Chapter 129- Resiliency

Nathan's muscles ached, but he recognized the familiar weight at his side, and he drew it closer. He could feel the warmth of her steady breath on his neck, and it sent a different kind of heat through his body. Nathan woke slowly, seeing who he knew was already there. Charlotte's head rested on his shoulder, but instead of being in their bed, they were sitting on the floor of Allie's room. Backs braced against a wall and leaning into one another for support.

Nathan took a tendril of Charlotte's hair and rubbed it between his fingers causing her to stir and open her eyes slowly. Blinking the sleep from them. She twisted slightly to look up at him. Her sleepy grin drew his attention to the dimple in her right cheek and he bent forward to kiss it. Feeling her smile broaden against his lips at the action.

A clearing of a throat drew them abruptly apart. They both glanced over to Allie sitting up on her bed looking at them in mock outrage. Trying to keep a straight face and hide her growing smirk, she said. "I'd normally tell you to get a room, but I never knew I'd have to specify that it not be my room."

Nathan and Charlotte both laughed at their daughter's humor. She always somehow had a way of making things feel lighter for them.

"Why is it that you are both sitting on the floor in my room anyway?" Allie asked, raising her right eyebrow at them.

Nathan and Charlotte both turned to one another. Hoping one of them would quickly come up with a reason that would explain why they had both slept against the wall in Allie's room. Thankfully, Remi jumped down from the bed and started to bark, signaling her need to go outside for the morning.

"Oh," Nathan said, welcoming the distraction. "I better let you out girl."

"And I better get coffee and breakfast started," Charlotte added.

Nathan stood drawing Charlotte up with him. They nodded to one another and set about getting ready for the tough day ahead.

After Charlotte started the morning coffee and put the sticky rolls in the oven, she began to help Allie pack. It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. She tried to hide her tears as she carefully placed pieces of her daughter's life into a bag. Each one seemed to hold a special memory for Charlotte. Clothes they had bought together in Calgary. Books she had read to Allie. The cowboy hat Charlotte had gifted before they went on the cattle drive in Brookfield. The baseball and glove Allie used when she would play catch with Nathan in the yard. The quilt Maise had made her and the hand-written letters from Archie that contained so many memories he had shared about Colleen.

Charlotte knew that Allie was just staying in town with the Coulters until the legality of her adoption could be worked out, but she wanted to be sure that Allie had things that were familiar to her. That reminded her how truly loved she was.

They ate breakfast rather quietly around the dining room table, before Nathan, already in his uniform for his day of work, loaded Allie's bags into the car while Charlotte finished getting ready to go into town.

By the time they arrived at the Coulter's house, work was already in full swing with moving Lee, Rosemary, Fred, and Patricia's belongings from the row house to the new one. Furniture and boxes were being hauled from the back of supply wagons through the front door, where Rosemary was methodically directing traffic into the appropriate rooms.

Charlotte set about helping Allie unload her things into the space she had been given in the house. It was a lovely room that sat on the corner of the upstairs with two large windows that looked out over the mountains and forest to the northwest. Maise arrived a short while later and added her own embellishments and love to the room for Allie. They made small talk together about the space and the beautiful new house and how wonderful it would be for Allie to spend time with the Coulters and be so close again to her grandparents.

After Nathan assisted Joseph and others with some of the heavier pieces of the Coulter's furniture, he was getting ready to head out on his morning rounds, when he saw Mr. Carl coming down the street. Seeing the approaching case worker, Bill and Lee were soon standing beside him for moral support.

"I trust your stay in our peaceful town was to your liking, Mr. Carl?" Lee asked as the man came closer.

"P-P-Peaceful?" Mr. Carl scoffed. "All I h-h-heard all weekend was the sounds of saws, hammers, cars, and people, b-b-but it appears you all did in fact accomplish the impossible."

"I guess you will be on your way now." Nathan said.

"Soon. I can't wait to get out of this d-d-dusty old town that has nothing to do. I just need to have a meeting with you to discuss some of the f-f-final arrangements."

"Final arrangements?"

"I have s-s-spoken with Mr. Parks. He has taken my advice to show the territory judge his ability to c-c-care for Allison by finding a job and proper housing. To do that, he plans to leave Hope Valley W-W-Wednesday morning.

