Chapter 48: A Break, Somewhere
March 30th, 2211, 0702 hours – Aboard the SSV Excalibur — Flight Deck
Data Corruption… Automatic Reconstruction Failed…Data Corruption….Profile Reconstruction Required…
(Flight Lieutenant Valeria Fyordinarova)
Val's foot was going to dig a hole through the ship's floor if she kept tapping it at this rate. It wasn't a good habit—and certainly not one that a trained pilot would typically engage in, but she had long since bitten all her fingernails down to the quick. Another habit she wasn't usually prone to. She was supposed to remain cool, calm and collected at all times. Piloting a frigate and holding the lives of dozens of people in her hands demanded nothing less.
They had just arrived back in the Amun system a few hours ago with an turian fleet at their backs. Their flight to Palaven must have been made in record time. Cade had pushed them and pushed them to their absolute limits over the last ten or so days, hell-bent on getting back into the fight and to his friends as soon as he could. As much as Val hated him and his immature antics, she had to admit the turian Spectre was unwaveringly dedicated to his comrades.
She hadn't gotten any sleep in the last twenty hours, but that wasn't the source of her worries. She'd gone longer during training. No, her worries were birthed from the fact that Cade had told her that Cloud had gone missing down in New Thebes. Upon learning that, Cade had immediately taken a team of turian commandos out in search of his friend, the mission be damned. Another point for the Spectre.
Cloud. Her tapping began to crescendo. She hadn't talked to the Spectre in over two weeks. They'd spoken to each other whenever they'd had some down-time, but that had stopped when she'd been tasked with ferrying Cade to Palaven to petition the Primarch for reinforcements. She didn't even know if he was still alive. Cade's team had radioed in a short while ago asking to have a shuttle with an EMT team sent down. Now, it was a waiting game – a game that was currently driving Val crazy.
Beside her, Second Lieutenant Ronald Lee suddenly pressed a hand to the headset he was wearing. Someone was transmitting.
He listened for a while before getting onto the radio with the team down in the med bay. "Med, Operative Kitiarian's shuttle is about to dock. Prep for two casualties – tier 1 and tier 4, over,"
Her heart sank. A tier 4 casualty meant no further help was needed.
She shook it off. He was okay – he had to be. Val jumped in her seat and began to flip switches. "Lieutenant Chan, I'm opening the bay doors now. Med will be ready for you. You're clear to dock."
"Roger that Val! Watch our backs, will ya? There's still quite a few bogeys out here," the shuttle pilot replied.
"Copy, alerting weapons," she replied. Val sent a quick message down to fire control before turning her gaze back to her scanner. On it, a small white dot was rapidly approaching the symbol that represented her ship.
"Come on, come on, come one….," she whispered.
The dot reached the ship, becoming one. The Excalibur shuddered as the shuttle landed below-deck.
She dashed out of her seat. "Ron, you have the bridge!" she called out.
"You really shouldn't be doing this – not while were in a combat zone!" the second lieutenant angrily called out, but Val ignored him.
Val dashed down the length of the Excalibur's command deck, past a trio of bleary-eyed, tired-looking CIC officers and a bunch of engineers, and towards the elevator in the middle of the ship.
A pair of heavily-armed turian soldiers were just coming out of the elevators. Val quite nearly ran head-first into their armor as she weaved by them to take their place in the elevator. Her hands groped for the button to the hangar bay. She pressed it once, twice, three times.
The trip down was only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity of agony to the pilot. When the doors finally opened, Val leapt out, heart beating wildly in her chest.
The shuttle had landed, filling the bay with the pungent smell of eezo and carbon. The hangar bay maintenance techs were spread out around the edge of the bay, clearing the path for the wounded.
The shuttle doors opened with a hiss. Out of the dark, two individuals in emergency response garb came out with a tarp-covered body on a hover-stretcher, headed for the elevator. The stretcher rolled on past Val. At the sight of the body, fear instantly began to blossom in her chest.
No, she thought.
But then came three – no, four - turians in heavy, gray armor with what looked like jetpacks on their backs. They quickly surveyed the hangar bay before moving towards the elevator.
And behind them came two more figures. One was a light-scaled turian in battered armor, with blue markings on his face and a tattoo on the side of his neck. It was Cade. He had one arm around the second figure's waist. That figure had his arm around Cade's neck. Blood coated the armor on his arm and leg, thickest around a large hole in his armored thigh.
With Cade's help, the figure limped out of the shuttle. Lightning-blue eyes locked onto hers, and Val gave a sigh of relief.
March 30th, 2211, 0832 hours – Aboard the SSV Excalibur — Medical Bay
Data Corruption… Automatic Reconstruction Failed…Data Corruption….Profile Reconstruction Required…
(Spectre Operative 04272182-Cloud)
Our medical bay was doubling as a morgue right now. It wasn't something any doctor would be happy to have happen, but I suppose that on the bright side there was only one body. Astrid's body. She looked so peaceful lying there that I could hardly believe she'd gone.
