Chapter 124- The Mountains Tremble

*Well, this chapter decided to take on a life of its own, so I'm splitting it into two parts. With the next section getting finished hopefully in time to post tomorrow.

A second reason is there is a lot to digest here (we do a little flip-flopping between present day and shared memories). In this chapter, we get a bit of a look back at what's been happening over the past couple of days since the arrival of Dylan and who in the Grant's lives are stepping up to help in this time of trouble.

While in the next chapter, we will see who in the Grant's lives decides to be a hinderance and how both Nathan and Charlotte react. Will it draw them closer together? Or drive them further apart?

P.S.- I love the deep dive discussion of Chapter 123 that happened the other day over on the Nathan Grant Fanfiction! Home of Sunday Night Serge Facebook page- We have some great inspectors who are digging in deep to this story arc and I'm loving y'alls sleuthing skills! You would all make excellent Mounties! :)

"As the arresting officer you should have been informed he was eligible for early release," Bill said as he sat across the desk from Nathan in the RCMP office a few days later. "Just like we were told about that parole hearing in Union City a few months ago."

Nathan tossed the file he had been looking at back into the growing pile of paperwork between them. "If Dylan is right, with territory jails at their capacity and judges reviewing old cases, I'm sure the judicial system is being a bit bogged down with the extra paperwork. I could see with all the bureaucracy that detail could have been overlooked." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Trying to ease the headache that seemed to have a stronghold on him since Dylan came back. His migraine made the documents in front of him unreadable as the words jumbled and spun around.

He could feel Bill's intense gaze upon him as the judge tried to understand Nathan's lackadaisical response to the break in protocol. "You don't believe that do you? That this was just a fluke?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Bill." Nathan's eyes felt hot and grainy, so he rubbed the heel of his hands against them. "I honestly don't."

The other night after talking about Dylan, Nathan and Charlotte had a few bites of leftovers, just enough to say they ate something before they went to bed but sleep was never to come. Nathan's actions that day had triggered the ghosts of Charlotte's past and against both their wishes she retreated and held her distance. No life shone in her eyes.

Nathan had asked Charlotte if she wished for him to sleep on the rug by the fire instead of sharing the bed with her. He watched her as she contemplated his offer. Seeing the way the muscles in her neck tensed as her gaze flitted between their bed, the rug, and him.

"No," she finally choked out the word. "We are husband and wife. It's not fair to you…"

"This has nothing to do with being fair, Charlotte. I don't want to pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with."

"I know," she said, again taking his hand into hers. He knew she had meant the gesture to be reassuring, so he tried not to let it bother him that her hand lay like a dead fish in his. Lifeless.

That night had been a trial for Nathan as he lay beside his wife and breathed in the scent of her until his head swam. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and for things to be as they were, but instead they both lay in the darkness, wide awake throughout the night. Together, but miles apart.

The next morning, Nathan and Charlotte approached Allie as a united front. He took his time and explained everything he knew about Dylan. Answering all of Allie's questions and concerns to the best of his ability. It was clear to see she was guarded, unsure of exactly how she should be feeling, but in the end, she reached for Nathan and the two embraced one another for a long time. Whispering words of love, apologies, forgiveness, and hope.

After a quick breakfast of cinnamon toast, one of Allie's comfort foods, they loaded into the car for Sunday morning services in town. Like usual, it seemed Joseph had an uncanny way of choosing a sermon befitting of how they were feeling.

"Fear is a constant companion for some of us." Joseph said. "It looks over our shoulders as we make decisions and invades our thoughts as we consider the future. When we lie down at night, it overwhelms our minds with worries about all the things that could go wrong. And while we sometimes fear the things we know; our biggest fears are reserved for the unknown. We imagine a myriad of different outcomes for our situation, most of them terrible. We let our minds run amok and then find ourselves paralyzed, unable to act or make good choices because we're afraid of what might happen. A surprising number of verses in the Bible address fear, but the one I wish to read today is from Psalm 46."

God is our refuge and strength

always ready to help in times of trouble.