"Good riddance." Bill mumbled under his breath.

"B-B-But he had one simple request before leaving."

"And what was that?" Nathan felt the muscles in his jaw tighten, knowing nothing was ever simple or without deeper motive when it came to Dylan.

"To have dinner with Allison tomorrow night before he leaves."

"No."

"I'm sorry, Mr. G-G-Grant, but I have already given Mr. Parks permission to do so."

"No. I won't allow it."

"It is not your decision to m-m-make right now."

"Yes. It is. I'm Allie's dad. Just because you are making her living arrangements different for the time being does not give Dylan the rights to be with her."

"I can still take Allison t-t-to the orphanage in Union City, if you wish."

Nathan swallowed hard. Trying to keep his emotions under control.

"That's w-w-what I thought." Mr. Carl said seeing the change in Nathan. "Mr. Parks will pick up Allison from the Coulter's tomorrow night at six."

"I will not let her be alone with him."

"Again, this is no longer your d-d-decision, Mr. Grant. And Allison will not be alone. Mr. Parks plans to buy her dinner at the s-s-saloon. I've spent the last three days there, believe me, I know there are always p-p-plenty of people milling about. So don't concern yourself."

"What if instead of the saloon," Lee spoke up. "Dylan has dinner with Allie and my family at our house tomorrow night. Actually, why don't Nathan and Charlotte come as well?" Lee turned towards Nathan. "Would that be alright?"

Nathan's mind went to Charlotte's words from the other night about Dylan. "Allie has mentioned that she wants to know more about him. To talk to him. Don't you think it's better if when she does, that we are there too? Like supervised visits or something?"

"Well… what d-d-do you say, Mr. Grant?" Mr. Carl asked. "Is that an acceptable s-s-solution?"

"I need to talk to Charlotte about it. See what she thinks." Nathan was finally able to answer.

"What does it matter what she thinks? S-S-She's a woman. Her opinion shouldn't matter."

Nathan, Lee, and Bill both stared flabbergasted at Mr. Carl. Unable to believe he thought those words were true.

"Charlotte is my wife, Mr. Carl. And more importantly, in this situation, she is Allie's mother. Her opinion most certainly matters. I never want her to feel powerless with me. I value Charlotte's intelligence and her strength. She is my partner, not my shadow. And I expect you to treat her with respect because she is an amazing woman and not just some thing to be cast aside like she doesn't matter."

"I d-d-did not mean any offense."

"Of course," Nathan worked hard to not let his growing disdain for this man visible show on his face. "Does it have to be tomorrow? This dinner?"

"Well, I figured t-t-today would already be eventful enough for everyone with the moving, and Mr. Parks leaves the day after tomorrow. W-W-Why do you ask?"

Nathan glanced over at Lee and watched as the registration of what else was tomorrow came across the mayor's face.

"Charlotte's birthday," Lee gasped. "With everything going on, I totally forgot. I think we all did."

Nathan slowly nodded his head. "I really don't want Charlotte to have to spend her birthday dinner with Dylan. That's the last thing she deserves for her special day."

Lee was quiet a moment. Contemplating. Finally, he spoke directly to Nathan. "You know as well as I do, that above all, what Charlotte would want for her birthday, is to be with you and Allie. If this is the only way to make that happen…"

Nathan sighed and closed his eyes. Lee was right. Charlotte would want to spend her birthday with Allie. Even if it included Dylan Parks.

He turned his attention back to the foolish Mr. Carl. "I still wish to talk with my wife, but please let Dylan know his dinner with Allie tomorrow night will not be at the saloon, but rather Mr. and Mrs. Coulter's house."

"I w-w-will do that," Mr. Carl said. "Now, Mr. Coulter, my final order of business before I leave Hope Valley is for you to sign these papers for t-t-temporary custody of Allison."

"Let's go to my office," said Bill. "After all that has happened with the adoption, I want to look over anything being signed with this case in order to double check it for discrepancies."

"I assure you, Judge Avery. There are no d-d-discrepancies, but I will take you up on your offer of the use of your office. S-S-Shall we?"