I stared at her as I stood there in the med bay, arms crossed beside her bed. Bandages crossed various portions of my body and medigel coated the wound on my leg that Locke had given me. I was the only casualty currently being treated on the Excalibur right now, the rest of the wounded having been transferred to a better-equipped turian medical cruiser.
I shivered and pressed my arms closer into my chest. I was wearing nothing more than a t-shirt, and I'd lost maybe ten pounds since the campaign had started just two and a half weeks ago. Combined with all the physical trauma I'd suffered recently, I was in poor, physical shape.
Astrid looked so serene lying there, like she'd simply fallen into a deep sleep. I used to wonder what happened after we died. Did we just decompose and return to the world around us? Did our spirits move on to another plane, or did they stay in this current reality to watch over those they'd had a connection to in their past lives? Questions like that were involuntary exercises I'd used to default to on the nights that I'd felt truly alone.
I heard the doors behind me open, and then a series of booted footsteps. There was no need to turn around. I already knew who it was.
Cade strode into the room and moved up to stand beside me, in front of the bed currently holding Astrid's corpse. The turian still had his weapons on him and he was still clad in his armor.
He was tense too. I could sense it. I'd known him and lived alongside him long enough to sense his various moods.
We stood there silently together for a few moments. Eventually, Cade spoke. "Primarch Vakarian wants your report in little while. You'd better get dressed, maybe get some food," Cade tentatively offered.
I ignored him. My eyes never left Sarah's – no, Astrid's – body. It was Astrid. That was Astrid in that bed.
"I'm not hungry," I mumbled offhandedly.
I heard Cade let out a sharp exhale beside me. I sensed his emotions shift. That exhale had been equal parts air and equal parts frustration.
I tilted my head slightly towards my friend, but my eyes never left her. "Is something the matter?"
"What are you doing?" Cade asked abruptly.
My shoulders came up in a slight shrug. "I'm not following. What am I doing?"
"What are you doing?!" he asked again – more loudly this time. The flanging in his voice intensified. For some reason, Cade was angry at me.
"I'm not doing anything," I replied dully. Who knew why he was mad at me? There were plenty of reasons why someone would want to be mad at me I guess. My eyes continued to remain fixed on her body.
Cade grabbed my shoulder and spun me to face him. "You are," he spat accusingly. You're doing it again. You're doing the same thing you did when Sarah died!"
Suddenly my heart leapt, as if I'd been struck by a jolt of electricity. "I'm not doing anything," I repeated firmly.
"You are," he emphasized again. "The question was rhetorical by the way, because I've known you long enough to know exactly what you're doing right now. You're blaming her death on yourself. You're soaking up all the guilt and sorrow behind her death and shouldering it like you're the one who killed her."
I finally looked away from Astrid and towards Cade. My friend's mandibles were spread and I could see anger, frustration, but also genuine worry in eyes.
"You then go on to act like you don't care, even though anyone whose known you for longer than ten minutescan see that you're falling apart inside over these people! I talked to Rentea. She says you've been in here staring at her body for the last hour!"
I had no reply to that. I'd heard it before from my friend. I'd heard something similar when Sarah had died, back on the Hippocrates. He was right, but the truth was I couldn't help it. I don't know why, but I just couldn't.
I just stood there silently, waiting for his barrage to finish, but Cade was relentless, "How long did you know her for? Cause let me tell you, it couldn't have been longer than the ten days that I was gone."
I shifted uneasily in place. "A few hours," I offered reluctantly.
"A few hours," Cade repeated in exasperation. "What could have possibly happenedin a few hours to have made you feel this way?
I looked back at her body. What could I even tell him? His question lingered on, unwelcome and unwanted.
Unfazed by my silence, Cade pressed on.
"Cloud, we've spent nearly every day of the last five years together. We've lived together, fought together, bled together – spirits, how many times have we almost died together? The point is, I know you. In fact, I'd wager that I know you better than you know yourself, because your actions tell me you're either in denial or blind to your own problems!"
I still didn't answer.
Cade drew his mandibles flat across his face. Turians only did that when they were feeling nervous or embarrassed.
"I know why you feel so strongly about her – about Sarah and all the rest. It took me a while… and it's something I've had to piece together bit by bit, but I think I know," he said.
Cade took a small breath and then pressed on. "It's your mother, isn't it? You told me a long time ago how you lost her, and how powerless you felt…"
I tensed up at hearing those words. They sent a wave of cold spreading violently across my chest.
I gritted my teeth. "Cade, don't."
"These people… Sarah, this doctor, the asari reporter, even the tech aboard the Hippocrates. Losing them takes you back to when you lost her, doesn't it?"
"Don't!" I repeated, angrier this time. A red curtain fell across my vision and I clenched my fists. The air around me began to sizzle with tiny, blue bolts. Cade however was undaunted by my anger.
My friend grabbed my shoulders gently. "Cloud, you have to know… their deaths weren't your fault. Your mother's death… that wasn't your fault."
The flanging in Cade's tone crescendoed as the bolts grew bigger, but still my friend held on. "The rest of them—there was nothing more you could have done for any of them! The Reapers killed your mother! The saboteurs killed the tech, Sarah, and Astrid! None of it was your fault!"
