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December 25th, 2018

Cameron POV

Finally!

It must have been a thousand years only between when I woke up and when I could hear Sarah getting up.

Even after I and Sarah had decided I would be her little boy as long as we were here, she had gone into her room last night without talking to me. And because when I went to see her she sat by her laptop and talked to someone on the screen, I didn't have time to see more than that before nana came and when I didn't want to move from Sarah and her room. She lifted me up and forced me to go to my and Remi's room.

"I think she's talking to her family." Nana had told me while she put me to bed. "You'll see her again in the morning. And then again and again until we leave this house… It was very nice of you to say that you can be Sarah's little boy while we're here. I think she liked that."

"I like it too" I smiled. "And I know I'll meet her again this morning. When it's really Christmas… but aren't mummy and daddy going to come to have Christmas with us here?"

"There's some storm outside… I know it's not a very long way from where you live and here. But driving by car in this weather just isn't safe. You'll have to go home and have Christmas again when the weather's better. And now. Imagine how you would feel if you didn't have any of us here. Not me or grandpa, not Taylor or Remi or Elsa. You were all alone."

"That would make me really sad."

"Well, that's how Sarah's feeling right now. All of her family is on the other side of the world and she's stuck here." Nana leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Now go to sleep dear. When you wake up it will be Christmas for real and maybe even some Christmas gifts will be here."

"CHRISTMAS!"

I yelled and got up in bed when I saw Remi's eyes fluttering open and could hear footsteps outside our room I started jumping on the bed.

"COME ON REMI. WAKE UP. IT'S CHRISTMAS FINALLY!"

I jumped down from the bed and sprinted to the door- I had to talk to nana and grandpa and they had a room only down the hall. But then, as I ripped it open there was already grandpa, who was holding onto Elsa with one hand and the other hand he had lifted the other to knock. Which he didn't have the time to when I opened.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS GRANDPA…" I didn't even notice I was yelling while I bounced up and down. "MERRY CHRISTMAS ELSA!"

"Sch, sch. Cammie." Grandpa shushed. "Sch. Christmas won't come any faster because you're acting like that. But if you calm down, and Remi come too. You three can all come with me downstairs while nana goes to see Taylor."

"Won't mummy and daddy come and have Christmas with us? And Taylor and Nana?"

"Have you already forgotten? It's just not safe to drive through this weather. And whenever we see them again we want them rather to be safe than fast. Don't we?"

I had to think some when grandpa asked me a question. Of course I wanted mummy and daddy to be safe and this blizzard outside was terrible. Worse than anything I had ever seen last winter or the winter before, even though I couldn't remember so back.

"But don't stay here in the hallway. You two. Now let's go downstairs…"

I ran down the hallway and then the stairs, faster than grandpa and Remi. And into the living room where I had put the star on the tree yesterday.

"LOOK!" I yelled. "There's a lot of gifts here- Santa found his way through the storm! Wow!" I looked around the room, there were some gifts underneath the tree and around it and a great, big teddy bear by the tree that was even bigger than the chair it was sitting on. "I didn't think he could make it through this weather. I can't… I can…" I suddenly realized the lamp was turned off and went to the button. "Oh…"

"The electricity has been turned off due to this weather…" Cassie was suddenly right next to me, she was carrying another two wrapped gifts and just like always she was smiling towards me and the other ones in the room. "We still have running water and we can cook on the stove. But no hot water… Internet, lamps.. And we'll have to eat exactly everything in the fridge and freezer…. And do you know how much ice cream there is?"

"WAY." I cheered and lifted my arms in the air. "I love ice cream. Mummy never let me have any ice cream for breakfast." I looked at all the gifts, all of them wrapped in colourful papers and with name tags on it- were there any for me? "Grandpa can you help me read and see if there are any gifts for me?"

Grandpa started looking through the piles of gifts, I couldn't help it- I had started bouncing up and down again. I was just so excited.

"My daughter, Grace did have a lot of old things." She had been gone for a while but now Cassie came back. "So there's at least one for everyone. I think that one is for you Cammie." She took one from the edge of a pile. "To you from Grace."

"YAY." I took the gift and ripped the paper off. "Pluto! She gave me a stuffed- animal- Pluto. Grace gave me Pluto. I love Pluto!" I hugged him tight. "And I love Grace now."

"Do you only love someone because they give you a nice present for Christmas?"

"No. I liked her before then." Suddenly Sarah came into the room and once again I was bouncing up and down. "But I really, really like her now. Hey mama Sarah…"

I just thought I could have called her that after yesterday, when we said I would be her little boy. And if I put her name on the end it would work.