Nathan rubbed the back of his neck. His headache seemed to return with vengeance today. First, he had to move his daughter out of their house this morning. Then it was the interaction with the despicable Mr. Carl, and finally the realization that he would be having dinner with Dylan tomorrow night.

When he explained the situation to Charlotte earlier, she had said exactly what Lee and Nathan had assumed she would. A birthday spent with Allie, even with Dylan present, was better than a birthday without her. Plus, as she pointed out, it would not only give them a chance to supervise Dylan's visit with Allie and be there for their daughter if she needed them, but also, Charlotte hoped the evening would allow them an opportunity to better understand what Dylan wanted out of this custody battle.

"That bad?" Gabe asked from the door to Nathan's office.

"That obvious?" Nathan replied, leaning back in his chair.

"Seems I can read you the same way you can read me." Gabe said, coming over to sit in the chair across the desk from Nathan. "I can see how you are doing this morning, but how are Allie and Charlotte taking it all?"

"As can be expected, I guess. Charlotte has her sad moments, but she is trying to put on a brave face for Allie and I think the same can be said for Allie. She's trying to make the best of the situation. As we all are."

Gabe just nodded his head and let the silence stretch between them.

"Now you know what's causing my headaches, are you going to fill me in on yours?" Nathan asked. "A couple days ago, you told me we needed to talk before you left."

Gabe took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs as he stared down at his boots.

"Is something wrong between you and Lillian?"

"No… no… no…." Gabe dismissed quickly.

"Is Grace and Chuck okay in England? They still plan to be back in time for the wedding, right?"

"They are fine."

"Then what did you need to talk to me about?"

"Lillian was visited at the orphanage this week by Randal Andrews, an inspector with the children's bureau."

"Don't they usually come by for regular inspections? I remember you telling me about them before."

"They have. Andrews knows the orphanage well, I guess that's why…" Gabe straightened in the chair and turned his gaze out the window. "Why it shocks me that he's considering shutting it down."

"What! Why?"

"The children's bureau has received several formal complaints about New Hope and Lillian and Grace's ability to care for the children and provide for them."

"Who in the world would do such a thing? There is no one better to take care of those kids than Lillian and Grace."

"I know. And I think deep down, Andrews knows that too."

"Then why is he shutting down New Hope?"

"Andrews says he's just the messenger on this. The decision is coming from those above him."

"Do you believe him?"

Gabe turned his attention back to Nathan and paused for a moment to consider his question. "I do." He finally answered.

"What are the complaints that were filed?"

"We don't know. He said that had to remain confidential for right now, until the children's bureau decides how to proceed, but Andrews did let it slip that they were, in his words, 'some serious accusations'."

"How are you supposed to defend the orphanage if you don't know what the charges are?

Gabe just shrugged his shoulders, and Nathan noted a look of defeat from Kinslow he had never seen before.

"Who would falsely accuse Lillian and Grace of hurting or harming those kids in any way? Not only does no one in Brookfield have the motives to do it, but who would have the means to file these charges and make them stick without any sort of proof?"

"That's the same thing I keep asking as well and nothing seems to add up or make sense. Maybe in the beginning, when New Hope first opened, there were people in town who weren't fond of the idea of orphans being a part of the community, but now… everyone loves those kids. In some twisted way, I even considered Tess Stewart sending in the complaints. As maybe some way for her to get Chuck to come home sooner, but even though she has a tough exterior, like Bill, Tess would never do something to jeopardize those kids and their happiness in Brookfield."

"Sinclair?"

"I've considered that too. I checked and he's still in jail on the charges of attacking a Mountie."

"Well at least someone is." Nathan mumbled under his breath.

"I'm sorry." Gabe said. "You have enough of your own problems, I shouldn't be burdening you with mine too."

"No… no. It's not a burden. It's been a bit of a nice distraction from my own woes." Nathan teased. "But in all seriousness, thank you for bringing the supplies. It means all the more that you still came, even with all that you have going on back in Brookfield."

"When Bill called and filled me in on everything, and I told Lillian, she said there was no way I couldn't come here to lend a hand and support you all. Something she believes in deeply is that families should be together and that a child's needs should be considered above all else."

