Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.

Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, torture, sexual content (yaoi), & angst.

It's All In Your Head

Chapter 11: Admit

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Sasuke cleared out of the bathroom and staggered back into his living room, his mind numb until he collapsed into a chair and knocked some sense back into it. "Ughh. God, that sucked."

He threw an arm over his eyes as he tried to push back the thoughts crawling to the forefront of his mind. Starting with Naruto telling him to stop, asking him why he kept touching him, why he kept closing in on him like that. "I can't help it.." he had whispered back.

What is going on with me? Sasuke thought. Why the hell did I say that to him?

Yeah, Sasuke. Why did you say that?

Go away, Naruto.

Ohhhh, I'm sorry. Does it suck having someone in your head when you don't want them there? Naruto bit back, his voice thick with sarcasm. Oh, how cruel of me! How could I ever do such a thing to you?

I get it, he ground out. Now fuck off.

Fine, Naruto muttered. But I still want answers.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Yeah. You and me, both.

His mind drifted over to his conversation with Kakashi, one that Naruto caught bits of, but not enough to understand.

Something about needing someone and being.. vulnerable? Wait, do you mean with Kakashi? Hey- Teme! You didn't do this with Kakashi-sensei too, did you?

Don't test your luck, Naruto. That bathroom door doesn't have a lock.

Whether Naruto heard the rest of his pondering or not, Sasuke didn't know. It was silent on that end for the remainder of the dobe's shower.

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"Have you always been this touchy with me?" Naruto asked.

He was out of the shower now and curled up on a chair on the other side of the living room- as far away from Sasuke as possible. A detail the raven did not miss. Black sweatpants, and a dark blue shirt that he had borrowed from Sasuke, hid his bruised yet desirable body from his watchful gaze, but it definitely didn't stop him from looking. Naruto's damp hair hung heavy around his face, and he found himself nervously fidgeting with it under the Uchiha's unending, unabashed stare.

Sasuke was desperately trying not to think about any of it, but that was getting increasingly difficult. And it didn't help that he knew the Uchiha crest was on the back of that shirt Naruto was wearing. Something about seeing him in his clothes. It felt like.. claiming him. Marking him. It made a primal side of Sasuke very happy.

And that wasn't his only problem. His eyes flashed over to Naruto's face, noting how flush he still was from the hot shower, and the way stray droplets kept falling from blonde strands, slipping down his neck..

Fuck.

The blonde could see himself through Sasuke's eyes as he continued to examine him, and it made him feel.. uncomfortable. He needed to pull the raven out of whatever weird fucking trance he was in. "Are you going to answer the question, or are you just going to keep staring at me?"

Sasuke blinked. "Haven't decided yet."

"I know you weren't always like this, Sasuke."

"Then why did you ask?"

Naruto flipped him off and Sasuke bit at the air, helping himself to a taste. Despite the distance between them, Naruto quickly retracted his finger with a look of utter disbelief. One that Sasuke found very amusing- and he made sure it showed on his face.

Naruto sighed, clearly exasperated with his antics.

And yet, the night is still young, Sasuke thought.

Naruto rolled his eyes. You're ridiculous.

Am I? he thought, the smile evident in his voice and matching the one spreading across his face.

You could stop, you know, Naruto tried again, still attempting to get the Uchiha to see reason. All this weird stuff you keep doing.. You could just stop and go back to being the old Sasuke. Like how you used to be.

The smile fell. Sasuke's eyes hardened. "Is that really what you want me to do, Naruto?" he asked, his voice low. You want me to go back to living a lie? To being someone I'm not?

Naruto looked up, surprised. "Sasuke, that's not what I meant-"

"I know you'd rather pretend not to understand what's going on here, but that doesn't mean I have to go along with it."

Blue eyes widened and Naruto quickly snapped his mind shut. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sasuke dropped his head on his hand with a sigh. Long raven strands slipped across his pale face, the gentlest caress across his temple and cheekbones. A gentle sway across a stormy brow. It did little to soften the look in his eyes.