"Look! Eric" She paused after calling me by the wrong name. "… Cammie… I know what you said yesterday and it was really kind. But I'm not your mama. So please. Please don't call me that. You can just call me, by my name- Sarah. Like everyone else does."

"But why?" I pouted- that usually made adults change their minds when I wanted something that they originally didn't want to. And I wanted to call Sarah my mama. "I want there to be something special I can call you by."

"Well…. I don't want you to call me by it. So please don't."

Warm tears had come rising in my eyes while my chin started shivering. I had tried with all I knew…

"Mama. You said I'd be your little boy here. For Christmas. You could be my mama."

"Cammie." Sarah kneeled down by me, she sounded angry now and I felt something twist in my tummy. "You aren't my little boy. And I'm not your mama. I know that makes you sad but that's how it is. My little boy is waiting for me at home, and by the time we get out of here we go home. And we'll never think about each other again. You'll forget about me and I'll forget about you."

"I'll never forget about you. I'll never forget about my ma…"

"Cammie?" Suddenly grandpa was right there, he came and lifted me up. "I think Sarah's upset now. Don't you?... And you're only making it worse. Now come on. There are more Christmas gifts."

"But…"

When I tried to say something else there wasn't anyone listening to me, I looked around to try and find someone but everyone were turned away. Sarah even walked fast out of the room and I saw her continue back up the stairs until I heard a door slam.

"Now look what you did!" Remi suddenly told me. "She told you she didn't want you calling her mama. And you kept doing it and now she's even more upset. Gosh, you can be such a pain Cameron. Why can't you ever listen?"

"That's enough Ramona." Grandpa told her, a lump had rose in my throat and I hugged my new Pluto close. "Why don't you go see if there are any more gifts for you? I'm sure there's someone here to help you read. Its' okay Cammie…. Now, look. Cassie and George have put up a BIG Christmas breakfast for all of us. I'm sure there is something you like."

"I just wanted to help her." I said, but the lump in my throat was making it hard for me to say anything at all. "I promise that's all I wanted."

Sarah POV

I didn't have any idea of why- but hearing Cammie call me that one word only Eric could, made it hurt so bad.

I knew I wasn't being nice to Cammie and he was only trying to cheer me up. But even the fact that that was what he was doing made it hurt even more. As if it hadn't hurt enough when I could still talk to my family through video chat.

At last I just couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't have moved fast enough up the stairs of Grey House. Away from Cammie and I wish I could get away from this whole house. For a moment I was planning to get on my winter clothes and go outside, but then I remembered how I'd left everything I'd need at home with thick coat, snow pants and winter boots.

And at last I ended up throwing myself on my bed, pressing my face into my pillow and crying as if my heart was breaking- maybe it actually was. It felt like it was.

But this wasn't so bad was it? I could still hear the storm roaring outside but it wouldn't last forever. I could find some way to get home.

But home was literally on the other side of the world.

And when I came there, I could make sure I got another job- a job where I could go home every day and spend the weekends and nights along with those I loved the most. Never again would I be in a situation like this.

When I didn't even have a screen! When I didn't need one to look them in the eyes. When I could wrap them in my arms…

When I complained about the weather that lasted for most of the year, but I still wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world. Where I wanted the icebugs and several minutes to go outside and get all clothes on…

I and everyone else would complain about it all year around. But when we thought about it we couldn't deal without it.

And here I was crying my eyes out.

It felt like hours, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes- when I was rolled over on my side. At least for the moment it felt like the tears had run out but it wouldn't last for long and I knew that.

"Sarah?" The door to my room suddenly opened just a little bit and then Alice peaked in. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." I sat up and tried to figure anything at all to say, Alice came in- and put a tray with some breakfast and a few wrapped gifts on the desk. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your grandson like that he just…."

"I think we all know Remi's got a point when she says that Cammie can be such a pain. Don't tell anyone I said that- I love all of my grandchildren the same. But children are… well, children. And in some way you had to show him that you meant what you said. He wouldn't have stopped if you didn't and I think we all know that."

"We do. My Gosh! Eric can talk your ears off when he's got something to tell me."

Alice took one of the wrapped gifts she had brought and came sitting next to me. Before I knew it she hugged me, and I just knew it was in that way only a grandmother could. Then the tears came flowing again. Now before running down to my neck, into Alice's shirt.

"Sch, sweetie." She shushed with a soft voice. "It's alright. It will be alright…."

