and what it meant to them. He then thanked the community he served and the friends that were with him here tonight.
Collins returned to the podium. "The next recipient of this year's Order of Merit, exhibits honesty and bravery; skills and valor that are becoming of the highest-ranking officers, but a humbleness unmatched by any man I have ever met. He lives his life with a strong sense of purpose and a code of ethics and faith many I know in this room are honored to serve with. Many men choose their postings based on how it will advance their careers and serve them best. But this individual chose his path, based on how it would honor a fallen comrade while also providing a place to settle down with those he loves most. Sergeant Nathan Grant of Hope Valley, Alberta; please come forward to receive your Order of Merit."
Charlotte's eyes blurred with tears as she pridefully watched Nathan make his way back to the stage and the crowd rose to their feet in a standing ovation. Their cheers and applause did not silence until after Collins had pinned the medal to Nathan's chest and he moved to the podium for his speech. As he reached into the pocket of his serge for the paper that held his notes, those in attendance took their seats.
Charlotte knew every word of her husband's address. While Nathan had written it himself, he had asked that she review it with him and help make edits. It was a fine speech. Very similar to what Gabe had just recited himself, but as Nathan looked up, his gaze fell upon hers and she noted something different about him. Instantly she knew the speech he had planned, written, and practiced, was not going to be the one he recited tonight.
Tonight, Nathan Grant was going to speak from his heart.
"Well," Nathan began, glancing down at the paper in front of him. "I'm not much for words, so I had this short speech prepared since Chief Superintendent Collins told me it was a requirement of tonight's ceremony. The thing is, I think Sergeant Kinslow stole most of my material."
The crowd laughed.
"In all seriousness, what Kinslow said tonight, I believe is what all of us want. To uphold the right. While that may be one of the reasons I continue to serve, it's not the initial reason I joined the Mounties."
Nathan paused. His gaze fell from the crowd back to his paper. He worked to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.
"We all have different reasons. Some may think becoming a Mountie is a series of grand adventures in far off places. Or they want to be seen as a hero. Others may join because they think all women love a man in uniform. Right, Tremblay?"
More laughs came forth from the crowd, causing Nathan to sheepishly grin.
"While yes, I've had many adventures in cities and the remotest parts of this country. And yes, the highlight of my career is being able to help and serve those in need…" Nathan paused for a moment, a strong blush seeming to rise up his neck as his eyes fell on Charlotte. "And… on occasion, my wife has confirmed, the serge is a rather handsome look."
Again, the crowd laughed with him.
"None of these reasons were my reason for joining. We all have different pasts. Events that have shaped us into who we are today. Sometimes, our reason for joining is to escape everything that our past tells us we must be. To escape our circumstances. To design our own life. To be the one who dictates who we are and who we want to be. Some people grow up with mentors ready and willing to help along the way."
Charlotte saw Nathan's gaze connect with Bill's.
"Others of us are just looking for a way to right what we thought was so wrong. To be divergent from our past."
Nathan's gaze had shifted to his parents. Archie gave him a reassuring and understanding nod of acceptance. He already knew he was the main reason Nathan had joined the Mounties all those years ago. And Archie was proud that Nathan had done something positive in his life, even if it was his transgressions that pushed his son to that decision.
"Growing up the way I did, it wasn't an easy transition into the Mounties. But I wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted to make the world a different place than it had been for me."
Charlotte again noted the way Nathan worked to control his emotions.
"While life in the Mounties can be full of adventures, it's also full of struggles. Ones that aren't often shared with the outside world, as we believe the outside world, just wouldn't be able to understand. So, they find a way of getting buried deep inside. They find their way into here."
Nathan pointed a finger at his chest. Directly over his heart.
"You get caught up in always being there for everyone else. After a while you can find yourself buried with guilt and the what ifs of this job. Especially when you see or hear of comrades who have been lost in the line of duty."
Many of the Mounties in the room seemed to bow their heads as if remembering their own friends and associates who had been lost along the way.
"While we can't bring those men back. I have always believed that the best way to honor them, their wives, and their families is by continuing to serve in an honorable fashion."
It was then, Nathan looked at Charlotte. She knew he was thinking of Jack Thornton, and she gave him a small smile of encouragement to continue.
"For so long, I never expected to marry. To have kids and a family. A community to call my own. I understood the hardships of this position, and it didn't seem the kind of lifestyle to bring a young woman or children into. I've even heard those very thoughts repeated tonight over dinner. What kind of woman would want to exchange plays and concerts and dinner parties for blizzards, sickness, wild animals, and loneliness?"
Nathan's eyes scanned from Charlotte's to Allie's.
"But it wasn't just a wife I was concerned about bringing into this life, but also a daughter. My daughter." Nathan's voice cracked slightly. "How could I give her every thing she deserved in life when we were always moving from one posting to another? And because of my job, I could be called out of town at a moment's notice to track an escaped prisoner or solve a crime. Never knowing if it would be the last time I told her goodbye or that I loved her."
Charlotte couldn't hold back any longer. Tears freely cascaded down her cheeks. She felt a gentle hand clasp over hers where it rested in her lap. Even through her blurred vision she knew it was Mary's.
"A few years ago, I had come to a point where life just seemed overwhelming. Heavy. I felt as if I was failing at everything. Work. Being a parent. My faith. Those things I mentioned that were being buried deep inside, made me feel as if I was drowning and I no longer knew how to swim."
Nathan's eyes found hers again and Charlotte swept her fingers over her cheeks, ridding them of their tear streaks.
"But then, just when I thought all hope was lost, I was thrown a lifeline. One that offered strength, kindness, support, laughter, help, and love. The strongest and fiercest of loves. So, I reached out to that lifeline, took hold, and refused to let go."
"And thankfully… She did the same." Nathan smiled at her. "Maybe that's ultimately what love is. True love isn't all picnics and candlelit dinners. Sometimes it's something a little more real. Not some grand romantic gesture that we read about in books. Love is having someone to go home to. Having someone who's expecting you. No matter how long your journey has been. Maybe love is being welcomed by someone you miss. By someone you've had on your mind. By someone who's in your heart. Maybe that's what love is all about. And it doesn't have to be a lover. It can be a friend. A relative. Someone who's willing to be there for you. Someone who's willing to listen. To help you. To understand you and make you feel a lot less alone."
"A love like that, can stand any test. Instead of withering in the heat of the day, it sends its roots deeper. Burrowing through the rocks and hardships, until it reaches fertile soil and water that helps it not only to grow, but to bloom."
"I don't know what I would have done without that kind of love. The love of my family, friends, comrades, and community. It's with their love, I've realized that those feelings I buried within myself, no longer had to be solely my own burden to carry. Because shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow."
Nathan looked down at his newly pinned medal as his thumb brushed gently across it.
"While this is a very prestigious honor and I appreciate what it represents, it would mean nothing without them." His intense gaze took in his tables of support. "They have been, and will always be, my reasons. Thank you."