"Where will the children go if the orphanage is shut down? Will they all be able to stay together?"

"Doubtful. I think that's what hurts the most in this. How it will affect the kids. They are like family to one another. I mean it is hard when one of them gets adopted and leaves, but the children know they are going to a loving home, with this though…"

"How's Lillian taking it?"

"Like only Lillian can," Gabe smirked slightly. "She's the most level-headed person I know. She's confused and upset of course, but she's also so incredibly strong and resilient."

"From my limited experience of being a married man," Nathan smiled in return. "Having a woman like that by your side, through life's ups and down, is incredibly important."

"Lillian thinks this is all just a simple misunderstanding and it will all be cleared up in no time."

Nathan studied his friend. "But you don't think that's the case, do you?"

"I'm not sure. I'm just trying to support Lil, but I still can't help shaking this feeling of being helpless. I mean, what else could I do right now?"

"What we are trained to do… Investigate."

"Investigate what? All the information surrounding these false charges are being withheld from us. I've tried to talk to those above Andrews, but it seems like most of our old connections with the bureau have moved on.

"Well that sounds like a coincidence… Or a clue."

"I aim to find out which."

Charlotte hadn't anticipated how hard it would be to drive back to the ranch that evening without Allie. She tried to convince herself that Allie was just staying in town on an extended sleepover with people they trusted and knew would care for her as if she were their own. Even with that understanding, and all the silent prayers she said throughout the day, the pain in her heart and the feeling of despair hadn't weakened.

She knew almost all the hurt she was feeling right now stemmed from Allie's adoption and Dylan Parks coming back, but Charlotte had to admit, there were other doubts filling her mind. Her monthly had arrived last week, signally yet again, she was not with child.

Nathan's child.

She had tried not to think about it since visiting Faith over a month ago. To just let things happen naturally. To take the pressure off. To trust God's directions. But that didn't stop the now familiar heartache that came whenever her cycle would begin.

Although she also wondered why it had shocked her this time around. While she had been able to move past most of her fears that resurfaced following their initial encounter with Dylan Parks, she and Nathan had yet to make love again. Sure, they kissed, and touched, and held one another at night, but there seemed to be an invisible line drawn between them that neither was quite sure if they would be able to cross.

Maybe that's why she felt the pain more today. Normally the vision of Rosemary holding Patricia, and Fred on Lee's shoulders waving Nathan and Charlotte off for the evening from their front porch would have brought a smile to Charlotte's face and joy to her soul, but tonight it was a painful reminder that the Grant's would be coming back to an empty home. Devoid of Allie's chatty presence and heart-warming laughter.

Maybe it was because as Charlotte and Nathan had walked towards the car parked outside his office to come home, they had also seen Carson and Faith out on an evening stroll. The other couple didn't even notice them. Not being intentionally rude, but rather distracted by the small bulge of Faith's abdomen. Lovingly embracing the baby growing inside. Their hands protectively resting on their unborn child.

Charlotte looked down at her own flat stomach and spread her hands there. Her eyes burned and she bit her lip. Staring out the windshield of the car, watching the familiar landscape blur through the filter of unshed tears. She started when Nathan took one of her hands, that rested on her belly, into his. Charlotte looked over at him and caught him studying her with an occasional glance while also keeping his focus on the road ahead of them. Then Nathan thoughtfully rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand and in that one gesture, she knew that he was fully aware of where her thoughts were, because they were also his own.

Charlotte felt her heart grieve. Not only Allie, but also the baby that may never come for her and Nathan. What would they have looked like? Would they have his eyes? Or her dimple? Would they be outgoing or shy? What would they do with their lives? Who would they be blessed to love?

Glancing over again, she encountered Nathan's gaze. He wants more children, she thought, and the thought made her heart twist. What if she could never give him that? Would he stop loving her because of it? Charlotte quickly shook her head and scolded herself for even having that fleeting thought.

No. It was even a part of the Bible readings at their wedding.

Love never fails.

Their love for one another- would never fail.

The sun was quickly sinking over the mountains when Nathan pulled the car in front of the house and shut off the ignition. They sat together on the bench seat, fingers still entwined, and listened to the rhythmic click of the engine as it cooled.

