Chapter 132- The Bridge

*First off, thank you to everyone who took the time to review and love on the last chapter with Colleen's backstory. It was a special one for me to create.

Second, sorry this is a shorter chapter. I had anticipated being able to include what is now in Chapter 133 in this one, but with work travel over the past week, I wasn't able to get as much done as I wanted too. I still think this chapter has some important bits too, so I'm glad to give them their own "time to shine".

I'm home this weekend and then drive to Chicago for work through Saturday. Most likely, I won't be able to post the next chapter until early next week. Thankfully Nathan always has plenty of FanFic stories to keep y'all reading and not missing a new chapter from 'So This Is Love' due to my lag in writing.

A kiss on Charlotte's nose awoke her. She struggled to open her eyes and focus them properly. Nathan was leaning over her. He reached out and brushed back some wayward hair from her face.

"Do you know what day it is, Charlie?" he asked her.

She sighed and buried herself further into the comfort of the pillows and blankets around her. Struggling to make her brain work so that she might come up with the proper answer.

She peeked an eye open and saw Nathan smiling down at her.

"Wednesday?" She said in a still very puzzled state.

Nathan chuckled softly and kissed her again.

"It's more than Wednesday, sweetheart. It's our six-month anniversary."

She jerked upright, nearly catching Nathan's chin with her head. "Really?"

Nathan avoided her charge. "Really!" He said, laughing again at his wife.

"Oh, Nathan," Charlotte moaned. Anniversaries, even ones that celebrated just six months of marriage, were supposed to be special occasions. She thought of all the stories she read through the years. They detailed a night out, dinner and candlelight. Fancy clothes and pretty music. "With everything going on, I forgot all about it. I don't have anything special planned."

"I do," said Nathan. "At least I hope you'll think it special. Remember a couple months ago when we were talking about Allie doing that Mountie survival drill? And I told you that I would like to take you on a camping trip sometime with just the two of us? The one where we can see the stars right before we drift off to sleep?"

"Mmmmhmmm…" She nodded, slowly sliding her fingers up and down the length of his forearm. She remembered that conversation vividly. Especially the part about the stars.

"Well, how would you like to take that trip today? I was thinking we could hike up to the meadow and camp by the lake. All the time we have spent there over the past couple years… We've never stayed the night. I think it would be a special way to reminisce about these first few months of being married and celebrate the lifetime together that is still to come."

Charlotte squealed and threw her arms around Nathan's neck. He took that as her answer.

"I have everything packed and ready to go," he said. "I already took Remi to town to stay with Allie and the Coulters and the Canfields are doing the evening horse chores for us. And as your belated birthday present, Bill has agreed to handle my Mountie duties while we are gone. We can leave just as soon as we have our breakfast."

It didn't take Charlotte long to get out of bed, dressed, and share breakfast with Nathan. She gathered a few personal items to bring along and placed them in the packs Nathan had made. She knew her Mountie husband was an expert on what was needed for the camping trip, but she still couldn't stop herself from asking "Did you remember the matches? Are you sure you have all the food we'll need?"

Nathan just laughed and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Trust me."

She did. She always had.

They each carried a knapsack on their backs- Nathan's a bit heavier- as they walked for most of the morning, taking a different route that avoided the main road and traversed a large portion of their property on the way to the meadow. At times, Nathan pointed out the different flora and fauna of the area. Other times they were completely comfortable with the silence between them while they followed along the river as it weaved a path, varying in intensity. Some places it was gentle and meandering. At other points, where the river narrowed, the waters bumped and bubbled over rocks and rapids. The pines and poplars were thick about them and made a canopy over their heads. When they came to the clearing, Charlotte started to turn towards the meadow and the tree they usually had their picnics under, but Nathan stopped and did not follow her.

"What are you doing?" She asked, turning again to face him.

A slow, lopsided smile built across his face. "Charlotte, will you come with me? There is something I want to show you."

He watched as she grinned in return. They were both remembering the first time he had spoken those words to her. It had been the day they first came to the meadow with Allie. The first day, Nathan remembered starting to envision what a life with Charlotte would look like. He had still been processing what happened with Elizabeth, but the fog Mrs. Thornton had created around him seemed to dissipate with the winds of change that blew into town with Charlotte.

Nathan remembered the feelings that came over him when he looked at Charlotte that day. While he hadn't been ready to admit it was love that was brewing then, what he had realized was being with Charlotte was easy and he had wished then that every moment of his days could be spent in her presence. Stealing glances. Making her laugh. Being taken care of and making her feel safe.

She had arrived on their doorstep that morning, ready to ride off and spend the day away with him and Allie. Away from the prying eyes of town, but more so away from the dreadful memories that still plagued her. She had done it to show her thanks to him, for simply making her a bedside table.