It felt like hours that I just let her hold me like that, but it couldn't really have been more than a couple of minutes while tears were streaming down my cheeks and my sight didn't move from the framed photo I had in my hands. The one with my whole family.

"I wanted to make them proud." I said to Alice, then decided to tell her the whole story. "My parents weren't exactly happy when I got together with Thomas. Twelve years older than me. Even less when I was pregnant at sixteen… So I thought. If I worked for some big, international company it could show them and everyone else that I made something out of myself anyway."

"Sarah." Alice wiped the tears from my cheeks with her hands while I sat up. "Believe me! I'm a mum, a mother-in-law and a grandmother. Just as long as all of these people, as long as I see them smile and as long as I know they feel happy. As long as I tell them how much I love them- I don't need anything else. And there is nothing that could make pride fill up my heart any more than that… My Kevin, he had a dream when he was little of becoming a pilot. But… Now he's a skycap, and he comes home after work every day. I couldn't be prouder… And seeing your mum in that photo- there is not a doubt in my mind that your mother's of the same kind and thought… And for you as a mother, I don't think there's anything else you need either for Eric or for… the little one growing inside of you."

"Something like that…" I was suddenly hit by one random thought in the middle of everything she had said. "What's a skycap?"

"He works in the airport- answering questions, carrying bags, all kinds of things to help people who need it. It doesn't make a whole lot of money. But he's happy, and comes home every night to be home with his kids… So then, as a mother- I don't need anything else."

The silence fell in between us, we could still hear the storm and people moving in the house but for a long while it didn't seem as if anything needed to be said.

"Me neither."

Alice stood up, and for a few seconds I wanted to stop her. Say that I didn't want her to go. That her shirt smelt Christmasy like my mum's did. Then she didn't leave, she grabbed one of the wrapped gifts she had brought- a flat shaped, soft one and handed it to me.

"I do love knitting. I mean. I sort of have to as the grandmother I am. And I'm always carrying around about a thousand different finished things just in case I need them… and I needed them today. So I have a few wrapped gifts now, including this… You can wait until you are home and open it along with your little boy, Eric. Or you can open it now."

"Gosh! I'm always so sneaky." I ripped it open to find two pairs of knitted mittens, a pair that would fit me, and one for Eric. "These are perfect! Hand knitted and all… And Eric's are even glittering."

"It's reflex so they light up in the dark. And I made them out of scraps left from other things I've made. If you want to, I can make another pair for Eric? And make them blue and not so pink and glittering."

"It's like you know his favourite colour is pink…" Alice gave me a meaning look. "No, it is! It's like these were meant to be."

I carefully took my own mittens (that were a light kind of moss green, my own favourite colour), then carefully wrapped Eric's mittens of the wrapping paper already leftover. And packed it in the small side pocket of my backpack. I could take these up when I came home straight in the airport and make sure I didn't lose them along the way home.

I sighed deeply, then realized that Alice probably had brought that breakfast for her oldest grandchild and there was another one of them that I needed to go and talk to.

"Sorry." She went to get the tray and the other gifts she had brought. "None of this is for you. I'll just go spending some time with my oldest granddaughter."

"And there's someone else I should talk to right?"

"Right!"

I closed my mouth again. And at first I wasn't about to say anything…

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

I almost forgot what I was about to say.

"Thanks."

Alice smiled, a bit peering.

"I am a grandmother after all. Any time! I hope you're feeling better."

With that she left my room and I heard her go down the hallway to Taylor's. I went to the bathroom and washed my face, then I continued down the stairs where more people had started filling up- eating, chattering and laughing together. And in the middle of it all I could spot Cammie. He looked so lonely and small in a big arm chair, and except for his own new, stuffed Pluto held close he held another wrapped gift in his hands.

"Cammie…" I went and kneeled by the chair where I could look him in the eyes. "…I'm sorry, for saying those things. I know it's not your fault."

"It's okay." Cammie himself answered, but I felt worse than ever hearing the shiver in his voice. "Remi told me that I'm a pain. I don't mean to be I promise… Here's a gift for you…. She gave me a Pluto. And Remi a blue bunny, Elsa a giraffe and grandpa some bird called a Peacock."

Stuffed peacock? I'd have to look at that one…

Now Cammie held one, with a sticker on my name towards me. And I was very curious about what I was going to get.

"It almost seems like we're all getting ones that suits us. Maybe you'll get something you have at home. Do you have a dog? Or a cat?"

