Chapter 137- Where Would We Go?

*When I was on SNS in April, one of the questions bakerew poised was "What is your biggest worry as a FanFiction writer?" I think my answer was "everything"… Haha!

Well, here is my biggest worry. This chapter.

I've heard it time and again, whether it be in FanFic or the tv show, fans of Nathan Grant want him to find a love that's sweet, easy, uncomplicated, (insert other cheesy adjectives here).

If you want only that for the lead couple, I hope you've realized this story is probably not for you. I'm sure there are other FanFic writers (Elizabeth and Moving-On) who are more than happy to fit that fancy.

It's just not me.

While I hope that I have given some of those sweet moments, this is where I put a disclaimer. Charlotte is not a what I'm term a Disney princess (to quote Mary Poppins- they are practically perfect in every way).

Charlotte has flaws and there are some rather big ones that come to play in this chapter.

Life is messy and complicated. Real relationships are too. They take constant work and evolving with one another.

What I feel as a writer is that it's important to not sweep those hardships under the rug. To be able to show complications in a marriage. Anger. Hurt. Regret. And still (hopefully) be able to accurately portray a couple working through them together.

Being perfect all the time, kissy/lovey dovey nonsense, is fun to read about, sure. That's why fairytales exist.

But give me the rawness. The brokenness that forces two people to become stronger together. That's what I want to read. That's the stories I relate to. Because I don't know about you, but I'm not a Cinderella.

I hope you feel the same… and can see past the messiness that is one Charlotte Grant in this chapter. See her for her flaws but see her for character growth too.

A grey, misty drizzly had settled into the valley from the moment they had left town. They didn't talk on the drive home. The silence lingered with only the gentle patter of the rain on the outside of the car. When Nathan finally shut off the engine in front of the house was the first moment one of them really had spoken to each other all day.

"I need to check on the horses…" Nathan whispered so softly, he hardly heard himself over the rain and the gentle click of the cooling motor. He stared straight ahead and wrung his hands on the steering wheel.

"Do you want my help?"

Nathan shook his head slowly from side to side. "I think I need some time alone to think. To process what's going on."

From the corner of his eye Nathan saw Charlotte take a deep, tumultuous breath before opening the car door and slowly walking across the yard to the steps of their porch. When he saw the light come on in the hallway, he climbed out of the vehicle himself and walked in the mist to the barn. The horses were all settled and watered, obviously having been taken care of by the Coulters when they were to the ranch a few hours before. Nathan found Newton. His old friend, leaning his head over the stall door to be affectionately rubbed.

"What am I going to do, boy?" Nathan asked. "I just don't know what to do."

Charlotte had watched from the window of their bedroom, Nathan's heavy trudge to the barn. She pressed a hand to her chest as she struggled to breathe. The pent-up emotions seemed to hit her all at once. She had tried to put on a brave face through the day for Allie's sake, and Nathan's, but it was all too much.

The shock of the verdict, the sorrow of the evening, suddenly gave way to the rush of anger she had bottled inside her.

Why were they just going to stand along the sides and let their daughter go?

What happened to love was always worth fighting for?

She knew what they had to do.

The moment Nathan walked into the house he could tell something wasn't right. Then he heard the clanging and banging coming from upstairs. His heart hammered against his chest as he climbed the steps in front of him two or three at a time. He paused a moment at Allie's door, but quickly realized the ruckus came from his and Charlotte's bedroom.

"Charlie!" He called out down the hallway. "Charlotte?"

He saw her then, clothes and hair still damp from the rain like his, scuttling around the room, throwing clothing and pictures and books in the open trunk and travel bags she had strewn about. Nathan swiftly covered the floor to his wife.

"Char-" He caught Charlotte's arm and swung her to him to stop the frenzied movements. "What are you doing?"

Charlotte searched his face as though he was a stranger. Nathan saw the flatness in her grey eyes, and it broke his heart. She looked at him, as if trying to make sense of words shouted from far away, though he was standing so close that she felt his breath on her skin.

"I'm doing the only thing I know to save our daughter."

"By what?" Nathan's eyes moved about the room. "Running away?"

She held his gaze but said nothing.

