"You ever see something that really makes you want to punch a person's face in?" Ochako wondered aloud, as she looked over the day's newspaper.
"Plenty of times," Shouto agreed. "What happened now?"
"Pacifica." She moved the paper so he could see the headline: Pacifica Northwest declares v-necks the new hot trend of the summer. "How can v-necks even be a trend? They're just a normal clothing item!"
Shouto shrugged. "Ask Mina. She's the only one with any fashion sense out of the four of us."
"Fair point." Ochako could make colors look nice sometimes, but they all knew Mina was the only one with any claim to actual fashion expertise. "But seriously, just looking at Pacifica's snobby face in the news is pissing me off."
"You've just gotta try and ignore people like her," Mina said, as she and Izuku entered the room. "Papers or not, it's not like her opinions actually matter. She's just some rich chick who thinks she's special because she has money."
"Exactly. And that irritates me." Ochako sighed. "But you're right, best to ignore her. Even if it sucks." She summoned the remote to her and turned on the TV as Stan walked by, a pan in his mitten-covered hands.
"Who wants Stan-cakes?" He asked aloud. "They're like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in them."
"Pass," everyone said in unison.
"I'll take them, Mr. Pines!" Soos' voice called out from the other room.
Stan frowned. "Sure, but what are you even doing in my house this early in the morning? And on a Saturday."
"Isn't he always here though?" Honestly, if Ochako hadn't stayed at Soos' place for a bit, she'd probably suspect he actually lived at the shack with them, considering how often he was around.
Stan considered this and shrugged. "Fair point."
"Looking for a distraction from your horrible life?" The TV asked. "Victory! Honor! Destiny! Mutton! These old-timey sounding words are alive and well at the Gravity Falls Royal Discount Putt Hutt! *No mutton available at the snack shop."
"You know," Izuku mused. "Life might not be horrible, but I think mini-golf sounds like it could be a lot of fun."
Even Stan seemed interested. "Might be a nice waste of a Saturday."
"And old-timey!" Mina agreed, pumping a fist in the air. "Victory!"
"Honor!" Izuku cheered.
"Destiny," Shouto said, at a much calmer volume.
Ochako couldn't help but laugh. "Mutton!"
The cheer was infectious enough that Soos and even Stan got in on the action, chanting "Victory! Honor! Destiny! Mutton!" As they headed towards the car, ready for a fun game of mini-golf.
"And the pig-bear can look after the house!" Soos said, closing the door behind them, and leaving Waddles to his relaxing position in front of the television.
The Putt Hutt itself was surprisingly large and well put together, with all eighteen holes having their own unique style, from a pirate ship, to a windmill, to the eiffel tower. Many of them looked genuinely difficult.
"When was the last time any of you played mini-golf?" Izuku wondered, as they each got their own clubs. "I don't think I've played in at least a couple years."
"Last year for me, I think," Ochako said, after a moment of thought. "Someone from middle school had a birthday party at one."
"I've played a lot of mini-golf with my parents," Mina told the others brightly. "It's cheap and fun, and I'm actually pretty good at it."
Shouto shrugged. "I've never played. This'll be a new experience for me."
"Well then, we'll make sure it's a fun one," Izuku assured him, stepping up to the first hole. He measured the distance for a moment, before hitting the ball. It rolled up the course, rounding towards the hole, and going slightly wide. "Ah well, at least it's close!"
"You did great!" Mine assured him, as he moved back, letting her take his place on the course. "Alright, let's see here." Carefully, she lined up her shot, before hitting the ball with practiced confidence. It practically glided through the course, all the way to the end, where it easily sunk into the hole. "Looks like I've still got it!"
"You're really good at this!" Ochako cheered.
Mina beamed. "It's just a lot of practice, that's all."
Nonetheless, her victory streak continued throughout the rest of the holes, either getting hole-in-ones, or landing the ball right next to the hole. As they went forward, other visitors at the park seemed to take notice, until the eighteenth hole, where they'd gathered a bit of a crowd for Mina's final putt.