"Thank you for the table. It is perfect." She had said.

"Thank you. For everything you've done for Allie this summer. For everything you've done for me."

"Everything I've done for you?"

"Yes. Leaving dinner for when I got home late from Brookfield. The care package for when I was sick. And all the time you have spent with Allie. That's the most special gift you could share with us."

Charlotte's face had flushed under Nathan's intense gaze, finally giving into the pressure, and turning away. "I don't know," she had said. "Some days I think all the time I spend with Allie, it's selfish of me."

"Selfish? How can spending time with a girl who adores you ever be selfish."

"She just makes me feel like a better person. More complete. Allie, this town…" Charlotte had paused before continuing. "You."

Nathan's eyes had focused on Charlotte's profile and marveled at the way so many emotions could float across it at one time. Happiness. Sadness. Longing.

"I just feel selfish sometimes because I wonder what I can give you all in return?" Charlotte's gaze had returned to him. Tears had started to form in the corners of her eyes. The act caused her irises to morph into a light crystal blue shade. Enchanting and heartbreaking at the same time.

"Charlotte," Nathan had started to reach for her hand, but then retracted it, second guessing the action. He wanted nothing more than to comfort Charlotte in that moment. Wrap her into his arms, pull her close, and tell her how important she was to him. She was the most unselfish woman he had ever met and for her not to see that, crushed him. Again, anger filled him with thoughts of what kind of monster could make this woman feel less than who she really was.

"Charlotte, will you come with me? There is something I want to show you." Nathan said standing up from where he had been leaning against the tree. It took everything in his power not to reach for Charlotte's hand at that moment. But he wanted it to be her to initiate the first touch between them. It had to be her idea.

Today though, she took his hand. Easily. Naturally. Without hesitation. Nathan would never tire of the feeling that washed over him whenever they touched, nor would he take it for granted.

"So, what are you wanting to show me?" Charlotte leaned closer into his side, an all-knowing smile gracing her face.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Just wait." They carried on a little further, before Nathan pointed. "Look there."

In front of them was the small waterfall he had first shown her that day almost two years ago. It wasn't incredibly tall or powerful. Instead, the cascading water gently poured across the rock face as if it was ribbons dancing in the wind.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Nathan."

"It is special, isn't it? We've made a lot of memories up here in the area around the meadow."

Suddenly, Nathan felt Charlotte's body tense and noticed her hands subconsciously move to press against her stomach. He quickly realized while this place held a great many moments of joy and peace for them, it also held some darker ones too. Nathan would never forget the dread he felt riding up to the meadow, searching for Allie and Charlotte during the wildfire. Or the feeling of his heart stopping the moment he saw Charlotte's limp body on the ledge of the cliff below.

That pain had been closely followed with the brokenness he felt for her and himself over the loss of the baby that night. While he may not have been the child's biological father, from the moment Charlotte had told him about the baby, he instantly felt the protective love that flows over a dad. They had grieved that night. Separately. Charlotte with Minnie and Rosemary in the infirmary. Nathan on the floor of his office. Both mourning the child they would never be able to meet or raise.

"I loved them too," he whispered.

She nodded in understanding and squeezed his hand. "I know." She said, giving him a small, rueful smile. "And I love you for loving them. That baby was so incredibly blessed to have you as their dad."

Nathan took a deep breath and moved behind Charlotte, wrapping his arms around her waist. She instinctively leaned back against the solid comfort of his broad, muscular chest. They were silent for a long time, both lost in their own thoughts as they watched the water cascade over the falls.

"Nathan," Charlotte murmured, her voice heavy with emotion.

"Yeah?"

"We've promised to be honest with one another, right?"

Nathan felt his muscles tense.

Charlotte continued without waiting for an answer. "Sometimes I feel like…" Her voice broke. "Sometimes I feel like I'm robbing you of a family."

"What are you talking about? That's crazy."

"Is it though?" Charlotte turned in his arms to look up at him. "I can't give Allie the siblings she wants. I can't give my husband the baby he so desperately deserves. Nathan you are the most amazing father, and any child would be incredibly blessed to have you as their dad. It just doesn't seem like I'm going to be the woman who can give you that."

"Don't talk like that. Charlie, we've only been married six months. Look how long it took for Lee and Rosemary and now they have Patricia."

"Rosemary also never had a miscarriage like I experienced. Maybe I'm… broken in some way."

"I've told you before, I don't believe you are broken. And even if you were, I would happily spend the rest of my life putting you back together, piece by piece."