And like that the curtain was lifted. The blue storm around me finally receded, and I bit my lip and brushed the back of my hand quickly across my eyes.
He's right, said a voice in the back of my head. Cade was right, wasn't he?
That never-ending cycle of powerlessness. It haunted every fibre of my being. It lurked just over my shoulder, and if I ever wanted to see it all I had to do was turn around. Like a giant, twisted wheel, with my mother as the first spoke. It just kept turning and turning and turning, and every rotation would add a new face. And there I was, powerless to stop its ghastly progress. I'd stripped my hands raw trying to stop it over the years. And each time – each rotation – I saw my mother's passing in the passing of each subsequent victim. I watch them die and I see the same thing over and over and over again. Her face beyond those closing doors and me not strong enough to do anything about it.
"It's… it's more than that…" I finally said. I wasn't going to deny what my friend had said. "She did some terrible, terrible things, Cade. She was complicit in the whole thing," I said quietly, waving my hand limply over Astrid's body. "But she realized she was wrong. She realized that what they were doing was wrong, that she was only hurting others because she was hurting inside, and she wanted to do something about it. She had learned to let go of her pain, and she wanted to make things right."
I shivered again and let out an angry exhale, filled with exasperation. "I just… I just don't get it. Why is it so goddamn, fucking hard for someone to do the right thing in this universe? Like there's some higher power out there who wants us to be miserable – who wants us to just keep doing shitty things to one another?"
"There's plenty of good being done in the universe. You and I… we've done some of it," Cade replied.
I scoffed. "We're just killers, Cade. Let's be honest, that's all the Spectres really are. Killers. Blood on blood on blood, that's our profession. We can pretend that we're doing it for the good guys, but you've seen the universe. You know what's out there. There are no real good guys. There are no real bad guys. Just rich, influential people people who think that they're in the right— dipshits with different agendas, shouting over one another and mucking up the lives of those around them. Collateral damage."
"I know you don't really believe that," Cade said quietly.
I closed my eyes and sighed. "Maybe… I don't know what I believe."
We stood there silently together for a few more minutes. It was a comforting silence, truth be told. I was glad to have him as a friend.
"Cade, just give me a few more minutes to say goodbye. You are right, you know the real me and you know that this isn't anything new. I'll move on like I always do."
Cade paused, but eventually he relented. "I'm sorry about Astrid. You need help Cloud, and you can be damned sure that we'll revisit this once we've won this war with the saboteurs." With that, the turian turned and left.
Once he'd left the medical bay I looked back at Astrid and sighed. "People like you shouldn't be the ones doing the dying," I said to her.
This was what happened when you tried to be better. Astrid thought she could be better, and she had taken the first step by letting go of her father's death.
The thought suddenly pulled me back to Anhur and into that cold, dark prison. I could once again see Locke and Dr. Anders and hear the creatures howling around me. In an instant I was there again, and the words of Dr. Anders echoed in my head.
Or better yet, come with us. Help us… together we can bring her back.
No. No, I couldn't think about that. I'd moved on. I was going to follow Astrid and learn to let go of my pain too. We couldn't change the past? No— we needed to learn to live with the past? No, that wasn't it. What had Astrid said? Damn it, what had she said? How had she learned to let go again?
Together we can bring her back…
Why couldn't I remember? Why did she have to die? Damn it, I'd needed her.
I tore my gaze away from her face and turned to leave. Looking at her was no longer something I could bear to do. All I could think about now when I looked at her was the promise of Dr. Anders.
I had just taken a few steps away from the bed when pain suddenly lanced through my head. I dropped to my knees with a groan and squeezed my eyes shut.
[Time and Date unknown], [Location Unknown]
Data Corruption… Automatic Reconstruction Failed…Data Corruption….Profile Reconstruction Required…
[user unknown]
After what felt like eternity, the pain began to slowly ebb and I found myself able to gradually open my eyes. My heartrate jumped as I found myself standing not in the med bay of the Excalibur, but rather on a large road made of silver stone. I looked around in a slight panic. Towering above me were huge buildings that looked to be made of some kind of silvery substance and glass, crafted in an architectural style that I was unfamiliar with. I was in a city of some sort. Three planets were visible in the sky above me – one a brilliant shade of noxious green, another a crisp, hypnotic blue, and finally a smaller one, almost angry shade of red.
Shit, I recognized them. The planets, the buildings – no, spires – of silver metal… I'd been here before. I'd dreamed of them before.
I looked down from the sky and my heart suddenly leapt into my throat at the sight of the figure before me. It was the star-child. She had blue skin like that of an asari. Plates of overlapping bone began on her forehead to cover the entirety of her head. It extended down to her shoulders and gave the appearance of hair. A pair of curved horns emerged from right above and just a bit forward from her ears, arching at first towards the sky and then backwards.
My hands began to shake, and I felt the onset of an uncharacteristic panic attack. What unsettled me the most was how… how normal I felt right now. The visions that I'd had before had felt and seemed like normal dreams. I was in them, and yet I wasn't. I would act, but it never felt like I was completely in control – more of a spectator of sorts, present in mind and yet feeling as if someone else was pulling my strings.