"I don't. I don't have any animal." I mumbled the last not meaning for Cammie to hear. "I don't really have time for any…" I raised my voice again. "But I do live in a place with a lot of farms with a lot of different animals all around."

"Can you open it? So I can see what you're getting?"

I was already on my way on carefully unwrapping my second gift for today. Maybe it would be a moose, a bear or an eagle.

"Look. A reindeer!" I smiled when I recognized the red nose. "Rudolph!... Have you ever seen an actual reindeer Cammie? I have- loads of times." He shook his head. "I've never seen anyone with a red nose though. Or any flying ones. For a moment he looked almost jealous, as if he wanted Rudolph rather than Pluto. But then he hugged Pluto close to his face and the expression disappeared even sooner than it came. "Did you know that where I come from? In Sweden. There are people who owns reindeer like pets."

"There are?"

He was starting to sound like he usually did, like toddlers usually were he probably wouldn't hold a grudge if I made him smile and laugh.

"Yes, like horses or chickens…"

I decided not to tell him what happened at the end of their lives. When they were slaughtered. Cammie would be able to live without that knowledge for another few years.

"And baby reindeer are so cute. Like puppies and kittens."

"I wish I could come and see them."

"Maybe you can some time."…. Not to start crying again I decided to concentrate on something else. There was that tradition with a big Christmas day breakfast!

All of a sudden it hit me whatever job I could have where I wouldn't have to travel so much. Maybe I could even let Eric and the rest of my family had some of what I made.

I didn't even know what I suddenly thought of that now, it had been months or years since I thought of it last but suddenly it was all clear to me how, when I was little- about Remi's age dreamt about starting my own bakery.

I saw in front of me how Eric would be at a café…

And it had never been so clear. All of a sudden it was just there.

"You know, Cammie…" I glanced towards the kitchen and remembered what I had already planned to make. "I suddenly remembered something when I was about to make breakfast. I really like cooking and baking. And as Cassie have said today, we need to make something out of everything that's been in the fridge and freezer before it gets old. So I'd like to make some Christmas-muffins I know how to make. Maybe you would like to help me?" He suddenly had a mischievous look on his face. "What?"

Why did I even ask? There was only one thing that smirk could mean .

"Can I lick the bowl? If you make anything good…"

"I can…" I remembered something that I could even remember the whole recipe exactly without looking it up. "I have to talk to Cassie…. Cassie?" I found her in the kitchen. "I… I just remembered something suddenly… and I mean- I wouldn't believe you have everything for it. But they're muffins and Christmasy and really good… and something is making me ask about the ingredients?"

"Well… we do have a whole kitchen with all kinds of ingredients."

"Still there are some specific things I need. And I think that I ought to give you a price if you have them all." Cassie gave me a meaning look. "Okay, you asked for it. There is vanilla kesella, a certain kind of ginger bread spices even freeze-dried raspberry powder… think you can do that?"

"Close your eyes."

I could still hear Cassie moving, and putting something right on the counter in front of me. But I did as I was told, and when it sounded like she was done I opened my eyes again.

No way!

"I'm afraid you'll have to crush those raspberries yourself. Those are a bit hard to find at this time of year." I grabbed the bag and held it in front of me as if, if I didn't it would disappear right in front of me. "Do you also need butter? Eggs? Flour?"

"Yes."

I was still in such shock from having it all in front of me I could barely find that one word. And while I stood and watched as Cassie found the exact right measurements of flour and butter, even for the stuffing until she put a muffin tin right by the oven before she turned back to me.

"I'll leave you to it."

And I still barely had an idea of what had happened. Cassie was called by on some other guests, and while she left while Cammie suddenly came in.

"Hello again." It felt as the millionth time I greeted him while he barely could look over the edge of the counter and could see what I was doing. "Can you see what I'll be making?" I pointed to the muffin tin but still he shook his head. "Muffins. Ginger bread muffins. Do you want to help me make them?"

Cammie looked towards me and suddenly had a mischievous smirk on his face.

"What?"

As if I didn't already know what that meant!

"Can I lick the bowl now, please?"

Of course. I couldn't help but to laugh, took Cammie by the hand and then went to put the gifts we had already unwrapped upstairs before I returned downstairs to the kitchen.

He really was so much like Eric, was he? And for the first time in days it didn't break my heart to realize that.

"Sure."