"It's not that simple, Nathan. My body is not like Allie's puzzle that is still on the dining room table at home. It could very well be broken in some way. And what then? What if it will never be possible for me to have your child? To give you that family you've dreamed of and deserve."

Nathan worked hard to swallow the lump in his throat and his gaze shifted to the side, not wanting to see the pain in his wife's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Charlotte took a step back and turned away from him. "I'm sorry I brought this up again. I know you wanted to surprise me for our anniversary and bring me up here for some special time together and then I had to open my mouth and ruin it." Charlotte kicked a small pebble over the edge of the cliff in front of them. "I just… Being here, I couldn't help but think of that night."

"I know… I thought about it too." Nathan came forward to join Charlotte at her side. "A long time ago, Elizabeth asked me a question. She wondered if I had ever lost someone so close to my heart it tore me apart. I had of course lost my sister and a few comrades. Their losses hurt and deeply affected me, but that night… That night of the wildfire when for a moment I thought you were dead-" His voice cracked. "I didn't know if I could live anymore." Nathan reached forward and cupped her face between his hands. "Charlie…" His intense blue gaze captured her attention. "You… are my family." Nathan's thumb brushed at a tear that threaded down the side of her cheek. "Those dreams that we've shared. They mean nothing to me without you."

Slowly Nathan leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. The kiss was quiet, languid, and deep. Comforting and full of meaning that could never fully be expressed by words alone.

When their lips parted, he kept their foreheads pressed together. They were so close they could feel their hearts beating as one. "Charlie, I didn't marry you based on our ability to bear children. I married you because you're my best friend. I want to spend our lives together, whatever that future may look like."

"You're my best friend too, Sarge…" She threaded her fingers into the thick waves at the nape of his neck. "And my confidante. I hope you know that's why I want to talk to you about these sorts of things. So we can share our thoughts and hurts… and dreams. You're the only person who has been to the deepest places of my heart. Who understands what I'm feeling without a single word being said."

"Charlotte," Nathan slowly tilted her chin up in order to look into her eyes. "I know what we have is worth having. And I know what's ahead is worth more. This river that we find ourselves beside is deep and wide, but our love is a bridge. And if we walk over the struggles that are in front of us right now- together- we'll get to the other side. Then we'll see what life's got in store."

*If you aren't a Heartland fan you may not have picked up on my chapter reference with that last paragraph. I modeled it from the beautiful song Jack and Amy sing at Caleb and Ashley's wedding in Season 4 Episode 12- "The Lost Song". Here are the lyrics that I thought were very appropriate for this chapter and where Nathan and Charlotte are at…

There's things I've been meaning to tell you

There's things that I've got to say

So lets go for a walk

Somewhere quiet to talk

Maybe you'll see it my way.

I felt for a while we've been drifting

With no reason to stay or to go

But I hope that whatever wind blew us together

Is stronger than we even know.

So walk me over this bridge

The river's so deep and so wide

Just walk me over the bridge, my darling

We'll get to the other side.

There's times I know you inside and outside

There's times I don't know you at all

But whatever we go through

I'll be here loving you

Even times when you don't hear me call.

I know what we have is worth having

And I know what's ahead is worth more

So let's go for a walk

Somewhere quiet to talk

We'll see just what life's got in store.

So walk me over this bridge

River so deep and so wide

Just walk me over the bridge, my darling

Please be my place to hide.

Walk me over this bridge

River so deep and so wide

Just walk me over the bridge, my darling

We'll get to the other side.

*My last point and then I promise I'm done rattling on… I've had many friends and family members struggle with infertility and miscarriages through the years. Some silently. Some openly. When a dear friend of mine announced her pregnancy last April after struggling with infertility for years, she detailed their journey to becoming parents. She told me at one point she even gave her husband permission to leave her, telling him she would totally understand. She felt like she was robbing him of a family. Her husband picked her up off the floor, looked her in the eyes, and said "Hannah, you are my family" (Swoon moment- right? I should also mention he is a local policeman- a real-life Nathan). Hannah knew, in that moment, if infertility did one thing for her it was strengthen her marriage beyond belief and that they would get through it together.

I remember when Hannah told me that story, I said "Han- that's some Hallmark stuff right there" and we both laughed (Disclaimer- I should say that's some OLD Hallmark stuff). But that scene she described with her husband has stuck around with me for over a year and I knew if I ever wrote down one of the hundreds of story ideas that I've created in my head over the years, and this arc would fit into the character's development, I'd use it. Since 'So This Is Love' is the only story I will probably ever take the time to write, I'm glad it seems to fit here.

I've seen infertility and the loss of a child break down marriages, but I've also seen it solidify others. I hope you know which direction I'm heading with Nate and Charlie.