She took a deep breath, before relaxing and hitting the ball. It slid past the windmill obstacle, into the "mill" itself. There was a bunch of clanking, and then the ball came out the other end… and right next to the hole, rolling around it without dropping inside. The crowd groaned and all walked away.
Mina let out an exaggerated huff. "Fairweather fans. Anyways, hole in two isn't bad at all!"
"Thing's random anyways," Stan agreed. "It's not that big of a deal."
"And you're still probably the best mini-golfer here," Izuku encouraged, looking at his own mini-golf score and wincing.
Just as he said that, another ball rolled out of the "windmill" and right into the hole. Izuku looked up to see Pacifica and her parents standing there smugly, the rich girl herself wearing a purple polo shirt that matched her club.
"Oh, would you look at that," she cooed. "I didn't know it was hobo's golf free day. How adorable. And if it isn't the Pines family! Fat, old, weird, lame, creepy, and angry."
"Oh that bitch," Ochako hissed.
Stan seemed to share the same sentiment. "Soos, would it be wrong to punch a teenager?"
Izuku spun around to face him. "Yes, it would!"
Shouto had narrowed his eyes at the "creepy" bit, but kept his cool. "That's rich, coming from a family of frauds. How is learning your ancestor was the village idiot working out for you?"
"Rich is actually the perfect way to describe it," Pacifica replied cheerfully. "See, we've got this amazing thing called money, and it makes all of those bad things go away! Not that you'd understand, of course."
Shouto twitched.
"Sure, but money can't buy you skill," Mina said. "You've dressed all fancy, but that doesn't mean you're actually good at the sport."
"Well, it's a good thing I've got a trainer then. The Olympics had mini-golf once, did you know? And Sergei took gold in it." She shrugged. "So if you don't mind moving out of the way of the professionals…" She walked over to the bonus hole, which featured a mini-volcano, before hitting her ball. It went straight in, causing the volcano to erupt. "Enjoy second place. Give her a hand, folks!"
The surrounding people clapped sadly, and Mina looked quite a bit more upset. "Oh yeah? That bonus hole was easy, compared to literally every other hole, which, by the way, I didn't see you do! You talk big for someone who acts like a one-dimensional mean-girl stereotype. Underneath that, I don't think there's anything special about you."
Pacifica froze in place, then turned around slowly, fury etched on her face. "You know what? Fine. Let's do this. We'll have a rematch. See who's the better mini-golfer."
Mina refused to back down. "Not much of a rematch if you never competed in the first place, but fine. Let's do it."
"Here-ye, here-ye!" The oddly dressed man in the golf cart screeched, driving slowly over. "The park is now closed, due to weather. The king of mini-golf has spoken!" He tried to back up, but the janky golf cart just crashed into a pole.
"This isn't over," Pacifica hissed, even as the onlookers walked away, disappointed. "You, me, midnight. We'll settle this then."
Mina smiled in her face. "Of course. I'll be there."
"You sure you guys want to do this?" Izuku asked, as the six of them shared some chips and dip at one of Gravity Falls' diners, while the rain poured down outside.
"We'll be fine," Ochako assured him. "Mina and I can handle ourselves. It'll be fun! Like a girl's night, where we take that rich prick down a notch."
"Really, it's for the best," Mina agreed, sipping her drink. "I don't think anyone's told that girl "no" in her entire life. Someone's gotta do it." Mina had never liked bullies, after all. And while she could let whatever Pacifica said to her roll off her back, the other girl insulting her friends and the guy who had taken them in was the final straw. "Weather should be all cleared up before midnight anyways. Maybe I can get some practice in before then."
Stan munched on his taco thoughtfully. "Going to the golf course after dark, huh? I dunno, we'd have to break in and - just kidding, let's break in!"
Izuku kept watch with Soos' night vision goggles while Stan loosened one of the wooden fence posts, opening it so that the two girls could fit inside.
"Thanks Stan," Ochako whispered, as she ducked into the park.
"Yeah yeah. Hey, Mina. Got something for you." Mina paused, halfway through the fence, to look at him. Stan pulled out one of the sticker books from the Shack, and stuck one to her shirt - a circle with a golden trophy, saying "You 'da best". He gave her a thumbs up. "Knock her dead, kid."
