Chapter 150- My Better Self

We have 2 more chapters after this one (Chapter 151- The Book of Us and Chapter 152- A Special Christmas), and while I have every intention of posting everything prior to Christmas, we are expected to get a blizzard through these part over the next few days. Thankfully I was able to schedule time off of work these last two weeks of the year, which gives me more time to ride out the storm at my family's ranch and help in any way I can.

Blizzards are stressful and hard work. There are water sources to break free of thick ice, tractors that are needed to feed and take bedding to cattle but their engines refuse to start because of how cold it is (Thursday windchills will be about -50F), and praying that the wind breaks stay in place to shelter the cattle with the 40-60 MPH winds we are expecting. Needless to say... after this posting... I anticipate 'A Grant Family Special Christmas' to get put to the back burner as I focus on more important tasks around here in the prep and duration of the storm.

After the last few postings focusing more on Allie and Warren's stories, this chapter gets back to our main couple, Nate and Charlie. And after the heavy and angsty stuff I've put you through, I hope you will enjoy the fluffy bits included here.

"Nathan said I might find you here."

Warren looked up from where he was spreading out fresh bedding for the horses to see Charlotte leaning against the side of the stall. "I offered to do the morning chores for him, so he could get his work and rounds done before the dance tonight."

"Well…" Charlotte said, sinking into a stack of hay nearby. "Thank you." She leaned back, resting against the wall of the barn, taking a deep breath in of fresh straw, her hand absently rubbing her expanding belly. Embracing the baby growing within.

Warren smiled to himself. Charlotte was rounding nicely, her cheeks glowing with a healthy color. He had never seen her look so well or lively. He was happy for his friends. Tremblay knew how much Allie wanted siblings, and that the baby coming in just a few short months would be blessed beyond measure to grow up in this loving home and community.

Last night, after his talk with Nathan, was the first time in months that Warren was able to get a restful night of sleep. Maybe Nathan was right. Warren and Nimi should consider moving to Hope Valley. As much as he enjoyed the wildness and sometimes solitude of the North, there was beauty to be had right here. He could find work at the mill or with Archie and Joseph's construction business. He even had the fleeting idea about starting up his own private investigation company that could be based out of Hope Valley. Then maybe he and Nimi could buy a secluded piece of property up in the mountains. It wouldn't be the North or culture she had grown up in, but he had a feeling they could make Hope Valley a home for their family. Raising their kids alongside the Grant's children was a future that had taken hold in Warren's mind, and his heart.

"I'm assuming, Nathan told you about last night. And our discussion." Warren said as he returned to his task of forking the new straw into the stall.

Charlotte nodded. "I hope it was alright."

"I told him he could."

"I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough telling us your concerns, Warren." She picked up a piece of hay and twirled it in her fingers. "And about your newfound happiness too."

Warren looked over at Charlotte and studied her a moment. "And?" He drew out.

Charlotte smirked at his question and that he knew she had more to say. "And I want you to tell me all about Nimi. Like how did you two first meet? What does she look like? Is she kind, smart and funny? You know… the important things."

"Well… first of all, you've already seen her."

"What?" Charlotte gasped and sat up a little straighter on the haystack. "I've met her? When?"

"Not met, per se… Rather- Seen." Warren crossed one foot over the other and leaned against the pitchfork he was using. "Do you remember the package I sent to your class right before the end of the school year this past spring?"

"Yes…"

"Do you still have the pictures that I included? My drawings of the people and places of Cadotte Lake?"

"I kept them. They are in a box on the bookshelf in the living room."

"Kisik Nimihto was one of the people I drew."

Charlotte paused for a moment, thinking back over the pictures. "She was the sketched portrait of the stunning Cree woman?"

"That's Nimi." A coy smile graced his face.

"She is beautiful," Charlotte smiled in return, remembering the way Warren seemed to capture the woman he loved in a fleeting moment as if the picture was a photograph and not a simple pencil drawing. She marveled at the way he had sketched the details with wisps of Nimi's long, black hair blowing gently in the breeze, sweeping gracefully across her high cheekbones and dark eyes. "Quite the catch, Mr. Tremblay." Charlotte teased earning a blush to the young Mountie.

"Yeah, I'm a lucky man." He ran an uneasy hand over the back of his neck. "I guess… that is if Nimi agrees to marry me."

Charlotte pushed herself up from the hay and took a couple steps closer to Tremblay. Placing a hand on his forearm to draw his attention to her. "She will. If it is meant to be, nothing can keep you two apart."

"How can you be so sure, when I'm not even sure."

She had a slight twinkle in her eye. "Did Nathan ever tell you about the first time he proposed to me, and I told him no?"

Warren's eyes grew large in shock. "You turned him down?"

Charlotte slowly nodded her head and then proceeded to fill in some of the missing pieces of her past. Her full connection to Potter's Creek and Beck McEntire and the events that led her to Hope Valley. Finding safety and peace among the people here. Of the pregnancy and Nathan's gallant offer of a marriage of convenience for her. How she loved Nate so much, she felt she had to let him go. He deserved more than what she could offer him then. No matter how much her head, and yes, a part of her heart had wanted to say yes, she didn't want him to settle for anything in life, especially love. She couldn't stand the thought of one day, Nathan coming to regret his decision to marry her.