This was different. I raised a hand. A cool breeze trickled across my skin. I knelt down and brushed my fingers against the smooth rock of the road. It was both warm and cold at the same time, unlike anything I'd ever felt. This was different. I was in control here.
Calm down, I told myself. I couldn't afford panic right now. I had to focus – to find out what I could.
"You again," I began cautiously. Apprehensive wouldn't even begin to describe what I was feeling. Had I somehow been transported somewhere, or was I hallucinating? Was this a symptom of the infection?
The star-child didn't say anything in return. She just stood there and beamed at me like I was a long-time friend.
"You… I've been dreaming of you ever I was on the Hippocrates. I saw you on Anhur, after the crash. You lead me to the prison," I continued slowly.
"We are one," the star-child finally replied enigmatically. She replied in english, albeit with an accent I could not place.
Silence was my next move, buying time so I could assess my situation. There was too much that I didn't know outright, only things that I had only suspected… that I had pieced together slowly over the past few months. Clues that had started with the insane doctor aboard the Hippocrates telling us about the voices, the fact that I could understand the Chimera, and culminating in what Astrid had told me about the properties of the Cris'paii DNA and about the subjects who hadn't succumbed to the recombination process. I was infected. What I didn't know was why I hadn't turned like the rest of them.
She didn't say anything after that, so I walked off the road and towards one of the buildings, in an effort to make myself look braver than I felt. I pretended to peer curiously at the buildings around me, to make myself look like less of a threat in an attempt to make her feel more at ease and willing to open up. I'd never been a hundred percent cognizant in these dreams before. I had to get her to talk. I had to learn more.
"That night on the Citadel and on the Exacalibur… I saw…" I gestured around me at the spire-like buildings. "I saw this exact city. I've been here before."
"Yes," the star-child replied. "It is my home. I was not expecting to find you here, in my memories…"
I turned to her. "I saw the Reapers attack. You lead me into the city. I helped you find your mother. I remember the city was full of Reaper constructs. We found her…"
I remembered that dream well. I'd had it aboard the Excalibur. In that dream we'd entered the doomed city, beset by the creations of the Reapers. Horns were blaring through the sky, black ships casted long shadows, and her people were being hunted and harvested everywhere in the city around us. We'd found her mother dead, and the dream had ended with her mother turning into my mother, with my younger self kneeling over her.
"My memory as well," she said forlornly. "Though it was not you at the time. You were… grafted into the memory. I do not fully understand how the Index works – I do not understand how to wield its properties nor do I have any control over how it manifests. On Anhur, I suspect that it was not I alone who guided you, but you as well – a mixture of your own memories and intuitions. I do not fully understand how the Index works," she repeated again. "Only that it was to allow me to live again."
My heart leapt a third time and it took all the self-control I had not to look too interested. "The Index? What is the Index?" I asked casually.
"A gift from the Gene Architects. They said it'd protect us from the Ainur Melkorä."
"Ae-noor Mel-kor-eh?" I repeated. "Who are they? What are they?"
The star-child's glowing, white eyes dimmed slightly as she tilted her head downwards. "They came from the black. We've been at war with them since long before I was born. You called them the Reapers," she whispered.
The Index… what was it? Some sort of defense weapon against the Reapers? Astrid had never mentioned it, and yet it sounded like it was playing a role in the reanimation or recombination process.
Too many questions and too few answers. I needed more. "In my dreams…you said that I could save you – all of you. You meant your people," I said slowly.
She looked up at me, and this time her eyes were glowing more brightly.
"Yes! You can save them," she replied.
There. A way in. "How? How can I save them? Does it involve the Index?"
Her brow furrowed and she shook her head slightly. "I don't… I don't know. I know and yet I don't know…"
That wasn't very helpful. Fuck, I needed more of a lead. It had been months since the Hippocrates and we were only now just finding out exactly what the saboteurs had been after this entire time. Transcendence hadn't been some metaphorical garbage touted by crazed fanatics. No, they had a plan. A dangerous, coherent, feasible plan. Damn it, what was the Index?
She looked at me with renewed vigor. "But you can save them! You can save them using the Index! I think you can save everyone that the Reapers took!"
"Even your mother!"
I suddenly seized up.
"What did you say?" I asked.
She grinned, revealing a pair of small fangs. "You can save your mother! We are one now. I share your inner-most thoughts. Your memories are my memories, just as mine are yours. I feel everything that you feel, even if you won't admit it. I can see everything you have ever seen, even if you no longer remember it."
The star-child pointed over my shoulder. "Look," she said.
A chill crept down my spine. I slowly turned around.
There on the road was a woman. She had long, light blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and eyes that I'd seen every time I'd looked in the mirror. Her face had the same high cheekbones that mine did, and her skin was the same, pale complexion. She was tall – taller than I remember. She was wearing, strangely enough, a Systems Alliance navy uniform.
"Mom?" I croaked.
The woman smiled. The star-child smiled.
It suddenly grew dark. A terrible horn rang through the air, and I looked up to see the silhouette of a Reaper capital ship.
I watched as my mother disappeared beneath a beam of red light.