"Why is it that you still think the only answer to your problems is to run away from them?" Charlotte took a step back, but Nathan's hold on her kept her from retreating. "Because it's not going to fix this. Why haven't, after all this time with me, you've figured that out. Running doesn't solve anything."

She pushed hard against his chest and separated them. "Then tell me," She challenged, gritting her teeth. "Tell me, what we should do!"

Nathan turned away from her anger and stared into the empty fireplace. "I don't know." He answered with a flatness that ate into his soul. "I honestly don't know."

There was a heaviness to his body Charlotte had never seen before. She wanted to cross to him, to tell him that it was all right now, she had a plan, but her legs wouldn't work. Nathan straightened his shoulders and turned to her.

"We should have been prepared for this, Charlotte," he said sorrowfully. "We should have known."

"We can still fix this. We can still make it right." She moved towards the bed to fold one of his shirts she had placed there. "But we can't just stay in this house that you built for our family and watch the only child we will ever have be wrenched from our lives."

"No, no, no," Nathan held up his hands. "Just slow down. Let's think this over."

"I already have."

"So, what is your plan? To pack all our things and kidnap Allie in the middle of the night?"

"We wouldn't be kidnapping her!"

"You're right we wouldn't be because we're not doing this. We're not leaving." He took a handful of clothes she had just packed in the travel bag on the bed. He stormed to the other side of the room and jammed them back into the dresser drawer and banged it shut.

"I don't see any other way." Charlotte swallowed convulsively.

"There has to be. I just don't know if we can find the answers by morning."

"So, you're just going to let her go away with Dylan."

She saw resignation in his shoulders. "We don't have a choice."

"There is always a choice, Nathan! Life is filled with choices and decisions we have to make every single day. Every single moment. Once Dylan takes Allie away, what's to stop him from moving on from Edmonton?" Charlotte bunched her damp hair in her fists as she stared at him, openmouthed as she struggled for words. "You know as well as I do, he never stays in one place long. He could disappear with her to a big city in the east or up North into the wilderness. Or maybe he'll take her to the States, where you have no jurisdiction and no Force connections! What happens then?" As she dropped her hands, her hair clung across her face like a mourning veil, and tears began to stream down her cheeks.

"Where would we go? Huh?" Nathan shrugged his shoulders and lifted his hands into the air as if trying to grab onto something tangible. "Charlotte, if we followed through with your plan. Where. Would. We. Go?"

Charlotte physically winced as Nathan enunciated every word he said.

"We… we could go and stay with John at his ranch." She said in an empty voice.

"The Mounties already know of your connection to Potter's Creek. Don't you think that's one of the first places they would look?"

"What about Cadotte Lake? It's remote…"

"You're going to ask Tremblay to risk his career, and possibly more, harboring us? That's unfair. We can't ask that of him. We can't put him in that position. Or any of our friends or family for that matter."

"He… he doesn't have to know."

"Charlie…" Nathan's eyes implored her. He knew she wasn't seeing reason. Her pain was blinding her to the reality of their situation.

Charlotte sat down slowly on the bed. Her fingers digging into the material of the quilt below her. Nathan watched her tiny frame convulse with a mix of icy fury and heartbreak.

"We can't just stay here and do nothing, Nathan." Her voice was distant.

"The law, right now, agrees with Dylan."

Her jaw clenched and she shook her head slightly. "I never thought I'd see the day where you chose your job over this family."

There was pain in Nathan's eyes, but he was not to be baited. "This has nothing to do with me choosing the Mounties over you and Allie, and you know it."

"I thought love was always worth fighting for. When Beck took me… you came after us. You would have stopped at nothing to save me."

Nathan stared blankly at her.

"Wouldn't you have." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes." Nathan took a few steps closer to where she still sat on the bed. "I would have done anything in my power to make sure you were safe."

"And what makes that any different than Dylan taking Allie away? Shouldn't we be doing everything in our power to make sure she is safe?"