Charlie POV

When I woke up on Christmas day morning I was out of bed almost before I had woken up…

The thoughts kept spinning in my mind that lying in bed and waking up. I could still remember when I was little and had done that for hours, or going to bed early so I could read some before lying down and closing my eyes…

Then I was six and a half years old, my parents were still together. But all of a sudden mum was there. And she had taken me away from my dad. When police and CPS were involved, no one cared what I had said that dad had never done anything wrong and mum had done whatever she was trying by keeping me to herself.

I could still remember those nights, those mornings. Those times memories were everything I had about times that I really had no problems at all. Before everything came crashing.

Here I was, around twenty five years later. Both mum and dad had passed away long ago and I was away from my brother…

Still I couldn't let go of those memories of better times. So many times I had been lying in bed, sometimes only with dad as the daddy's girl I had always been. But mostly with them both and in between them. Or pretending to fall asleep in front of the TV in the living room so my dad had to carry me to bed.

Or waking up, with the smell of my dad's cologne in my nose.

I wish I could forget about everything- if I could forget about everything else and just keep those nights with mum and dad, maybe some of what I had known Jason the first time. It would have made things so much simpler!

Then I could forget all of the times I had woken up during the night by my brother, Brendan being all over me…

It had taken me so long for me to finally get away from him, after foster care and changing my name into mum's old one. After… after everything. I was more than thirty now but somehow I just kept getting back to Brendan and each time was worse than the last.

Then at last. Just a few days ago. I had packed as much as I needed in a backpack and went away late onae night. And I knew that if I was to ever return to him again…

Here I was, no job! No money! No family!

I had meant to go further than Middleton.

Then the storm hit. And I had to understand that whether I was staying here or not I needed to pay.

Right this Christmas morning, I was so far gone in my own thoughts when I left my room I almost walked right into Jason when he came out of his.

"Good morning." He laughed slightly. "And merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

That was everything I had to say for the moment. Unless he asked some specific question for me to answer I didn't even know how much I'd end up saying, or not saying and that was a reason I couldn't take.

It wasn't early in the morning, I would have expected lamps to be on. But it was on the way down the stairs I realized they weren't. And when both I and Jason were looking around for the switch suddenly George was there. He could be just like Cassie sometimes and turn up from nowhere!

Or maybe there was something about this place…

"The electricity has been shut off due to the storm." He told us. "Now, we need to eat everything that's been in the fridge and freezer. Luckily the stove runs on gas and not electricity… Cassie have put up a big breakfast and there's some opening of gifts in the living room. I guess you are old enough to decide for yourself what you'd like. But I do know I saw at least one gift with your name on it."

"Do you expect any gifts?" Jason asked me almost before I had the time to wonder. "Because I'm sure not."

"It's been a long time since I had any Christmas gifts to look forward to."

It seemed George had another idea though, because he was still in hearing range and turned to us again.

"My granddaughter has been putting out one wrapped gift for everyone. And so far she had seemed to get the perfect one for each and every one."

George was still looking towards the Christmas tree and the big teddy bear sitting next to it.

"I hope that big one's for me." I told Jason and at last found the tag on it. "Is there someone named Tyler here?" He shrugged. "I think I heard someone coming in after we had all gone to bed last night…"

I wondered for a second about who this guy was (Tyler was unisex I knew. But I had definitely heard a male's voice along with Cassie's that I didn't recognize) And how it had come he turned up at a bed and breakfast late Christmas Eve.

There must be something to that story!

Well, this storm was still roaring outside so we wouldn't get anywhere. And if it was true that there must be something to his story I'd probably find out soon enough.

It wasn't like I wanted to shout over the rooftops how I had been the daddy's girl, taken away from her dad. That mum and dad had died at different times with me being a minor, and I had been put in the care of my brother who had started r*ping me when I least had expected it. When it seemed he would take care of me…

Maybe Tyler had some story to him too that he needed one of them ginormous teddy bears.

With that thought I searched through the pile of gifts, first finding Jason's, then my own.

"Here's one for you… Okay?" I didn't even know what I was nervous about. Maybe it was about Grace herself having turned up and looking slightly mischievous. "Three, two, one…." I ripped it open at the same time as Jason did. "Aw." Mine was a bright pink care bear with a rainbow on its stomach. "So cute." I held it close, remembered how I had always wanted one of these but never asked for it in case people thought I was girly or silly. "What animal did you get?"

"Tiger." He showed me. "I think it's from the Bronx Zoo… Thank you Grace. It's so nice of you to hand them out like these."

"It's nice of everyone to let me do that. Gosh, I have so many and I never even realized… I used to go with my dad to all kinds of places- Bronx Zoo, the aquarium in Miami. Harry Potter, Disney… I always got at least one stuffed animal from each place…. So now. I hope you'll like those and they'll be for more then just lie forgotten in a closet like they did here for years."