March 30th, 2211, 0843 hours – Aboard the SSV Excalibur — Medical Bay
Data Corruption… Automatic Reconstruction Failed…Data Corruption….Profile Reconstruction Required…
(Spectre Operative 04272182-Cloud)
I awoke on my back with a sob. The sky with the three moons was gone, to be replaced by the familiar polysteel ceiling of the Excalibur's med bay. My mother was gone, to be replaced again by that familiar void in my heart – except now my memory of her face was no longer hazy and murky. My memory of her face had grown dimmer day by day over the last twenty or so years, and I'd grown so afraid of forgetting her that I'd forced myself to relive that last day over and over again. Now, it was as clear as day.
I pressed my eyes into my hands and I bit back tears. My body shook as I felt pain like I'd never felt before – not physical pain, no, but a rather a different sort of pain. I couldn't fathom it. Couldn't verbalize it. I just knew that it hurt right now. It hurt like it had never hurt before.
The pain remained, but eventually I stopped shaking. Instead, I started to chuckle. After a few seconds my chuckle evolved into uproarious laughter that echoed across the empty medical bay. Outside I saw a few individuals peek through the windows, drawn by the noise.
I sat up and wiped tears from my eyes. Cade used to joke all the time that I had a little girl inside me. Boy, if only he knew.
March 30th, 2211, 0950 hours – Aboard the SSV Excalibur — Deck 2, Briefing Room
Data Corruption… Automatic Reconstruction Failed…Data Corruption….Profile Reconstruction Required…
(Spectre Operative 04272182-Cloud)
I stepped into the briefing room, having spent the last hour sitting in the shower while listening to an old album from an early 21st century band from Earth that one of the Jaegers had talked up. Cade, Percival, Elektra, Captain Murgen, and the batarian mercenary Revak Ghar'aran were already there—though his brother Malan was nowhere to be seen—as were a number of other turian officers in fancy armor and insignia that I did not recognize.
I'd taken just two steps past the threshold before Elektra bounded across the room and threw her arms around my neck. "Hello to you too," I chuckled.
I patted her lightly on the back and she released me. "Cade told me what happened. Why are you always so damned stupid? Can't believe you went into that prison alone," she scoffed.
I looked at Cade, who merely gave me a small, discreet nod. Clearly he hadn't told her everything. If he had I'd be hearing more from her. And probably getting a lot more than a hug. Not like that.
"We've been fighting in the dark for too long, Ellie. We really needed the intel," I half-lied. "It seemed too good an opportunity to pass up."
Percival moved up beside Elektra and slapped me on my arm. My other closest friend looked as if he'd been in a fight with a Thresher maw. His N7 armor was stripped of almost half of its black paint and dented in more places than I could count. He had a bruise coloring half of his face and his blonde hair looked duller than usual. Still, he beamed when he saw me.
"Glad to see you're okay man," he sighed in relief. "I wanted to go with Cade to find you. I really did, but you know… anyways, I'm sorry I didn't go."
I shook my head and slapped my friend on the arm as well. "There's no need to apologize. They needed you more than I did, Perc."
Percival nodded gratefully and stepped back. Beyond him at the head of the holotable stood the Primarch of Palaven – the notorious Garrus Vakarian, of the legendary crew of the Normandy. I scrutinized him, this being my first time ever seeing him up close in the flesh. Garrus was in his early fifties now, but aside from a slight greying around his scales he still looked as fit as a turian half his age. By the looks of his armor, he hadn't spent the final battle on Anhur sitting in a C&C centre – no, he'd been right in the thick of it.
"Spectre, good to see you. How are your wounds?" the Primarch asked in that infamous two-tone baritone that gone on to spawn several video games and holo-films and hundreds of fanfictions.
He extended a clawed hand and I took it. His grip was like warm iron.
"Better now, Primarch. I'm ready to give me report."
Garrus gave an exaggerated sigh. "Both you and Kitiarian need to stop it with that Primarch crap. It's just Garrus."
He glanced slyly over at Revak. "Unless you're a mercenary, then you can call me 'Archangel'."
Revak starred daggers at Garrus with his remaining good eyes. The famed butcher looked as beat up as Percival was. His bulky Blue Suns armor was crushed in several places and still covered in dry blood. The decorative batarian script on it was damaged in some places and one of the metal spikes on his pauldron was missing a tip. Noticeably, he had a long, metal staff protruding above one shoulder. Was that an omni-axe?
"—anyways… your report, Spectre," Garrus finished.
I cleared my throat and began to speak. I told them about Project Transcendence and how it'd started out as a research group helmed by Miranda Lawson, Shepard, and Dr. Alice Anders. I spoke about how they'd found Reaper cores with active DNA in them following the war and how it had signaled the continuation of life following harvesting. I told them about how Dr. Anders, using what she'd learned while working on Project Lazarus with Miranda Lawson, synthesized a compound that would accelerate DNA and cell growth and applied it to the DNA, believing she could discover a means to bring back harvested individuals. I spoke about how the incident on the Hippocrates and here on Anhur were merely testing phases. I told them that the tests here on Anhur had led to some sort of breakthrough that Astrid didn't know the entire details of, just that the creatures were starting to exhibit a higher degree of individuality and sentience. Whatever the breakthrough had been, it'd been enough to get the Project to pack up and leave the planet.