So we will not fear when earthquakes come

and the mountains crumble into the sea.

Let the oceans roar and foam.

Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!...

God is within her; she will not be toppled.

God will help her when the morning dawns…

The Lord of Heaven's Armies is here among us;

The God of Israel is our fortress.

"Sometimes it is easier said than done, following God's direction to 'Not Fear'. Especially at times when it seems our world is crumbling around us. I wish I could stand up here and tell you everything will be alright, but that's not what this passage says. It doesn't say that God will make everything work out how we want it to. There's no such promise. Rather it promises that he will be our refuge, strength, and fortress. He will not leave us. So, when our foundations are shaken to the very core, turn to him in times of trouble and rely on those people he has placed in your life. Because from the very beginning, God said in Genesis, "It is not good for man to be alone". He knew that life on this earth would be tough, and we would need others to help us share the load."

Charlotte's eyes found Nathan who was already looking at her. Both reached for one of Allie's hands as their daughter sat between them, yet their fingers brushed one another, and a comfort seemed to envelope them with the gesture. They were a family. Nothing was going to change that. Yes, they had a lot to process and work through, but they would get there. Together.

Joseph continued. "If you find yourself isolated, withdrawing because of your own insecurities or hurts, remember that God has created us to need other people. Loving others and learning to be loved by them is a gift that can transform us. And that happens best when we put God in the center of our relationships. When Ecclesiastes 4:12 says that a "cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart," it's a reminder that God's presence is what ultimately makes our relationships work. His presence strengthens our relationships, deepens them, and helps them last."

"Nathan."

"Huh?" Nathan shook his head, trying to clear it from the fog and memories of the last few days. When he looked up, Bill was just sitting there, quiet, and still, watching him. "Sorry. What did you say?"

"I asked how you are doing. With all of this."

"Well," Nathan gave a short, mocking laugh and leaned back in his chair, staring up at the rafters in the jail. "My brother-in-law who pulled a gun on me is out of jail and now staying across the street in the saloon. And even after three days of making calls and digging through reports, the reasoning behind Dylan being here is still a mystery, other than it appears he wants to punish me and break apart my family by taking my daughter. Allie is scared, but at the same time wants to know more about her birth father. My own father wants to punch Dylan in the face, which I guess I shouldn't be surprised about, because that's the same thing I want to do. My mother is trying to put on a brave front, but besides me, she is the only other person that was there picking up the pieces after Colleen passed and Dylan left, so she has her own feelings on the matter. And then there is my wife…" Nathan's voice broke. "Who is trying so hard to keep it all together for us, but… because of my actions the other day… her nightmares are back."

Even with all Nathan and Charlotte's prayers and talks since Sunday's church service, at night when exhaustion would finally take over for Charlotte and she would fall asleep, the peace was always short-lived. Her nightmares continued unabated, the worst coming last night. She often awakened shaking; her body drenched with perspiration. In the aftermath, she would hardly let him touch her. Only after she went back to sleep could Nathan sometimes take her hand or ease his arms around her and tuck her close. She would relax then, and he knew that on some deeper level she knew she was safe with him which gave Nathan a small sense of satisfaction.

As he would hold her, he tried to keep his natural instincts at bay, but he couldn't keep his mind from creating pictures of them making love. He could almost feel her arms wrapped around him, Charlotte's fingers tracing along the muscles of his arms, shoulders, and back as her legs entwined with his. The taste of her honeyed kisses igniting a path from his mouth to other places her lips would worship on his body. Then he would come out of the dream and feel more frustrated and bereft than ever.

Like when they were on the cattle drive in Brookfield, Nathan made sure to wake before Charlotte. He didn't think he could bear to experience her reaction to him if she realized that he had held her close in her sleep. Ever so gently, he would shift his body away from his wife's and instantly feel the pang of regret in their separation. He would adjust the bedding to support her cheek where his shoulder had been her pillow over the past few hours. She gently stirred with the movement and Nathan would hold his breath until she settled again. Then he would draw their quilt up, tucking it in around her body before lifting a strand of her long, dark hair to rub it between his fingers.