Mina couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, Stan." Then she followed Ochako inside, grabbed some balls and a club, and got to practicing.
Most of the holes, she easily cleared, again and again, until she was getting hole in ones most of the time, but when it came to the eighteenth hole…
"I don't get it," Ochako admitted, as yet another ball rolled right past the hole, joining the multitude of other failed attempts. "What's wrong with this hole? We know there can be a hole in one from earlier, so why is it so impossible?"
As she said this, the windmill groaned ominously, something clattering around inside it.
The two girls exchanged looks. "An animal got inside of it, maybe?" Mina suggested.
"One way to find out." The two lifted their golf clubs up, just in case, and slowly opened up the obstacle.
Inside… wasn't an animal. Instead, what seemed to be a little village right out of a european picture book was cheerfully lit up. Tiny people with heads made of golf balls, dressed in what Mina assumed was traditional European clothing, happily rolled balls around and acted out the lives of tiny villagers.
Mina and Ochako gasped. The little golf-people noticed them and gasped. The golf-people started screaming, and Mina and Ochako instinctively started screaming as well.
There was a moment of silence, where they all just stared at each other. Then a little figure with a blue golf ball head stepped forward. "We good? We all good?"
Mina and Ochako nodded. "We're good," Ochako agreed softly.
"Okay, good." The little guy looked relieved. "Right, let's start over. Hello! I'm Franz, and welcome to our home!"
"Um, thanks. If you don't mind, what exactly… are you guys?" Because Mina was fairly certain there weren't tiny people living in any of the mini-golf courses she'd played on before.
"Oh, that's simple. We're Lilliputians! Lilli - you know, it makes a lot more sense written down," Franz admitted. "And we control the balls! Behold!"
The whole of the windmill opened up. One of the Lilliputians rolled a ball inside, where it slid up a slide and was carried upwards by a tiny bucket, before dropping down through a bunch of gears. The Lilliputians took it from there, directing it through their village before releasing it out the other end, where it rolled smoothly into the hole.
"That's amazing," Mina told them, still gaping at all the gears.
"And a bit needlessly complicated," Ochako agreed.
Franz waved them off. "Aw shucks, it's only our life's work. Would you like to hear about it through song?" The Lilliputians all lined up, ready to sing."
"Maybe another time," Mina said hastily. "I've still got to practice before my opponent gets here."
The Lilliputians had pouted at not being able to sing, but when Mina mentioned an opponent, they perked up, whispering to each other. Franz frowned. "So that's what you hugelings are here for. We understand, we know all about opponents."
As if on cue, the pirate themed hole lit up, and more Lilliputians, these ones dressed as pirates, peered over the side of the ship. "Put a clog in it, ya windmill lovers!" One of them, a Lilliputian with a red golf-ball for a face and an eye-patch, yelled. "That frilly bunch is terrrrible at controlling the balls! We're the ball masters, says I!"
"Shut your mouths, you showboating pirates!" Another Lilliputian with a distinctly french accent called out, as the Eiffel Tower hole lit up. "Everyone knows 'ze Eiffel Tower hole is 'ze best!"
"Stay to your commons, 'ye Frenchmen!" The castle hole now lit up as well, and tiny knights waved mini-pencils like swords at the others. "None control the balls better than the knights of… Weiner castle?"
Mina squinted at the graffiti. It looked a lot like Robbie's handiwork.
"We'll settle which hole is best!" Franz screeched. "Attack!"
The other holes let out similar battle cries, and suddenly the ground around them was filled with tiny people fighting each other. Mina looked on, torn between confusion and amusement. Helplessly, she looked at Ochako, who shrugged, looking just as befuddled, before she stepped forwards, holding up her hands.
"Guys, guys, calm down! I get that you guys have some sort of feud? What's happening here?"
"We have a great feud indeed, hugeling," Franz agreed, as the fighting died down. "Every hole in the park thinks they're superior, from the cowboys in the east, to the grimy minors in the south. If only there was some way to decide which side is best!"
One of the French Lilliputians stepped forward. "But Franz, look! Look at 'ze sticker!"