Nathan took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. It was something he had been wondering as well. "As much as I'll never understand why my sister married Dylan Parks, or how, after Colleen passed, how he could run out on Allie… Allie is his biological child. I honestly don't think he would do anything to physically harm her. And he knows that if he ever did…"

"No!" Charlotte cried, pushing herself off the bed to stand in front of Nathan. Terror bringing strength back to her legs. "He abandoned her! And Colleen! What's to say he won't do it again? When it all becomes too much for him to handle? And you…" Her eyes were wide with horror. "How could you, of all people, still say Allie is his child?"

There was a defeated look on Nathan's face. "I said his biological child."

"Allie is our child, Nathan! Not biological. Not adoptive. Just simply… Ours! She is not Dylan's. He doesn't deserve her!"

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Then act like it!"

Nathan stood, absorbing her words like punches. He let the silence drift between them as he watched Charlotte's emotions play across her face. Anger. Regret. Sadness.

Her eyes fell away from his to a picture frame that lay across the bed. She picked it up and tenderly traced the details of the people within. It was the first photo they had taken together. The one from the dance in town, Charlotte's first Christmas in Hope Valley. Her hands squeezed the edges of the frame, seeing the smile across Allie's face with Charlotte's arm around her. The happiness they all felt. But the part of the picture that always pulled at Charlotte's heartstrings was the way Nathan looked at her. His expression full of what she knew now was love. Pure, abiding love and devotion to another person. She lifted her gaze from the photo in her hands to see the same look upon her husband's face now.

Unwavering. That was his love for her.

And hers for him.

Nathan saw it then too and he came to her and took her into his arms, holding her close. He made no comment and asked no questions; he just held her and let her dissolve into tears as he touched his lips to the top of her head. Deep, agonizing sobs shook her whole body.

It was then Charlotte realized Nathan was weeping, too. She didn't suppose anything would have brought her to her senses more quickly. Knowing of Nathan's deep pain brought her out of her own despair. Nathan needed her. They needed each other. They were losing their child. In the morning Allie would be gone and there was nothing they could do about it.

For a moment she hated Dylan. And Seth Drake. And the judge. Anyone who had played a part in this sorrow. How could they do such a thing? And then, she dared to go a step further. She became angry at God. Why was He letting such a thing happen? She tried to push the anger from herself, knowing that it wasn't right, but it would not go away. She clung to Nathan and cried some more.

Why, God? Why? - Her heart silently lamented, but there was no answer.

At last, when she and Nathan were both cried out, he cupped her face, kissing Charlotte's tear-stained cheeks. The tender caress of his thumb ridding them of the physical evidence of their pain.

"I'm sorry," she murmured into his shoulder. "I'm sorry for everything I said. You didn't deserve it. It's just that… that's our little girl." Charlotte's voice cracked. "She came into my life as a daughter. As if I gave birth to her myself and…"

"I know." Nathan spoke slowly, deliberately. Brushing back wayward strands of Charlotte's hair from her face. "I feel the same way. And I don't want you to think that I haven't contemplated everything you just said. About running away and never looking back. It seemed the simple choice. Because as long as I knew I had you and Allie. Nothing else would ever matter to me."

"I love you, Sarge." Charlotte began to weep softly again. Her tears and snot soaking into the front of his shirt. "I love you so much. And Allie, too. That's why this hurts. That's why I don't think I can let her go tomorrow."

Nathan rubbed a reassuring hand up and down her back. "As much as I hate to say it, Charlotte, we have to stop thinking about us. We have to put on a strong front for Allie tomorrow. Just like we tried to do today. We have to tell her over and over and over again that we won't stop trying to win her back, but it's going to take time. We just have to find the right way to do it. We can petition the courts for a retrial or something else, but if we took Allie tonight, we would be running for the rest of our lives. And if they found us… We would be deemed unfit parents and she would never be able to stay with us. Charlotte, Allie is smart. She gets that from her mothers." He felt Charlotte give a short, bleak laugh against his chest that was muffled by the fabric of his shirt. "If for some horrible reason, we can't find a way to win custody back, she only has to remain with Dylan for two, maybe three more years, until she isn't considered a minor anymore. If we stay. We keep a home for her here. A place where she always knows she is welcomed and loved. And safe. That's what I feel is most important. This isn't like before. Allie isn't a little girl. She's a young woman now, capable of taking care of herself if necessary. We've raised her to be independent and to have the courage she will need to face this challenge."