Charlotte looked so small and vulnerable as she lay in front of him. He knew she wasn't eating or sleeping like she should be and busied herself with any task she could get her hands on during the day to keep her mind from stirring. Nathan prayed that she wouldn't become sick from the physical, mental, and spiritual exhaustion she had been experiencing over the past few days. Even here in the sanctuary of their bedroom, in the home they had built, she appeared more lost than ever.

"I care about your family too, Nathan, but I didn't ask about them." Again, Bill broke through Nathan's thoughts. "I asked how you are doing."

Something inside Nathan stirred at Bill's comment. He always knew the hardened ex-Mountie's gruff exterior was just a front, but seeing Bill take down that steely wall before him and be his authentic self was something Nathan wasn't quite sure he'd ever completely see.

"Honestly? I feel helpless. Confused. Everything I thought I knew so completely… suddenly seems lost and muddled."

Bill's expression was sympathetic, and Nathan could tell he was searching for the right words of support. Finally, he spoke in his matter-of-fact way. "The child welfare worker that's been assigned to this case is scheduled to be here on Friday. I'm sure once he has time to review everything, he will realize Dylan has no claim to Allie and will be back on the road out of town."

Nathan nodded his head in agreement. He tried to keep a positive mindset, but inside, his instincts were telling him, they had a fight on their hands.

"Thank you," Nathan said. "For helping me with this. It's very generous of you."

"Nathan," Bill began. "I know I've said it once before, but you are the closest thing I have to a son. I'd do anything for you and this family. I hope you know that."

"I can't convince you to do my afternoon rounds for me, can I?" Nathan teased.

Bill started to collect his things and rose to leave. "Generous, not foolish."

"I'm so glad that you and Allie decided to come into town today and help us Coulter women pick out some paint colors for the house." Rosemary cheerfully proclaimed in her sing-song voice as the two women shuffled along past the row houses on their way to town. Rosemary was pushing Patricia in the pram while Allie and Remi walked and played on the path in front of them.

Charlotte simply nodded her head in agreement, but her eyes stayed focused on her daughter before scanning their surroundings. She had found since Dylan arrived; Charlotte felt like she could never let her guard down. Never relax. Nathan too didn't feel comfortable with her and Allie alone out at the ranch, so when he had to come into town for work, they all came along. If he was busy in the office or on his rounds, he would send them on errands with his parents, or the Canfields, or anyone else in town who was looking for a little company.

Today's chosen sitters were the Coulters. Not that Charlotte minded. Thankfully, unlike some of the others she had spent time with over the past couple of days, Rosemary seemed to be able to carry on a one-sided conversation just fine. Charlotte didn't have to provide much input and there didn't seem to be much silence that allowed her mind to drift to other things.

Like last night.

Charlotte moaned as Beck bent over her. "Hello daarrrling," he laughed softly. "Yet again, it would seem that no matter how far you run, you can't get away from me, can you?"

Someone called to her from a great distance, but Beck's slurred words kept drowning out the still, soft voice. "You thought I was dead, didn't you? But here I am."

She strained away from him, trying to hear who was calling her.

Beck violently pulled her back to him. His eyes filled with malice. "You belong to me. And you know it. I'm the only one you'll ever belong to." His breath smelled of whiskey. "I know what you're thinking, Charlotte. I can read your mind. Couldn't I always? Hope all you wish, but I will never die." His hand grabbed a fistful of her hair and tilted her head back forcefully so he could stare down into her eyes. "I'll always be here in this pretty little mind of yours."

She fought him, but he was not substance to be pushed away. He was shadow, covering her, taking her back down into a deep black hole. She felt her body absorbing him as she fell. He was entering every pore until the blackness was within her, and she tore at her own flesh. "No, no!"

"Charlie. Charlie!"

She awakened abruptly; her mouth open in a silent scream. "Charlie," Nathan said gently, sitting on the edge of their bed. She tried to still the shaking as he tentatively brushed her damp hair away from her face. "Would it help if you told me about them? If you told me what you see in your nightmares?"