Naruto swallowed heavily, then looked away. Sasuke could see that he was nervous. He knew that all of this was new for him, and that he had already been through so much, but he didn't want to just give up. He wanted Naruto to know who he really was. How he really felt. Their minds were connected and yet he still felt so fucking disconnected from him. He knew it was greedy, but he wanted there to be more between them. Something stronger than just the times he had stepped in to save him.

It wasn't enough.

"Naruto," Sasuke said, his voice low and strained, "I might be able to hide it, but.." I can't change how I feel.

The blonde shook his head, biting down on his lip hard. Sasuke..

"I know." We don't have to talk about it now, Sasuke thought, unable to keep the sadness out of his voice or his thoughts.

Naruto noticed. He bit down harder on his lip, forcing back his guilt and discomfort. He was so overwhelmed and didn't know how to put words to it. Not when Sasuke looked at him with those sad hopeful eyes, not when he said such heavy intense things with the utmost sincerity. It was just.. too much. Sasuke wanted him to think about things he just wasn't ready to think about. Which is what made being connected to him so fucking difficult. Sasuke's thoughts were already funneling into his, whether he wanted them to or not. Forcing him to think about.. more.

More than he could handle.

More than he was ready for.

And far more than anything the Sasuke he knew would ever have wanted. Especially with Naruto. Or so he thought. But now that's suddenly different? Why? Why now?

He was so confused- by all of it.

The dream.

The advances.

The longing looks…

Do you even know what you want, Sasuke?

The Uchiha's expression darkened, his eyes burning with something heavy and indiscernible. "Yes, Naruto. I do."

Naruto's face paled. Maybe.. maybe you're confused.. he tried.

Sasuke stared at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?! That's the line you're going with?"

Naruto threw his hands up, eyes wide with alarm. "Wait- wait! No, that's- that's not what I meant!"

The raven glared at him but waited.

"Sasuke, you saw me when.. when I-" Naruto sighed. This is too fucking hard to say out loud..

Then just think it, Sasuke thought back. What are you trying to say?

You saw those.. those guys. And me.. Naruto could feel his face redden. If he wasn't busy avoiding Sasuke's eyes, he would've seen the same color seeping into them as well.

What are you getting at? he ground out.

Maybe the reason you see me... I- I mean with the dream and-

Naruto groaned, irritated with himself. It was already hard enough talking about something like this, but stuttering around it just made it worse. He hated how insecure and awkward he was, especially around Sasuke. He just wanted to be confident and composed- to know how to articulate his feelings in a way that made sense. But instead the words just kept tumbling from his lips before he could think them through, and embarrassment seeped in as he struggled to find the rest. Why is it so fucking hard for me to talk about this?

Naruto. Sasuke's voice cut in, sharp and sure, and utterly Sasuke. The kind of presence and superiority Naruto wished he had.

He swallowed, but kept his eyes locked on his hands as they anxiously twisted together.

Just breathe, alright? Tell me what you're trying to say.

Naruto took his advice and tried again. I just think that, well- maybe you're just.. curious. You know. After seeing me… like that.

Sasuke leapt to his feet fast, knocking his chair back in the process. Naruto's head shot up in time to see a pair of blood-red eyes before the raven was on him. He grabbed the blonde by the Uchiha-shirt he wore, and yanked him to his feet, pulling him close.

"I see.." he growled. "So that's it."

Naruto's face fell as Sasuke's leaned close, his curled lips and terrifying eyes hovering over him, poised and ready to attack. He felt his stomach tighten into knots, his mind go blank. He had never seen Sasuke look so angry- not with him. He opened his mouth, hoping to calm down his irate friend, but he missed his chance.

"You think it excited me to see you like that?" he spat, mouth curling in disgust. "And what- that I decided to try it out for myself?"

Wide blue eyes stared as crimson ones darkened. "Sasuke, I-"

"Is that what you think of me, Naruto?!"

"No! That's not- I didn't-"

"Am I just another one of them to you?"

Naruto grabbed the hands on his shirt, holding them tightly. "No! Sasuke- I don't see you like that, I swear. That's not what I meant."

But you think I'm just curious. A curiosity that comes from seeing you-

I'm not saying you want to hurt me, Naruto thought hurriedly. I know you don't. That's why I'm here! That's why you're my fucking friend!