"I just don't understand how Dylan can be so selfish."

"He's doing this to get back at me. To make me pay for his arrest. That's the only explanation I have. I guess that's life as a Mountie. A part of you will always be watching over your back."

"Watching over your back? I don't understand. You are loved and respected in this community and with the Mounties."

Nathan took in a long, slow breath. "Not by everyone. There will always be a few- those who have broken the law and been made to pay for it - who will always be watching for opportunities to… Well, let's just say I've learned to be very vigilant when out on the trail or doing rounds."

"You've never told me this before."

"Of course, I didn't." Nathan ran a hand slowly up and down her arm, raising goosebumps along its length. "I didn't want to frighten you. Or Allie. But it's a part of life for a Mountie."

Charlotte threaded her hands into his long hair, feeling the silky strands float through her fingers. As she contemplated his confession, Nathan could feel her becoming distant again.

"Something wrong?" He asked. "Because you always do that little head tilt thing when you're thinking about something, but unsure if you want to say it out loud."

"No." She answered too quickly.

"If you're not thinking, and you weren't flustered that I asked, then why do you have these cute little wrinkles on your forehead."

"Sometimes I wonder if it's a blessing or a curse that you can read me so well, Mr. Grant."

"I wonder the same thing." He teased, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"I was just thinking… What if we went to the Queen of Hearts tonight? It's still early enough that I bet Dylan is in the saloon playing cards or something. What if we talked to him? One parent to another. Make him understand that who he really is hurting in all of this is Allie."

"I know Dylan. The moment I come into the picture; he no longer sees reason."

"What if I go then? Alone?" Nathan looked at her as if she had grown two heads. "I mean… Our first meeting wasn't great, but when he was at the Coulters for my birthday, we were making pleasant conversation until-"

"Until he had to ruin it, like he always does."

"Nathan, I can't let Allie go tomorrow without at least attempting to talk him out of this. Maybe… I don't know… Maybe we can convince him to stay in Hope Valley, get a job at Lee's mill?"

"That's not going to happen."

"How do you know if we don't try?"

"Because I know Dylan. Better than you do."

"What if we try to talk to Seth Drake then? I think he's staying at the saloon tonight, too? He was the one that convinced Dylan to let Allie come back to Hope Valley after the trial. Maybe he can help us?"

Nathan bristled thinking back to this morning and the way Seth Drake had greeted his wife. The way he had twirled the wedding band on Charlotte's finger. He could tell instantly Drake was a man who had probably never had to 'chase' a woman before and the idea of it suddenly fascinated him.

Nathan took a deep breath and looked squarely at her. "No."

"You blamed me earlier for wanting to run away from our problems. Well, here's my solution. We confront them head on."

"You're not going anywhere near Drake. Do I make myself clear?"

He spoke with such vehemence that both of them were surprised. "Why not?

"Because I said so." Nathan could see Charlotte was clearly confused. He looked at her anxious face begging for a better explanation, but he wasn't sure he could give her one without causing her alarm. Or conjuring ghosts. "Listen, there will be times, Charlotte, when we won't agree about things. Times when I will need to make decisions in our future. I might have to ask you to do things you will find difficult, things you don't fully understand or don't agree with. I will try to never make decisions to satisfy my ego or to show my manly authority, but I must do what I think is right for you- to care for you and protect you…"

Charlotte stopped him then by laying a finger gently on his lips. "And I care about you, Sarge. I'm sorry about tonight."

"I'm sorry, too."

Charlotte laid in bed, staring at the ceiling as her mind churned. She didn't have to wait long until Nathan's breathing deepened, his weariness quickly catching up to him. She turned her head cautiously and looked at him in the moonlight. She studied his relaxed profile for a moment, then slowly crept out from underneath the covers and dressed.

Before leaving their room, she glanced back at Nathan's sleeping form once more. He looked peaceful and she felt the silent tug pulling her back into the safety of his arms.

No. She thought. She had to do this. She had to do it for Allie.

She had to do it for Nathan.

She was done running, but she wasn't done fighting for her family.