"That explains the Project's feint. Towards the end of the fight, they feigned the landing of a substantial amount of ground forces at the downed freighter. We believed it was strategically significant so we committed our forces there. It turned out to be a decoy so that they could move their forces to the Mass Relay," Percival said.
I cocked an eyebrow. That wasn't a bad move at all. Bad enough that they had infiltrators in almost every species' military. They had some half-decent military minds too. Admiral Octavian for one.
I didn't tell them about my condition, or the symptoms I'd been experiencing. No, it was best to keep it a secret. To be honest, I didn't even know if I was going to tell Cade, Percival or Elektra. I had to tell someone though. I had no idea what the infection was going to do to me. I might very well lose my mind, just like the asari doctor and the rest of the subjects Astrid had mentioned.
"There is one more thing," I continued. "The Crucible. The video Astrid showed me said that it's possible that the Crucible could be used to disseminate the compound and the DNA across the galaxy. Where is it now?".
"The Crucible was destroyed on Earth at the end of the Reaper War. If this Crucible is critical to the Project's efforts, then we have more time than we think to deal with them. It would take them years and tons of resources to rebuild it. Even with their numbers, it'd be a near-impossible task," Captain Murgen said.
The Jaeger officer turned to Garrus next. "Garrus, what do you think? If the Cloud is right about all of this, then you know who we need to talk to."
Garrus and the rest of his officers had been silent throughout my report. About half of them looked old enough to have fought in the Reaper War, but all of them were looking particularly grim, even for a species like the turians with their facial exoskeleton. Garrus' steely blue eyes remained focused on a fixed point on the holotable in front of him as he continued to ponder what he'd heard.
"Sir, what does the Captain mean?" I pressed. Was the Primarch hiding something? I was tired of my superiors hiding things from me and then expecting me to go out and fix their problems. I certainly wasn't expecting such behavior from Garrus.
Garrus ignored me. "I'm sorry, I just need some time to think this through, to get in contact with some old friends," he finally sighed.
He raised his head. "We're on a sort of standby for now. I've already sent scouts everywhere to try and find out where the Project ran off too, but it'll be a while before I hear from them. I've also been in contact with the leaders of the Terminus Systems. I told them we're responding to an ecological disaster here on Anhur and they've given me permission to keep part of my forces here for now, although I bet they're going to start asking questions soon about why a turian-quarian joint task force is handling the matter."
"There is one more thing. Revak Ghar'aran?"
Revak stirred from his place in the corner of the briefing room. He uncrossed his arms and unfolded himself to his full, considerable height.
Garrus held out a hand. "Destra, please." A younger, turian Havoc trooper standing beside Cade with lieutenant's bars on her pauldron stepped over and placed what looked like a small disc into Garrus' palm. Garrus walked over to Revak and stared him in the eyes.
"Spectre Operative Percival told me about your actions on Anhur," he began. "He also told me about the truth of what happened on Bahak. He told me that the death of the slaves was a misfortunate accident and how the Systems Alliance placed the blame on you and your brother. He also told me about how your brother gave his life to help save the planet."
Revak looked over at Percival, surprised. My friend simply gave him a small nod. Beside him, Elektra strangely looked as if she was about to cry.
Garrus held up the disc in his taloned fingers. "You and your family have done the galaxy a great service here, on Anhur. This is a message to the Council that the Turian Hierarchy officially agrees to assist you in the restoration of Khar'shan. Your people have suffered enough, and they shouldn't all be punished for the actions of a radical few. It is about time the galaxy helped them repair their home."
Tears filled Revak's eyes as he gently plucked the disc out of Garrus' hand. The batarian stared reverently at it, as if it were a precious artifact.
"This was my brother's dream…" he said quietly. "Before he died, his last wish was not that I fulfill his dream, but that I follow my own path and find my own happiness."
He closed his fingers around the disc and brought it to his chest, over his heart. "I know now that my path takes me towards a renewed Khar'shan. I take up his dream willingly, of my own accord."
The batarian turned to Garrus. "And once that is done – once Khar'shan is restored, I will submit to the Council to stand trial for the sins that I have committed," he finished.
Garrus' eyes grew wide at the batarian's proclamation, and then he chuckled. "From the Butcher of Bahak to the Hero of Anhur. You are both these thing Revak… and yet you are neither. I suspect we're more similar than either of would like to admit. We've both done good, yes, but you and I have also done terrible, horrible things under one pretext or another. In the end, you and I both belong to neither the light or the darkness. The good and the noble and the ones who dream of bringing about a brighter future die, but not us. Those like us…we live and we wonder why."
"We live and we wonder why…" Revak agreed. "We live, yes, but not forever. Until then, I and my Blue Suns will continue to fight by your side to stop the Project. There can be no future for the batarian people while this menace exists."
Garrus' mandibles twitched in amusement. "A slaver who became a hero and a vigilante who became a Primarch. Won't that be a tale to tell?"