Grace disappeared again. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for her and George. Having to keep track of all of the hotel's guests- big and old. In a time like this.

"Charlie?" Suddenly Mr. Moore was the next one to catch me, he was holding onto a wrapped gift with another wrapping paper than the ones given by Grace. "It was Charlie, right?" I nodded. "Well. My wife isn't here right now. But she asked me to give this to you." He handed it to me. It was soft. "Answer yes. She did make it herself. But if I say anything more I'll end up telling you what it is so please unwrap it now." I did as I was told. Finding a pair of mittens and a cap.

The yarn they had been made in was obviously multi-coloured. Making all of the pieces stripy with grey-brown, purple, pink, orange and dark turquoise. And quickly I tried them all on.

"Perfect! Thank you."

"She told me that when you came here your fingers seemed so small and cold. But she's the one you should be thanking. She should be here before the day's over."

"Charlie." Jason suddenly caught my attention with a faked, childish and whiny tone. "I'm hungry!"

Just as he'd said that last my stomach cooped loudly and the three of us all laughed- they two louder than what I did! And I remembered I hadn't eaten yet since Christmas Eve. Then remembered what Sarah had said about her tradition with a big, Christmas day Breakfast.

"And I think you are too. Tell me… Are you still into those disgusting, pickle sandwiches you used to have? Or have you now understood that they are exactly as disgusting as I always thought?"

I, following him at the childish theme grimaced at him.

"What on earth is up with you and pickles?"

We kept on chattering as the two old friends we were. What would this Christmas even be like if we had been the Moore- couple's age at about 70? I made my sandwich, still keeping an eye on the vanilla coke's that stood in a corner, right by the window. I couldn't understand how those would be Christmasy though.

"I bought those quite a while ago." Cassie told us, she would literally turn up anywhere at any time. "I had a feeling they would come in handy yet no one's turned out to like them."

"They're my favourite drink." I told. "But… I don't really understand why you put them exactly there. It seems like a random place…" I looked back towards the window. "Oh… the windows. The cold. Forget I said anything about that."

That was just so easy to understand I could feel my cheeks burning red. Cola was best cold after all. Cassie left again for someone else and I and Jason turned to our respective sandwiches. Both of ours' shaped like Christmas trees and Jason loved his roast chicken with raspberry sauce and apple just as much as I loved my cheese, ham and pickles.

While I made myself a sandwich- or three, with pickles, for just a second I let it go with it of my vision and looked up on Jason. He was making his own sandwich and as much as I saw- he didn't notice me. And I could feel my heart beating in that special way that the look of him made me feel before.

"You know." We went to sit down by the table when I just felt like Jason had something important to say. "I dream all year of becoming a dad, making a family where there are better people than what… I don't want to talk about it. Some day. I want to be a dad. And if that's going to happen biologically, or foster. Or just by being a friend's or a friend's friend."

"I know…" I tried to hide the shiver in my voice. "…There's just nothing I want more."

"Let's make a deal." Jason smiled, yet in some sad kind of way. "Next year, or the next. Or the next… or in ten years…. But we will return here. And we will have someone- a partner, or a child or anyone. But we will have brought them, and meet here and have Christmas. The best Christmas there could ever be."

I was quiet for a long while and pretended that I was chewing too much to answer. Then he raised an eyebrow- he wanted an answer and wouldn't give up this deal before he had one. He held his hand open towards me and waited for me to take it.

"I've been thinking about signing up to foster a kid. Now I and Alexa aren't together and finally the divorce is through. But I don't know how many would be interested in a single dad with no contact to his own, biological family."

I didn't answer. That made me too sad to know that Jason would make the best dad there could have ever been- single or not!

I was about to do the same. I just knew that there must be so much sorted out before I could even sign up. And as for the first I needed to not be broke. I didn't need to be a billionaire but I needed to at least have a roof over me and food on the table. Maybe there could even be someone right here, right now who I hadn't even thought about.

Jason was still holding his hand open, my hand felt weak while I took it. Still, inside I could feel my heart breaking. Talking like this must mean that he didn't have any other idea other than one to part and not talk to each other for another ten years.

"Deal… I guess."

Random fact

Pictures of all gifts- the stuffed animals and what Alice have knitted are up on Instagram. But there will be even more in the next chapter.

Ugh! Finally finished this chapter and now fanfiction. Net has a bug and I can't get onto it.