"But look at you both now," Warren said as Charlotte finished. "You're happy. Right?"

"Immensely," Charlotte gently cradled her stomach. "But don't let us fool you. There have been some hard times too, Warren. One of the darkest days I remember of our relationship was when I found out Nathan was keeping a secret from me." Warren gave her a confused look, prompting Charlotte to continue. "Nathan, Gabe, and Bill had been investigating Beck and hiding the truth from me. I know why Nate did it…" Charlotte's jaw tensed slightly and she walked towards the saddles lining a nearby wall. Hiding her emotions. "But I was upset that he kept it from me. That I had to discover the truth for myself." She busied herself straightening the tack, letting the silence settle between them before speaking again. "Warren- You need to be completely honest with Nimi- before you make this decision that affects both your futures."

Tremblay ran a hand through his jet-black hair. "I don't want her thinking the only reason I am marrying her is to see that she's taken care of and on the other hand, I don't want her to know that the Mounties forbid marriage between one of their own and… Well, you know."

"If you really love Nimi and want to build a life with her, you can't start it on a lie."

"I'm not lying to her."

"You're not telling her the whole truth either." Charlotte challenged. "I understand you are trying to protect her from finding out about these- well, these bigoted regulations of the Force. But Warren, no matter how much it may hurt or how unfair this all is, Nimi deserves to know."

Warren nodded his head in silent agreement.

"You are a lot like Nathan." A small smile graced her lips. "You both have this internal drive to take care of the ones you love. To keep them from feeling any kind of pain. But that is a two-way street, Tremblay. Kisik Nimihto, if she is the woman I think she is, she feels the need to protect and care for you too. When you find the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you have a partner who is there to remind you that you no longer have to do it all by yourself anymore. Your wife will be there for you, like you will be there for her. If you let her." Charlotte placed a hand on his shoulder. "Learn from the mistakes Nathan and I have made. Be completely honest with Nimi and let her be your sounding board. Let her be the one you face the world with, not only the one who you would face the world for."

"Tell me again why we are looking all over for this tie?" Charlotte asked as she watched Nathan open their dresser drawer and begin digging through its contents.

"Because…" Nathan let out a heavy sigh. "I guess Allie bought Tremblay a tie to wear tonight as an early Christmas present and he suddenly has this big, irrational fear that he'll be the only man in Hope Valley wearing one and that will make him overdressed for the evening. He made me promise that I would find my tie and wear it too."

"It's very noble of you to help out a brother in arms like this." Charlotte teased, coming to Nathan's side. "But as much as I love how you look dressed in a suit and tie…" Her fingers seductively played along the open edge of Nathan's light blue shirt collar. "I've become rather fond of your unbuttoned look, Sarge."

Nathan tilted his head down, and she lifted her chin to look up at him through her thick lashes. They were close enough that she could feel his breath on her skin. He shifted closer still as Charlotte moved her hand along his neck and then to his cheek. His freshly shaved face was smooth to the touch. She stilled her hand but let her thumb graze his skin, watching the lines around his mouth and eyes deepen as he grinned at her.

"Do you always smile at nothing?" Charlotte asked, distracted herself by the way Nathan's hands roamed her sides.

"I was just remembering…"

"Remembering?" Charlotte's eyebrow raised.

"Remembering that two years ago, for the Christmas festival's dance, was the first time you agreed to go out in public with me… as something more."

"And look at us now." Charlotte couldn't hide her own smile even if she wanted to. She knew if she tried to force the corners of her mouth down, they would only disobey and creep up again. How could they not? Charlotte felt nothing but blissful happiness whenever she was in her husband's arms. "I thought this could never be possible. Not for me. Not then. But you let me dream, Nathan. It's one of the greatest Christmas gifts you've ever given me. You let me see, and believe, that this could be my life. With you, Allie, and… our family." Her eyes sparkled and the dimple in her right cheek seemed to deepen.

Nathan's lips found hers, causing Charlotte's eyes to close. Heat filled her from the tips of her toes to the crown of her head. She melted into him, loving the feel of his lips on hers. Nathan's touch was gentle, full of hope and the promise of the life they would continue to build together.

When he inched away from her, they both were breathless and seemingly lost in one another. "Where were we?" He whispered against his wife's freckled cheek. "I've seemingly lost all train of thought."

Charlotte giggled. "I think we were searching for one very misplaced tie."

"Right. That."

Charlotte drew out of his arms, and instantly felt bereft of his touch. She walked towards Nathan's side of the bed. "Did you check in your bedside table?"

When his wife's words finally registered in his already muddled brain, Nathan knew he was too late to stop her from discovering his hiding place.

"My copy of 'Jane Eyre'!" She gasped, glancing back over her shoulder at Nathan. "I can't believe I forgot that you kept."