March 30th, 2211, 1332 hours – Aboard the SSV Excalibur — Deck 3, Mess Hall
(Spectre Operative 04272182-Cloud)
I sat down at the lunch table with a massive platter of food – my first real meal in days. Pasta and meatballs with a healthy side of chocolate cake. Oh, and a salad. It was to be my first source of non-protein bar dietary fibre in weeks.
The chair across from me was pulled away and in slid Elektra. Her hair was tied up in a bun and she was wearing her standard workout outfit, a short crop top and volleyball shorts. She had what looked like a smoothie in one hand.
Elektra insolently placed her legs up on the table and took a sip from her shaker. "How's the shoulder feel?"
I slowly rolled my left shoulder. That big turian Project member had nearly torn my arm out of its socket during the fight in New Thebes. It was a lot better now thanks to the steroid shots that Rentea had given me. I'd probably be back to full mobility within a week.
"Not bad. How are the gunshot wounds? First time you've ever been shot, right?". The same turian had pumped a bunch of bullets into my friend's back, effectively ending this year's swimsuit season for her, or so Elektra liked to joke.
Elektra shifted forward in her seat and moved one arm across her chest, craning her neck over her shoulder to look at her back. A nearby Jaeger caught sight of her and tripped over a chair.
"The tightness is disappearing, but I'll need some cosmetic surgery to get rid of the scars."
I grunted and returned to my food. We sat in silence together for a while before Elektra decided to speak again.
"Cloud. Do you like what we do? Do you like being a Spectre?"
I furrowed my brow. Where was this coming from? "I mean… it wasn't our first career choice obviously. It also wasn't exactly like we had a lot of options at the time.
I sighed as my mind turned back to the conversation I'd had with Cade. "Sometimes though, it feels like mostly all we do is kill, investigate using intimidation, and the occasional espionage. Traffickers, pirates, drug dealers… anyone not on our side, anyone the civilized galaxy considers to be a law-breaker, and anyone whose removal the Council doesn't want to involve more official law enforcement in gets… outsourced to us, it feels like.
"Exactly," agreed Elektra. "Cade and Percival… they're different. They grew up in a society they had a place in. They grew up believing that the enforcement of, and the adherence to, the rules of a governing body would bring order and stability, and because of that they have a sense of conviction in their actions. You and I… we didn't have that. We were orphans, treated like trash and ignored by everyone. Law and order weren't there when we grew up, and now we're supposed to kill and die for it?"
"That's the hand we've been dealt," I shrugged. I wasn't much a fan of our job either. Go here, shoot this, the only difference between us and a military outfit was the leeway. "Sometimes though, if we're lucky we get to save lives. I stay in this line of work holding out for those moments," I told her.
Elektra sighed. "Revak and Malan. I got to know the both of them towards the end. Malan told me that his brother came to Anhur to make amends for what he did on Bahak, and yet… Do you know Revak killed a prisoner of war? Kicked him right off the roof of a high-rise."
I raised an eyebrow and said nothing. Cade, Percival and I went after rich gangsters in fancy buildings all time. I was pretty sure between the three of us we'd done that at least a dozen times.
"I confronted him about it you know, asked him how he could hope to ever make amends if that was the kind of person he was. And you know what he told me?"
"What?" I asked.
"He told me he didn't need to be a good person – didn't need to be any sort of person – to do what he wanted to do. You just do them. You just do what you want," Elektra said.
That sounded very hedonistic but I got the feeling that wasn't the lesson Elektra had gleamed from that particular moment. My friend set her drink down on the table and dropped her legs down from the edge of it. She replaced them with her elbows and leaned towards me, her voice low and sad. "After the Council gave us the ultimatum, I used to think that my destiny in life was to just be a Spectre and watch over you, until the day I died. I figured that one day, one of the organizations the Council would send me into would find me out and have me killed, but until then I'd at least get to protect you."
"Elektra," I sighed. "I didn't ask you to do that—"
"—You didn't, but I had to" she interrupted. "I had to. I was a nobody. No name, no family, nothing. You were the only person I had in my life, and it was my fault that… you know. The thing you and Cade are rightfully angry about."
I set down my fork. We hadn't talked about that in years. "I was angry for a while about that," I admitted quietly. I had barely spoke to her for years after what she'd done. "But… I mean you were all I had too for the longest time, and when we parted ways after we became Spectres it felt like a part of me was torn away. Even then though, I knew that I'd forgive you eventually. It wasn't really completely your fault after all. I'm just sorry it took so long."
Elektra had the grace to not appear too triumphant at my admission. The two of us just sat there in silence for a little while, staring at one another and enjoying each other's company. In that instant, all the years between us finally faded away, and it was as if we had never parted.
"Anyways, before he died Malan asked me to help him restore Khar'shan," Elektra continued. "It… it made me hopeful for the first time in a long time. I used to think that working and dying for the Spectres was the best a nameless nobody like me could do in this life, but maybe there's more. Maybe… maybe I can do whatever I want," she finished.
She stretched out her hand, looking as if she were about to cry. I took it reflexively just like I did when we were children.
"El, you're incredibly resourceful and tenacious. You're also fucking brave. Trust me, there's nothing you can't do," I assured her.