His gentle voice and touch made her relax for a moment until the panic and unease began to build again. She shifted away from him. Beck branded into her mind. "I can't remember." She lied. It was all too raw and fresh.

Nathan could see her face white in the moonlight. He didn't know what she was thinking, but he knew she was tormented by the ghosts of her past. "I wish I could open your mind and climb in with you." He wanted to hold her, but she had withdrawn from him already. God, how do I make this right?

"Talk to me, Charlie," he whispered. "Talk to me."

She shook her head. "I don't want to burden you with this."

"Just tell me what you are feeling right now."

She gave a shuddering sigh. "Pain." She was cold and desperate to get warm. How she wished she could curl into Nathan's arms and have him hold her. Letting his heat and comfort seep into her. Instead, she sat up and drew her knees into her chest. Hugging them close.

He knew she was trying to shut him out again, but he wasn't going to let her succeed this time. "Then give your pain to me," he said.

"Don't you see?" Tears burned her eyes and she turned away from him. "That's why I can't tell you. You can't carry it all yourself. Your pain and mine!" She pressed her forehead against her raised knees and said no more.

Nathan wanted to touch her, but was afraid if he did, she would just cower further away. Instead, he leaned over and relit the lamp on his nightstand before opening the drawer to pull out the satchel within. He removed the well-worn letter and smoothed the pages over his lap. He saw Charlotte turn her head slightly to look at him again. He flipped over the paper to the section he wanted and began to read.

Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Find someone who can feel the safety in your arms, and who will safely hold your heart in the palm of her hands. She's the one to dry your tears and make you laugh after a bad day. She'll listen to you, really listen. She'll know when you need advice or just their friendly presence. You will be open and honest with one another. Sharing your hurt, disappointment, and fears. You will let each other in the deepest place of your heart, where no one else has been before. She will understand you and be a person you can be vulnerable and honest with. Accepted just as you are. In each other's arms is where you will create a sanctuary of trust and hope.

Charlotte had closed her eyes while he recited Nan's letter. Allowing her husband's deep, calm, soothing voice to cover her in its comfort. When he finished, he folded up the piece of paper and placed it back in its spot before turning to face her. "We are in this together, Charlotte." Nathan tentatively reached over and turned the silver band on her finger.

Charlotte watched him looking at the ring. "Do you regret it? Marrying me?"

"No," he wove his fingers with hers and gave a tender smile. "I never will."

"Good." She squeezed his hand in return. "Because I don't regret it either."

"I'm just as new at being married as you are." Nathan kissed her hand and he felt her soften under his touch. "But I believe marriage is a life-long commitment between husband and wife. Two people who choose to build a life together. It's a promise to love one another no matter what comes. This has come… But I'm going to love you through it. Just as I hope you will love me through this too."

Biting her lip, Charlotte forced the tears back. She told him then. About the nightmares. About Beck still being alive in her dreams. So alive she still felt the lingering effects of him after waking which was why being close to Nathan had become such a struggle again for her. She felt guilt for having these feelings. She felt as if she should just be able to make them go away. Beck was dead. He could no longer hurt them, but the mind was such a complex thing. She closed her eyes, ashamed. She wanted to hide herself away and sunk down below the covers, pulling the quilt up high around her shoulders. Nathan shut off the light on his nightstand and followed her actions, shifting to rest on his side to look over at his wife. She turned onto her side to face him in return.

Charlotte was quiet, drained. Nathan was pensive. They lay in the silence for a long while. Deep in their own thoughts before he spoke. "You had these nightmares when you first came to Hope Valley, right? You experienced one your first evening in town?" It was a statement more than a question.

Charlotte's cheek brushed against her pillow as she nodded in confirmation.

He remembered the fear that coursed through him two years ago when he first heard her screams piercing through the still night air. He had instantly felt the need to protect her then. To heal her. It was no different this time, except for one thing. She was now his wife and they had sworn a covenant to one another to be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy.