"I remember when I read that book the first time, soon after you had lent it to Allie. I couldn't help but think about how much it reminded me of our own story." Nathan came to stand beside his wife, placing a gentle hand on the small of her back as she turned the pages in the old, worn copy of her favorite novel. "It's the tale of a young woman, with a difficult past, who finds a new life teaching a little girl. And it just so happens that little girl's guardian is a dashingly handsome man to whom the woman can't help but fall in love with."

"Dashingly handsome?" Charlotte's brow arched high in that teasing way of hers. "Where'd you get an idea like that?"

Nathan's jaw slackened in mock outrage, and he stepped back to straighten his jacket, poising this way and that until they were both in a fit of giggles.

"Yes, I guess I'd call you dashingly handsome, Sarge." Charlotte agreed, as a roguish smile built upon Nathan's face. "But thankfully you didn't have a secret, mentally-unstable wife hidden away in the attic of your row house."

"Not that you know of." Nathan teased earning him a playful jab in the ribs from Charlotte's elbow and a quick roll of her eyes.

Returning her attention back to the book, Charlotte noticed a strange spacing between a couple of the pages and opened the novel there to reveal a dried forget-me-not that had been gently pressed between the paper. Nathan's hand reached forward to pick up the tiny bloom.

"I secretly picked this…" He said, holding the flower in front of them. "That first time we rode out to the meadow, and I showed you the patch of forget-me-nots. It was the day I let myself start to admit that it was love I felt for you, and I wanted something to not only remind me of our day together as a family, but also that moment."

It was then Charlotte noticed the paragraph that the flower had marked.

"I have for the first time found what I can truly love- I have found you. You are my sympathy- my better self- my good angel- I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wrap my existence about you- and kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one."

My better self- Charlotte focused on those words and felt them deeply. Without a doubt in her mind, she knew Nathan made her better. A better person. A better parent. And a better partner. She hoped with every ounce of her being she did the same for him.

"I hope you don't mind that I've kept your book all this time," Nathan said, placing the forget-me-not back between the pages.

"Not at all. Actually, I don't know if it could have found a safer place to call home." Charlotte's gaze connected with Nathan's. They both seemed to understand without saying more that it was not only the book Charlotte was referencing, but rather their hearts.

She swallowed, retreating back to the bedside table to lay the novel atop and return to her task of finding the missing tie. Her search was short-lived when she discovered yet another of Nathan's hidden treasures.

"What's this?" Nathan watched as Charlotte drew out a clothbound book that also lay in the drawer. She turned it over in her hands and grazed her fingers over the gold foil lettering of its title. "'The Canadian Mother's Manual of Efficient Child-Rearing', by Doctor Samuel B. Griffiths?"

"It's what I was reading the other day when you came to the office." Nathan sheepishly admitted as Charlotte turned to face him. "I ordered it from that bookstore in Calgary you discovered when we were there for the Mountie Ball."

"I don't understand. Why were you trying to hide it from me? I thought you said it was just some reading material for your job."

"Remember a couple weeks ago when we were lying right here in bed, and you told me that you felt unprepared for having a baby and wished there was a training manual or something so you knew what to expect with raising a newborn?"

Charlotte nodded her head.

"Do you remember what I said next?" Nathan asked.

"That you don't know much about raising a baby either, but I would always have you to lean on. You said it could be a beautiful thing. Us being so new to this but learning about it together."

Nathan took the book from Charlotte's hands and fanned the pages with his thumb. "This was my way of being able to learn about what we could expect so I can be there to support you on this next adventure in our lives." He raised his head to look her in the eyes. "And I didn't lie to you. I said it was reading material for my job. And being your husband and a father to our children will always be the most prestigious and important position I have in my life. I'll always strive to do better… to be better for this family."

"Nate…" She started, but suddenly seemed at a loss for words at her husband's endearing gesture. Her heart twisted at Nathan's thoughtfulness and honesty. She wondered if there would ever be a day that he didn't find a way to remind her how lucky she was to have found Nathan Grant and maybe more so how blessed she was to be the receiver of the love he so freely gave to her. "Thank you." Charlotte whispered, feeling the overwhelming love for her husband that consumed her and the look of tenderness in the depths of his blue eyes. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness in ordering this book." She took his hand into her own and gave it a strong squeeze. "And thank you for being my partner in not only raising this family, but my partner in life. But you don't have to push yourself to be better on our account. Just be you. That will always be more than enough for me. And our children." She reached up and touched Nathan's face, her thumb swiping at an escaped tear and disguising its remnants with a soft kiss upon his cheek where the salty water had once trailed. "I love you."

"And I love you." He said, stroking the tendrils of hair back from her temples, before trailing his touch down her arms to caress the swell in her stomach. "I should say, 'I love you, both', shouldn't I?"

As though to answer for themselves, the child within Charlotte stirred against their father's loving embrace and words. Earning a laugh of joy from its parents.

"I think your little partner here agrees," Charlotte giggled. "And if they could talk for themselves, I'm pretty sure they would be saying they love you too, Sarge. Just like their momma does."