"It's going to be pretty quiet around here with Allie gone, isn't it?" Nathan said, breaking the silence between them.

Charlotte simply nodded her head. A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly brushed its evidence away.

Nathan reached over and tipped her chin. Kissing Charlotte until she felt her insides melting. "I love you. You know that, right?" He whispered against her lips; his own eyes filled with unshed tears.

"I know. And I love you." She traced his face tenderly. "I think that's why this all hurts so much."

He studied her for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… I love you so much that seeing you hurt over what we are experiencing with Allie and Dylan and everything else… It's hard for me… It's hard because I don't know how to fix it for you. I don't know how to make it better."

"You're doing better than you think," Nathan gave her a small smile and pulled her closer into his side. He smoothed back her hair and kissed the top of her head. "You don't need to fix anything, Charlotte. Knowing I have you right here… With me. Always…" His voice broke. "Well… that's all I need."

Nathan felt her relax into his side and he held her tight to him. After a while, he pushed her braid back off her shoulder. "I'm going to go and take care of the horses for the night. I'll be in shortly."

As Nathan finished the evening chores, he gave Realta and Newton apples and nuzzled their noses. When Nathan offered one to Bandit, he ducked his head and made a mournful noise. Did he know Allie was gone? Or was he just asking where she was?

Nathan leaned against the horse's strong neck as a wave of grief nearly knocked him to his knees. He stood like that, Bandit and him, as tears from his eyes bled into the horse's mane. Some time passed before Nathan composed himself and he gave Bandit one last stroke before walking outside.

Remi had joined him when they got home and now sat waiting in the doorway. He closed the barn and stood for a moment. The world seemed too still. As if life was being pulled from it. The house in front of him had been built in the hope that one day it would be filled to the brim with family. It was too big for just two people. He knew Charlotte had been thinking the same earlier. He had noticed her reaction to the Shepherd's in town and the growing baby in Faith's belly.

Maybe it was wrong of him to build this place for them. What if they would never need all those extra rooms upstairs? Would the emptiness just be a painful reminder of their broken dreams of growing their family? Nathan tried to fight against the awful ache in his gut and heart as he made his way across the backyard to the house.

He climbed the back steps that led into the kitchen. When Nathan opened the door, he expected Charlotte to be there preparing something simple and easy for their dinner. Instead, the room was dark and cold, and his wife was nowhere to be found.

"Charlie?" Nathan called out as Remi slipped past his legs and further into the house. He strained to hear her reply, but instead he heard muffled sobs. "Charlie." He said again following the sound of her crying which led him into the dining room. She stood next to the china hutch in front of a mason jar full of flowers, holding a small piece of crumpled paper in her wringing hands.

"Charlotte," Nathan said, taking her hands into his to quiet them. "What is wrong?" He brushed back wisps of hair from her face and tipped up her chin so he could look into her eyes. "You're scaring me, sweetheart."

Charlotte drew in a ragged breath. "Nothing's wrong… I mean nothing that serious. It's just… I was dreading coming into this house and Allie not being here, but when I stepped into the dining room and found these. I realized… In a way… She's still here with us."

"I don't understand."

Charlotte shifted the paper she had been holding into Nathan's hands. "She left us this."

Nathan gave his wife a quizzical look but took the note from her, smoothing his hand over the page to remove the crinkles.

Hi Dad and Mom,

I thought I would pick these for you before I left so they would be a surprise when you got home tonight. I know they aren't forget-me-nots, but they are the only flowers starting to bloom this early in the summer from our garden that I could quickly pick while you finished getting ready this morning.

Mom, do you remember reading that book with me this winter? The one about the meaning behind different flowers? Well, according to that book snapdragons represent 'grace under pressure' or 'the internal strength to overcome challenging situations'. And cosmos represent 'resiliency'.

I know you both will do everything you can to see us back together as a family as soon as possible. We just need to hold onto that inner strength and resiliency that you two have shown me so often over the past couple of years.

I will miss you both so much. Know that I am with people who love me and will take care of me until we can be together again. I love you.

Your Little Girl,

Allie