"What was it that started to help you heal from the nightmares the last time?" He asked, studying her in the low light.

She thought for a minute or two before speaking. "Honestly?" Her gaze held his. "I think it was the forget-me-nots."

His slow, lopsided smile made her heart twist. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She smiled in return. "After I got home from the stream that next day, I moved the bouquet from you and Allie up to my room and placed it beside my bed. Those flowers were the last thing I saw before falling asleep and there was something about it that… put me at ease, I guess. That was the first night after my attack the terrors didn't come."

"If that's the case, I'll get dressed right now and ride up to the meadow to find you some."

"It's the middle of the night. That would be crazy."

"Probably," he grinned before warily moving to trace a finger along Charlotte's forehead and temple, brushing a wayward strand of her hair from her face, he tucked it behind her ear. "But I'd do anything to bring a little life back into these eyes. To lighten what is weighing heavy on your mind and heart."

"I know you would." Without thinking, Charlotte put her hand over his, moved by his tenderness. This all-consuming love they felt for one another. She sighed and closed her eyes. Giving herself over to his touch. Letting herself distinguish the difference between her husband's caring caress and the ghost's threatening stronghold. Letting Nathan's warmth and lightness dispel the dark chill in her soul. Letting him break down the barriers that separated them. Doing just as he said he would.

Loving her through it all.

She needed this. She needed Nathan's friendship. Her husband had a way of listening and understanding things she didn't even say out loud. He could bring a lightness to the heaviest of times, a feeling that everything would come out the way it was intended, and for good. Nathan raised hope, and God knew they all needed a little hope right now.

Charlotte twisted slightly and placed a gentle kiss to the inside of Nathan's wrist and palm, before shifting her eyes back to his loving gaze. "But Nathan, you need to understand that tonight and every night… Every day and every moment, you are more than enough for me." She folded her fingers into his and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry if what I'm going through right now is making you doubt that."

Something inside her cracked and a shuddering sob escaped Charlotte. Her heart breaking with the thought of causing him any more pain. As she wept, Nathan spoke soft words of reassurance and love until a warmth spread through her with the light touch of his hand on her shoulder.

"Ssshhhh…" He cooed, his voice deep and rich, and she drifted, exhausted, fighting to keep her eyes open. It was her only guarantee to keep the nightmares from taking hold. Nathan noted her weariness. "Try to get some sleep, Charlie. I'll be right here if you need me."

"I love you, Sarge." She breathed before giving over to sleep.

"I love you."

"How are you doing?" Rosemary's voice broke through Charlotte's memories from the night before as the two women continued down the street towards town.

Charlotte gave a short bleak laugh. She didn't know how to answer. "I'm worried. I'm worried about what Dylan being here means for our family, but I'm also worried about Nathan."

"How so?"

"He's had this migraine since Dylan arrived and I'm worried about it. He's never really had them before and I've asked him to go see Carson and Faith, but he refuses. He says he has too much going on right now and doesn't have time. He also claims it's nothing to be concerned about."

"But you are… Concerned about it."

"I am. Wouldn't you be if this was Lee?"

Rosemary nodded. Remembering her own time just a few years ago when she implored Carson to use all his medical know how, everything he had ever learned to heal Lee from the head injury he received in the windstorm as her husband was her life.

"Nathan's putting so much pressure on himself to make everything alright. I wish I could be stronger for him. I feel like I'm failing at being his partner through this all."

Rosemary stopped now and fully turned to Charlotte. "We all fail one another. In any relationship. You will hurt Nathan and Nathan will hurt you. It is inevitable. Letting others down, especially those we love most, it is all a part of growing together. None of us are perfect. We all have flaws but being open and honest about them and working through them, forgiving one another, that's how you create a partnership. Striving to be perfect is unattainable, Charlotte, and thinking that you need to be perfect for one another will only lead to more heartache." She reached out and touched Charlotte's arm. "But, by striving to be there for one another while embracing those imperfections and still committing to growing into the best versions of yourselves, your relationship will become even stronger. Nathan doesn't need perfect right now. He just needs you."