Elektra smiled and wiped a tear that had appeared in the corner of her eye. "Once this fight's over, just leave," I said. "Leave the Spectres. Leave them and live the life you want. Maybe I'll leave with you. We'll take John and Nat and start a home somewhere on some backwater colony. Orphans raising orphans," I told her earnestly. Even as I said those words, a part of me ached. Would I have a future with what I was currently carrying inside of me?
"Thanks," my friend grinned. I stowed my thoughts away and I grinned back, then let go of her hand to pick my fork back up and resume my meal. Elektra stayed across from me, where she continued to sip her shake and distract the crew.
A few seconds later, my omni-tool's messaging system suddenly lit up as I received an incoming text.
[ ] [13:32]: You eating lunch?
"Who's that?" Elektra asked.
"Cade," I replied while sending him a picture of my meal.
[SpectreOp.1C] [13:32]: Yes.
[ ] [13:33]: I'm coming. Bringing Camilla. Don't say anything embarrassing.
I swallowed my bite and then dug a finger into my mouth to clear a bit of meatball that had gotten stuck in the back of my molars. Elektra gave me a look of disgust, then picked up my fork and pulled my chocolate cake towards her side of the table. I wiped my finger on my shirt and continued to type.
[SpectreOp.1C] [13:33]: Am I mis-remembering things or did you bridal-carry me out of that prison?
He sent me a short clip of an animated turian hitting a human over the head, ripped from an old holo-show about the Relay 314 incident. I sent him a picture I'd taken of him three years ago in a public bathroom on Eden Prime after he'd gotten food poisoning during one of our mission, the threat implicit.
[ ] [13:34]: If you say anything I'll ask Val to join us for lunch.
I fumed. I toyed with the idea of sending Camilla a picture of a group costume we did for Halloween two years back. Cade, Percival, and I had gone as Santa Claus, or the "fat-bearded, psycho-felon" as Cade had called him after learning just exactly what Santa's modus operandi was. Percival had been Santa, I'd been the present, and Cade had gone as the sack.
A few moments later, Cade appeared with Camilla and a few other Jaegers - Jay, Rake, and Fly. Cade and the three Jaegers each had a plate of food, but Cade had not one but three pieces of chocolate cake on his. Camilla had what looked like a salad – a clone of mine, which currently sat unwanted and unloved in the corner of my tray.
The three Jaegers all decided to sit on Elektra's side of the table. All were out of armor and wearing the traditional all-black fatigues.
"That an early birthday gift from the cook or something?" I asked, jerking my head at all the extra cake. "Where's Percival?"
Cade sat down beside me. "No. Just did some good-old fashioned sweet-talking. Percival's in his quarters, talking to Gwen and the kids and being a sickeningly-good guy," he replied.
Camilla sat down beside Cade and began to dig into her own food. "He's really the complete package. The whole 'guy-next-door' vibe, the dutiful father and husband… You should take some notes Cade, you could—,"
The technician suddenly stopped mid-sentence. Something I had said finally registered in her mind. "Wait is it your birthday? When's your birthday?"
"None of your business," my friend snipped haughtily. He picked up his fork and smacked her lightly on the hand before beginning to shovel chocolate cake into his maw at frightening speeds. Camilla scowled.
"I'm your girlfriend. I also spent the last five hours cleaning out all the drives, so I'd think twice before testing me," she said heatedly. I rubbed my eyes after the technician suddenly produced a massive, dirty old wrench out of nowhere and set it down menacingly on the table beside her. Across from me, Elektra giggled. Cade and I both exchanged an alarmed glance. Seriously, where had that come from?
"His birthday is on April 1st, if you're going by the old earth calendar, or the last light of the third fortnight of Menae's fifth pose, carry the two, if you go by that weird, turian shit," I tattled.
The tech's eyes grew wide. "You're born on April 1st? That's two days away!"
Cade set down his fork and pressed his mandibles against his face. "I'm aware of that," he enunciated slowly through mouthfuls of cake.
"But seriously, Cade's birthday is a bit of a touchy subject," I told the group. It was. It was the anniversary of an event that I knew my friend took great lengths to distance himself from, even if it was the incident that had made him famous throughout the galaxy.
Jay leaned over across the table. "Hey Cade, can you tell me about how you know the Primarch instead? I remember back on the Hippocrates, that turian lieutenant kept trying to kiss the ground you walked on cause you fought in the… Palaven Rebellions was it?" He asked. "Hero of the Palaven Rebellions, that was what he called you. I remember after Cloud pulled that other turian off of you he mentioned that you'd saved the Primarch's life. How about you tell us that story?"
I groaned inwardly. Damn it Jay. If you'd had just googled it you would have drawn the connection.
The cafeteria room fell deathly silent, as if every occupant had decided to hold their breath collectively all at once. Jaegers and crewmembers seated at neighboring tables leaned in, curious to learn about Cade's connection to the Primarch.
I fully expected my friend to tell the Jaeger off, but to my surprise he didn't. Cade's mandibles fluttered in embarrassment and he looked around. "We got time for another flashback story?"