Sasuke stayed quiet, letting the blonde speak.

It's just.. maybe you didn't think of me as.. well, as someone that a guy would want to- to do that with. Until-

A conglomerate of horrid images passed through their minds- Naruto's arms pinned down on a gravel path. His front door slammed open when he attempted to shut them out. His head jerked back as a mouth descended on his neck. A hand slipping down Naruto's stomach, and then further.. sliding beneath his waistband.

Obsidian eyes widened. What..? "Naruto" he breathed. "Did he-"

Naruto pushed him back. "Stop. That's not- we're not- I'm talking about you!"

Sasuke's eyes burned. "I'm. Not. Like. Them."

He grabbed Naruto's hand and yanked it toward him. Naruto tried to pull it free, but the Uchiha's grip tightened. "Sasuke?"

"Look at me." He placed Naruto's palm against his face, his dark eyes silently pleading.

Naruto looked up.

"Do I look at you the way they did?" he asked quietly.

Another memory stirred between them. Sasuke could see the hatred and cruelty in the man's eyes when he told Naruto no one would stop them. Flashes of another look they gave him, one of malice and excitement, filled his mind. Every time the blonde pleaded with his attackers, every time he screamed or cried out, it was always the same.

Naruto blinked away the memories, and the sudden tears, and stared up into onyx eyes filled with concern. "No" he whispered.

Sasuke slipped the blonde's fingertips slightly lower, until they were brushing against his mouth. "Do I talk to you like they did?"

Naruto flinched, knowing a memory would follow.

The sound of their callous laughter echoed in their minds. One voice cut through, cruel and terrifying. "When it's my turn, I'm not stopping until he begs for me to fuck him harder." Naruto could feel his face redden with shame.

"No..."

Sasuke forced back his rage at the memory as he guided Naruto's hand from his face and pulled it down to rest at his heart.

"Do you truly think that what I feel is the same as what they do?"

And this time, it was Sasuke's thoughts that filled their minds- of times they shared, and times that were precious to just him.

Times when a younger Sasuke would sneak a glance at Naruto, offering a soft smile, and then quickly hiding it before the blonde could see it.

Moments when Sasuke noticed the way the light caught in Naruto's deep blue eyes, or how the wind moved his hair. How he had often been so tempted to close the distance between them that he had actually reached out for him. Then, horrified with himself, quickly pulled his hand back.

Times when Naruto was shoved in the hall, or tripped walking by a desk, and later when Sasuke would retaliate on his behalf.

The resolve that rushed through him as he stepped between Naruto and Iruka-sensei.. and Naruto and the men.. and Naruto and the villagers. How much it meant to him just knowing that he had been able to protect him.

"Don't you get it?" Sasuke said softly.

My feelings are not from some grotesque curiosity. They're not from being confused or bored or any other obscene thing you can accuse me of.

"Naruto, I-"

Naruto slammed his hand against the raven's mouth, effectively cutting him off. "Ok" he murmured.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Ok?

"I- I believe you, Sasuke. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for accusing you of.. well-" Naruto chewed on his bottom lip, looking utterly ashamed. It was wrong of me to assume that this was just..that you were-

Naruto looked up and suddenly noticed that his hand was still covering Sasuke's mouth. He quickly pulled back, his face red from embarrassment. "I'm sorry, ok?"

Sasuke considered the apologetic blonde, then carefully released his shirt and took a step back. "Ok."

"Ok?" Naruto stared at him. "Wait- is that it?"

Sasuke quirked a brow. "Were you hoping for more?"

"Uh, no. No, I think that was plenty." Naruto cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward. Sasuke watched him with amusement.

"Ok" Naruto said, anxious to cut through the uncomfortable silence settling between them, "Well, this was.. informative."

Sasuke gave a confused laugh. "Informative?"

"Heh, um, yeah. Yes. Well, I'll umm.. think about this later. But I think I'll go to bed now."

"Great. I'll join you."

Naruto froze until he saw the arrogant yet playful look on the raven's face. He rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Teme."

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