The mood of the Lilliputians shifted, all of them looking up at an increasingly uncomfortable Mina and whispering about the sticker Stan gave her.
"The sticker! The sticker can decide!" Franz exclaimed.
One of the knights knelt down in front of her. "Decide for us, hugeling! Decide which mini-kingdom to give the sticker to, and end our war!" The rest of the Lilliputians cheered at the idea.
Mina winced. As nice as that sounded, she really wasn't sure she wanted to get involved in a weird mini-golf blood feud.
Ochako seemed to notice her hesitation. "Sorry, can you give us a second, guys?" They both turned around. "Do you think if we tell them we'll give the sticker to whoever does the best job at sabotaging Pacifica, the Windmill guys will let you get that final hole in one?"
"Hmm." It was likely. And while Mina wasn't really one for cheating, the idea of making a fool of the bratty bully was appealing to her. "It would be nice comeuppance. I dunno if I want to sabotage my good mini-golf record by cheating, though."
"This course wouldn't count on your record anyways, because even if we didn't these Lilliputian guys would still be controlling the balls. You can't really have skill on this course anyways." Ochako huffed. "Besides, Pacifica's rich. You could say she's cheating at life."
(Back in the car, Shouto sneezed.)
"You make a compelling argument." They turned back to the tiny fighters. "Alright, listen up, everyone! The group that does the best at helping me win my own fight with my opponent will win the sticker! A few rules though - you can't make it too obvious that you're helping me, and you can't fight between each other. Anyone who does that automatically loses the sticker."
The Lilliputians all whispered to each other, before looking back up at the girls. "We agree to these terms!" Franz said. "Let the battle of mini-golf skill begin!"
"How much do you want to bet they're no-shows?" Pacifica said aloud, as she entered the park. Ochako used the moment to flip on the lights leading to where Mina was standing.
"Looking for someone?" Mina quipped.
Pacifica just rolled her eyes. "Waiting in the dark, not creepy at all. Speaking of creepy, where's your creepier friend? The one who turns animals into other animals."
"Waiting for me to tell him all about my victory," Mina snapped back. "What about you? It's telling that no one else has shown up for you. Do you even have any real friends?"
Ochako could see Pacifica tense, even in the dark. "I don't know you you bothered to show up," she said, clearly changing the subject. You're not going to win."
"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you."
"Are both of you ready?" Ochako asked, as the two glared at each other. "I'll start this game off."
"Oh, are you getting paid for this? You could probably use the money," Pacifica mocked.
Don't punch her in the face, don't punch her in the face. She couldn't wait to see Mina crush the awful brat. "Ready, set, mini-golf!"
And so the game began. To both Mina and Ochako's delight, every hole was a hole-in-one for the hero in training, and thankfully, none of them looked impossible, or out of place. To Pacifica's horror, every hole she putted went miserably, her balls flying all over the place.
In all, things were looking great.
So it was a little strange, when, after the 14th hole, where they waited a strange amount of time for the miners to go through their hole, Pacifica didn't show up from her refreshment stop to the next round of mini-golf.
"Do you think she quit and went home?" Mina wondered, as the two of them waited.
Ochako shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past her. Although that would be an automatic win for you."
A shriek tore through the night.
"Or something bad happened to her. Come on." The two of them ran towards the sound, and skidded to a stop in front of the eighteenth hole.
There, Pacifica was tied up, moving slowly towards the windmill, which was moving at record speeds, more than enough to cut her up. In front of them, Franz stepped out, grinning. "Eh? Eh? Do we get the sticker now?"
Mina looked as horrified as Ochako felt. "W-What is this!?"
"We're getting rid of your opponent for you!" Franz replied cheerfully. "Does that win us the sticker."
"Hey, what the hell is going on here?" Pacifica screamed. "Why are there golf-ball people!? Let me go!"
"Absolutely not," Ochako snapped. "We don't want her dead, are you crazy? That's an automatic disqualifier!"
"You didn't say that originally!"
"We thought it was obvious!"
"Well," Franz sputtered. "Decide then! Quickly! Who gets the sticker?"
The other Lilliputians closed in. "Yeah who?"
"Decide!"
"Big Henry died for this!" One of the tiny minors called out.
"Someone what!? Okay, minors win!" Mina handed them the sticker, and the minors cheered.
"But that has nothing to do with controlling the ball, lass!" One of the pirates argued.
"It's her decision," Ochako argued back. "You asked her to decide, and she did. Now deal with it." She focused on the ropes binding Pacifica, and they undid themselves, the other girl jumping off the death trap.
"We don't accept this decision!" Franz called out, sixteen other holes agreeing with him. "We should've gotten the sticker."
Mina turned nervously to Ochako. "You know, I'm starting to think this was always going to be a losing scenario. They wouldn't have accepted any decision we made." Ochako nodded.
"Seriously, what is all this?" Pacifica demanded, as she walked up to join them, looking down at the Lilliputians with wide eyes. "What are these things all squeaking about?"
"Kill the hugelings for their transgressions!"
Pacifica paled considerably at that. "Okay, now the tiny living golf balls are squeaking about murder. Because this night couldn't get any worse."
Mina laughed nervously. "Yeah, they wanted me to decide which of them was the best, but now they're angry that I made a decision." She handed Pacifica her club back, and gave another to Ochako. "You ready to putt?"
"Way ahead of you." The three of them made their way through the mini-golf course, swatting away Lilliputians as they did so. The sky rained down sharp pencils, and Ochako batted them away as they ran. "Should we get the golf cart?"
Ochako shook her head. "That thing's way too slow. It'll be much faster to run." They made it to the exit, just as the doors shut in front of them.
Pacifica looked around them wildly. "What do we do now?"
"Hang on, I've got this." Ochako grabbed them all telekinetically and lifted them over the wall, ignoring Pacifica's yell of surprise. They landed safely on the other side, and watched as pencils and a swinging axe embedded themselves in the door.
Mina tried for a smile. "Welp. I'm never coming back here again."
"Agreed," the other two sympathized. Mina turned to Pacifica with an awkward smile.
"Hey, I'm really sorry about all that. Those guys were clearly crazy, and we should've realized." The other girl frowned.
"Yeah, I figured they were helping you win. I'm globally ranked, you know. Even if you didn't want me dead, that was still a jerk move."
"Constantly insulting me and my friends infront of everyone is also a jerk move, you know," Mina pointed out lightly. Pacifica opened her mouth to retort, but then closed it, saying nothing, eyes downcast.
Stan pulled the car around, and Izuku opened the door, taking in their slightly tattered clothing and tired expressions. "What happened?"
"The holes were all controlled by tiny golf people who tried to kill us," Mina explained. It was a testament to how long they'd been in Gravity Falls that Izuku easily accepted the answer and scooted over to let them in.
Mina hesitated before closing the door, before leaning out to address Pacifica. "Hey, your parents aren't here. Want a ride?" Ochako stared at her, because even after all of that, she still couldn't quite get over Pacifica's treatment of everyone.
Pacifica scoffed. "Please, as if I would ride with-" Thunder shook the sky. Pacifica got in the car.
They pulled away, and Pacifica squinted at all of them. "How are seven people fitting in this car? That doesn't make sense."
Stan laughed from the driver's seat. "You think I wouldn't get a car that could fit whatever I needed in it? In this place? You're joking!" Soos hummed in agreement, and Izuku and Shouto resumed whatever card game they'd been playing while waiting.
Izuku offered the three of them cards. "You want to play?" Ochako and Mina both took their hands. Pacifica looked at them weirdly, and Izuku chuckled at her expression. "They don't bite. Promise."
"...Fine. Whatever."
Eventually they pulled up to Pacifica's house, and she got out. "Thanks for the ride, or whatever. And Mina?" She paused awkwardly. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but… thanks. I had fun." And with that, she walked away towards the gate.
"You know," Izuku mused. "I guess underneath it all, she's just a teenager like us."
The gates opened to display peacocks wandering around. A light up banner congratulating Pacifica shone brightly, and fireworks burst in the sky.
"...Or not. Let's just go home."
"Agreed."
I hope you all enjoyed! Please leave a review, let me know what you think!